Dating the Old-Fashioned Way: 6 Things We All Should Still Do

Although there are some people who tend to use the word “old-fashioned” as if it’s a bad thing, we couldn’t disagree more. In a time where things are ever-shifting, culturally, it’s nice to keep some traditions around---some values that can help people to feel good about themselves. This is especially the case when it comes to dating.

No, we’re not saying that every man has to open up a restaurant door or that every woman should wait for a guy to ask her out. At the same time, there are some things about how our grandparents used to date that should still at least be considered. Because from where we sit, some of the “old-fashioned things” were actually quite romantic and ultimately helped to set the foundation for a lot of healthy, happy and committed relationships. (Just ask your grandparents.)

Plan some old-fashioned dates. Say that you hired a professional matchmaker to help you to find a date. If you were to share with them that you were looking to have an old-fashioned experience, they would probably be all over it! There is something to be said about going dancing, having dinner and then desert at an old-fashioned ice cream parlor or even going to the fair. Yep, one of the best things about old-fashioned dates is that it’s not about “getting physical”. It’s about creating an atmosphere where you and your date can simply get to know each other better.

Dress up. You know what they say about first impressions, right? So, why wouldn’t you want to “wow” someone on your first (and second and third) date? Sure, you need to dress in a way that fits the date that you have planned, but try to veer away from T-shirts and jeans every single time (especially the first time!). If you’ve got a nice suit or show-stopping dress, a date is the perfect time to pull it out and put it on!

Fellas, be chivalrous. Personally, we don’t know too many women who would throw a fit about a man coming to her door with flowers or opening up the car door so that she can get in (yeah, please don’t sit in her driveway and honk incessantly). Chivalry is a sign of romance and that always puts a smile (and blush) on a woman’s face. At the same time ladies, it’s a wise man who once said that chivalry is not dead; it simply went wherever being ladylike went. Being kind and appreciative when you see a man making these types of efforts is more than appropriate too.

Be technology-free. It would be nice if this particular rule could go without saying but…it must go on record. Having a smartphone is basically a way of life now. We totally get that. But what could possibly be so important that you can’t set your ringer to vibrate and you can’t turn off your social media notifications? Your date deserves your undivided attention. One of the best ways to demonstrate that you agree is to go on your date, technology-free.

Flirt. Ah, the art of flirting. By this, we don’t mean making crass sex jokes or gawking at one another’s body parts the entire night. We mean giving each other sincere compliments, winking an eye a time or two and “accidently” bumping your hands into each other’s. Flirting is also about sending a sweet text following the date. No doubt about it, flirting can be fun when it’s “above board”. When it’s subtle and not too aggressive or overt.

Follow-up. If after your first date, you realize that you are in no way interested, that’s one thing. And honestly, even then, you should still send a text saying that you appreciated meeting your date. But if you would like to see them again, we wrote an entire article on follow-up etiquette (you can read it here). The “cliff note version” is basically to follow-up, no later than the following morning with a text or call, express how much you enjoyed spending time with them and ask if they would be interested in going out again. If they would, ask them about what they enjoy doing. Showing that you are truly interested will help to put them at ease and set a really warm and comfortable tone…which a really great foundation for a dating relationship. One that now has a few special old-fashioned elements to it.

'Second' First Impressions: Why You Shouldn't Totally Judge Based on the First Date

A couple of weeks ago, we posted an article entitled “Unrealistic Expectations: 5 Things to Not Expect from a First (or Second) Date”. If you get a chance, check it out. Basically it touched on a lot of the things that many of us expect from a first (or second) date; things that, at the end of the day, tend to happen more in the movies than in actually real life.

One of those things is expecting to fall in love at first sight.

What’s a trip is a lot of people probably don’t realize just how much they expect that to happen; how much of a pattern it is in their own dating life. So, if you’re wondering if you tend to fall victim to this dating epidemic, here’s a clue: If after one date, there are not fireworks and you find yourself not wanting to see the person again because of it, you’re probably someone who has the habit of judging too harshly on a first date.

This tends to happen especially if you who were either set up by a professional matchmaker or someone who you know. It’s somewhat understandable too. When you make the time to share all of what you’re looking for and you’re told “Ohhh, I have the perfect person for you!” that’s exactly who you expect to meet: a perfect person.  But here’s the reality check: No one is perfect, so if that’s what you’re looking for, they are already doomed to fail, no matter how wonderful they actually may be.

We would hate for you to miss out on a good person, on the right person for you, all because you did a one-time glance over on a first date and then shut down any possibility of a second one. So, to prevent that from transpiring, here are three reasons why you totally shouldn’t judge someone by the first impression they gave you. Why you should be open to offering them a second chance. And date.

People are often nervous on the first date. New experiences tend to bring along with them the case of jittery nerves. This can especially be the case when it comes to a first date. Palms may be sweaty. Thoughts may be incomplete. In some ways, the person you’re with might seem like a bit of a klutz. But don’t hold that against them. Even if you happen to be someone who is cool under pressure, each individual is different. So long as your date exudes kindness and consideration for you and others they are interacting with (such as the wait staff), they should at least be in the running to get a second date.

The conversations may get off of the “wrong” footing. Although it’s basically a standard rule to not discuss politics and religion with people you’ve just met, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other topics that can cause things to get a bit…heated. It may be pop culture, sports or even philanthropy. Basically a conversation trigger happens whenever a topic is brought up that one or both people are passionate about; where there are going to be strong opinions. However, as a wise person once said “When two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary.” And here’s the underlying point of that resolve: What you should pay attention to is not if someone agrees with you. It’s how they disagree that you should take special note of. So long as they are listening to your views and respecting your opinion, it’s fine that you both don’t totally see eye-to-eye. Besides, you never know. By hearing what they have to say, they just might give you a perspective that you’ve never considered before. Yep. Sometimes “different” can be stimulating. Sexy, even. If you allow it to be.

You may have more in common than you initially thought. It’s pretty common for two people to meet for the first time at a restaurant (unless you go through a professional matchmaking service like Tawkify; check ‘em out when you get a chance!). But that doesn’t necessarily mean that both of them are going to like the cuisine or the ambiance…or the service. If this is the case on your first date, don’t let the venue cause you to automatically think that you and your date don’t have a lot in common. It’s important to keep in mind that a first date is an introduction; however, it’s not to be treated as much more than that. During the time that you do have, inquire about what their interests and hobbies are. You may discover that you like the same movies or the same sports or that you both like to go kayaking, hiking or the same local band. In fact, you might end up having so much in common that you’ll find yourself wanting to go on a second date. And quite possibly even a third!

Dating Faux Pas: 5 Dating Mistakes You May Not Know You're Making (While on a Date)

Dating. Like so many other things, there is an “art” to it.

We say this because although the ultimate objective of dating is to get to know someone better so that you both can determine if you want to be in a relationship, the initial dating experience is a process.

Being that so many people start dating through a professional matchmaking service, a connection through an online profile, a set-up from a friend or co-worker or even a stranger that they met in the grocery store or in the mall, everyone needs a few tips on how to ease into dating. That way, both individuals can get the most out of each date that they go one. That way, they can both walk away knowing that it was time well spent.

So, if you have a date coming up this weekend, we wanted to provide you with a list of some common dating mistakes that people tend to make. If you take note of these, we’re confident that your date will be fun and purposeful---that you’ll be one step closer to knowing if they are someone you want to spend more time with. Or not.

Mistake #1: Talking more than listening. Although a part of the purpose of the date is certainly that they are able to get to know you better, remember that you need to get to know them too. Therefore, pay attention to how many questions you ask vs. answer. Take note of if you find yourself going on and on without letting them get a word in edgewise. And more than anything, observe if you have a habit of cutting them off in mid-sentence. When people do that, it basically translates into “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hurry up and finish because what I have to say is more important.” (Basically it’s arrogant and just plain rude.)

Mistake #2: Being distracted. Unless you’re a doctor on-call or a parent, is there really a good enough reason for having your smartphone on the table or to not turn off your notifications? Whatever picture your best friend just posted up on their Instagram or whatever text your co-worker sent you, it can wait. Quality time consists of giving someone your undivided attention. You can’t do that when you’re distracted.

Mistake #3: Ignoring your body language. We actually shared an article on body language not too long ago (you can check it out here) because we’re firm believers that you can say a lot…without saying a thing. If you’re rolling your eyes (or not making eye contact), if you’re pursing your lips or you’re talking the entire time with your arms folded, none of these things send the warmest of signals. We’re not saying to be super-conscientious. We’re just saying that it’s always a good idea to be aware of what your face and body are doing; especially while you’re in the midst of engaging someone new.

Mistake #4: Not treating customer service well. You might be treating your date with the utmost care and respect. But if you’re short with your server, you don’t tip or you’re impolite to the individuals around you, your date is going to take note. For one thing, it comes off as if you may have a side to your personality that you’re hiding (not good). Secondly, it can appear as if you’re vain and pretentious (even worse). It’s always a good idea to keep in mind that the sign of good character is how you treat everyone around you; not just the ones that you’re consciously trying to impress.

Mistake #5: Avoiding any kind of affection. No, we’re not talking about sex. That is totally your call and we definitely get why you may not want to rush into anything that serious. What we mean is it’s OK to touch your date’s had while you’re talking, to flirt or to kiss them on the cheek (or even offer a peck) at the end of a date. People want to feel comfortable when they’re on a date; like the person they’re spending time with is not building up walls but are actually letting some down. One way to “let someone in”, even if it’s in moderation, is to be affectionate. Not just physically affectionate but verbally too. Be affirming. Be complementary. Be the kind of person you would want to go out on a date with. It’s the Golden Rule for real dating success!

Faking It: 5 Signs You're Hiding Your True Self While Dating

Ask anyone from your closest married friend to the best professional matchmaker on the market and they’re going to tell you that it’s normal---and even advisable---to want to put your best foot forward when you’re starting a new relationship. After all, it’s those first initial impressions that tend to last a really long time.

However, it’s one thing to want to present yourself in a great light.

It’s another thing entirely to want to hide your true self.

The purpose of dating is for two people to spend time together in order to see if they can take things to the level of something more serious (and hopefully lasting). Therefore, it’s never a good idea to be so scared of being authentic that you actually end up creating a whole ‘nother persona. The reason why is because if the person you’re seeing ends up falling in love with “the fake you”, you’re always going to have to be that person.

And you know what? Not only is it exhausting to do that, but it’s also totally unrealistic as well. Sooner or later, the real you is going to reveal itself and there’s no guarantee that they’re going to want to stick around once that happens.

And to tell you the truth, if things do play out that way, it’s understandable. They fell for someone who, in all actuality, doesn’t exist.

That’s why it’s best to avoid all of that drama from the very beginning; from date one.

If you’re curious about some of the telling signs that you might have a tendency to hide your true self while you’re dating---or that the person you are dating is doing it---here are five that you definitely should not ignore.

You don’t have an opinion. Although there aren’t a ton of people on the planet who want to establish a relationship with someone who is always confrontational or combative, it’s also pretty rare for folks to want to interact with individuals who don’t have much of an opinion at all. Say that your date brings up something going on in the news or pop culture and they ask you “So, what do you think about it?” Here’s the thing: they wouldn’t ask you if they didn’t want to know what you thought. Deflecting conversations by shrugging your shoulders and then asking them for their views may seem like you’re being accommodating. However, it usually conveys that your personality is pretty bland, even if that couldn’t be further from the truth. For this reason, speaking up works in your favor.

You defer to them on just about everything. Even if you were able to get past the first and second date without letting the real you come out, they might start to catch on around date three when they ask you what you want to do and you respond by saying things like “I’m happy with whatever you choose.” Even if that is literally the case, by stating what you find to be fun, that helps them to get to know you better. New relationships should have some spontaneity and diversity. It’s hard for that to happen unless both people are bringing their personal tastes to the table.

You ignore what’s bothering you. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t run down your list of pet peeves during your first date. But once you’re at the point where you both consider yourselves to be dating each other, it’s OK to speak up about things that really bother you. For example, if your date never seems to put their phone down during dinner and that’s the equivalent of fingernails on the chalkboard for you, don’t feel bad about letting them know. Actually, it’s only fair because if you’re quiet about it now, it sends the message that all is well. This means that if you do end up marrying them, you’re going to come off as controlling and also hard to deal with if you wait until then to voice your views.

You’re becoming bitter and resentful. Even if initially you think it’s a good idea to hide who you are, pretending is exhausting and eventually you’re going to be like that simmering pot that’s on the verge of boiling over! If every time you’re out on a date, you find yourself biting your tongue and becoming bitter and resentful as a direct result, this is a telltale sign that you’re keeping your real self at bay.

You put their wants and needs above your own. The more time that you spend with someone, the more you’re going to care about them. That’s completely normal and healthy. But when it gets to the point where your wants and needs are always put on the back burner just to keep the peace, that is when you’re headed towards being in the kind of relationship that is codependent at best and toxic at worst. Healthy relationships have a type of consistent mutuality where both people are getting what they need. But if you’re not sharing what’s important to you, it’s going to be hard for that to happen. Don’t do yourself, the person you’re dating and the relationship a disservice by holding back your personal relational requirements. Respect yourself and them enough to reveal who you truly are---so that real love has the best chance to develop!

When It's Still New: How to Handle ‘Special Days’ in a New Relationship

So, you’ve been on a few dates and you must admit that you really like this new person in your life. They’re smart. They’re funny. And you both have a lot of the same interests. And although you don’t want to jump the gun just yet, you wouldn’t be surprised if they could be “the one”. The thing is, you know that it’s too new---and too soon---to bring it up. It’s also too new---and too soon---to show them off to your family.

We totally get where you’re coming from but here’s the thing. When you’re in the dating game, finding the right person vary rarely happens on your own timetable. Meaning, you might be hooked up with someone through a friend right before your birthday or their birthday. Or, a professional matchmaker may hook you up with your perfect match right as Thanksgiving or Christmas rolls around.

If that’s the case, what do you do?

How do you observe those special days without appearing to move too fast?

Those are two excellent questions. Keeping these three tips in mind can help you to come off as sensitive about birthdays and holidays without going overboard---financially, emotionally or otherwise.

Their birthday: Don’t act like it’s not happening. If your date has a birthday coming up in the next week or so, the worst thing that you could possibly do is act like it’s not happening or avoid it altogether. Actually, look at it as an opportunity to get to know their character and expectation levels better. Don’t be shy. Simply say “So, you have a birthday coming up. Do you have any special plans?” There’s a chance that they might and if that’s the case, don’t suggest that they change them. Offer up a “Happy Birthday” and pick up a small gift to let them know they were in your thoughts. But if they don’t, make a suggestion within your budget and emotional comfort zone. For instance, “Would you like to go to dinner?” or “There’s a festival coming up the week after. We could consider it a belated birthday celebration.” Even if they decline, they will note the gesture. They will see that you put some thought into their needs and feelings which will definitely work in your favor.

Your birthday: Just be honest. So, what if it’s your birthday and you already have plans? You know the saying: “Honesty is the best policy.” If someone you’ve only known for a few weeks suddenly expects you to drop everything to spend your birthday with them, that’s a potential red flag (of them being a bit controlling or suffocating) to take note of. Besides, there is a tactful way to handle the issue if they happen to bring up doing something for your birthday: “I would love to hang out with you, but can we do it before or after my birthday? I’ve already made plans on the day that I can’t get out of. But any other time would definitely work.”

The holidays: Stay in communication. If both of you feel like you want to spend time with one another over the holidays, by all means do that. But if you’re not ready to (officially) let your family in on your new relationship, go your separate ways. Just make sure to stay in communication while you’re apart via phone, text or email. Maybe not every day, but at least on the actual holiday(s). As for Christmas, mutually set a price limit on a gift and try to keep it on the low end. That way, no one is feeling pressured to give a grand gesture but both individuals will feel thought about. Look at it this way: If you do things right and all goes well throughout the following year, you never know what the next holiday season will have in store for you both!

Date Selection: 5 Tips for Choosing Exciting Date Options

If someone were to ask you to sum up your dating life in one word and the one you chose was “boring”, then you’ve come to the right place! We’re firm believers that out of all of the things a dating experience should be, “boring” is definitely not one of them.

So here’s the deal. If you’re not currently seeing anyone (or seeing anyone seriously), have you ever considered using a matchmaking service like Tawkify before? Not only do they have an awesome reputation for having clients who go on repeat dates, but they are also becoming a fan favorite when it comes to choosing some really amazing dates for their clients to go on too! Dinner and a movie? That’s not even on the radar of their date plans. Not by a long shot.

But what if you’re already seeing someone, you both like one another and get along really well? What if the only thing that both of you really have “complain” about is the fact that your dates feel a bit monotonous? If that’s the case, there are some things that you can do to make your dating life a bit more exciting. It’s all about doing some research, creating a budget and being open-minded. With this combo, your dates can go from ho-hum to a thrill ride. Each and every time!

Plan ahead. One reason why so many couples resort to dinner and a movie is because they don’t really do a lot of planning ahead. Virtually every city has a community calendar that lists what’s going on, weeks in advance. Put forth the concerted effort to check out what concerts or festivals are coming up and then plan to go as a couple. Anticipation always produces a certain level of excitement.

Be each other’s “first”. By this we mean that you should both comprise a list of things that you’ve never done before and then select some things on the list that both of you would be interested in doing. For instance, if you’ve both never gone kayaking before, why not do it together? Or if you both have always wondered how to make sushi, create a date by going to a sushi making class. “Firsts” are always exciting and fun. Plus, they can create some really special memories for the two of you. That’s because every time you think of a certain activity, both of you will come to each other’s minds.

Create a few surprises. If you call your date and say “I’ve got an idea but it’s a surprise”, trust us, it’s not going to matter what “it” is! The curiosity is going to automatically create a certain level of excitement. And for the record, a surprise does not have to be expensive. You can pack a picnic for their lunch break or order all of their favorite movies On-Demand while serving their favorite snacks at your house. Surprises are always awesome because they send the message that the person you’re seeing was on your mind---and that you planned something special for them as a way to prove it.

Get out of your city. This is not something that we (necessarily) recommend you do on your first few dates. But if you’ve been seeing each other for a while (a few months), why not visit another city? It can be one that’s only a couple of hours of way and you can even make a day trip out of it, if you prefer. The ride together can give you time to converse and learn more about another. Plus, the intrigue about what’s in store in another city can definitely rev up the excitement meter.

Cultivate spontaneity. Although the word “spontaneous” literally means to be impulsive, that’s not such a bad thing when it comes to putting dates together. Every once and a while, call your date and recommend having breakfast food for dinner or going ice skating (at a sports center) in the summertime. By not always knowing what to expect (or when to expect it) from one another, that also is super exciting. And it can make the dating experience so enjoyable---for you both!

Body Language: 7 Things You May Be Saying---in Silence

Have you ever heard that 80 percent of communication is actually non-verbal? Yep, it’s true and definitely something that you should keep in mind whenever you’re going on a date with someone (especially if it’s a first date).

Here’s why: No matter how visually appealing you may be or how great you are with words, if your body language is “off”, you can still end up sending out the wrong messages. Ones that could convey to your date that either you are not interested or it’s not best for them to pursue another date with you.

So, what are some of the not-so-great signals that your body may be giving, perhaps without you even knowing it? Here are seven things that you could be saying, in silence, that are conveying loud and clear that your date should move on.

Head nodding. When you’re in the midst of having a conversation with someone, it’s actually pretty normal to nod your head. It’s basically a non-verbal way of acknowledging what they are saying. But if you’re bobbing your head up and down a lot, well, that usually translates into you being impatient and wanting them to hurry up and finish whatever it is they have to say. Bottom line, a slow nod is good. A fast one? Eh, not so good.

Rolling your eyes. Although most people know that the rolling of the eyes conveys basically an “Oh brother” kind of message, some people don’t realize just how much they do it. When your date is sharing their views about various news topics or even if they’re telling you a story about a personal experience that they had, if you’re rolling your eyes in response, it tends to come off as patronizing. Also, according to many body language experts, it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that if you look to the left a lot, it tends to convey that you’re trying to recall something. On the other hand, if you look to the right, it tends to mean that you’re not being totally truthful. Yep, to the left it is.

Chewing gum. Even if chewing gum is one of your favorite things to do, opt for a mint instead when you’re on a date. Aside from the fact that the sound of smacking gum can be pretty annoying, when you’re chewing gum (or biting your lip or grinding your teeth), you’re basically conveying that you’re tense. And that could cause your date to be a bit on edge as well as a direct result.

Crossing your arms. Some people cross their arms because it makes them feel more comfortable. Others do it simply because they are chilly. But when someone is looking at you and your arms are crossed, it basically looks like you’re putting up your guard; that you have placed sort of a wall between the two of you. Once you and your date get to know one another better, doing this will probably not be that big of a deal. But on your first couple of dates, try and be conscious of not doing it. That way, you’ll look more open to what they are saying and the possibility of where things could go.

Purse on your lap. OK, this one is specifically for the ladies. If you don’t like leaving your purse on the floor (understandable), then try hanging it on the back of your chair or putting it into an empty seat. Whatever you do, don’t put it on the table (it may block you and your date’s view or prove to be an obstacle for your server) and definitely don’t put it on your lap. When your purse is in front of your chest, it will make you look nervous. Even if that is the case, it’s better to say it than to send all kinds of messages via your body language. The main reason being is that, like sneezing, nervousness tends to be contagious. (For the record, and this goes for girls and guys, holding a drink in front of you with both hands conveys the same nervous message too.)

Finger pointing (or wagging). While growing up, your parents or teacher(s) may have told you that putting your finger in someone’s face was rude. And you know what? They were right. Not only is it rude but it also makes you appear aggressive. And if you’re wagging your finger at someone, it looks like you are warning them of something. Even if you think that you’re pointing your finger as a way to emphasize what you are saying, do your best to not point it specifically into your date’s direction or face. In fact, if you were to speak with a professional matchmaker about the importance of body language, they would probably recommend that you try and avoid this action altogether.

Crossed legs. Yeah ladies. We know that if you have on a pair of killer stilettos, you may want to cross your legs in order to show them off. But when you do that, it actually shows signs of caution and also disinterest. For both men and women, it’s best to uncross your legs. Also, if you point them into the direction of your date, you appear more relaxed and open---the perfect body language signals.

We know, right? Who knew that body language could speak so loudly! Hopefully, this will help you to be more aware of your own body language and what it’s saying the next time you go on a date. Good luck!

Smartphone Etiquette: How to Date with a Cell Phone

If you’re over the age of 35, you probably remember what it was like to date (as a teenager or young adult) without a cell phone. Ah yes. Back in the days when you only had a landline and if you had wealthy parents, maybe a car phone (and that’s a really big maybe!).

These days, even 10-year-olds have cell phones. Excuse us, smartphones. This basically means that not only are we accessible to everyone who has our phone number at any time of the day or night, but we also have internet access too. This makes it extremely easy to hop onto our Facebook and Instagram (and our dating apps) to see what’s happening at any given moment.

Being that people with smartphones know this about themselves, this means that they also know it about other people who have smartphones too. And that can make for some really interesting dating situations.

So to spare you the potential drama that can come from dating while owning a smartphone, here are five etiquette tips that can come in really handy. (Make sure to put your smartphone on notice.)

Put your phone on vibrate while on a date. It’s (kinda) funny how many of us will overlook two very important features on our smartphones: text and voicemail. Look, just because someone calls you, that doesn’t mean that you have to answer. If it’s an emergency, they’ll probably send a text about what’s going on. If not, they can leave a voicemail and you can get back to them---once your date is over. Constantly answering calls during a date sends an awful message that your date is not a top priority. And you don’t want to do that because it’s pretty hard to cozy up to a smartphone at night. Yeah, if you simply can’t imagine leaving your phone in your car, at least leave it on vibrate.

Step away from the social media alerts. If your smartphone is set to where you constantly receive alerts from your social media accounts, turn those off while you’re on a date too. Your mom making your favorite dinner, taking a picture of it and posting it on Instagram or your friend sending you some random Snapchat of someone they met in a bar can wait. There are studies which indicate that people spend as much as 16 minutes of each hour on their social media accounts. Nothing (NO-THING) is that important on your Facebook or Twitter. Post your dating selfie right at the end of your date. Everything else can wait until you get home.

Be aware of your social media accounts. One thing about smartphones is people can find out a whole lot (and we mean, a whole lot) about you in less than an hour. They can Google you. They can check your Facebook and Instagram. They can go to dating apps like Tinder, Loveflutter, Coffee Meets Bagel or countless others to see if you have an account. That said, remember that dates are a lot like job interviews and people you are dating are a lot like employers. So, if there’s something on your accounts that would paint you in not the best kind of light, either delete it or bring it up on your date. You don’t owe them an explanation but trust us, coming from you, it would certainly be appreciated. And more times than not, will work in your favor too.

Respond to texts in a timely fashion. Here’s a tip for after the date is over. If you’re interested in things going to another level with the person you are dating, nothing sends the complete opposite message like not responding to their text(s). That’s not to say that you have to reply immediately. But if after the date, they send a text that night to say they had a good time, try and reply before retiring for the evening. And at the very least, by noon the next day. And whatever you do, don’t let more than 24 hours go by. Ignored texts are rude, plain and simple. Plus, it only takes like 30 seconds to a minute (depending on how fast you type) to say “Thanks. I had an awesome time too!”

Use your smartphone to actually (get this) make phone calls! Yes, we’re yelling out this particular point because a professional matchmaker, a relationship coach and shoot, even your grandmother would tell you that if you only text your date, sooner or later, that’s going to become a problem. An author by the name of Ruthie Dean penned a book a couple of years ago entitled Real Men Don’t Text: A New Approach to Dating. OK, that’s a bit extreme but we certainly get her point. It’s ironic that cell phones were invented to make calls and now it’s one of the last things that they’re used to do. Even in this ever- evolving technological age, people still want to feel like they’re making a connection. For this reason, don’t let a week go by without actually dialing the person you’re dating’s number. It’s the courteous and “I’m-over-16-now” thing to do.

Dead Air: How to Get Through Awkward Communication Moments

If you’re someone who’s always dated the “the old-fashioned way”, you may have never considered going the online dating route or even better (and oftentimes more effective), hiring professional matchmaking service. But here’s just one of the many reasons to give this kind of technology a try: With online dating, you can first get to know someone via their profile and chatting with them online. And if you were to try a great matchmaking service like Tawkify, you could get some tips from a matchmaker on how to communicate with your date in such a way that you can make a great connection. Even as early as your very first encounter.

But no matter how you decide to go about meeting new people, even if you are naturally outgoing, engaging and curious, there may be times of random and albeit awkward silence; especially during the first couple of dates. You know, times when you’re not sure just what to say, times when there is awkward silence…times when you’re not sure what to do to get “over the hump” in the midst of conversations.

If you can certainly relate to what “dead air dating” feels like, here are a few helpful tips to get you through it:

Admit your feelings. Whether you’re shy, nervous or straight up awestruck by how by how attractive your date is, it’s OK to say that. For one thing, it shows that you are comfortable with being both vulnerable and honest and that’s always appealing. Plus, there’s a pretty good chance that your date feels the same way too, so it could be a good ice breaker.

Come with some questions. Although the movies always make it look like dating is so seamless, we live in the real world. The place where people on a first date are oftentimes strangers at first which means that they need time to get to know one another better. The best way to do that is by asking questions. The standard “So where are you from?” and “What do you do for a living?” is OK (kinda), but try and be a bit more intriguing than that: “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?” or “If money were no object, what would you want to accomplish?” These kinds of questions are oftentimes not expected. That means that the person has to really think about the answer which can cause them to find a spontaneous form of delight in the conversation.

Watch your body language. You know what they say, 80 percent of how people respond to us is usually based on our body language more than our words. This doesn’t mean that you need to be a mannequin or even paranoid about how you position yourself. It just means that if your arms are crossed, it could be seen as being a bit closed off or if you roll your eyes while your date as talking, they might feel like you are a bit condescending. The point here is to try and send the kind of non-verbal signals that you would want to receive. This alone can nip a lot of the awkward communication moments right in the bud.

Give a compliment. Something that everyone likes to receive are compliments. So, if the dead air is at the beginning of a date or towards the end of it, it’s a good move to say “You look really nice tonight” or “You know what? I had a really good time with you.” Unless the date is a total bust, that’s another way to ease out of an uncomfortable spot and start engaging one another again.

Use a bit of humor. A knock-knock joke? Eh, that’s probably not going to fly over so well. But a funny story about a previous date that you went on could possibly evoke a smile or even a few laughs. As a bonus, you’re letting your date know that you have a sense of humor and who isn’t looking for someone with that quality?

Whatever you do (or don’t do), just remember to relax and to not try and force things. It’s perfectly fine to have moments of silence and it’s totally expected that things may be a bit awkward from time to time. So long as you’re showing genuine effort, you can get past it. You can walk away feeling as if you just had one of the best dates of your entire life. Dead air (so long as it’s seconds and not minutes worth) and all!

Picky or Perfectionist: 5 Signs That You’re Being a Bit Too Critical with Your Date

It’s an author by the name of Maureen Dowd who once said “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” So true, so true. Most relationship coaches and even matchmaking services will advise that before you decide to get out (or back out) on the dating scene, it’s always a good idea to think about what you’re looking for; not just in “a date” but when it comes to a relationship as well.

However, here’s the thing to keep in mind as you’re making your list and checking it twice: The list is more like a guidepost than a 100 percent absolute. Translation: If you’re looking for perfection, sorry, but you can pretty much hang that up. The perfect person is only found in love songs and movie screens.

So, how can you know that you’ve gone way past just “being picky” to being somewhat of a perfectionist? Here are five telling signs that can help you to realize if you’re being a bit too critical when it comes to your date.

You want perfection. The first sign has pretty much already been addressed but it is certainly worth reiterating. When something is perfect, it means that it has no flaws and for a human, that is impossible. So, if you want to be with someone who will do everything just the way you’d like them to at all times, get a puppet. There is no person on the planet who is always going to make you happy or is always going to meet your expectations. And you know what? That’s OK. The key is to look for someone who is right for you. Not perfect.

There are too many things you consider to be “wrong” rather than “different”. So, you’re on your first date and the person you’re with doesn’t put their napkin on their lap or they put their elbows on the table. Or they order a meat dish when you’re a vegetarian or an alcoholic beverage when you don’t drink. So what? That doesn’t make them “wrong”, that makes them different. Remember, you’re not looking for a replica of yourself. You’re looking for a kind and caring person who will complement you. Ease up on the “I wouldn’t do such-and-such and so they shouldn’t either” way of thinking. They are an individual. There is certainly nothing wrong with that.

They are listening to you talk more than you are listening to them. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if we’re not listening as well as we should be, so this is something that you might want to ask those closest to you about. But if when you ask “Do you think I cut you off a lot while we’re talking?” and they respond with crickets or “Well…”, you can take that as a “yes”. Sometimes when we feel like what the person we’re spending time with isn’t engaging us in the way we want them to, we’ll have a tendency to cut them off. That’s not great. Not only does it imply that we believe that what have to say is more important but also that what they’re saying (or trying to say) isn’t holding enough of our attention. You can’t get to know someone by only talking about yourself. Good communication does not only consist of conveying our own thoughts but listening (and processing) the thoughts of others too.

You take it upon yourself to correct them. People don’t go on dates to be critiqued. They go on dates to relax and get to know someone better. But if you’re always correcting their grammar or trying to “one up” them on information, that’s going to be perceived as a big (HUGE) turn-off. If you’re an English teacher and their grammar sucks (for example), wait until after the date to determine if it’s something that’s a deal breaker for you. During the date, do your best to grin and bear it. It’s the considerate thing to do.

You’re looking for someone to be who you’re not. This is a bit of an “ouch” but while going down your list, it’s always a smart---and humbling---idea to ask yourself if you have the attributes that you want. If you want someone who is accomplished, ask yourself if you consider yourself to be ambitious. If you want someone who is compassionate, ask yourself how well you respond to your friends when they are hurting or in need. If you want someone who’s in good physical condition…when’s the last time you went to the gym? It’s a lot easier to demand something of others that we don’t do for ourselves. It’s also a bit hypocritical too. And that is the worst kind of critical, don’t you think?

Follow-up Etiquette: 5 Things to Do After a Great First Date

A wise man once said that the way something starts often is a prediction of how it will continue to be. Perhaps that’s why so many of us single folks long for great first dates. There really is nothing like meeting up with someone, having an immediate chemistry, going to a place that both of you like and then never wanting the date to end. *sigh*

There are certainly all kinds of scenarios that can lead to a great first date (meeting someone on your own, using an online dating service, testing out a matchmaking company like Tawkify). Unfortunately though, there are a lot of people who end up being so caught up in the euphoria of the experience that they don’t take advantage of the crucial and fragile time following their first date. They overlook things that they should do in order to insure that a second (and hopefully second, third and fourth) date will soon follow.

So, just what is the follow-up etiquette after an amazing first date? Good question. Although there are all kinds of things that you could do, here are five that should definitely go on the very top of your list.

Mention a second date---on the first date. If you’re having a great time, what’s the point in keeping that to yourself? Towards the end of the date, it’s perfectly fine (encouraged even) to say “I hope we can do this again sometime” or “Next time let’s try going to so-and-so.” That let’s your date know that they’re definitely on your radar; that going on a second date is something that you’re definitely interested in doing.

Get their contact information. Does that sound obvious? Yeah, you’d be surprised how many people miss the obvious sometimes. Being that a lot of us are much more tech-savvy than the generations before us, not everyone talks on the phone before going on a first date. Say for instance that you met via one of your social media accounts and everything was via email. Once you’ve met and had a great date, it’s then time to take things up a notch. Getting each other’s phone numbers or asking for another way to get in contact with your date sends the message that you want to get to know them better. And them giving the info to you lets you know that they feel the same way.

Don’t be physically closed off. A professional matchmaker is probably going to recommend that you pump the brakes when it comes to physical intimacy. No matter how good a first date is, you still need more time to get to know someone better before giving up the goods. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with extending a hug or kiss on the cheek. It helps to break down any potential barriers. It’s a way of conveying warmth and interest without overdoing it.

Leave a message or send a text that same day. OK, all of that “I don’t want to seem too eager” crap usually tends to backfire. No one is saying to call them 10 times on your way home (that’s a stalker and no one likes them). However, it’s both thoughtful and proactive (proactive is big with the ladies, guys) to leave a voice mail or shoot a text that says “I had a great time on our date. I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” It only takes a second and it’s time well spent.

Call within the week. Another mistake that first daters make? Playing the perpetual waiting game. You know: “He should call me first” or “If she’s interested, she’ll call.” Stop it! Just pick up the phone and call. If they’re still interested, you’re that much closer to your second date. If they’re not, well, making the call will let you know that sooner than later. This means you can---and should---move on. Either way, it didn’t take a month to find out what you needed to know. You are able to confidently take the next step in less than a week. Awesome, right? Right.

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