Wanting More? How to Handle a Relationship When It's Not Meeting Your Needs

The hook-up culture. Although there are plenty of published articles, news specials and even college students who will vouch for the fact that it’s a pretty big trend that is apparently here to stay (at least for the time being), just because something is popular, that doesn’t make it right. Or wise. Or safe.

STDs are still alive and well. Unplanned (that are also sometimes unwanted) pregnancies still happen. So does a lot of the drama and confusion that can oftentimes result in participating in casual sex.

So, whether you’re someone who is teetering between signing up on Tinder (eh) or investing in a professional matchmaking service like Tawkify (a must better decision), or you’re simply curious about if there’s still a good reason to wait past the first (or even fifth) date to have sex, please take out a moment to read this article.

Yes, casual sex is all the rage right now.

But it’s also something to think long and hard about before actually deciding to do it.

The definitions of casual suck. There’s really no better way to put it. Casual means “without definite or serious intentions”. Casual means “careless or offhand”. Casual also means “apathetic”, “unconcerned” and “without emotional intimacy or commitment”. Even if you’re not looking to get married in the near future, you still deserve to be with someone who isn’t going to be careless with you, someone who isn’t going apathetic about your needs. Casual sex literally means “sex without emotional intimacy”. That might be fun for a while but sooner or later, you’re going to want more than that, don’t you think?

Condoms are not 100 percent effective. Condoms are definitely one of the best things to ever happen to birth control but you know what grandma told you. The only thing that is 100 percent is abstinence. And since a lot of thought and planning oftentimes does not go into casual sex (because again, one of the definitions of casual is unconcerned), this means that you may end up sleeping with someone on the first date and/or without requiring any of their sexual history (and by that, we mean an STD test). Casual doesn’t mean “not without consequences”. For the sake of your health, casual sex should be avoided.

It can cause “emotional mirages”. When someone is in the desert and they are parched and dehydrated, their mind may play tricks on them. In the sand, they may see what appears to be water when really it’s just a mirage. Along these same lines, when someone really likes a person or is super desirous of a relationship, they might think that good sex is a precursor to a great relationship. Although it happens sometimes, there are even more times when it doesn’t. Here’s the point: Just because someone makes you feel good, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they are good for you. Casual sex can hinder you from actually knowing the difference between the two.

Things can fizzle out really quickly. If you start off with sex as the “main course” of the relationship, while it may start off all hot and heavy, it can also cause things to stop rather abruptly as well. In some ways, casual sex is very similar to a buzz from your favorite drink. It can make you feel pretty awesome; that is, until the stimulant wears off. That’s why there are some people who will say that right after their sex romp is over, they want to be anywhere but with the person they just had sex with. Sex should be about intimacy; not getting a quick fix.

Casual sex lacks fidelity. Although a lot of college students involved in the hook-up culture probably like the fact that it’s “sex without a lot of expectations”, as we start to mature, we realize that what all of that basically boils down to is “privileges without the responsibility”. It’s pretty close to impossible to expect any kind of fidelity from a casual sex situation. So, if you want a solid relationship, cultivate a friendship and a real connection first. Then have sex. The other way around tends to backfire.

It usually doesn’t give you all of what you want. If you only want sex and nothing else…OK. However, we’re thinking that if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you probably desire a bit more than that and personally, we think that is awesome! Although sex should be an important part of any loving and committed relationship, it’s hard to cultivate that if (only) sex is the foundation. You have all of the time in the world to have sex. And more importantly, sex should not come at the expense of you not getting all of what you want. That said, casual sex should be not expected to be a precursor for a healthy and lasting relationship. If you want things like love, happiness and commitment, don’t rely casual sex to give them to you. Get all of what you want, starting with establishing a heartfelt connection that’s built on mutual attraction, interest and a desire for the same things---mind, body and spirit---first. Then sex will be special. And that far exceeds the kind that is casual.

'I'm Separated': 6 Reasons Why the 'Technically-Married' Should Not Be an Option

He’s awesome. He’s smart. He’s funny. He likes the same things that you do and he seems to be as equally into you as you are into him.

Or…

She’s amazing. She’s beautiful. She’s ambitious. And if you were really honest with yourself, if you were to describe the perfect woman, she would be the walking definition of it.

There’s only one problem. They’re still married. Well, technically.

Actually the more appropriate word is that they are “separated”.

But here’s the thing: This means that (sigh) they’re still married.

If you’re currently in this kind of predicament---which is probably more like a dilemma---you’re not alone. Although it’s somewhat rare for a person in their early 20s to be in this type of situation, the older we get, the more the chances increase of us meeting someone who has marriage as a part of their past. Or present. And as tempting as starting (or continuing) a relationship with them may be, there are a literal boatload of reasons why it it’s best to avoid someone who is married and to also not move forward with someone who is separated either.

Here are just six reasons why:

You only know one side of the story. It’s human nature for an individual to only share how they see things from their perspective. So, if you were to ask the person you’re dating about why they are separated, they might provide you with all sorts of reasons to look at their spouse as the bad guy or girl. At the same time, if you were able to speak to their spouse directly, they might still want the marriage to last or they might have some reasons of their own that, if you knew them, you might not find the person you’re seeing as appealing as you currently do. A person who is separated is a person who’s in a relationship that’s unresolved and oftentimes that’s a messy, confusing and unstable state to be in. Don’t be a character in their sordid tale. You should avoid the entire situation if at all possible.

It’s a huge emotional gamble. Oftentimes a separated person is not in a position to know for sure how they exactly feel about their spouse. One day they might want to totally end it. The next day they might want to reconcile (especially if there are children involved). And based on wherever they may be on the emotional meter, that can, in turn, affect how they feel about you at any given moment too. You deserve to be with someone who can give you all of them. A separated person simply cannot do that.

Sex may not be the safest. Let’s be honest. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to expect a separated person to be “faithful” to you. It’s a bit of a sucker punch to say this, but just by the mere fact that they are dating you while they are married kind of gives you a clue of how they feel about monogamy. Plus, if they were to have occasions when they slept with their spouse, how upset can you really be? Does it make sense to be mad that they had sex (inhale then exhale) with their own husband and wife? It not being a good idea to sleep with someone who has more than one sex partner doesn’t change simply because the individual is separated. For the sake of your physical and emotional well-being, avoid getting intimate with someone who is separated.

They will probably have some commitment issues. Hopefully, this point won’t be a shocker. Aside from the fact that they should know that it’s not the wisest thing to date other people while they are separated, when someone is in “marital limbo”, a commitment is oftentimes the last thing that they are looking for. And understandably so. They are still processing their marriage which requires time to think and to heal. So, if you’re looking for a separated person to want to get married in the next year (or sometimes even the next five, if ever), you might find yourself pretty disappointed. (For the record, even if they do want to get married really quickly, that’s still a bit of a red flag. They should take some time out to be single before hopping into another long-term commitment.)

The spouse could get involved. This kind of ties into the whole “you don’t have all of the story” point. Just because a person tells you that they are separated, that doesn’t always mean that they are working towards a divorce. Sometimes, it’s more like a “cooling off period” between them and their spouse and when this is the case, their spouse may have the impression that reconciliation is not only possible but probable. With all of the technological advances out here, it’s not hard for people to find individuals that they’re really looking for and if a separation is not a step away from divorce, you can be seen as “the other man or woman” which could translate into “the enemy”. This could result in the spouse reaching out to you. And that’s…a lot to deal with.

It’s usually a waste of your time. One of the reasons why it’s so important to know what you want in a relationship before ever starting one is that it helps you to avoid certain types of people and scenarios beforehand. That said, if you’re only interested in casually dating, a separated person may not seem like that big of a deal to you. But if you want the kind of relationship that shows real promise of ultimately going from dating to engagement to marriage, for all of the reasons shared, a separated individual is probably going to prove themselves to be a colossal waste of your time. Bottom line: Make the personal commitment to date someone who is totally free to love you. And that’s someone who is single. Not separated.

'The Nice Guy': 6 Reasons Why He's SUCH an Awesome Catch

The nice guy. It’s a term that causes a lot of fellas (especially the nice guys) to sigh with the “So, here we go again” look on their face, while it also causes a lot of girls to roll their eyes with the “Can we please talk about something else?” attitude. Yeah, for whatever the reason, when it comes to dating, the nice guy tends to…not so much get a bad rap. It’s more like he doesn’t get much of a rap at all.

And you know what? That’s actually pretty sad. Yet it’s still a reality.

So, why is it that the nice guy oftentimes can’t get the props that he deserves? Is it that women automatically associate him with being the kind of nerdy and awkward guy who was “nice” but not super appealing in high school? Is it that women want a challenge and they feel like the nice guy isn’t much of one? Or is it simply that a lot of women haven’t really given the nice guy a chance because they oftentimes are focused on the dude who, quite frankly, is any and everything but nice.

Look, none of us are getting any younger. And if you happen to be a woman reading this, you can actually miss out on a really great relationship by telling your friend or a matchmaker who’s trying to hook you up “Yeah, he seems like he might be nice but…”

So, before you turn down yet another date with a really nice guy, here are some of the reasons why should actually reconsider:

Nice guys are kind men. When someone is kind, it means that they are considerate. It also means that they are gentle and helpful too. Now why should those traits be a turn-off? A guy who calls to check on you after you’ve had a hard day, a guy who speaks in a gentle tone, a guy who offers to help you to put your TV stand together or upgrade your computer software is someone who can only enhance your life. Ask any wife who’s been married five or more years or any woman who’s been divorced for that same amount of time and we’re willing to be that they’ll tell you that if you’ve met a kind man, when it comes to relationships, you’ve definitely hit the jackpot!

Nice guys are good listeners. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who only talks about himself? Or worse, whenever you try to get a word in, he tends to cut you off? While a lot of arrogant men are notorious for these traits, it’s not so much the case with the nice guy. He’s actually interested in what you have to say. Plus, being that listening is the key to communication and every relationship needs two good communicators in order for it to thrive, dating a good listener can only work in your favor.

Nice guys don’t underestimate the power of friendship. Honestly, a part of the reason why that is the case is because a lot of nice guys heard plenty of “You’re a really nice guy but…can we be just friends?” during their high school and quite possibly their college years too. And while all of us long to be in a relationship with someone where more than friendship is a part of it, nice guys have learned that there is real value to the foundation of friendship. As a result, they tend to allow their relationships to evolve gradually and organically. As relationships should.

Nice guys are proactive. Say that you do happen to have an affinity for another category of men: the handsome jerks (for the record, there are some really attractive nice guys on the planet too). And what qualifies “him” as being a jerk? He’s selfish. He’s inconsiderate. He doesn’t make you and your needs a priority. Being disappointed while in a relationship with this kind of guy is basically par for the course, and even if he does happen to apologize for his dating sins, he usually spends more time trying to make up for what he did wrong or didn’t do enough of than actually getting anything right. Missing your birthday and then sending you flowers? Reactive. Asking you two weeks in advance about what your favorite restaurant is so that the two of you can celebrate in style? Proactive. And you know what? Nice guys tend to be more proactive than reactive. (Chalk it up to the kindness factor.)

Nice guys live by the Golden Rule. Some people call it the Golden Rule while others call it karma. Either way, nice guys are usually on top of it. They tend to really take it to heart that you should treat people in the same way that you want to be treated. This means that they are going to return your calls because they want you to do that for them. This means that they are not going to lie to your face because they would hate it if you did it. This means that they are going to treat you with the utmost respect because that is something they long for in return. And the fact that all of this is even on their radar makes them pretty awesome people to be around.

Nice guys don’t run away from commitment. Although there are definitely some nice guys in the world who want to keep things casual, it’s more common to come across the ones who really do desire a relationship. The thought of having a steady girlfriend, a fiancé and eventually a wife does not freak them out. In fact, they tend to embrace it. So, if you’re wondering why all of the guys that you’ve been dating are not “relationship material”, ask yourself if you’ve ever considered the nice guy. If not, maybe, just maybe, now you will!

When It's Still New: How to Handle ‘Special Days’ in a New Relationship

So, you’ve been on a few dates and you must admit that you really like this new person in your life. They’re smart. They’re funny. And you both have a lot of the same interests. And although you don’t want to jump the gun just yet, you wouldn’t be surprised if they could be “the one”. The thing is, you know that it’s too new---and too soon---to bring it up. It’s also too new---and too soon---to show them off to your family.

We totally get where you’re coming from but here’s the thing. When you’re in the dating game, finding the right person vary rarely happens on your own timetable. Meaning, you might be hooked up with someone through a friend right before your birthday or their birthday. Or, a professional matchmaker may hook you up with your perfect match right as Thanksgiving or Christmas rolls around.

If that’s the case, what do you do?

How do you observe those special days without appearing to move too fast?

Those are two excellent questions. Keeping these three tips in mind can help you to come off as sensitive about birthdays and holidays without going overboard---financially, emotionally or otherwise.

Their birthday: Don’t act like it’s not happening. If your date has a birthday coming up in the next week or so, the worst thing that you could possibly do is act like it’s not happening or avoid it altogether. Actually, look at it as an opportunity to get to know their character and expectation levels better. Don’t be shy. Simply say “So, you have a birthday coming up. Do you have any special plans?” There’s a chance that they might and if that’s the case, don’t suggest that they change them. Offer up a “Happy Birthday” and pick up a small gift to let them know they were in your thoughts. But if they don’t, make a suggestion within your budget and emotional comfort zone. For instance, “Would you like to go to dinner?” or “There’s a festival coming up the week after. We could consider it a belated birthday celebration.” Even if they decline, they will note the gesture. They will see that you put some thought into their needs and feelings which will definitely work in your favor.

Your birthday: Just be honest. So, what if it’s your birthday and you already have plans? You know the saying: “Honesty is the best policy.” If someone you’ve only known for a few weeks suddenly expects you to drop everything to spend your birthday with them, that’s a potential red flag (of them being a bit controlling or suffocating) to take note of. Besides, there is a tactful way to handle the issue if they happen to bring up doing something for your birthday: “I would love to hang out with you, but can we do it before or after my birthday? I’ve already made plans on the day that I can’t get out of. But any other time would definitely work.”

The holidays: Stay in communication. If both of you feel like you want to spend time with one another over the holidays, by all means do that. But if you’re not ready to (officially) let your family in on your new relationship, go your separate ways. Just make sure to stay in communication while you’re apart via phone, text or email. Maybe not every day, but at least on the actual holiday(s). As for Christmas, mutually set a price limit on a gift and try to keep it on the low end. That way, no one is feeling pressured to give a grand gesture but both individuals will feel thought about. Look at it this way: If you do things right and all goes well throughout the following year, you never know what the next holiday season will have in store for you both!

Date Selection: 5 Tips for Choosing Exciting Date Options

If someone were to ask you to sum up your dating life in one word and the one you chose was “boring”, then you’ve come to the right place! We’re firm believers that out of all of the things a dating experience should be, “boring” is definitely not one of them.

So here’s the deal. If you’re not currently seeing anyone (or seeing anyone seriously), have you ever considered using a matchmaking service like Tawkify before? Not only do they have an awesome reputation for having clients who go on repeat dates, but they are also becoming a fan favorite when it comes to choosing some really amazing dates for their clients to go on too! Dinner and a movie? That’s not even on the radar of their date plans. Not by a long shot.

But what if you’re already seeing someone, you both like one another and get along really well? What if the only thing that both of you really have “complain” about is the fact that your dates feel a bit monotonous? If that’s the case, there are some things that you can do to make your dating life a bit more exciting. It’s all about doing some research, creating a budget and being open-minded. With this combo, your dates can go from ho-hum to a thrill ride. Each and every time!

Plan ahead. One reason why so many couples resort to dinner and a movie is because they don’t really do a lot of planning ahead. Virtually every city has a community calendar that lists what’s going on, weeks in advance. Put forth the concerted effort to check out what concerts or festivals are coming up and then plan to go as a couple. Anticipation always produces a certain level of excitement.

Be each other’s “first”. By this we mean that you should both comprise a list of things that you’ve never done before and then select some things on the list that both of you would be interested in doing. For instance, if you’ve both never gone kayaking before, why not do it together? Or if you both have always wondered how to make sushi, create a date by going to a sushi making class. “Firsts” are always exciting and fun. Plus, they can create some really special memories for the two of you. That’s because every time you think of a certain activity, both of you will come to each other’s minds.

Create a few surprises. If you call your date and say “I’ve got an idea but it’s a surprise”, trust us, it’s not going to matter what “it” is! The curiosity is going to automatically create a certain level of excitement. And for the record, a surprise does not have to be expensive. You can pack a picnic for their lunch break or order all of their favorite movies On-Demand while serving their favorite snacks at your house. Surprises are always awesome because they send the message that the person you’re seeing was on your mind---and that you planned something special for them as a way to prove it.

Get out of your city. This is not something that we (necessarily) recommend you do on your first few dates. But if you’ve been seeing each other for a while (a few months), why not visit another city? It can be one that’s only a couple of hours of way and you can even make a day trip out of it, if you prefer. The ride together can give you time to converse and learn more about another. Plus, the intrigue about what’s in store in another city can definitely rev up the excitement meter.

Cultivate spontaneity. Although the word “spontaneous” literally means to be impulsive, that’s not such a bad thing when it comes to putting dates together. Every once and a while, call your date and recommend having breakfast food for dinner or going ice skating (at a sports center) in the summertime. By not always knowing what to expect (or when to expect it) from one another, that also is super exciting. And it can make the dating experience so enjoyable---for you both!

Younger Than You: What to Consider When Dating a Younger Person

Say that you hired a professional matchmaker to assist you with your dating life and while they were in the process of putting your profile together, they recommended a few people who were younger than you. No, not a couple of months younger but several years. How would you feel about that?

The reality is that although there used to be somewhat of a stigma surrounding older and younger individuals being in a relationship, no longer is it nearly as big of a deal as it used to be. Thankfully, now more people are simply interested in finding someone they are compatible with---someone who wants the same things out of a relationship as they do.

If dating a younger person is new to you, there are a few things to keep in mind, just so that you can feel comfortable about making the transition. So, before you decide to give your matchmaker the green light, take out a moment to consider the following five things first.

What kind of relationship do you want? If there is one major challenge that can sometimes come up while dating a younger person, it’s the fact that they might want a different kind of relationship than you do. For instance, if you’re 41 and they’re 32, you may be wanting to settle down fairly soon while they might still want to casually date. Sometimes different ages result in different seasons and stages of life. It’s a good idea to know which one you’re in before moving forward with a younger individual.

What are your personal interests and tastes? Say that the person you’re considering dating is 15 years younger than you. If they are just as interested as you are, first let us say “That’s awesome!” Just make sure to not forget that when you were in high school, they were still in diapers. That’s not meant to freak you out. It’s simply a reminder that you basically come from two different generations. This means that there’s a chance that you both may not like the same music or movies or have the same appreciation for pop culture. And you know what? That’s OK. Just make sure that you go into the relationship processing their interests as being “different” rather than “wrong” or “immature”.

What are you going to say to your family and friends? Even if you’re not skeptical, some people in your social circle probably will be. Sadly, a lot of potentially amazing relationships have ended up going sour just because the two people involved were far too concerned about what those around them thought. Dating a younger person requires a certain amount of self-confidence. Please make sure that you have it before starting this type of relationship.

What are your standards and expectations? This is something that you should ask yourself no matter how old the person is. But we’re mentioning it anyway because it can sometimes be easy to get caught up in the flattery and intrigue of dating a younger person to the point that you find yourself compromising your standards and minimizing your own expectations. As lucky as you might feel about who you are dating, remember that it should go both ways. They need to feel just as honored to be dating you too.

What are you doing it for? Motive speaks to outcome, more times than not. That said, if you’re dating someone younger to prove that “you’ve still got it”, while you might, that’s not the best reason to start a relationship. Everyone deserves to be liked for who they are as an individual regardless of their job, finances or yes, even their age. So, take out a moment and ask yourself if you’re dating a younger person for the right reasons. And the best reason should be that they are a great person who you’d like to get to know better. Simple as that.

Still Seeing Other People: 5 Benefits of Not Being ‘Monogamous’ in the Early Stages

Monogamy. Out of all of the words in the English language, it has got to be one of the most misdefined ones. Here’s why. When people have been dating one another for a while, what’s one of the questions that their friends or family members will oftentimes ask them: “Are the two of you monogamous?” right?

OK, so here’s where it gets pretty interesting: Have you ever looked up the actual definitions of monogamy? According to Dictionary, monogamy has nothing to do with dating. It actually means “marriage with only one person at a time” or “the practice of marrying only once during life”. Therefore, contrary to popular belief, until you decide to say “I do” to someone (gasp!), you’re not technically monogamous. No matter how serious your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend may be.

That’s why the better word to use for couples who decide to only date one another is probably “exclusive”. Yet even when it comes to that kind of dating status, getting there should be a process. Before two people basically decide to be a “hop, skip and jump” away from engagement and then marriage, there should be some time allotted to really get to know one another---your likes and dislikes, your goals and ambitions, your thoughts when it comes to marriage, children and what it takes to make a truly monogamous relationship work. And last.

For all of these reasons, it’s our humble opinion that people should not rush to be monogamous---excuse us, exclusive---during the early stages of their dating relationship and we’re pretty sure that marriage counselors, relationship coaches and professional matchmakers would all agree. And yes, there are actually a few benefits that come with being open to seeing more than one person during that time. After reading some of them, you might realize how great it really is to take things slow. To not become exclusive until you can say for sure that you know…that there is only one person meant for you.

The pressure’s off. Deciding to only see one person before you’re absolutely sure that you want to (or are ready to) can result in you putting more pressure on yourself than you can actually handle. It’s important to remember that with exclusivity, there come certain expectations like not dating other people and being more readily available. If the thought of both of those things basically freaks you out, it’s not time for you to be in exclusive relationship. Not just yet.

You can be really honest with each other. When you’re in an exclusive relationship, you tend to be really invested in what the other people wants or needs, even if it differs from what is on your own list. But when people jump into an exclusive relationship too quickly, they oftentimes end up not making their own desires a priority. That’s because they are so focused on making the other person happy and not hurting their feelings. The problem with this is that over time, it can breed resentment and that’s not healthy for any relationship. By not being exclusive too early on, you have the freedom to be really honest about you’re looking for and what your expectations are. If you’re both on the same page, cool. If not, no love is lost. You can be friends as you both look for more of what you’re actually looking for.

You have the freedom to choose. Here’s what we mean by that. The actor Mark Ruffalo once said “I ran to my marriage. I was happily ready to take on marriage.” Now does this sound like someone who’s making ball-and-chain jokes about his relationship? It’s one thing to feel like you have to be with someone. It’s another thing entirely to assess your options and then make a conscious choice all on your own to be exclusive. Seeing other people in the early stages of dating someone new affords you the ability to transition into exclusivity because you want to; not because you feel like you have to.

Sex can be put on the backburner. A wise man once said “Sex will make you ‘love’ someone you don’t even like.” Translation: Great sex can be easily confused for being a great relationship if you engage in it too quickly. That said, if you’re someone who cares about taking care of your health (let alone your heart), you’re not going to want to sleep with multiple people at once. So, the time that you’re not having sex with someone new, that is the time you can spend getting to know one another better, both mentally and emotionally. That’s always a major plus when you’re creating the foundation for your relationship.

It will be truly special once it does happen. An exclusive relationship is nothing to be taken casually. It’s a significant season for two people. By allowing it to happen organically and being confident in your choice once it does, the relationship will be that much more special once there is mutual exclusivity. You can enter into it with total peace of mind. And absolutely no regrets.

The Friend Zone: 5 Signs That Your Relationship Just Might Be Headed There

So, you’ve met someone that you really like. You’ve gone out a few times. You’ve sent a few texts back and forth, and you both seem to have a really good time together when you’re hanging out. But still, something is not quite…right.

It’s not that something is outright wrong, necessarily. It’s just that you’ve been in a serious relationship before and so you know what the beginning stages of a dating relationship (that’s headed somewhere) feels like. And this? This is not quite it.

Yeah, all kinds of dating experts have addressed this particular topic before. It’s what is known as “the friend zone”. It’s when you find yourself being drawn to someone romantically. Meanwhile, they are sending subtle---or sometimes not-so-subtle---messages that they like you…just maybe not in the kind of way you were hoping for.

Time is precious. Therefore, you don’t want to waste countless dates investing into something that may not yield you the kind of “rewards” that you desire. So, in the effort of sparing you time, effort and potential resentment, here are five telling signs that the person you’re dating may want to be more of a friend than anything else.

Flirting and affirming are far and few between. During the beginning stages of a relationship, when a person is interested in you, they are going to flirt. They are going to affirm you too. You also are going to receive quite a bit of compliments. So yeah, if while you’re on a date, the person you’re with has not said “You sure do look amazing tonight” or “I just love your smile”, don’t ignore this subtle signal. Friends don’t usually spend a lot of time fawning over one another. And why should they? They’re just friends.

They talk about their ex. A lot. We’re not referring to the both of you sharing stories of your past love life. We mean that they continue to bring up their ex, almost as if they are either still seeing them---or they want to be. Sometimes people get into new dating situations sooner than they should hoping that it will help them to get over someone, but the reality is you deserve to be in a relationship with an individual who can give their whole heart. If you sense that your date is on the rebound or is still on the mend, while there may be the potential of developing something with you, for now, they are not capable of much else. Yep, they have you in the friend zone. Perhaps without them even really knowing it.

Progress is never discussed. It’s pretty weird if your date brings up marriage and kids on the first date. But after the fourth or fifth one, if they never speak of your relationship in a future tense (on any level), that’s probably because they’re not making plans for it. Basically, they are dealing with each day (and date) as it comes and hanging out is merely something to do. And you know who does that? Friends do. If you never hear things like “I hope that we can do so-and-so or such-and-such together someday” or if you’re the one who’s always reaching out in order to hang out, this means that you are doing most of the work. Ugh. Not only are you probably in the friend zone, but they’re also showing signs that they probably won’t be the best friend to you either!

Physical affection is limited. Here’s a biggie. Although you should want to date someone who respects your personal space and physical boundaries, when someone wants to be more than just your friend, they’re going to be proactive about physical affection. In the movies, they may reach for your hand. At the end of the date, they may come in for a kiss (at least a kiss on the cheek). As more and more dates transpire, the hugs will get longer. But if the person you’re seeing never initiates any of these things and at the end of the date, you’re getting the “side hug” every time, hate to break it to you, but that’s a huge “friend zone” sign.

They refer to you as such. There’s a pretty good chance that, at some point, the two of you will run into someone you know or you’ll need to catch a phone call in one another’s presence. During the first five or so dates, it’s perfectly normal (and appropriate) for you to be referred to as “a friend”. But if you’re still getting that kind of introduction after that, if there is no adjective added to the front of that word (like “special”, for example), then that really may be all that you are to them. And all they will ever want you to be. This means that it’s time to ask them if they’re looking to be friends or if they’re open to something more. Don’t worry about how broaching the subject will make you look. It’s more important to focus on how you currently feel. At least by talking about it, you can gain some clarity on if you’re just their friend so that you can get on to being more-than-a-friend. With someone else.

Body Language: 7 Things You May Be Saying---in Silence

Have you ever heard that 80 percent of communication is actually non-verbal? Yep, it’s true and definitely something that you should keep in mind whenever you’re going on a date with someone (especially if it’s a first date).

Here’s why: No matter how visually appealing you may be or how great you are with words, if your body language is “off”, you can still end up sending out the wrong messages. Ones that could convey to your date that either you are not interested or it’s not best for them to pursue another date with you.

So, what are some of the not-so-great signals that your body may be giving, perhaps without you even knowing it? Here are seven things that you could be saying, in silence, that are conveying loud and clear that your date should move on.

Head nodding. When you’re in the midst of having a conversation with someone, it’s actually pretty normal to nod your head. It’s basically a non-verbal way of acknowledging what they are saying. But if you’re bobbing your head up and down a lot, well, that usually translates into you being impatient and wanting them to hurry up and finish whatever it is they have to say. Bottom line, a slow nod is good. A fast one? Eh, not so good.

Rolling your eyes. Although most people know that the rolling of the eyes conveys basically an “Oh brother” kind of message, some people don’t realize just how much they do it. When your date is sharing their views about various news topics or even if they’re telling you a story about a personal experience that they had, if you’re rolling your eyes in response, it tends to come off as patronizing. Also, according to many body language experts, it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that if you look to the left a lot, it tends to convey that you’re trying to recall something. On the other hand, if you look to the right, it tends to mean that you’re not being totally truthful. Yep, to the left it is.

Chewing gum. Even if chewing gum is one of your favorite things to do, opt for a mint instead when you’re on a date. Aside from the fact that the sound of smacking gum can be pretty annoying, when you’re chewing gum (or biting your lip or grinding your teeth), you’re basically conveying that you’re tense. And that could cause your date to be a bit on edge as well as a direct result.

Crossing your arms. Some people cross their arms because it makes them feel more comfortable. Others do it simply because they are chilly. But when someone is looking at you and your arms are crossed, it basically looks like you’re putting up your guard; that you have placed sort of a wall between the two of you. Once you and your date get to know one another better, doing this will probably not be that big of a deal. But on your first couple of dates, try and be conscious of not doing it. That way, you’ll look more open to what they are saying and the possibility of where things could go.

Purse on your lap. OK, this one is specifically for the ladies. If you don’t like leaving your purse on the floor (understandable), then try hanging it on the back of your chair or putting it into an empty seat. Whatever you do, don’t put it on the table (it may block you and your date’s view or prove to be an obstacle for your server) and definitely don’t put it on your lap. When your purse is in front of your chest, it will make you look nervous. Even if that is the case, it’s better to say it than to send all kinds of messages via your body language. The main reason being is that, like sneezing, nervousness tends to be contagious. (For the record, and this goes for girls and guys, holding a drink in front of you with both hands conveys the same nervous message too.)

Finger pointing (or wagging). While growing up, your parents or teacher(s) may have told you that putting your finger in someone’s face was rude. And you know what? They were right. Not only is it rude but it also makes you appear aggressive. And if you’re wagging your finger at someone, it looks like you are warning them of something. Even if you think that you’re pointing your finger as a way to emphasize what you are saying, do your best to not point it specifically into your date’s direction or face. In fact, if you were to speak with a professional matchmaker about the importance of body language, they would probably recommend that you try and avoid this action altogether.

Crossed legs. Yeah ladies. We know that if you have on a pair of killer stilettos, you may want to cross your legs in order to show them off. But when you do that, it actually shows signs of caution and also disinterest. For both men and women, it’s best to uncross your legs. Also, if you point them into the direction of your date, you appear more relaxed and open---the perfect body language signals.

We know, right? Who knew that body language could speak so loudly! Hopefully, this will help you to be more aware of your own body language and what it’s saying the next time you go on a date. Good luck!

Third Date Milestone: 6 Things to Discuss on Your Third Date

Yeah. We’re pretty sure that you’ve heard of the “three date rule” before. There are a lot of people who set that as a personal milestone for when they’re ready to engage in sexual intimacy with the person they are dating.

However, this article isn’t about that. At least not specifically.

When it comes to that unofficial rule, we will agree with it in the sense that if you’ve gone on a second date with someone, that is usually an indication that both of you are pretty interested in one another (that’s why matchmaking companies like Tawkify are proud of the fact that over 80 percent of their clients end up going on a second date with one another). And if the second date goes well, a third date sends the message that something very promising is happening.

That’s why if you’re preparing to go on a second date with someone, it’s important that you’re intentional about taking things up a notch.

We’re not saying that it’s time to start picking out engagement rings and baby names. But it is a good idea to bring up a few topics to see if this could be the relationship that you’ve always been looking for or if you’d probably be better off being just friends. (Good friends but just friends nonetheless.)

So, what are the things that you should be open to discussing on your third date? Here’s our “six list”:

Are you looking to be in a relationship? You’d be surprised how many people have absolutely no problem casually dating (multiple people, we might add) for months on end without it going any further than that. So yes, on your third date, you are well within your rights to ask your date if they’re interested in having a relationship. Just remember that there is no right or wrong answer to this question. You’re simply asking so that you can gain an understanding about if they want what you do.

When’s the last time you were in a relationship? If you can avoid dating someone who is on the rebound, we highly recommend it. The only way to know that is by asking your date about the last time they were in a relationship. If it's only been a few weeks since their last break-up, that doesn’t automatically mean that you should stop seeing them. What it does mean, though, is that you should definitely take things slower both emotionally and sexually. A break-up is like a wound that needs time to heal. Plus, people are usually not able to make the best decisions about what’s right for them in a new relationship until they’ve resolved an old (the last) one.

Do you have time for a relationship? Even if the person you’re dating wants to be in a relationship, that doesn’t always mean that they have the kind of time to invest in the type of one that you may want. For instance, if you desire to go out on dates every weekend and they work a second job, that, in time, could prove to be a bit frustrating. Discussing one another’s schedules is a courteous thing to do. It will also help you to gain a greater understanding of what you can/should expect in the future.

Who are the closest people to you? You can find out a lot about a person by listening to them talk to you about their family members and friends. People whose parents are still happily married may help to give you a sense of stability. People who’ve had the same best friend since high school may speak to their level of loyalty. People who are close to their siblings might help you to feel like they are sensitive and embrace family life. Yep. It’s always a good idea to know about the person you’re dating’s other relationships. It can help you to learn more about them and that’s essential.

What are your sexual expectations? Some folks might think this is being too abrupt, but sex is a part of a relationship. Besides, if someone is trying to spend more and more time with you, this means that they want to get closer to you. This means that you should know just how close--and when. Can you just imagine what it would be like for a person who wants to be abstinent until marriage to try and maintain a relationship with someone who thinks that sex less than 2-3 times per week is a dry spell? This doesn’t mean that you have to say “So, are you looking to have sex tonight?” It simply means that once you hit three dates, it’s OK to share your personal stance on sex and the purpose that it serves for you.

What new things do you want to try? Once you’ve gotten some of the heavier things out of the way, don’t forget to ask about what they’d like to do (preferably with you) that they’ve never done before. One of the best things about a budding relationship is it gives you the opportunity to not only experience a new individual but hopefully associate them with trying some new things too. Dinner and a movie is so cliché and by the third date, you’ve probably already done it. On the fourth date, do something fun, exciting and unique. It’s a surefire way to take your dating relationship to another level. In an enjoyable, lighthearted and yet productive kind of way.

6 Things to Bring Up on Your Second Date

So, you made it to your second date, eh? Although you might not think that you’ve accomplished a major feat, a lot of matchmaking companies can personally vouch for the fact that if you’ve had a successful first date, that is something to be pretty happy about. Not only does it mean that you’ve obviously made a great first impression; a second date also shows signs of a connection being established too.

Now that all of the initial introductions have been made, it’s time to scratch a bit beneath the surface. After all, dating is not just about hanging out with another individual (you can do that with your friends!). Dating is about investing time into another person in order to see if there is a potential relationship that can come from it.

That’s why, before heading out on your second date, it’s a good idea to have a few questions in mind. Ones that can help you to see if this is the kind of person you want to get to know better on a romantic level, is the kind of person who should be no more than a friend or is the kind of person where the second date also needs to be the final date. (Here’s hoping for Door #1, by the way!)

What are you looking for? Off top, this question might appear to be “What are you looking for in a person?” but actually we mean “What are you looking for a relationship?” Some of you might have caught the movie That Awkward Moment (Zac Efron, Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan) where in the beginning, Zac’s character had a girl break up with him only for him to say to himself “I had no idea we were actually in a relationship.” You know the drill, perception is reality and you don’t want to spend six months thinking that you’re heading towards something serious while the person you’re seeing is taking the casual approach. Knowing that you both want the same kind of relationship helps to set a firm foundation.

What are you passionate about? A common question that folks tend to ask on dates is “So, what do you do for a living?” But basically all of us know at least one person who has a job but is not pursuing their actual passion. Two great things can come from asking someone this question: One, you can gain some pretty profound insight into their loves and interests. Secondly, most individuals find this to be a thoughtful approach to a conversation. You’ll get at least a couple of smiles and twinkle of the eyes with this question. Guaranteed.

What are some of your favorite things? Everyone has favorite things. Favorite songs, favorite movies, favorite colors and quotes…favorite holidays and activities. This question helps you to learn an intimate side of the person you are on a date with without being too invasive. Plus, should the date go beyond a second one, you’ll have an idea of what they like to do and see. It can actually make planning future dates a lot easier.

What are your pet peeves? You’d be amazed how many married couples are considering divorce court right at this very moment because “the little things” have suddenly become pretty big ones. Asking your date what their pet peeves are is basically a lighthearted kind of way of asking them what gets on their last nerve. Is it people who eat and talk at the same time? Is it people who text while at the table? Maybe it’s individuals who go on and on about themselves. The sooner you know theirs and they know yours, the more proactive you both can be when it comes to avoiding these little irritants when you’re together.

What’s your schedule like? There are a lot of people who really like each other, but are not able to spend as much time together as they would like due to conflicting schedules. If your date has a day job while you work at night or both of you have weekend gigs, that could ultimately prove to be pretty frustrating. Finding out when and how to make the dating thing happen is paramount.

What would you like to do next time? Say that you were to find a date through a professional matchmaking company like Tawkify. If you were to ask a matchmaker about another question that you should ask on a second date, if the date went well, as it’s coming to an end, don’t be shy about asking what they would like to do the next time. It shows interest and also initiative. These are both big pluses when it comes to letting your date know that you’d like to get to know them even better. That you want another date. And another. And another.

Title or No? What to Think About Before Putting a 'Name' on Your Relationship

When you were a child, there’s a pretty good chance that either you wrote or received a note that said “Will you be my boy/girlfriend?” followed by a box to check “yes” or “no”. And perhaps that’s a big part of where we got that idea to give relationships titles. Maybe that’s why, even as adults, they are so important to us.

Or, it could be because a title is what gives us a sense of belonging and purpose; not as individuals, but as it directly relates to the relationship that we’re in. After all, if there isn’t one attached, how do we know if we’re “just friends” or “dating” or “more than friends”? Basically, how do you know if your relationship has a real future? Or not.

If you’re currently dating someone new and it looks like it could be headed somewhere, we’re pretty sure that at one point or another, the topic of titles is going to come up. Hopefully, we can provide you with a few things to think about before you decide to give what you and the person you’re interested in a name…or more specifically, a title.

Think about what titles represent. In the English language, there are so many words that have different meanings. And when it comes to the dating world, our opinion is that “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are two of them. Some people think those words simply mean that two people are spending a significant amount of time together while others feel like it is basically a hop, skip and jump away from engagement and then marriage. So, if you’re someone who prefers to use titles, it’s recommended that you and the person you’re seeing discuss what each word personally means to each of you. That way, you can know whether or not you’re on the same page; even before you start using them.

Think about why you need one. There are some people who are so consumed with wanting to put a title on their relationship that they don’t realize that it’s also putting pressure on the person they are seeing. In other words, if every other conversation basically consists of “So, what is this?” or “What would you call what we’re doing?” you might end up missing out on allowing things to grow and mature in a natural and organic kind of way (the best kind of way, we feel). That’s why it’s a good idea to really stop and ask yourself why having a title to your relationship is so necessary to you. If you need it in order to feel important, special or validated, that might be about more than the title. Some soul-searching and self-reflection may be required because a person can make you feel that way without any titles. But if you want one simply for clarification that both of you are moving at a similar pace and have similar intentions, a title may be what is required.

Think about the responsibility that comes with having a title. Ask just about anyone from your closest friend to a professional matchmaker about this and one of the things that they’ll probably tell you about titles is that you should be prepared for the responsibility that comes with them. This would include the public perception that people tend to have. For instance, if you both only said that you were dating, people would not expect much. On the other hand, if you did decide to make the declaration that you are going to be exclusive, in comes the watching eyes, the “So, when are you getting married?” questions and even sometimes the unwanted social media checks to make sure that you both are what you claim to be (monogamous). If you and the person you’re seeing doesn’t mind all of the scrutiny, that’s great. But if you would prefer to explore your relationship without being so much in “the public eye”, you might be better off chilling on the whole title concept. So long as the two of you know what you have, that’s what’s most important anyway. Title or not.

Pace Yourself: 5 Signs That You May Be Moving Too Fast

You know the saying: “The truth shall set you free.” Well, the truth is that if you were to get a group of people together and ask them for one of the main reasons why the beginning stages of their relationship didn’t work out with someone, we’re willing to bet that one of the things they would mention is “They were moving way too fast.”

We get it. There’s nothing quite like the feeling that comes from meeting someone who you’re not only physically attracted to but are mentally drawn in by. However, having a great couple of first dates does not a marriage proposal make. In fact, thinking that way is what can send you on the road to relational sabotage faster than you can call your friends to say you’ve met “the one”.

So, what are the clear indicators that you are probably moving faster down Lover’s Lane than you probably should? Here are five that you should definitely keep in the forefront of your mind:

You have no problem giving up the goods on the first (or second) date. No judgment, but it really is best to wait a while before having sex. For one thing, you need to know what your date’s physical health is like (a condom is not 100 percent full-proof). Not only that, but sex too soon can also cloud your judgment. Suddenly you’ll be thinking that you’re in love with the person when really you’re just in lust with the sex. Ask any professional matchmaker worth their salt and they’ll tell you that good sex does not automatically equal a good relationship. Your body is valuable. You’re worth having some emotional investing made before your date receives any physical rewards.

You bring up marriage on the first five dates. OK, we’re not saying that you can’t (or shouldn’t) talk about marriage in the general sense like “Yeah, I’d like to get married someday” or “So, are your parents married?” We mean that if you are telling them that you can see your future children in their eyes before you even know their middle name, you’re probably going to freak them out. Yes, there are some couples who’ve literally professed love at first sight and gotten married weeks later, but they are so the exception and not the rule. Marriage speaks to the culmination to a dating relationship. The transition from one season to the next. Don’t try and skip over the here and now. There’s a lot of fun that can come from simply dating. Relax and enjoy it. Especially if it’s only the first, second or fifth date.

You’re talking about your relationship online. There are a lot of people (celebrities included) who will tell you that one of the biggest mistakes that they made was sharing too much about their relationship via the internet. She may be gorgeous. He may be super cute. You may feel an instant connection between you and them and that’s awesome. Still, please keep that off of your Facebook status. Instead, call your friends or text them a picture. But until you know for sure that your dating situation is headed towards full-blown relationship status, keep the news (social media) quiet. And even then, proceed with caution.

You want to say “I love you” before “I like you”. It’s a question that all of us can stand to ask ourselves before even going on our first date with someone. “Are we looking for love? Or are we simply in love with love?” People who are in love with love tend to not enjoy, and thereby avoid, taking things slow. They like the euphoric feelings that come with being in a relationship and so “I love you” is less of a declaration and more of an emotional “fix”. You have all of the time in the world to be in love. Not only that but the early stages of dating are necessary. They help you to see if you’re “in like” first. And just ask any married couple who’s been together for more than 10 years. “In like” is just as important in order to maintain a long-lasting relationship.

You’re told that you’re moving too fast. It may sound elementary now, but it happens all of the time. If your date is telling you “Hey, I like you but this is moving a bit too fast for me”, don’t try and over-analyze it. Take what they’re saying at face value. At the same time, don’t take your bike and stomp off of the dating playground either. Hearing that you’re moving too fast is not a “red light” (stop). It’s more like a yellow one (slow down). Your date is simply saying that they want more time to get to know you better and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Moving too fast can result in you missing out on some of the joys and surprises that come with dating. Ones that come with taking one step at a time.

Smartphone Etiquette: How to Date with a Cell Phone

If you’re over the age of 35, you probably remember what it was like to date (as a teenager or young adult) without a cell phone. Ah yes. Back in the days when you only had a landline and if you had wealthy parents, maybe a car phone (and that’s a really big maybe!).

These days, even 10-year-olds have cell phones. Excuse us, smartphones. This basically means that not only are we accessible to everyone who has our phone number at any time of the day or night, but we also have internet access too. This makes it extremely easy to hop onto our Facebook and Instagram (and our dating apps) to see what’s happening at any given moment.

Being that people with smartphones know this about themselves, this means that they also know it about other people who have smartphones too. And that can make for some really interesting dating situations.

So to spare you the potential drama that can come from dating while owning a smartphone, here are five etiquette tips that can come in really handy. (Make sure to put your smartphone on notice.)

Put your phone on vibrate while on a date. It’s (kinda) funny how many of us will overlook two very important features on our smartphones: text and voicemail. Look, just because someone calls you, that doesn’t mean that you have to answer. If it’s an emergency, they’ll probably send a text about what’s going on. If not, they can leave a voicemail and you can get back to them---once your date is over. Constantly answering calls during a date sends an awful message that your date is not a top priority. And you don’t want to do that because it’s pretty hard to cozy up to a smartphone at night. Yeah, if you simply can’t imagine leaving your phone in your car, at least leave it on vibrate.

Step away from the social media alerts. If your smartphone is set to where you constantly receive alerts from your social media accounts, turn those off while you’re on a date too. Your mom making your favorite dinner, taking a picture of it and posting it on Instagram or your friend sending you some random Snapchat of someone they met in a bar can wait. There are studies which indicate that people spend as much as 16 minutes of each hour on their social media accounts. Nothing (NO-THING) is that important on your Facebook or Twitter. Post your dating selfie right at the end of your date. Everything else can wait until you get home.

Be aware of your social media accounts. One thing about smartphones is people can find out a whole lot (and we mean, a whole lot) about you in less than an hour. They can Google you. They can check your Facebook and Instagram. They can go to dating apps like Tinder, Loveflutter, Coffee Meets Bagel or countless others to see if you have an account. That said, remember that dates are a lot like job interviews and people you are dating are a lot like employers. So, if there’s something on your accounts that would paint you in not the best kind of light, either delete it or bring it up on your date. You don’t owe them an explanation but trust us, coming from you, it would certainly be appreciated. And more times than not, will work in your favor too.

Respond to texts in a timely fashion. Here’s a tip for after the date is over. If you’re interested in things going to another level with the person you are dating, nothing sends the complete opposite message like not responding to their text(s). That’s not to say that you have to reply immediately. But if after the date, they send a text that night to say they had a good time, try and reply before retiring for the evening. And at the very least, by noon the next day. And whatever you do, don’t let more than 24 hours go by. Ignored texts are rude, plain and simple. Plus, it only takes like 30 seconds to a minute (depending on how fast you type) to say “Thanks. I had an awesome time too!”

Use your smartphone to actually (get this) make phone calls! Yes, we’re yelling out this particular point because a professional matchmaker, a relationship coach and shoot, even your grandmother would tell you that if you only text your date, sooner or later, that’s going to become a problem. An author by the name of Ruthie Dean penned a book a couple of years ago entitled Real Men Don’t Text: A New Approach to Dating. OK, that’s a bit extreme but we certainly get her point. It’s ironic that cell phones were invented to make calls and now it’s one of the last things that they’re used to do. Even in this ever- evolving technological age, people still want to feel like they’re making a connection. For this reason, don’t let a week go by without actually dialing the person you’re dating’s number. It’s the courteous and “I’m-over-16-now” thing to do.

Attracted or Compatible: 5 Ways to Know the Difference

Love at first sight. The truly hopeful believe that it exists. The somewhat cynical thinks that it only happens in the movies. As for the realists, they tend to think that the truth lies somewhere in between both individuals.

Yes, there are times when two people will see each other and either A) automatically know that they are destined to be together or B) one of them will get the inkling that a real connection is within the near future.

But sometimes---more times than not, in fact---people will confuse physical attraction with true mental and emotional (and spiritual) compatibility. And when that happens, sometimes lust is mistaken for love, which can result in a lot of disappointments and quite possibly a relationship that fizzles out before it can really get started.

Thankfully, there are some ways to determine if what you and your date feel for one another is simply an attraction or there really is something more. Curious to know how? Here are five failsafe ways.

Attracted: All you can think about is how good they look. Hey, who doesn’t want to be out on a date with someone they find to be super attractive? Even a professional matchmaker will admit that a part of their job consists of creating a great first impression for their clients. But a good looking person is basically like wrapping paper on a present. You need more than that in order to make a relationship work and last. So, if all that you can think about is how you can’t wait to get home to tell your friends who “fine” your date is, if it’s past your first date with them, you may be more attracted than anything else. And sorry, but a shallow surface connection can only go but so far.

Compatible: You have similar values and beliefs. Many people believe that religion and politics are two things that should not be discussed (especially as you’re getting to know someone). However, we feel that it’s OK to talk about these things so long as they’re in the lane of “sharing” and not debating. Meaning, it’s fine to talk about what religion you might have been raised up in or a news story that you found to be interesting. Not only is it a way to spark up conversation, but if you hear a lot of “Really? Me too” or “Yeah, I feel the same way”, that can help to give you some sense of if you share similar values and beliefs. And yes, people who look at life the same way, they often are compatible on a lot of levels.

Attracted: Sex comes up. A lot. It’s one thing to flirt. It’s another thing to find yourself spending 50 percent (or more) of the time on your date talking about sex or even propositioning it. If one or both of you keeps seeming to bring up things like your hormones, your sex drive or if you’re finding ways to compare everything from your utensils to your chocolate dessert to sex, you probably have more of a physical attraction than much of anything else.

Compatible: You both want to be in a relationship. At the same time. For the same reasons. One of the best signs that you’re compatible with someone you’re seeing is if you both want the same things. Out of life? Yes, to a large extent. But more specifically, the same things from one another. A person who wants to date several people at one time is probably not going to mesh well with someone who’s looking for a marriage partner. But if both of you feel that you’re at a point and place in your life where casual dating is no longer a desire and monogamy is a goal, that’s a good compatibility sign.

Attracted and Compatible: Pay attention to how you talk about them. Ideally, you’ll want to be in a relationship with someone where you both feel that you are attracted and compatible to one another. One of the best ways to know if you are is by listening to how you describe the relationship to others. For instance, if you hear yourself saying things like “I think s/he is so attractive but that’s not what I like most about them. It’s their intellect or sense of humor or heart for others”, then you know that you’re not just into their appearance; there is something about their insides that captures you too. And when attracted and compatibility are happening at once, look out! You are well on your way to establishing a real connection. And that’s always good to know---and to have.

Yeah, This Date Sucks: 7 Things That Make First Dates Tank

If you’ve been on the dating scene for a while now, chances are that you could write this article yourself. Just live long enough (meaning over 25 years) and you’ve probably been on at least one or two pretty bad dates.

However, the purpose of this piece is not so that we can all find things to complain and become bitter about. It’s so that we can keep in mind the things that we need to avoid doing so that the person that we’re sitting across from is not looking at us and thinking “Ugh, this date sucks!”

Yeah, think of this as a “dating don’ts piece” that you and your friends might write or a professional matchmaker might hand to you. It’s just a quick reminder of the fact that first impressions are so important. Therefore, you need to do all that you can to make the best possible one!

Being tired. One of the reasons why meeting someone after work for drinks isn’t something that’s the best idea on the planet to do is because you’re probably going to be tired. And when a person is worn down, that can make them irritable or simply preoccupied. Your date deserves your undivided attention. Agree to meet up after you’re well-rested. (Or at the very least, after you’ve had a nap first.)

Staying “connected”. A lot of us remember what life was like before smartphones. When it comes to dates, it really is best if the smartphone is treated like the old-school house phones that had a voice mail. Meaning, if you’re not comfortable leaving your cell phone in the car, at least put it on silent and leave it in your jacket or purse. Those texts, FB messages and Instagram pics will all be there when the date is over. Don’t let them keep you from completely focusing while the date is going on.

Getting drunk. Wine with dinner is fine. Throwing back shots all night? That’s so not a good look. Although there’s honestly never a good time to be drunk, the worst possible occasion is on a first date. First of all, it sends the impression that you can’t hold your liquor. Secondly, it tends to bring out a side of your personality that isn’t the most attractive. Besides, who wants to pay for their date to get an Uber ride home because they’re too wasted to drive? Sober is the best way to be on a date. Monitor your drinking accordingly.

Talking about your ex all of the time. Here’s the thing about exes. If you’re talking about them a lot, you’re probably not over them which means that you may not be ready to date in the first place. It’s one thing to answer a question about your dating past if you’re asked. It’s another thing to make 60 percent of the conversation about how your ex royally screwed you over. You have your friends to talk to about that stuff. Leave that off of the dating table, please.

Flirting with other people. Some folks are natural flirts. This means that sometimes, without even really noticing it, they’ll wink at their server, make goo-goo eyes at a person at the bar and/or stare at someone’s backside while they’re walking by. Do you know the message that coveys? It basically says that everyone around you is more interesting/appealing than who is before you. No one wants to feel like they are second-rate especially on a first date. Also, overt flirting is pretty disrespectful. Therefore, do your very best to keep that at an absolute minimum.

Being bossy. Although there are some people who find it either romantic or attentive to have their date order for them, you’re probably not going to know that on your first date. And so, if you do it, you’ll probably come off as controlling or a know-it-all. Another thing that conveys bossiness is over-talking someone or correcting them a lot. Dates are supposed to be a fun time for two people to get to know one another better. It’s not a competition and it’s certainly not a chance for someone to act like another’s parent or teacher. Being bossy on a date is a surefire way for someone to walk away thinking that the date totally tanked.

Proposing sex. When it comes to sex, some people have a third date rule, some people would prefer to be in love and some folks don’t have any rules at all. But one thing that pretty much everyone has in common is you come off as either a pervert or extremely arrogant if you propose sex on a first date. If things go well, there will be plenty of time to get to the intimacy portion of the relationship program. For now, keep all discussions centered on what’s going on from the neck up. Interestingly enough, the brain is the biggest sex organ anyway. Show some interest there, make a connection and you never know where things could go. At the right place. At the right time. After the first date.

On the Fence: 6 Reasons to Go on a Second Date When You're Unsure

Wouldn’t it be awesome to go on a first date, feel an immediate mutual connection and know that you’ve met the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with by the time your server brings you the bill? Yeah, it would also be awesome to win the lottery or to be offered a free all-expenses paid vacation to another country too. The reality is things like this do happen; it’s just that they don’t happen often. Or to a ton of people.

When it comes to money, vacationing and yes, even finding true love, the majority of us have to work pretty hard to get what we want. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. A wise man once said that we tend to appreciate things more when we actually have to put some time, effort and energy into them.

That’s why, if you were to ask a professional matchmaker for a few tips on finding true love, one of the things that they would probably recommend is that you be patient with the initial dating process. For instance, if after going on a first date with someone, you don’t feel an immediate chemistry, one of the worst things that you could do is not go on a second date.

Yeah, on the surface this might sound crazy, but just hear us out.

When it comes to dating, sometimes the second (or third or even fourth) date really is the charm.

Go on a second date because there’s more than meets the eye. There’s only so much that you can get to know about a person in a couple of hours and you know what they say: It’s never a good idea to judge a book by its cover. So, if for no other reason, go on a second date because it puts more time on the clock for the both of you to become more familiar with each other. Who said that just because things didn’t “click” the first time that they won’t the second?

Go on a second date because you’ll be calmer. Even if you consider yourself to be an extroverted individual, you probably still felt a little anxious or nervous on your first date. That’s understandable being that you don’t really know the person. But once the initial date is out of the way, that helps to take some of the edge off. By the second date, you can be calmer, which means that you can be more comfortable engaging one another in conversation. And that can help you to discover more.

Go on a second date because you can select another venue. One of the main benefits in hiring a matchmaking company like Tawkify to assist you with your dating needs is they are experts in matching people and planning dates. But whether you go through a matchmaking service or not, another reason to go on a second date is it gives you the opportunity to try another venue which can totally change the ambiance and your attitude. For instance, if your first date was at a restaurant that didn’t have a menu that you were crazy about or it was at a concert where you couldn’t do much talking, a second date gives you an opportunity to switch the scene up at bit. That’s a good thing because when it comes to having a perfect date, the atmosphere definitely plays a significant part.

Go on a second date because you can talk more in between the date. Very rarely do people decide to go on a second date and not speak before time. So, if things were awkward on the first date, maybe you need a few days to do some communicating via phone, text or email. That way, you can get to know each other a bit better, which can make you more prepared both mentally and emotionally for the next time you are together.

Go on a second date because others can give you a perspective on the first one. If your date was set up through a professional matchmaker, they’re definitely someone you can talk to about how you felt about the first date. And because they are experts at bringing people together, they can provide you with a perspective that you wouldn’t be able to see on your own. The same goes for your friends. By getting an outside opinion, when you say things like “But their laugh is obnoxious” or “Their phone went off more than I would like”, you can get another point of view before making a final judgment call. And that other perspective may be just what you need to give your date another try.

Go on a second date because everyone deserves a second chance. It’s one thing to be totally repulsed by someone. It’s another to be somewhat unsure. It’s basically the difference between a “Heck no!” and a “Well, maybe.” No relationship is built in a day. Everyone deserves the opportunity to put their best foot forward, even if it is the second time around. If the first date went OK, but you’re not sure if you’re interested in taking things further, go on a second date. Look at it this way: By the end of that one, you’ll be more confident in your decision to take it further or not. Whether it’s a “Yes, I’d like to see you again” or it’s “No, but I enjoyed meeting you”, you’ll be able to walk away sure rather than unsure.

Pump the Breaks: 5 Things to Think About Before Getting Intimate

There are some people who have their own rules when it comes to physical intimacy. For instance, some folks will not engage in sexual activity until monogamy has been established. Then there are others who simply look for a spark or connection. There are also some individuals who think that so long as the other person is “down”, so are they.

But if you were to speak with a relationship coach or professional matchmaker about when it’s the best time to get intimate with someone you’re seeing, they’re probably going to tell you that while each couple is different, there are a few things that you should think about first---for the sake of your mind, body and spirit. So that when sex does transpire, it’s a truly enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Think about your health. This one definitely has to be mentioned first. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, there were 20 million new reported cases of STDs within the United States alone. And although a condom is pretty effective, only abstinence is 100 percent reliable. That said, sex continues to be a serious act that requires forethought and preparation. Make sure that the both of you get tested before engaging in it with one another.

Think about your pattern(s). A lot of sexually active people have a pattern. They might have sex on first dates and then never hear from the person again. Or, they may have sex only because the other person wants to and then they end up regretting it. Or, they might have really great sex with an individual and end up mistaking it for a great relationship, only to realize…it’s not. If you can relate to any of these patterns and you want to break out of them, you know the drill: The best way to not get what you’ve always had is to not do what you’ve always done. If sex has always played a role in an outcome you don’t want, try approaching sex differently with the new individual that you’re seeing.

Think about your reasons. You have to decide what’s best for you but it’s always a good idea to be clear on what your reasons are for doing things before you do them. And you know what else? When it comes to having sex, it’s also a good idea to know the reason why the other individual is doing what they’re doing too. That way, you both can be on the same page and no one is waking up the next morning…disillusioned.

Think about your gut. There is so much to be said for a person’s gut instinct. So, if something inside of you feels that the person you’re thinking about having sex with is unsafe or emotionally unstable or is simply not the best person for you to be intimate, don’t ignore your inner voice. Hey, better to be too cautious than not cautious enough, right? We agree. 100 percent.

Think about your goal. If you want to have sex simply because you enjoy sex and the other person feels the same way, do your thing. But if you’re doing it because you think that it will quickly escalate the relationship or because you’re scared that they’ll lose interest if you don’t and you want to hold their attention for as long as possible, these aren’t really the best reasons to get involved. Sex is not something that should be used as a mechanism to reach some type of goal. In fact, that’s a surefire way to end up disappointed. The goal of sex should be about two people who care about one another wanting to express their feelings through physical intimacy. If your goal is not as clear as this, wait. You have all of the time in the world to get intimate with someone. Even if it ends up needing to be with someone else.

No Vibes: How to Handle Not Being Attracted on Your First Date

There are some people who have never really considered using an online dating service or hiring a professional matchmaker in order to help them with their dating life. The way they see it, why pay for someone to do what they can do for free? (You know, find a date.)

Well, the title of this article is one huge reason why it’s at least worth giving a try. With an online dating service, you’re at least able to see someone’s profile beforehand. And even better, with a matchmaking service like Tawkify, you can have someone do a lot of filtering for you. That’s because professional matchmakers spend a considerable about of time determining what two people would be the most ideal for one another based on looks, personalities and even lifestyles. They’re aware of the fact that the more compatible two people are, the more likely they will be initially attracted to one another. And that could lead eventually lead to a potential relationship.

But whether you’re set up by a friend or you decide to go on a first date via an online dating or matchmaking option, there is always a chance that you might not be as attracted as you would’ve hoped. If that’s the case, don’t excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and then never come back (that would be brutal if someone did that to you, right?). There are actually some more tactful (and productive) ways to handle it. Try these tips instead.

Process what you’re not attracted to. Unless it’s a blind date, you probably already knew what the person looked like. But if in person, they are shorter (or taller) than you would prefer, they look a lot older (or younger) than they did in their pictures or it’s even something like you hate their sense of style---at the end of the day all of these things are “surface issues”. On the other hand, if they’re rude or arrogant or your personalities simply do not mesh, that can end up being a much bigger problem. So silently (please do this in your head), think about what specifically you are not attracted to. That will help you to decide if there’s no chance for a second date or if you simply need to…lighten up a bit.

If they’re open to a second date, give it a try. Look, if on the first date they are a class A jerk, we support you blocking their number and moving on with your life. But if you’re on the fence and they ask to go out on another date, why not give it a try? There are a lot of married couples who will tell you that while there was not an immediate spark between them, the more time they spent together, a slow fire began to grow. Plus, sometimes people are nervous on a first date and you don’t get to see who they truly are because of it. It’s only another two hours (give or take) of your life. And you never know what might come from it by making the additional investment.

Make peace with the “friend zone”. One of the biggest mistakes that people make on first dates is “throwing out the bathtub with the bathwater” or as grandma used to say “cutting off their nose to spite their face”. Meaning, they go into a dating situation with an all-or-nothing mindset. Then, if the date isn’t as awesome as they would like, they cut all ties. Although the ultimate goal is to go on a date in hopes of making a love connection, not all of them are going to work out that way. What’s important is to keep an open mind. Some people are not your type, but that doesn’t mean that the two of you still can’t be friends. And who knows? If the two of you become cool enough and they get to know you better, they might realize that they have a friend who would be just perfect for you. At the very least, you might end up with a friend for life! So, if you’re not attracted, it’s not the end of the world. Stick around, at least through dessert, to see if there is something about them that you find to be interesting. Interesting enough to at least become a great acquaintance or even better---an awesome platonic friend.

You CAN'T Be Serious: 6 First Date Red Flags

Have you ever had a friend call you upset about a relationship gone wrong? And while they’re going down the list of all of the hurtful things that happened, did you happen to hear them say “I don’t know how it got to this point. I never saw it coming.”

*sigh*

It’s true. Sometimes people can blindside you. But you know what, more times than not, there were warning signs, even from the very first date, that went overlooked. Signs that could’ve us spared weeks, months or even years of drama and heartache if they had simply been adhered to.

In the hopes that you can avoid this kind of shock, if you have a hot first date coming up, we wanted to share with you a few red flags to look out for. That way, you won’t get burned.

Red Flag #1: You see a wedding ring. There are some people who wear rings on the third finger of their left hand, even if they’re single. So if you happen to see one there and you want to clarify what it is, by all means do that. But if they tell you it’s a wedding ring, even if they say they are separated or divorcing, it’s a red flag. People are married until they are officially divorced and even then, they usually need some time to process and heal. That’s why it’s best to stay out of those kinds of situations. Oh, and if you notice a tan line around that same finger, take that as another sign to steer clear. Just trust us on that.

Red Flag #2: They talk about having a bad financial situation. A gold digger is not something to aspire to be. That’s not what we’re talking about here, though. If when you and your date start conversing, they mention not having a lot of money, recently losing their job or trying to make ends meet, they could be dropping a hint that they may not be in the position to pay for the date---including their part of it. These days, a lot of people prefer to go Dutch, which is OK. But if you went into the date with the assumption that the financial responsibility would not fall on you and you start to see that it’s going to end up doing just that, you may be put into that position again. And again. And again. Bottom line, be careful with the “I’m broke” hustle.

Red Flag #3: You feel like you’re being controlled. Say your first date is a dinner date. If when you try and place your drink or food order, your date cuts you off and tells the server that you would prefer something else, don’t overlook that. Once the two of you become closer and establish a type of intimacy (and understanding) about what you like and how you want your dates to go, that’s one thing. But when they are just getting to know you? Yeah, pushiness is not cool. In fact, it’s sometimes it’s a sign of a controlling individual and you do not want to be in a relationship with that type of person.

Red Flag #4: They talk about themselves. The entire time. Arrogant people don’t look for dates. They look for fans. One way to know that/if you are dating an ego maniac is if they spend the entire time talking about themselves. Another flag is if you can’t seem to get a word in edge-wise to the point that by the end of your date, you can basically count on one hand the amount of words you got to say. The way relationships start are the way they oftentimes remain. If you give your date the impression that you don’t mind not having a voice, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll never be heard.

Red Flag #5: They live at home. If you’re dating someone who’s college-age, that’s one thing. But if they are in their 30s (or over) and they mention living with their parents or grandparents, you might want to investigate that a bit further. Yes, the economy is tough and we all have challenges here and there but don’t assume that an adult who lives at home has a simple story. Also, if you choose to overlook it, also don’t assume that dating is going to be easy or even convenient. An adult living on their own speaks to having a certain level of responsibility and stability. A person who says “Yeah, I still live with my mom” deserves to get a follow-up question like “Oh, so you’re pursuing your education or something?” And please, by all means, listen for the answer. And make sure it’s a good one.

Red Flag #6: They give backhanded compliments. Passive aggressive people can be so annoying. They also tend to be the ones who offer up backhanded compliments. You know, ones like “You’re cute. From your online profile, I thought you were thinner though” or “I like your style. If I had known you were so short, I would’ve dressed differently though.” Ugh. A backhanded compliment is about as bad a half apology: “I’m sorry but if you hadn’t have such-and-such, I wouldn’t have so-and-so.” Whether it’s a relationship coach, a professional matchmaker or even your more, they all are going to agree with the fact that you are worthy of someone who will easily and clearly praise you. If your date isn’t doing it, if they seem to be slick insulting you instead, that’s a red flag. And it probably needs to be your first and last date with that individual too.