First Date Woes: 5 Things to NOT Bring Up on a First Date

Bad first dates. We’ve all been on at least one of them. And while sometimes it’s due to the fact that we were set up with someone that we’re simply not compatible with, there are other times when, no matter how good of a job that a friend or professional matchmaker does in the pairing up, the issue ultimately ends up being, not a lack of chemistry but poor communication.

In other words, things could’ve gone exceptionally well if the conversation (and perhaps body language) had been better…

But when we know better, we do better, right? So, in the effort of making sure that your next first date ends up being one that’s worth extending to a second and third, here are five things that really shouldn’t be brought up on the first date.

Someone’s financial situation. Unless you’re independently wealthy, do you really want to sit and talk to someone about what’s in your bank account or how much money you make at your job? So, why would you think that your date would want to do it? Bringing up things like someone’s credit history, financial woes or debt is really more of a way of being a downer than anything else. Plus, if you’re a man, it comes off as being pretty pretentious and if you’re a woman, like an opportunist. Dates are supposed to be fun and light. Financial conversations tend to be serious and heavy. Leave money off of the table.

Someone’s childhood. The reason why this one goes on the list is because it really is a wild card if the person you’re seeing had a good childhood or not. After all, it’s a wise person who once said that adulthood is about surviving childhood. That said, other than inquiring about how many siblings they have or where they were born or grew up, it’s best to not initiate anything deep on the first date. If this topic comes up, let it be because they volunteered information; not that you asked.

Someone’s sexual history. If you’re someone who participates in casual sex on a fairly regular basis, please make sure that you always carry protection with you. Sex on a first date is risky at best because unless you’re going out with someone that you’ve known on a platonic level, they are basically a stranger to you. But if you want to wait a while before taking that step, the first date is not the time to want to find out someone’s “body count”. No matter what your motive may be for asking, it’s nosey at best and judgmental at worst. When you’re intimate enough to sleep together, that’s when it’s a more appropriate time to ask about someone’s sexual history (if it even matters at all once you get to know their heart a bit better).

Someone’s appearance. OK, this one might seem a bit odd to bring up but you’d be amazed by how many people will take it upon themselves to be someone else’s fashion critic or personal trainer. All of us have things that we could improve upon, including physically. But on a first date, you have not even come close to earning the kind of trust that you need in order to offer criticism---no matter how “constructive” you might personally feel that it is. So yeah, when it comes to how someone looks and what you think they could do to make them look better…keep that to yourself. Share it with your best friend after your date (if you must).

Your habits/issues/drama. Your date is not your therapist. So, when it comes to all of the stuff that you have going on in your life, try and keep that at bay as well. If you’re a single parent currently in a custody dispute, if you have a sense that you’re about to be fired from your job, if you’re quietly wondering if you’re a binge drinker, if you know that you have sex too soon with people or if you’re trying to figure out why you have such a dirty house…it’s not like those things are not going to come out eventually. But right now what you need to focus on is putting forth a good first impression. You’ll have forever to talk about the issues that you have. For now, just focus on the good in your life. That will make for great first date conversation!

'Second' First Impressions: Why You Shouldn't Totally Judge Based on the First Date

A couple of weeks ago, we posted an article entitled “Unrealistic Expectations: 5 Things to Not Expect from a First (or Second) Date”. If you get a chance, check it out. Basically it touched on a lot of the things that many of us expect from a first (or second) date; things that, at the end of the day, tend to happen more in the movies than in actually real life.

One of those things is expecting to fall in love at first sight.

What’s a trip is a lot of people probably don’t realize just how much they expect that to happen; how much of a pattern it is in their own dating life. So, if you’re wondering if you tend to fall victim to this dating epidemic, here’s a clue: If after one date, there are not fireworks and you find yourself not wanting to see the person again because of it, you’re probably someone who has the habit of judging too harshly on a first date.

This tends to happen especially if you who were either set up by a professional matchmaker or someone who you know. It’s somewhat understandable too. When you make the time to share all of what you’re looking for and you’re told “Ohhh, I have the perfect person for you!” that’s exactly who you expect to meet: a perfect person.  But here’s the reality check: No one is perfect, so if that’s what you’re looking for, they are already doomed to fail, no matter how wonderful they actually may be.

We would hate for you to miss out on a good person, on the right person for you, all because you did a one-time glance over on a first date and then shut down any possibility of a second one. So, to prevent that from transpiring, here are three reasons why you totally shouldn’t judge someone by the first impression they gave you. Why you should be open to offering them a second chance. And date.

People are often nervous on the first date. New experiences tend to bring along with them the case of jittery nerves. This can especially be the case when it comes to a first date. Palms may be sweaty. Thoughts may be incomplete. In some ways, the person you’re with might seem like a bit of a klutz. But don’t hold that against them. Even if you happen to be someone who is cool under pressure, each individual is different. So long as your date exudes kindness and consideration for you and others they are interacting with (such as the wait staff), they should at least be in the running to get a second date.

The conversations may get off of the “wrong” footing. Although it’s basically a standard rule to not discuss politics and religion with people you’ve just met, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other topics that can cause things to get a bit…heated. It may be pop culture, sports or even philanthropy. Basically a conversation trigger happens whenever a topic is brought up that one or both people are passionate about; where there are going to be strong opinions. However, as a wise person once said “When two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary.” And here’s the underlying point of that resolve: What you should pay attention to is not if someone agrees with you. It’s how they disagree that you should take special note of. So long as they are listening to your views and respecting your opinion, it’s fine that you both don’t totally see eye-to-eye. Besides, you never know. By hearing what they have to say, they just might give you a perspective that you’ve never considered before. Yep. Sometimes “different” can be stimulating. Sexy, even. If you allow it to be.

You may have more in common than you initially thought. It’s pretty common for two people to meet for the first time at a restaurant (unless you go through a professional matchmaking service like Tawkify; check ‘em out when you get a chance!). But that doesn’t necessarily mean that both of them are going to like the cuisine or the ambiance…or the service. If this is the case on your first date, don’t let the venue cause you to automatically think that you and your date don’t have a lot in common. It’s important to keep in mind that a first date is an introduction; however, it’s not to be treated as much more than that. During the time that you do have, inquire about what their interests and hobbies are. You may discover that you like the same movies or the same sports or that you both like to go kayaking, hiking or the same local band. In fact, you might end up having so much in common that you’ll find yourself wanting to go on a second date. And quite possibly even a third!