Be Thankful. How to Not Take Your Significant Other for Granted.

Can you believe that Thanksgiving is just a couple of weeks away? Really, where does the time go? And as you’re in the process of putting your travel arrangements and menu together, if you happen to be in a relationship this year, we thought we’d take out a moment to dedicate a piece to what Thanksgiving is ultimately all about: being thankful for all of the blessings in life.

Whether you met your significant other through a professional matchmaker, a friend or love simply and “randomly” caught you by surprise, one way to show that special someone just how grateful you are to have them in your life is to not take them for granted. Below, here are five ways to do just that.

Tell them how you feel. It really is amazing (and a bit tragic) how many relationships end up going south simply because one or both individuals assumed that their partner knew how they felt about them. The reality is that when relationship are fresh and new, there tends to be a lot more effort that is put into them. But as the old saying goes “The way you get someone is often how you are able to keep them.” It only takes a moment to send a text to say “You know, I’m so glad to have you in my life” and a Hallmark card only costs a couple of bucks. But that little bit of effort can really go a long way. Definitely make the time to tell the one you care about how you feel.

Plan dates. In relationships, there is usually one who is a bit more proactive than the other---and for the most part, that’s cool. But try and avoid getting into the habit of expecting your significant other to do all of the work when it comes to planning out your dates. By calling them up with a “surprise” every once in a while (and by that, we mean more than a couple of times per year!), it shows that you’re taking some real initiative. Plus, it also shows that they are on your mind and you want to let them know. Not only with words, but action.

Apologize. Only in toxic relationships do some people find themselves intentionally hurting the ones who they claim to care about. But in healthier ones, sometimes you can still find yourself “dropping the ball”. The problem is not so much in doing something wrong as not owning up to it. Making apologies does not only display an act of humility, but the sooner you do it, the more you show that you value the person you’re with enough to want to make corrections as soon as possible. And that’s awesome.

Acknowledge their efforts. Unfortunately, it’s kind of human nature for people to look at “the cloud” rather than the “silver lining”; especially in relationships. Being that you’re not going to get everything right all of the time, you should be willing to extend this same grace to the person you’re seeing. They are going to make mistakes sometimes, but if you see that they are trying to do better, praise them for that. Encouragement goes a lot further than discouragement does. You can take that to the bank every time.

Be available. Once a title (or at the very least a mutual decision) is put on a relationship, some people’s actions (or lack thereof) conveys that, to them, they are automatically available. Meaning, “I’m with you, so you should understand that you can call whenever. I’m just a call away.” However, the title of “boyfriend and girlfriend” or “exclusive dating” only holds real merit if you’re treating your boyfriend or girlfriend as if they are receiving exclusive treatment. So yes, when they call, they should be able to reach you but you should also call them too. When they are upset, you should be the shoulder they can cry on. When they have great news, you should be their biggest cheerleader. In short, you should be available, proactively so, in their life. It’s one of the simplest yet most profound ways to show that you do not take them for granted. Happy Thanksgiving!

Love Relationships. Hate Dating. In a Relationship. Here's What to Do

So, you’re contemplating using a professional matchmaker in hopes of finding the love of your life. But here’s the thing: A part of the reason why dating has not worked for you in the past is because, well, you don’t really like dating.

So, is it safe to say that you’re already excited about reading this article being that you probably thought you were the only one who feels that way? The reality is that although there are a lot of benefits that come with taking the traditional dating route, at the same time, we get that there are some people who feel like the whole concept of dating can sometimes feel a bit “forced” and “routine”. And so, they’d prefer something to happen more organically than always planning something to do.

If you fit that bill, we have good news and we also have a reality check. Let’s go with the reality check first: Unless you’re going to start seeing someone you already know, you’re going to need to get at least a couple of dates out of the way. But once you’ve been on about three and you and the person you’ve been seeing have discovered that you’re both on the same page when it comes to the whole “dating scene”, here are some ways to date each other…without actually dating.

Cook at home. Did you know there are studies which cite that cooking together is not only healthier, but can literally help to improve your relationship? That’s because when you’re doing things with someone you care about, without any distractions, it helps you to feel so much more connected to them. And that can ultimately lead to a happier kind of relationship overall.

Find a mutual hobby. Something else that can be a lot of fun is to find a hobby that the both of you can do together. It could be taking an art class, going hiking or making pottery. Just make sure that it’s something you both are genuinely interested in. That way, it feels more like a skill that you’re developing while spending a bit of quality time together and not simply an activity to appease one more than the other.

Pitch a tent (indoors). I mean, you can also pitch a tent outside, but if it’s a bit chilly or you’re not the fondest of the critters that roam in the nighttime hours, you can always make a fort indoors too. String some lights, play some music, order some of your favorite food and then lie on top of a few throw pillows until you talk yourself to sleep. It’s romance without a ton of work. (For tips on how to build your own tent, click here).

Learn about each other’s favorite things. You can learn a lot about someone by discovering their favorite foods, favorite music, favorite movies and cities (etc.). So, one night make a point to listen to some of each other’s favorite songs. Another night, go on Netflix or Hulu to see if each other’s favorite movies are available to watch. One weekend, take a road trip. It won’t feel like “dating”. It will feel more like…intimacy.

Be spontaneous. Sitting on the phone on a Thursday, asking each other what you both want to do on a Saturday, can sometimes feel more like an obligation than anything else. If you’re both pretty keen on surprises, put forth the effort to be a bit spontaneous. Get up and go to a festival in the city. Have breakfast food for dinner at a 24-hour café. Stroll along the streets downtown, just because. Dating doesn’t have to feel like work. It’s all about doing what you want…in a way that suits the two of you. Best.

Love Nurturing: 6 Things That Can Help Your Relationship to Grow

There’s a movie from the mid-90s called Love Jones. In it, there’s a line from one of the married man who’s going through some problems in his relationship. While talking to one of his single friends about what’s going on, he says “Everyone talks about falling in love. Can someone please tell me how to stay there?”

Whether you find the right match through a matchmaker, a friend or fate, any couple who’s been together for more than a couple of years will tell you that making a relationship work (and last) is about a whole lot more than having strong feelings for another person. Love is awesome, miraculous even---yet it’s also a lot of work.

Actually, if you make sure to do these following six tips, “work” may not be something that can be avoided. Maintenance may be more of what your relationship will need. We say that because if you are willing to apply these following things to your relationship, we’re pretty confident that your relationship will continue to develop and mature…into something truly beautiful and lasting.

Be affirming. If you’re aware of the five love languages, then you already know that one of the ways to express love to the one you care about is to provide them with words of affirmation. Basically, these are positive things that you can say to them as a way to boost their confidence and offer support. No, this doesn’t mean that you should say things that aren’t true. It simply means that you should focus on the good things about the person you’re with and make sure that you tell them what those things are. As often as possible.

Set boundaries. There are a lot of people who end up being in a relationship that doesn’t work out; not because of each other but “the peanut gallery” that’s around them. Getting relationship advice from your family members and friends is one thing. Keeping them in the loop about every single issue that comes up in your relationship is something else entirely. All relationships have their ups and downs, but when trying times happen, you’ll probably get over them before your friends will. Not only that but you don’t want to be so caught up in what others are saying that you can’t hear your own thoughts. Setting boundaries with those around you helps to protect you and your relationship.

Date consistently. Something that you can be sure will bring your relationship to a screeching halt is if you don’t see each other on a consistent basis. That doesn’t mean that you have to go on a date 3-4 times each week. What it does mean is when it comes to your list of priorities, cultivating your relationship is on the very top of your list. And one of the best ways to do that is by spending quality time together.

Be romantic. When it comes to romance, something that’s awesome about it is you don’t need to have a ton of money. A Hallmark card is romantic. A rose or two is romantic. A plate of homemade cookies is romantic. A handwritten letter is romantic. A CD of love songs is romantic. A candlelit dinner at home is romantic. A sentimental text out of the blue is romantic. We’re pretty sure you get the gist. Something that separates a relationship from a friendship is romance. Make sure your relationship has plenty of it!

Say “thank you”. When people get really comfortable in a relationship, sometimes that actually results in them becoming lazy. When that happens, they tend to not put as much effort into their relationship as they once did---and still should. One of the ways this becomes evident is through a lack of courtesy. When the person you’re with does something that you appreciate, say “thank you”. It will send the message that most of all, you are thankful for them.

Keep moving forward. For anything to last, it has to grow. That’s why it’s always a good idea to take inventory on your relationship, at least once a season (spring, summer, fall, winter). That way you both can discuss what you want and need from one another to see if you’re both on the page. A relationship that is constantly moving forward is one that is clearly being nurtured in a truly effective way.

'Friend Hook-Ups'. The Pros and Cons of Them.

If you’ve tried an online dating site before with no success and/or if professional matchmaking services aren’t quite what you’ve hoped they would be (if that is the case, you might wanna try Tawkify), and all of the people closest to you know that you’re looking to get into a relationship, we’re happy that the title of this article has caught your attention.

We say that because most friends like to see their friends in love (especially if they are). So usually, when one of their friends is single, that sends them into overdrive when it comes to looking for the kind of person who will be just perfect for their buddy.

If you happen to fall in this category (meaning, you’re in “the single buddy”) and you’re a bit gun shy about letting your friends set you up with someone they know, here are some of the pros and cons that come with friend hook-ups. That way, you can remain open to the possibilities, while safely guarding your heart in the process (just in case things don’t work out).

PRO: They already know you (your friends, that is). One advantage to having a friend hook you up with someone is the fact that they personally know you. So, in some ways, they are a lot like a professional matchmaker that you can get to set you up, free of charge.  As a bonus, if they’ve been in your life long enough to witness some of your previous relationships, they will already have an idea of the kind of people who are your type…as well as the ones who honestly aren’t.

CON: At the same time, they might think they know you better than you do yourself! Friends who want to play matchmaker can sometimes be a bit on the aggressive side. For instance, they might show you a picture of someone all the while claiming “They’re just perfect for you” even though you’ve already said that they are not physically your type. If you’re going to allow a friend to hook you up, just make sure to not let them bully you out of your own boundaries (and interests). Speak up for yourself. A true friend will respect that.

PRO: You can get a lot of information on the front end. When you’re using an online dating service (for instance), you are pretty much at the mercy of the profiles that you’re reading---and sometimes, they are not the most reliable sources of information. But when a friend is trying to hook you up, you can ask as many questions as you’d like, trusting that they are going to tell you that truth. And if they don’t, their body language will. (“So friend, if he’s ‘so cute’, why are you squirming in your seat and sighing?”)

CON: They might move ahead of your comfort zone. Don’t put it past a friend to ask “So, I’ll set it up? Cool!” and then have a double date ready for you within 48 hours. The moral to the story is this: If you’re going to let friend set you 9 up with someone, make sure that you are ready for the moment you say “go”. 9 times out of 10, you can best believe that they are going to move full speed ahead! If you need a couple of weeks to think it over, make sure that you say that. Otherwise, prepare to be on a date sooner than later.

PRO: Double dating can take the “edge” off. First dates always have the potential to be a bit awkward. But when your friend says “Y’all can even go on a date with me and my sweetie!” that can actually make it a lot easier. Being that your friend (and perhaps even their significant other) know the both of you, you won’t have to worry about dealing with things like awkward silence or how to smoothly transition from one topic to another. Your friend and their companion will be there to fill in the blanks.

CON: Breaking up can be hard to do. If things don’t mesh well after the first or second date, this “con” won’t be too much of an issue; that’s because you’re not emotionally attached (enough) yet. But if the relationship went for longer than a few months, your friend is thrilled about successfully making a love connection and things don’t work out…well, that could make things pretty awkward for all parties involved. With a professional matchmaker, they are trained in how to move on from a bad match. But a friend? Sometimes they end up taking the break up harder than you do, which means that you’ll have to find some time and energy to help them to “heal” too. Definitely something to keep in mind before allowing one of your friends to hook you up with someone!

Right Relationship. Wrong Time. (Work-Wise). How to Be Just as Ambitious Personally as You Are Professionally.

You might’ve heard the quote “The right person comes at the right time.” In many cases, that would be true. But what happens if you’re someone who actually didn’t go through a professional matchmaking company or online dating service in order to find true love because honestly, you were too busy with your job to do so? What happens when meeting someone was literally the last thing on your mind…but out of nowhere---perhaps while at the grocery store, in a restaurant or at a friend’s house---you meet a person who seems to be all of what you’ve been looking for?

The thing is, you’re really focused on your work right now. As a result, you’re scared that the timing could pretty much work against you; that you might have to give up a romance for your professional ambitions? It’s the kind of situation that happens quite a bit, but isn’t written about nearly as much as it should be.

If your heart is currently more into your work, but you don’t want to lose the awesome individual who has recently come into your life, here are some suggestions for how to be just as ambitious personally as you are professionally.

Get on a schedule. Say that you’re someone who’s trying to get your own company off of the ground. If that’s the case, then you already know that you can easily work 15+ hour days. That can make eating and sleeping, let alone dating, very hard to do. Something that you can do to balance things out is to get on a schedule. Give yourself at least one day when you’re not focused on work and then set aside a couple of hours to go to a restaurant or check out a movie with the person you’re seeing. Honestly, this is something that you should do whether you’re seeing someone or not. Rest and leisure are good for your overall health and well-being. No one needs to literally kill themselves with ambition.

Be open and honest. If you know that you have the tendency to be a bit of a workaholic, it’s important that you get that out and in the open on the front end. Maybe not the first date but definitely by the third. Otherwise, if the person you’re seeing keeps trying to make plans and you’re constantly having to cancel or reschedule, it will send the message that you’re not interested, when the reality is that you simply have a lot on your plate.

Don’t break dates. Ambition can be pretty attractive during the beginning stages of a relationship. But when it makes someone feel as if they are no longer a priority in your life, then it can start to take a real toll. You don’t want to come across as being the kind of person who doesn’t say what they mean and mean what they say. So, even if you can only go on a date a couple of times per month, do everything within your power to keep the ones that you do make. It will send the message that although you do have a lot going on, the person you’re seeing is not getting lost in the shuffle. It will convey that they matter to you too.

Plan special dates. Here’s something that you can definitely do to send the message that you’re invested in your relationship even while you are invested in your work: plan special dates. To go to dinner and a movie, that doesn’t require a whole lot of pre-planning. But to go to an outdoor concert, a picnic or to take a day trip to a city close-by---that requires a bit more effort. And when you call to say “Hey, I have a surprise for you this weekend, are you game?” and they see that it consists of doing something that is a bit outside of the box, they’ll know that they’re on your mind. Even when you can’t always see each other.

Keep the future in mind. When it comes to your professional goals, you don’t plan on being in the place next year as you are now, right? So why wouldn’t you also want to make plans for your relationship? By letting the person you’re seeing know that you want things to grow into something more, they will be able to take comfort in the fact that although you are super ambitious as it relates to your professional life, in many ways, the same thing can be said about your personal one too!

First Date No-Nos: Places You SHOULDN'T Go on a First Date

Something that’s awesome about hiring a reputable professional matchmaker is the fact that you don’t have to worry about selecting a venue for your first date. It is totally up the matchmaker to choose a location where you and your date will be comfortable.

But if you’re going to go on a first date with someone that hasn’t been set up by a matchmaker, then selecting a locale is going to be extremely important being that first impressions can make or break a first date.

Previously, we penned a piece on great date ideas (you can click here to read it). But if you’re curious to know about the kind of first dates that we think are absolute no-nos, we’re glad that you’re checking this out. Why? Because if you have a date coming up soon and any of these are on the list, our recommendation is to go back to the drawing board. Because again, it can’t be stressed enough, that first impressions really do matter---and these five dates usually do not impress most folks.

We’re thinking you’ll see why after we break it all down…

A double date. While initially this one might seem pretty harmless, unless your first date is with someone you’ve known for a while, it can be a train wreck waiting to happen. Here’s why: If you’re the one who suggests a double date, then that probably means you know the couple who will be tagging along. This means that you already have a rapport and connection with those individuals which can ironically result in your date feeling like the third (or technically fourth) wheel. A first date needs to be about you getting to know the person better. You’re probably going to end up being pretty distracted if there are two other people around.

A place where you’re performing. Although you might think that it would be awesome for your date to come to an open mic, an art showing or something else where you are in the spotlight, oftentimes things don’t go as planned. For one thing, it tends to translate as being a bit arrogant. Secondly, you may end up being so busy entertaining your guests/fans that they won’t get much time in with you. Plus, if they don’t know anyone else there, it could get to be pretty awkward because unless they are an uber extrovert, they might feel a bit out of place (understandably so).

Anywhere you know your ex will be. Even if you and your ex are friends and you still hang out together or in the same circles, try and avoid having your date meet them for the first time on a first date. They don’t know you well enough yet to understand the history, so you run the risk of it translating as “you’re not over your ex” rather than “it’s all good”.

Anywhere you know your family will be. Family (or friends who feel like family). No matter how much you love them and enjoy showing them off to other people, table that for a while when it comes to first (and second and third) dates. One reason is similar to what we said about exes (you’ll be familiar with your surroundings although they won’t be). Another reason is because we’re pretty sure that your family wants you to find true love, but getting them involved too soon could end up putting a lot of pressure on your date. That’s not going to translate as fun; just stressful. And who wants that on a first date?

A wedding. Or a funeral. It might seem odd to put both of these together but hear us out. Yes, weddings are a joyous occasion while funerals are a sorrowful one. However, the thing that they both have in common is they’re extremely intimate. Therefore, it sends the message that you invited the person with you because you want them to be a part of such an intricate part of your world. And how can you really know that on a first date? Yeah, leave the weddings and funerals off of the list and go with dinner, dancing, a picnic, a hike or something else along those lines instead. It will put you in a better light and the potential for a great relationship on a much better plane.

Love. Unplugged. 5 Signs You Depend Too Much on Technology While Dating

With as much as we all depend on smartphones, laptops and tablets, it’s kind of hard to believe that the World Wide Web (do people even still call it that?!?) was made accessible in the early 90s. And so, if you’re reading this and you were born in the 90s, we totally get why you couldn’t imagine dating without technology/electronics.

But for those of us who happen to be a bit older…

Remember leaving voice messages on landlines?

Remember writing letters and (wow!) actually mailing them?

Remember going on dates with nothing that needs a charger in tow?

In some ways, when it comes to dating, those were the good ole days. You were able to focus solely on your date which provides a great environment for communication, spending quality time and fostering the relationship.

And although we know that the use of technology certainly had its benefits (for instance, you wouldn’t be able to online date, connect with a lot of great professional matchmakers or read this blog without it!), in order to help you to get the most out of your dating experience (and to gently show you signs that you might be a bit of a technology junkie), here are five signs that you rely on technology/electronics WAY TOO MUCH when it comes to dating.

You communicate mostly via text. Texting. Initially it was created as a “shorthand” for conversation. If there was something that you wanted/needed to say that was only a few words at max, you could text it. Now, a lot of us will put numbers before each text as a way to let people know which order they are coming in. Shoot, by the time you’re done doing all of that, you could’ve had a five-minute conversation and been off of the phone, right? Texting to give someone directions, texting to say “Good Morning” or “Goodnight”, texting to make sure someone got home safely (or to let them know that you did) is great. But when you’re dating, make sure to pick up the phone and actually call who you’re seeing more than you text them. It’s more personable, it shows that they are a priority to you and, because they can hear your tone of voice, it helps to keep signals from getting crossed as well.

The person you’re seeing get more “likes” than conversations from you. Social media is a popular way for people to make initial connections, especially if they are meeting one another for the first time online or through a professional matchmaker. But it’s not something that should be the sole or even main form of communication. Liking a status update on Facebook or a pic on Instagram is cool. But don’t let that be the end-all when it comes to connecting with someone. Engaging them on social media is pretty casual. If you want things to go to the next level, you need to do more than that.

It never crosses your mind to literally write a romantic letter. Ask any woman what she finds to be romantic and it’s pretty safe to say that one of the things she’s going to mention is receiving a letter from the object of her affection. And while it’s an awesome thing to receive in basically any form, try and avoid using a lot of email. The words are still the same, but there’s something about making the time to write it out on a piece of paper (and possibly even mail it), that makes it so much more meaningful. (Ladies, we’re willing to bet that there are a few fellas who feel this way too!)

You use electronics during dates. Although we’ve kind of already touched on this, it’s certainly worth repeating. Whoever is trying to reach you while you’re on a date, 9.5 times out of 10, can wait. In fact, this is one of the benefits that comes with texting because if something is an emergency, all you have to do is look at your phone and read about it. But when it comes to answering calls or paying attention to notifications while you’re on a date, there’s no way to get around the fact that it basically translates as being pretty rude. Put your phone of vibrate…or better yet, set it to “silent”. And by all means, leave the rest of the electronics at home! Those are meant for being at coffee shops when you’re alone; not on dates with other people.

Your date tells you so. And then there’s the really telling sign: when your date actually tells you that you’re online way too much. In the age of technology, there are all kinds of information that we constantly have access to. But the awesome thing about the internet is that it will be there waiting for you…when you get home. Yes, one of the best chances you have of like growing into love is to…unplug. Literally.

So Not Interested: 5 Things That Can Turn Your Date Off

Question. Have you ever been on a date with someone before who was attractive, smart and funny and yet they still turned you off? But here’s the thing: in hindsight, you could never really put your finger on why. You basically chalked it up to there being no chemistry or your professional matchmaker somehow missing something while filling out your profile information.

If you totally get where we’re coming from, we’re glad that you’re checking this article out.  Although it would take an entire book to cover all of the things that can turn someone off on a date, we do have five that may help you to pinpoint what your own dating pet peeves are. Plus, by seeing these things in black and white, it may also prevent you from being the kind of person who causes the individual you’re on a date with to give you some serious side-eye.

Check these out:

Being rude to those around you. Someone who’s been on more than a couple of dates before is going to be aware of the fact that it’s common and natural for people to want to put their best face forward when they’re on a date. It’s not so much that they are being “fake” as they don’t want the not-so-stellar parts of their personality to show before being able to make a pretty good first impression. That’s why, when people are first getting to know individuals, it’s not uncommon for them to watch how their date is treating the individuals around them. So, if you’re rude to your server, if you have road rage, if you are snappy to others in the movie line, an observant person is going to take note. And no matter how nice you may be to them, they’re going to sense that you have a rude sign to you. And yeah, that’s definitely not a good look.

Not turning off your phone. Unless you’re a physician who’s on call or you happen to have someone in your family who is extremely ill, there’s really no reason to have your phone on and there’s certainly no reason to be checking your notifications every 10 minutes while you’re on a date. The best way to let someone know that they are a priority to you is to offer up your undivided attention. And one of the best ways to do that is to put your phone on silent (or at the very least, on vibrate).

Gossiping. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” And when you’re on a date with someone (especially a first or second date), the last thing that you want them to think is that you have a “small mind”. So whether you’re meeting the person for the first time or you’ve met before and have already established that you know some of the same people, keep gossiping down to a minimum. Aside from the quote that we already shared, you might be familiar with this one as well: “If they’ll gossip to you, they’ll gossip about you.” Gossip speaks to being a bit on the messy side. You definitely don’t want to be seen in that kind of light.

Trying to rush physical affection. When you’re just getting to know someone, it’s important that you are careful when it comes to observing their boundaries; especially their physical boundaries. So, unless they are giving you direct cues that they want to kiss, cuddle or otherwise, pump the brakes when it comes to initiating physical affection. Although in your mind, you might think that it’s coming off as being sentimental or endearing, to others it might translate as being nothing more than…pushy.

Doing a lot of comparisons. Wanna know one clear indication that you’re not over your ex yet? It’s if you’re constantly bringing them up while you’re on a date. Or worse, you’re comparing them to your date. Both of these are ultimate turn-offs. While we’re at it, so are bringing up celebrities that you like and sizing them up to your date. We’re pretty sure that you would find these things super tacky if they were done to you so yeah...avoiding turning your date off by comparing them to other people. You’re with them. Focus on them. Affirm them. Show that you are truly interested in them. No matter who they are, they will find that to be the ultimate on-a-date turn on!

What Should Come Before "I Love You"

“I love you.” It’s the magical words that so many of us long to hear. It’s the reason why many of us sign up on online dating sites or hire a professional matchmaker to assist us. It’s the reason why we can’t get enough off romantic comedies and love songs. It’s also the reason why, if you’re single, this article has probably piqued your curiosity.

At some point, we’ll get more into what should be expected after those three words have been said. For now, we found a pretty good quote to summarize our thoughts and research:

“’I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you're in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down, not just when you're fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.”---Jonathan Safran Foer

Beautiful. Real. Right.

In the meantime, if you’re someone who has found yourself in some pretty disappointing and settling situations, basically because you wanted to hear “I love you” so badly that you rushed relationships or overlooked issues, here are a few things that we recommend that you require before those words are uttered between you and someone else (romantically so).

A “character check”. When you want to buy a house or a car, your credit is going to be checked. That way, creditors will have a good idea of whether or not you pay bills on time; if you are truly dependable. Along those same lines, before saying “I love you” to someone, it’s a good idea that you conduct what we call a “character check”. When it comes to the person that you’re seeing, do that keep their word? Are they honest with you? Do they say what they mean and mean what they say? Are they supportive, reliable and helpful? You’re not going to be able to say “yes” to any of those things in a matter of a few weeks. Give yourself at least a couple of months before giving their character a favorable score by telling them that you love them.

Clarity on where the relationship is headed. When someone says “I love you”, it tends to mean that they have every intention on taking a relationship beyond the casual. And so, before you say it or you jump up and down about someone saying it to you, it’s a good idea to talk about if you both see a future---and if so, what kind of future is it? Will your relationship being the kind that has a title? Are you planning to become exclusive? In short, do you both want the same things from one another? Being sure about all of this will make saying and hearing an “I love you” like icing on a really delicious cake.

Making sure that it’s a healthy situation. Although we hate to bring up the not-so-positive aspect of unhealthy relationships, it’s the responsible thing to do. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who remain in abusive relationships---whether physically, verbally or otherwise---and a part of it is because of the “I love yous” that are exchanged. You definitely do not need to experience patterns of being mistreated, taken for granted or neglected before someone says “I love you”. If you do, the appropriate response is “Well, I love me and that’s why this relationship cannot work.”

Like we said, this is a short list but definitely things that show go on the very top of yours. “I love you” is a beautiful sentiment. Just make sure that it also has substance behind it.

First Date Woes: 5 Things to NOT Bring Up on a First Date

Bad first dates. We’ve all been on at least one of them. And while sometimes it’s due to the fact that we were set up with someone that we’re simply not compatible with, there are other times when, no matter how good of a job that a friend or professional matchmaker does in the pairing up, the issue ultimately ends up being, not a lack of chemistry but poor communication.

In other words, things could’ve gone exceptionally well if the conversation (and perhaps body language) had been better…

But when we know better, we do better, right? So, in the effort of making sure that your next first date ends up being one that’s worth extending to a second and third, here are five things that really shouldn’t be brought up on the first date.

Someone’s financial situation. Unless you’re independently wealthy, do you really want to sit and talk to someone about what’s in your bank account or how much money you make at your job? So, why would you think that your date would want to do it? Bringing up things like someone’s credit history, financial woes or debt is really more of a way of being a downer than anything else. Plus, if you’re a man, it comes off as being pretty pretentious and if you’re a woman, like an opportunist. Dates are supposed to be fun and light. Financial conversations tend to be serious and heavy. Leave money off of the table.

Someone’s childhood. The reason why this one goes on the list is because it really is a wild card if the person you’re seeing had a good childhood or not. After all, it’s a wise person who once said that adulthood is about surviving childhood. That said, other than inquiring about how many siblings they have or where they were born or grew up, it’s best to not initiate anything deep on the first date. If this topic comes up, let it be because they volunteered information; not that you asked.

Someone’s sexual history. If you’re someone who participates in casual sex on a fairly regular basis, please make sure that you always carry protection with you. Sex on a first date is risky at best because unless you’re going out with someone that you’ve known on a platonic level, they are basically a stranger to you. But if you want to wait a while before taking that step, the first date is not the time to want to find out someone’s “body count”. No matter what your motive may be for asking, it’s nosey at best and judgmental at worst. When you’re intimate enough to sleep together, that’s when it’s a more appropriate time to ask about someone’s sexual history (if it even matters at all once you get to know their heart a bit better).

Someone’s appearance. OK, this one might seem a bit odd to bring up but you’d be amazed by how many people will take it upon themselves to be someone else’s fashion critic or personal trainer. All of us have things that we could improve upon, including physically. But on a first date, you have not even come close to earning the kind of trust that you need in order to offer criticism---no matter how “constructive” you might personally feel that it is. So yeah, when it comes to how someone looks and what you think they could do to make them look better…keep that to yourself. Share it with your best friend after your date (if you must).

Your habits/issues/drama. Your date is not your therapist. So, when it comes to all of the stuff that you have going on in your life, try and keep that at bay as well. If you’re a single parent currently in a custody dispute, if you have a sense that you’re about to be fired from your job, if you’re quietly wondering if you’re a binge drinker, if you know that you have sex too soon with people or if you’re trying to figure out why you have such a dirty house…it’s not like those things are not going to come out eventually. But right now what you need to focus on is putting forth a good first impression. You’ll have forever to talk about the issues that you have. For now, just focus on the good in your life. That will make for great first date conversation!

Is It You? 5 Things That YOU May Be Doing to Sabotage Your Relationship

OK, so here’s a question for you. Think about the last relationship that you were in. Now think about why it ended. If you were to write down three of the reasons (because rarely, if ever, is there only just one), how many of them would be related to what your ex did as opposed to what you did? In other words, are you more apt to blame your ex for the fall out or are you willing to take at least some of the responsibility?

The reason why we ask is because oftentimes, once a relationship goes sour, it’s very easy to place all of the blame on the other person rather than taking out some time to think about if there are things that you could have done better. Or perhaps just differently. In order to get better (or just different) results.

It’s important to do a bit of soul searching when it comes to this. Otherwise, there’s a great possibility that you will find yourself in a relationship very similar to the one that previously ended. Why? Because without resolving the issues from before and also without being willing to take some ownership where needed, it’s very possible that you will attract the same kind of person---just in a different looking package. Or, without looking at what went wrong on your part, even if a professional matchmaker connected you with the greatest person in the world, you still could end up sabotaging the relationship. Perhaps without even realizing it.

Although this article might be a bit challenging to read, we’re hoping that it will be received as an “ounce of prevention”. By recognizing some of the habits and patterns that you may be bringing into your relationship with others, hopefully things will go so much better and be so much healthier. The next time.

You don’t make them feel like a priority. Casual dating is one thing. But once you and the person you’re seeing have made the decision that your relationship needs to be exclusive, one of the things that this should mean is that you’re going to see no one else, but each other in hopes of building a future with each other. And what this means is that you’ve decided to make one another a priority. But if you’re too busy to take calls, you’re constantly breaking dates and the person you’re with is consistently telling you that they don’t feel like their needs are being met, eventually it’s going to translate into them feeling like they are not very important to you. And really, who wants to be in a relationship and feeling like that all of the time? Yeah, the clock is definitely ticking when you don’t make your significant other a priority.

You compare the next person to the last. A part of the reason why we remember the past is so that we can recall the lessons that we learned for them. So, for example, if your ex wasn’t a very honest person and in hindsight, you know that there were clear warning signs that you ignored, that’s something to keep in mind, moving forward. At the same time, it’s super unhealthy (and unfair) to assume that just because one person lied that all people do it. If you’re always comparing the person in your present to the person of your past, hate to say it, but the future is going to be pretty bleak for you. No one wants to feel like they are living in someone else’s shadow. Especially when that shadow is haunting you in a debilitating kind of way. Comparing is definitely one way to sabotage a relationship.

You need to be right all of the time. It may be Dr. Phil who said it best: “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?” This doesn’t mean that you always have to concede or that you can’t have an opinion or that it’s even “wrong” to have disagreements on occasion. But if at the end of the day, you will debate until the death just so that you can make a point and feel superior, not only is that condescending and a bit pretentious, but it can get to be exhausting too. Long story short, choose your battles. It will help you from sabotaging your relationship.

You are moody (and you want everyone to adjust no matter what). In a world that has so many ups and downs, if there’s one thing that basically no one wants is to be in a relationship where they never know what kind of person is going to “show up” at any given time. One moment you’re happy; the next, you’re melancholy. One minute you want to be affectionate; the next, you don’t want to be bothered. If you feel like you really can’t get a hold of your emotions, it never hurts to see a doctor and perhaps even make an appointment with a licensed counselor or therapist. But if you have resolved that you’re “just moody” and everyone needs to “get over it”, here’s the reality check: they may do that by choosing to (wait for it) get over you.

You are a Debbie or Donny Downer. No one wants to be around constant negativity. And so while there’s something to be said for being realistic and preparing oneself for the worst, there’s also something to be said for never looking on the bright side, always bringing bad news and gossip to a conversation and not being supportive of the person you’re with. Negativity only brings people down. Healthy relationships are supposed to help to bring people up and feel better about themselves. If you’re not doing that, watch out. You very well could be on your way to sabotaging your relationship.

Online Dating vs. Matchmaking Service: Pros and Cons of Both

So, it’s been a while since you’ve been a really great date, let alone been in a really good relationship. And as much as your friends have tried to put their best foot forward with blind dates, unfortunately, things have not gone as well for you (or them) as hoped. And although you’ve heard talk show hosts recommend that you should just wait for the Universe to have someone walk up to you at a grocery store or at the gym, you’re starting to get a bit cynical about those “pearls of wisdom”.

As a result, you start wondering more and more about if online dating or hiring a professional matchmaking service is the route that you should personally take. After all, reportedly over 40 million people have tried online dating before and there are currently over 2,000 professional matchmakers within the United States who are willing to give you that “personal touch”. Clearly this is evidence that you would not be alone or “weird” or “desperate” if you decided to give either one of them a try.

But before you sign up on Match or eHarmony or you hit up a professional matchmaking service, we thought it would be a good idea to take some of the guesswork (or apprehension or fear) of both options by sharing with you some of the pros and cons that come with using both.

Let’s start with online dating first…

The Pros of Online Dating

When it comes to the benefits of online dating, there are several. For one thing, being that you are able to see someone’s profile before you actually meet them, you’re able to see how they look and also learn a significant amount about them before ever making initial contact. Another plus that comes with online dating is you can take things slow. Meaning, you can shoot them an email or opt to Skype with them before physically going out. That way, if you realize that you’re not as interested as you initially thought, there’s no pressure. This brings us to another thing that’s pretty awesome about online dating: it brings a whole new meaning to “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. That’s because there are several sites with literally hundreds people on them. So, if it doesn’t work out with one, there’s always (ALWAYS) others.

The Cons of Online Dating

With all of those pros that we just mentioned, it’s hard to believe that there could possibly be cons, right? There are a few, though. For instance, with online dating, you really need to research the sites before signing up. Without question, some have a better reputation, an easier site to navigate and a lot more quality control than others. Something else to consider is you can never be 100 percent certain that the person’s profile information is accurate. It’s not uncommon for folks to post an old picture of themselves, to “fudge” (eh hem, lie) about their looks, education or interest or to even “catfish” someone. Another con is sometimes online dating takes the fun out of…dating. When you’re on a blind date or you’re set up through a professional matchmaker (which we’ll get to in just a moment), there’s some anticipation and excitement that comes with wondering who you’re going to meet. With online dating? Yeah…not so much.

The Pros of a Professional Matchmaker Service

Hands down, one of the best things about going with a professional matchmaker service is the fact that they tend to take a more personal, hands-on approach to finding the one. They are literally invested in you and what you are looking for. With a professional matchmaking service, there is one person who is qualified in asking the right questions to match you up with someone who is beyond a good first date. That’s because they want to place you with someone you can have a healthy and happy long-term relationship with. Plus, although their pool may not be as large as some online dating sites are, that’s because they tend to be more selective. That works in your favor because they are able to screen the individuals before you ever come into contact with them. So the whole “You’re not who I thought you were” thing is usually totally avoided. Another bonus is if the first (or second) date doesn’t work out, a professional matchmaker service doesn’t take the “Oh well, thanks for playing” approach. They are willing to keep working with you as long as you’re committed to the process and requirements that come with using a professional matchmaker. With this kind of service, they tend to feel more like a friend which prevents you from feeling so much like a client. That helps you to relax, build trust and actually enjoy the matchmaking experience.

The Cons of a Professional Matchmaking Service

Although there are a couple, there really aren’t a ton of cons. Probably the biggest disadvantage is the price. There’s no way around the fact that some of them are two to five times more than the fee to sign up for an online dating membership. But there are services like Tawkify that are pretty comparable and can still provide really great dates and matches. So, when it comes to the price, our recommendation is just to do a lot of research to see who has the best reputation. Don’t be hesitant to ask for referrals either. Another thing to think about is that reputable companies may not be in your city. This means that while you can use a service to connect you with someone, you might find yourself in a long distance situation until one of you can get to each other’s city. And then there’s the fact that you might end up not finding anyone, even though you spent money in order to do so. But with love, there are always risks, right?

As you can see, as with most things in life, there is a lot to consider when it comes to both options. It’s all about knowing what you’re looking for, how much time and money you want to invest and if you’re willing to stick with the process in order to get what you want. But at least now, hopefully you know what to expect with both. We’re rooting for you to make the best choice for you.

Grudge Match: 5 Habits That Ultimately Lead to Resentment

No relationship is perfect. Hopefully, that goes without saying. But there are a lot of them that can be spared from heartbreak or divorce when certain things are put in place in order to preserve and protect it.

Just think about it. Pretty much all of us have either an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend or even an ex-spouse, and if you really stop to think about why (and how) the relationship came to an end, there’s probably not just one thing that you can point out. Honestly, it’s probably a series of issues that either never got fully addressed or one or both of you held in, in order to “keep the peace”---when the reality is all that it really did was build up resentment.

Whether you’re currently in a relationship or you’re just getting back out into the dating scene, we’re pretty sure that at the end of the day, what you desire is true fulfillment. One of the best ways to achieve that goal is to be conscious of the things that can happen that will lead to frustration, bitterness and ultimately resentment. And then accepting what you need to do in order to avoid these responses/reactions.

Here’s a clue. One of them is found in the title of this article…

Avoid holding a grudge. The only way that you’re going to be in a relationship where forgiveness is not required is if you decide to date someone who is perfect. And being that no person on the entire planet is that, it’s important to accept the fact that sometimes they are going to say the “wrong” thing, hurt your feelings or do something that you don’t appreciate. If something that bothers you happens repeatedly, it’s up to you to decide if it’s ultimately a deal breaker or not. But choosing not to forgive someone for making a mistake and then holding a grudge about it is unhealthy and super counterproductive. You want someone who forgives you when you mess up, right? In order for a relationship to truly be successful, it’s always a good idea to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Keep your expectations realistic. There are a whole lot of people in this world who are always upset and it’s because of one thing: someone disappointed them when it came to not reaching their expectations. There are some people who believe that the best way to prevent this from being an issue is to simply not expect anything. Eh. Personally, we find that to be a bit extreme. Instead, state what your expectations are, then ask the person you’re with what they feel about them in order to reach a common ground. That way, you can get clarity of if they find your expectations to be realistic (or not) and then you both can agree on what you should literally and realistically expect them to do. And not do.

Accept your partner’s individuality. A wise man once said that when two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary. That’s words to live by when it comes to being in a relationship with someone else. Basically what it means is if you wanted to date a carbon copy of yourself, why date someone at all? Enjoy being single and spending time with yourself instead. That said, being in a relationship is not just about being with someone you care about and spending time with them. It’s also about letting someone into your heart and world so that they can help you to grow as a human being. This means that there are probably going to be some challenges and disagreements along the way. Accepting that can definitely help you to avoid allowing resentment to build up within you.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Passive aggressiveness. We’re honestly not sure if there’s anything worse than it when it comes to trying to keep a relationship balanced and healthy. Basically passive aggressiveness is a form of manipulation. Someone asks you if something is wrong and you say “no” and then sigh and drop hints throughout the rest of the day. You get upset because someone didn’t do what you wanted them to, but here’s the clincher: You never said what that thing is. You simply wanted them to read your mind. One way for you and them to end up developing resentment is if you don’t say what you mean and only expect them to guess. “Communication is key” may sound a bit cliché, but trust us when we tell you that it’s one of the best ways to keep a relationship on solid ground.

Be patient. Relationships require patience. And the reality is a lot of them fail because one or both people fail to accept that fact. Every day is not going to be fun and easy. But every day can be purposeful, a learning experience and a way for both of you to mature and become closer as a direct result. If you’re really and truly willing to embrace this reality, you’ll discover that with each season of your relationship, there will be more to be thankful for and ironically, less to feel resentful about.

Raise the Bar: Are Your Relationship Standards High Enough

If you’ve never heard the following quote by writer Maureen Dowd, we are thrilled to be the first ones to share it with you! Without question, with it comes to matters of the heart, it’s definitely words to live by: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

The thing that’s so awesome about it (at least it is to us) is it’s a reminder that when it comes to having standards in relationships, it’s important to set them high. Not so high that no human on earth can possibly reach them, but high enough for you to feel valued within it.

Are you someone who knows in that in times past, you found yourself not getting all that you deserved in a relationship because your standards were not high enough? If so and you’d like a few tips, in the form of warning signals, to let you know when your standards are so low that you need to move on, here are some that we’re confident that every (reputable) professional matchmaker in the world would agree with!

If your needs aren’t being met, your standards are too low. Wanna know one reason why a lot of people’s needs aren’t being met in their relationship? It’s because before they went into it, they didn’t take out the time to think about what those needs actually were. If you’re someone who needs to take things slow and date the old-fashioned way, it’s important to know that---beforehand. If you’re someone who’s not interested in casual dating and you’re looking for something exclusive, it’s important to know that too. Or if you’ve been hurt before, you know you’re fragile when it comes to trust and so honesty is top on your list of character traits, that also needs to be high up on your radar. Or perhaps your ex wasn’t the best communicator and you need someone to engage you a lot more; there is certainly no shame in that. Can you see where we’re going with this? When you know what you need, it helps you to see if you’re getting those needs met. Or not. And if they aren’t, you’ve stated it but you continue to be ignored but you stay in the relationship anyway, your standards are way too low.

If you have to beg for attention, your standards are too low. A lot of people probably don’t even realize that they are begging their significant other for attention, but here are some examples of what we mean by that. If you’re constantly asking them to call or text you back, if the you only go on a date is if you set it up and if the only time it seems like they are willing to drop everything to be with you is when it comes to sex and you’re tolerating all of this, guess what? One, you definitely deserve better. And two, your standards are too low.

If you’re upset/unhappy most of the time, your standards are too low. It’s one thing to have a favorite love song that you like to listen to. It’s another matter entirely to be the one who’s basically living out the lyrics. That said, if you know that you are either upset or unhappy more times than you feel blessed and pleased with yourself, your relationship and the person you are seeing, that’s not something to ignore. Being upset/unhappy is a clear sign of discontent. To keep going through the (e)motions, unsatisfied, is another sign that you standards are too low.

If you’re doing most of the work, your standards are too low. This one is short and sweet (and also works really well with the “begging for attention” point that we already brought up). If the relationship would cease to exist, literally, without your effort; if you are always trying to be the encourager, supporter and proactive party when it comes to the relationship itself and you feel like you’re doing all of the work alone, yep. Your standards are too low.

If you’re always making excuses for what you know is unhealthy, your standards are too low. And finally, if after reading all of this, you are trying to figure out how to excuse away these warnings, along with the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that there are other ones that you are not paying attention to, again, your standards are too low. A truly loving relationship should lift you higher, not let you down. Therefore, don’t be afraid or apologetic for raising the bar when it comes to what you want in yours. You’re worthy of having every single need met. Guaranteed.

Found 'the One': 6 Signs That You've Met Your Long-term Love Match

The one. It’s something that so many people spend much their lives looking for---and understandably so. Some search for the one through professional matchmaking companies. Others use online dating sites. And still there are those who prefer the more “old-fashioned way” by either allowing a family member or friend to hook them up---or they wait for the Universe to join them via a chance meeting at a local coffee shop or grocery store.

Whatever the avenue, if there’s something that anyone who has already found the one for them will tell you, it’s this: While finding the one is not always the easiest thing to do, once you have met the man or woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with, it definitely makes everything that you had to go through in order to do so worthwhile.

Yet in the midst of all of the possibilities that are around you, how can you know, with absolute certainty, that you’ve found the perfect match for you? Although we don’t profess to have all of the answers, hopefully the following six signs will provide you with at least a little bit of clarity. And peace of mind.

They love you (with words and actions). “I love you.” It’s the three words that pretty much all of us long to hear at some point. Yet here’s what you need to keep in mind about them. Love is not simply a sentiment that is put on a Hallmark card. Love is an action word. So, if someone claims that they love you, you should expect them to show it. They need to be physically affectionate. They need to be emotionally passionate. They need to make you feel that you are an extremely important part of their life; someone who is a top priority in their world. “I love you” should be a declaration of an intention to follow that through with doing things. Daily.

They respect you (with words and actions). Respect is about being in a relationship with someone who holds you in high esteem. This means that they are going to speak to you with kindness and courtesy. They are going to honor whatever boundaries that you have put in place. They are going to appreciate you, recognize the time and effort that you put into the relationship. Plus, they are also going to treat you in a dignified manner---both in public and in private. If you don’t have respect in a relationship, no matter how much love you have for one another, it’s not going to be healthy. Respect is paramount.

They’re your cheerleader. When a person gets into a relationship with someone, that doesn’t mean that they lose their individuality. In fact, the right relationship will simply make them believe and feel that when it comes to their dreams, goals and ambitions, the sky truly is the limit! When someone is not intimated by your aspirations but are actually the first ones to say “That’s awesome, babe! You can do it!”, that’s the kind of person that you definitely want to keep in your life for as long as you possibly can. The world can be hard. It’s always comforting to have a cheerleader.

They help you to explore new things. A wise man once said to do something new every day. And while the demands on your schedule may make that pretty close impossible to do, you should at least try something different a few times per month. Newness helps to broaden your perspective and every time that happens, you grow. So yes, if you’re with someone who always has a unique date idea in mind, who encourages you to try new foods, genres of music and activities and wants you to add some new stamps on your passport (or wants you to get a passport for the first time), that’s awesome! They are going to be a whole lot of fun to be around. Plus, you’re sure to experience some spontaneity and surprises along the way!

They tell you that they see forever with you. One mistake that some people make when it comes to relationships is assuming that the person they’ve fallen for has the same intentions as they do; that just because they are hanging out together and having a good time that it’s headed towards the altar (or at least something long-term). Listen, the only way that you are going to know that for sure is if you A) ask or B) they tell you. But if the person you’re falling for says that they feel the same way and there’s no way that they can imagine you not being in their world for the long haul, we’re willing to bet some pretty good money that you did, indeed, have met the one.

They bring out the absolute best in you. When it comes to your friendships, your career path and certainly your relationship, if there’s one thing that they all should have in common, it’s that they should be helping to make you a better person. So, if you don’t like who you are (or have become) with someone, take that as a clear indication that they are definitely not the one for you. On the other hand, if you wake up really feeling like you’re soaring emotionally, intellectually and spiritually because of who you are, in part because of who you are with, they’re a keeper. Let them know that for you, you feel, that they are the one.

Right Relationship. Wrong Reasons. 5 of the Worst Reasons to Start a Relationship

If you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker right now, here’s one way to know if they’re worth your time. One of the things that you should expect them to ask you is “So, why do you want to be in a relationship at this time in your life?”

Although, on the surface, it might seem like a bit of an obvious question, the reality is that for as many people as there are on the face of the earth, there are different reasons for why each one wants to join their lives with someone else’s.

And while reasons like “I want to be in a happy and healthy relationship” or “I’ve always wanted to have a family” or “There comes a season in everyone’s life when they feel like someone can help them to get to the next level” are all certainly great reasons, there are also some that are basically big red flags. “Flags” in the sense of them actually indicating that no matter how much potential the relationship may have of succeeding, because the motives aren’t right, it’s going to struggle right from the start.

So what are some of the worst possible reasons for starting a relationship?

Loneliness. For the record, there’s nothing wrong with being lonely. You’re human and it happens to all of us at one point or another. The problem is that when we feel a deep longing for attention, companionship, attention or affection, oftentimes our judgment is a bit off when it comes to choosing someone who is truly best for us. Or worse, we’ll find ourselves going back to someone we already know isn’t good for us, just so that we won’t have to be by ourselves. So what’s the remedy for loneliness? Well, before deciding to pursue a relationship with someone else, get to the root of why that’s so important to you. Do you think they will make you feel better about yourself? Have you always believed that you needed to be in a relationship to confirm your self-worth? Are you scared to do things like go to the movies or out to eat alone? Knowing why you’re lonely is the first step to coming to the conclusion that what you might need, for now, is to be alone. In order to learn the difference between “alone” and “loneliness”. They are not synonymous, that’s for sure.

Peer pressure. The older we get, the more a lot of us look around only to discover that most of our friends are married or in a relationship. And when they all ask for the umpteenth time to either set you up or “So, when are you going to find someone special?”, it can be a real temptation to hurry up and get into something, anything, just to shut them up. Friends are awesome, but it’s important to remember (and remind them) that they are there to support you, not pressure you. It doesn’t make (good) sense to get into a relationship just so that you and your married friends can double date. Let them know that all things come in due time. Just like it did for them.

Aging or a “ticking clock”. Even in today’s culture, when some find marriage to be obsolete, there’s still plenty of data which supports the fact that a two-parent household is the most ideal for children (for instance, here). And so, if you’re single with no kids and you’ve always wanted to be a parent, it’s totally understandable why you might feel a bit of anxiety. But look, getting with someone and creating a child with them, only to realize they weren’t the best match for you will result in your child now being in a broken home. You should check out 6-year-old Tiana’s feelings on that (by clicking here). Finding the love of your life requires having faith in it happening at the right time. Don’t let your age or your “ticking clock” determine such an important part of your fate. Patience can do miracles when it comes to making things happen…just as they should. And helping you to truly believe that, during the waiting process.

Hormones. Boy, if we had a dollar for every person who had sex with someone only to later regret it, we’re pretty sure we’d make it to Forbes’s billionaire list! Engaging in casual sex because you literally want nothing more than to engage in physical pleasure is one thing. Having sex hoping that it will turn into something more meaningful is a gamble, at best. Plus, there are a lot of things that still need to be taken into consideration before having sex, including when it comes to your physical health and well-being. Sex is fun and enjoyable. It’s also something that should be taken seriously. Do not start a relationship just so that you can have sex on the regular. Also, do not have sex too quickly believing that it will get you what you really want: a relationship.

Fear. At the end of the day, all of these things that we mentioned points to one thing: Fear. And one of the best ways to define fear is the popular acronym for it: False Evidence Appearing Real. Have you ever heard the saying “Most of the things that we worry about never even happen anyway?” This applies to relationships. Just because today you might feel like you’ll be alone for the rest of your life, doesn’t make it true. And getting into a relationship just to “silence those voices” doesn’t automatically make you wise. The best cure for fear, when it comes to fear of being alone, is self-love. Pamper yourself. Celebrate yourself. Set goals for yourself. Soon, you’ll be too busy to “feed into your fears”. And one day, you’ll look up and someone will come into your life. And the irony may be that you’ll be so content that you’ll have to figure out how to fit them in! (Oh, the irony!)

The Shallow End: 6 Things That Can Prevent You from 'Going Deeper' in Your Relationship

Love is deep. And that’s not meant to be a cliché either. Ask any married couple who has at least 10 years (and probably a couple of kids) under their belt and they will tell you that from the very moment that they looked one another in the eyes and said “I love you”, they couldn’t begin to fathom where the journey would take them.

That’s because whether a professional matchmaker hooked you up with the love of your life or you “randomly” ran into them at a grocery store or in a mall, you can never be fully prepared for all that’s required in order to make love work. And last.

But if you’re someone who desires to be in a serious relationship and yet, no matter how hard you (and others) try, you just can’t seem to make that lasting kind of connection, this is an article that we recommend that you read all the way through. Sometimes, there’s a subtle mistake that people make past their first few dates that ends up limiting the possibility of something going from a casual attraction to…something more.

We call it “hanging out in the shallow end”…

Are you “quick to judge” when it comes to first impressions? Let’s say that you did decide to hire a professional matchmaking company to help you out. And although they told you “We have the perfect match for you!”, on the first date, let’s just say that you weren’t super impressed. It’s impossible to learn everything about a person in a couple of years, let alone on one date. If there is a bit of an interest, consider at least going on a second date. Sometimes first dates are awkward and people need a bit more time for things to warm up so that they can get to know each other a bit better.

Do you go on “loud” dates? Does this seem like a bit of an odd question? It’s kind of meant to be. While going to the movies or a bar to check out a local indie band is a lot of fun, there’s really no way to communicate inside of those kinds of venues. That’s because it’s literally too loud in them. In order to get to know someone better, you’re going to have to hear each other speak (literally). If you’re curious about the kind of dates that will encourage, rather than hinder, engaging your date, click here.

Does sex happen too early? It’s not uncommon to meet a person and have an instantaneous physical attraction to them. But if you wind up having sex with them before a true emotional connection is made, your passion may fizzle before your relationship could really get off of the ground. Although the act of sex itself is not “shallow”, it does tend to lose some of its meaning when it’s handled in a casual way. There’s no rush. If you want something meaningful, sex can wait.

Do you build up walls? During the first, second or third date with someone, it’s totally understandable why you may be cautious about letting your guard totally down (although it’s always a good idea to watch your body language, though). But if it’s been a couple of months and you still are not sharing your stories about your life, past loves and future goals, that’s going to cause your relationship to either become stagnant or the person to start to lose interest. Building up walls is usually due to a lack of trust and if you’ve been hurt before, that is certainly understandable. But if you want to find true love, you’re going to have to take a leap of faith. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to let people in.

Are you self-absorbed? Here’s one that “slips by” some folks. If you went into a relationship wanting it to be all about you, then guess what? That’s all that your focus is going to be on. The dates are going to be centered around where you want to go. The conversations are going to be more about you and your needs. When it comes time to compromise, perhaps without even noticing, you’ll manipulate your way into things slanting more your way than theirs. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself receiving a phone call along the lines of “Look, I really like you but…” Relationships are about two people relating to one another. If you want things to go from “on the surface” to something that’s far deeper and more meaningful, make the relationship be just as much about “them” as it is about you. Before you know it, you’ll have broken the “shallow end” curse. Love will have overtaken you in the best possible kind of way.

Love or Manipulation: 5 Signs That You're Being Used in Your Relationship

Yeah. Do you see the picture that we choose for this particular feature? There are a few striking things about it. For one thing, there is nothing worse than being so manipulated, so controlled, that you might as well be a puppet as someone tugs on your heart strings. Secondly, when you find yourself involved with this kind of person, although it might be hard to hear, they usually have a track record of manipulating others. (You are not the only “puppet”.)

But sometimes, when you feel like you’re in love, it can be hard to either 1) tell or 2) accept that the person you’re with doesn’t truly have your best interest at heart. That they are far more interested in how they can use you to their advantage rather than love you in the way that you deserve. And unfortunately, when it comes to the topic of manipulation, sometimes manipulators are so good at what they do that even the top professional matchmakers in the world can miss the signs. After all, manipulation is masked by deception and deceivers are masters at hiding the truth; especially about themselves.

We know. All of this sounds a bit “dark” and “heavy”, but if you don’t get a hold of what the differences between being loved and being manipulated are, heartbreak is what you’re headed for---and we definitely don’t want you to experience that.

That’s why we want to share with you some of the ways to know that you’re being manipulated in a relationship. So that if you are, you can get out. As soon as you possibly can.

You’re doing all of the work. In a relationship, there are going to be times when things are 50-50 and then there are going to be times when it’s more like 70-30. That’s simply because relationships have seasons and during different ones, people tend to have different needs. And sometimes, one needs more from their partner than their partner needs from them. But if you were to tally up your percentages of give vs. take and hands down, you’re doing most of the work (meaning, they are reaping the benefits of being with you without doing much sowing into your life at all), we hate to break it to you…but you are being manipulated. No doubt about it.

They are not truthful. There are a lot of things that relationships need in order to succeed, but three main ones are love, respect and honesty. Without them, you’re never fully sure who you’re with or where you stand. So, if the person you’re seeing doesn’t answer direct questions, continues to “get caught” in lies or you feel like they are holding back, this means they are not being truthful. And that’s probably because there is something that they don’t want you to know; something that will affect the way you see them and the “hold” that they have over you. Yes, something that liars are known for is manipulation.

You don’t feel “free to be”. Here’s a real doozy. A clear indication of a healthy relationship is that you’ll feel not only safe enough to be yourself but highly encouraged to do so. You won’t feel like every time you turn around, the person you’re with is talking about you needing to alter your appearance, explore another career path or change your friends. While healthy relationships do influence the people in it to improve the quality of their lives, what they don’t do is force that to happen, offer up ultimatums if it doesn’t happen or make either person wonder if they are being loved for who they are---or who the object of their affection is trying to make them out to be.

They don’t take ownership for their mistakes. One thing about being in a relationship with someone is they are human. And so are you. This means that they are flawed. And so are you. Here’s the catcher, though. If you’re the only one who finds yourself acknowledging the mistakes that you make, if you’re the one who always says “I’m sorry”, if you’re the one who is made to feel guilty all of the time but meanwhile, they act as if they are never in the wrong, that is another sign of manipulation. When it comes to manipulators, they think that so long as you feel bad, they have the upper hand; one that they can mentally, emotionally and sometimes even spiritually use to their advantage up the road.

Your identity is gone. Last one (although we could go on with this FOREVER). A manipulator takes great joy in wiping someone’s identity away. What you want doesn’t count unless it’s what they want. How you feel is irrelevant if it differs from theirs. What you think is always secondary to their own thoughts. You are not supposed to be an emotional clone of the person you’re with. You are supposed to be your own individual who is simply sharing your life with someone who has their own distinctiveness. If you find yourself saying “I don’t even know who I am anymore” (or others say something to you along the lines of “What? That doesn’t sound like you…” on a consistent basis), you really should consider ending the relationship or at the very least, bringing the issue to their attention and realigning some boundaries. If you opt for the latter, here’s a word of caution, though: Manipulators don’t like boundaries. In fact, they work to find every way possible, no matter how obvious or subtle, to violate them. We just thought we should mention that as you ponder all of this in order to determine if you’re truly in love…or simply being manipulated.

Serial Dating: The Benefits of Seeing More Than One Person

If at first glance, the title of this article throws you off a bit, we get it. From professional matchmakers to personal friends and even relationship blogs, it would seem like everyone wants singles to get out of the casual dating scene; that most folks would prefer that singles court instead of date so that they can end up walking down the aisle towards their own true love---sooner than later.

Look, it’s not like we’re not for that as well. It’s just that we also know that if you’re in a rush to try and “make something happen” either before you or the relationship is ready, it could end up doing you (and the relationship) more harm than good.

That’s why, if you’re just meeting someone for the first time, for the first few dates (and/or few months, whichever comes first), we actually recommend that you remaining open to seeing more than just them.

And what are the benefits that come with taking that particular approach? We’re so glad that you asked.

Seeing more than one person expands your options. One of the benefits that comes with being single is until you enter into an exclusive relationship with someone, you are free to see whomever you wish. Here’s why that’s something worth taking advantage of. By seeing several people at once, you are not limited to dating one kind of individual. You can date several at a time in order to get a feel for what you like and what you don’t. This works in your favor because when people become exclusive too quickly, they have a tendency to focus on all of the “pros” about a person, all the while ignore the “cons”. And when that’s the case, they can force themselves into thinking someone is truly compatible with them…when actually, there might be other folks who are far more suitable.

Seeing more than one person takes the pressure off. If you’re the kind of person who has a tendency to try and make a relationship become too serious too soon, you definitely can benefit from seeing several people. Rather than going on a couple of dates with one person, liking them and then already deciding that they are “the one” before allowing things to develop, you can see multiple people, have a good time and then cautiously and discerningly determine who is really best for you. Because things are a bit “lighter”, you will not put yourself in an emotional rat race to find someone to exclusively be with. And you can always trust your judgment so much better when you’re not…anxious.

Seeing more than one person teaches you more about yourself. What your mother brings out in you is going to be much different than what your boss does. That’s because they are two totally different kinds of relationships. Not only that but they are two totally different kinds of people as well. The same thing applies to dating different people. Being that each one is an individual, they will “tap into” different parts of you. For instance, if one person tends to be more of an intellectual, they will challenge you in that way, while if another is more spontaneous and funny, they will influence you to explore some things that you may not have tried before. Then you can step back and determine for yourself who brings out the best in you, who is encouraging you to grow in some really significant ways---and who doesn’t.

Seeing more than one person helps you to decide what kind of relationship you really want. If after a few weeks of seeing several people you’re like “This is exhausting. I really want to find my soul mate and be done with all of this”, that still means that serial dating worked in your favor. Why? It’s because now you can start pursuing something on a more serious and intentional level, knowing that you won’t be tempted to “veer out” once something long-term is established. You will have seen what’s out there and made a non-hurried decision that you want to be with just one person. Plus, you’ll have a better idea of the kind of person you want them to be. And all of this came from stepping out and doing a bit of serial dating. Yep. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

Unhappy and in Love: 6 Signs That You Have Toxic Relationship Patterns

If there’s one question that all professional matchmakers should ask their clients during their first interview is if they know of someone or feel like they have a tendency to be a love addict.

Sure initially that line of questioning might sound a bit “odd”. After all, if you’re “addicted to love”, being that love is such a powerful and beautiful experience, that must be a good thing, right? Well…here’s something worth considering. As a wise man once said, the excess of a virtue can also be a vice. Meaning, anything done---or sought after---in excess can also become problematic.

So, how can you know for certain that you are a love addict? Here are a few telling signs:

You fall in love very easily and too quickly.

Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.

More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.

You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.

Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.

In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.

More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.

You can read even more signs (40, to be exact) by clicking here. The reason why we felt they were important to share is because if you’re not clear about the motives behind why you’re looking to be in a relationship, you could find yourself going into one for the wrong reasons or you keep attracting the wrong kind of person, all of these are symptomatic of being in a toxic (poisonous) relationship.

Here are some other telling warning signs:

You break up over and over again. Pretty much all of us know of someone who just can’t seem to shake off their ex. Although in rare instances, it’s because the relationship is meant to be and the challenges have been more about poor timing or the need for trust to be established, this is usually the exception and not the rule. Usually couples break up because things are not working. If you keep getting back together, oftentimes that’s an indication of fear of being alone, being afraid to move forward or being hung up on the few good things in the relationship that you overlook all of the ones that…aren’t so good.

You’re unhappy more than happy. One thing that comes with a healthy relationship is both individuals will feel as if they are thriving as a result of being with one another. That’s because when your relationship is working to your benefit, you will have the support, encouragement and commitment of someone who truly wants to see you succeed. On the other hand, when a relationship is unhealthy, it tends to be more about them, you won’t feel like you’re totally accepted and that will result in arguments, emotional pain and feelings of inadequacy. Long story short, if you’re crying more than you’re smiling in your relationship, there’s no way to dance around it. Something is definitely not right.

You rely too much on sex to be “the glue”. One of challenges that comes with having sex too soon in a relationship is you find yourself coming off of the euphoria of the physical intimacy without being sure if there really is an emotional attachment there. And sometimes, this means all you and the other person really have in common is the sex. But because you enjoy it so much, you tend to overlook the blaring red flags that are telling you that you don’t really have much else in common. Although one of the most popular ways to define a sexual experience is “make love”, the reality is that love should be able to exist without sex; that sex is simply one way to express love. Bottom line, if sex is all that you and “yours” have going for y’all, it’s not much. Talk about it first. And nothing much materializes, consider that it just might be time to let the “relationship” go.

You are always changing yourself. If you’re someone who knows that you battle with self-esteem issues, then this is a point that you should definitely keep on your radar. While it’s not uncommon to change, in the sense of growing, while you’re in a relationship, here are two things to keep in mind: 1) in a healthy relationship, you will not feel pressured to change; it will come as a natural evolution on your own terms and 2) it also will not come as the result of not feeling as if your partner doesn’t like you just the way you are. If you’re always trying to alter your personality or appearance to appease the one you’re with, they are controlling and you are being manipulated. And both of those things point to toxicity. You deserve something better. And healthier.

You can’t remember the last time that you were single. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. There are actually a lot of benefits that come with having time alone to focus on yourself, your needs and your dreams and goals. If you’re the type of individual who can’t really attest to this fact because you’re always in a relationship, that can also be a toxic thing. Being in a relationship because it enhances your life is one thing. However, being in a relationship because you hate being alone is something entirely different. If you can identify with this, take out some time to take care of you. By doing that, you might discover that you’ll develop the tools that you need in order to break all other toxic relationship patterns.