Bad first dates. We’ve all been on at least one of them. And while sometimes it’s due to the fact that we were set up with someone that we’re simply not compatible with, there are other times when, no matter how good of a job that a friend or professional matchmaker does in the pairing up, the issue ultimately ends up being, not a lack of chemistry but poor communication.
In other words, things could’ve gone exceptionally well if the conversation (and perhaps body language) had been better…
But when we know better, we do better, right? So, in the effort of making sure that your next first date ends up being one that’s worth extending to a second and third, here are five things that really shouldn’t be brought up on the first date.
Someone’s financial situation. Unless you’re independently wealthy, do you really want to sit and talk to someone about what’s in your bank account or how much money you make at your job? So, why would you think that your date would want to do it? Bringing up things like someone’s credit history, financial woes or debt is really more of a way of being a downer than anything else. Plus, if you’re a man, it comes off as being pretty pretentious and if you’re a woman, like an opportunist. Dates are supposed to be fun and light. Financial conversations tend to be serious and heavy. Leave money off of the table.
Someone’s childhood. The reason why this one goes on the list is because it really is a wild card if the person you’re seeing had a good childhood or not. After all, it’s a wise person who once said that adulthood is about surviving childhood. That said, other than inquiring about how many siblings they have or where they were born or grew up, it’s best to not initiate anything deep on the first date. If this topic comes up, let it be because they volunteered information; not that you asked.
Someone’s sexual history. If you’re someone who participates in casual sex on a fairly regular basis, please make sure that you always carry protection with you. Sex on a first date is risky at best because unless you’re going out with someone that you’ve known on a platonic level, they are basically a stranger to you. But if you want to wait a while before taking that step, the first date is not the time to want to find out someone’s “body count”. No matter what your motive may be for asking, it’s nosey at best and judgmental at worst. When you’re intimate enough to sleep together, that’s when it’s a more appropriate time to ask about someone’s sexual history (if it even matters at all once you get to know their heart a bit better).
Someone’s appearance. OK, this one might seem a bit odd to bring up but you’d be amazed by how many people will take it upon themselves to be someone else’s fashion critic or personal trainer. All of us have things that we could improve upon, including physically. But on a first date, you have not even come close to earning the kind of trust that you need in order to offer criticism---no matter how “constructive” you might personally feel that it is. So yeah, when it comes to how someone looks and what you think they could do to make them look better…keep that to yourself. Share it with your best friend after your date (if you must).
Your habits/issues/drama. Your date is not your therapist. So, when it comes to all of the stuff that you have going on in your life, try and keep that at bay as well. If you’re a single parent currently in a custody dispute, if you have a sense that you’re about to be fired from your job, if you’re quietly wondering if you’re a binge drinker, if you know that you have sex too soon with people or if you’re trying to figure out why you have such a dirty house…it’s not like those things are not going to come out eventually. But right now what you need to focus on is putting forth a good first impression. You’ll have forever to talk about the issues that you have. For now, just focus on the good in your life. That will make for great first date conversation!