There’s a movie from the mid-90s called Love Jones. In it, there’s a line from one of the married man who’s going through some problems in his relationship. While talking to one of his single friends about what’s going on, he says “Everyone talks about falling in love. Can someone please tell me how to stay there?”
Whether you find the right match through a matchmaker, a friend or fate, any couple who’s been together for more than a couple of years will tell you that making a relationship work (and last) is about a whole lot more than having strong feelings for another person. Love is awesome, miraculous even---yet it’s also a lot of work.
Actually, if you make sure to do these following six tips, “work” may not be something that can be avoided. Maintenance may be more of what your relationship will need. We say that because if you are willing to apply these following things to your relationship, we’re pretty confident that your relationship will continue to develop and mature…into something truly beautiful and lasting.
Be affirming. If you’re aware of the five love languages, then you already know that one of the ways to express love to the one you care about is to provide them with words of affirmation. Basically, these are positive things that you can say to them as a way to boost their confidence and offer support. No, this doesn’t mean that you should say things that aren’t true. It simply means that you should focus on the good things about the person you’re with and make sure that you tell them what those things are. As often as possible.
Set boundaries. There are a lot of people who end up being in a relationship that doesn’t work out; not because of each other but “the peanut gallery” that’s around them. Getting relationship advice from your family members and friends is one thing. Keeping them in the loop about every single issue that comes up in your relationship is something else entirely. All relationships have their ups and downs, but when trying times happen, you’ll probably get over them before your friends will. Not only that but you don’t want to be so caught up in what others are saying that you can’t hear your own thoughts. Setting boundaries with those around you helps to protect you and your relationship.
Date consistently. Something that you can be sure will bring your relationship to a screeching halt is if you don’t see each other on a consistent basis. That doesn’t mean that you have to go on a date 3-4 times each week. What it does mean is when it comes to your list of priorities, cultivating your relationship is on the very top of your list. And one of the best ways to do that is by spending quality time together.
Be romantic. When it comes to romance, something that’s awesome about it is you don’t need to have a ton of money. A Hallmark card is romantic. A rose or two is romantic. A plate of homemade cookies is romantic. A handwritten letter is romantic. A CD of love songs is romantic. A candlelit dinner at home is romantic. A sentimental text out of the blue is romantic. We’re pretty sure you get the gist. Something that separates a relationship from a friendship is romance. Make sure your relationship has plenty of it!
Say “thank you”. When people get really comfortable in a relationship, sometimes that actually results in them becoming lazy. When that happens, they tend to not put as much effort into their relationship as they once did---and still should. One of the ways this becomes evident is through a lack of courtesy. When the person you’re with does something that you appreciate, say “thank you”. It will send the message that most of all, you are thankful for them.
Keep moving forward. For anything to last, it has to grow. That’s why it’s always a good idea to take inventory on your relationship, at least once a season (spring, summer, fall, winter). That way you both can discuss what you want and need from one another to see if you’re both on the page. A relationship that is constantly moving forward is one that is clearly being nurtured in a truly effective way.