Have you ever heard that 80 percent of communication is actually non-verbal? Yep, it’s true and definitely something that you should keep in mind whenever you’re going on a date with someone (especially if it’s a first date).
Here’s why: No matter how visually appealing you may be or how great you are with words, if your body language is “off”, you can still end up sending out the wrong messages. Ones that could convey to your date that either you are not interested or it’s not best for them to pursue another date with you.
So, what are some of the not-so-great signals that your body may be giving, perhaps without you even knowing it? Here are seven things that you could be saying, in silence, that are conveying loud and clear that your date should move on.
Head nodding. When you’re in the midst of having a conversation with someone, it’s actually pretty normal to nod your head. It’s basically a non-verbal way of acknowledging what they are saying. But if you’re bobbing your head up and down a lot, well, that usually translates into you being impatient and wanting them to hurry up and finish whatever it is they have to say. Bottom line, a slow nod is good. A fast one? Eh, not so good.
Rolling your eyes. Although most people know that the rolling of the eyes conveys basically an “Oh brother” kind of message, some people don’t realize just how much they do it. When your date is sharing their views about various news topics or even if they’re telling you a story about a personal experience that they had, if you’re rolling your eyes in response, it tends to come off as patronizing. Also, according to many body language experts, it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that if you look to the left a lot, it tends to convey that you’re trying to recall something. On the other hand, if you look to the right, it tends to mean that you’re not being totally truthful. Yep, to the left it is.
Chewing gum. Even if chewing gum is one of your favorite things to do, opt for a mint instead when you’re on a date. Aside from the fact that the sound of smacking gum can be pretty annoying, when you’re chewing gum (or biting your lip or grinding your teeth), you’re basically conveying that you’re tense. And that could cause your date to be a bit on edge as well as a direct result.
Crossing your arms. Some people cross their arms because it makes them feel more comfortable. Others do it simply because they are chilly. But when someone is looking at you and your arms are crossed, it basically looks like you’re putting up your guard; that you have placed sort of a wall between the two of you. Once you and your date get to know one another better, doing this will probably not be that big of a deal. But on your first couple of dates, try and be conscious of not doing it. That way, you’ll look more open to what they are saying and the possibility of where things could go.
Purse on your lap. OK, this one is specifically for the ladies. If you don’t like leaving your purse on the floor (understandable), then try hanging it on the back of your chair or putting it into an empty seat. Whatever you do, don’t put it on the table (it may block you and your date’s view or prove to be an obstacle for your server) and definitely don’t put it on your lap. When your purse is in front of your chest, it will make you look nervous. Even if that is the case, it’s better to say it than to send all kinds of messages via your body language. The main reason being is that, like sneezing, nervousness tends to be contagious. (For the record, and this goes for girls and guys, holding a drink in front of you with both hands conveys the same nervous message too.)
Finger pointing (or wagging). While growing up, your parents or teacher(s) may have told you that putting your finger in someone’s face was rude. And you know what? They were right. Not only is it rude but it also makes you appear aggressive. And if you’re wagging your finger at someone, it looks like you are warning them of something. Even if you think that you’re pointing your finger as a way to emphasize what you are saying, do your best to not point it specifically into your date’s direction or face. In fact, if you were to speak with a professional matchmaker about the importance of body language, they would probably recommend that you try and avoid this action altogether.
Crossed legs. Yeah ladies. We know that if you have on a pair of killer stilettos, you may want to cross your legs in order to show them off. But when you do that, it actually shows signs of caution and also disinterest. For both men and women, it’s best to uncross your legs. Also, if you point them into the direction of your date, you appear more relaxed and open---the perfect body language signals.
We know, right? Who knew that body language could speak so loudly! Hopefully, this will help you to be more aware of your own body language and what it’s saying the next time you go on a date. Good luck!