No relationship, on this entire planet, is perfect. That’s because no one, on this entire earth, is without flaws. Honestly, if a lot of us accepted those two realities, our relationships would go a lot smoother because what we tend to get frustrated about is when the person we’re seeing does not meet our expectations. Yet isn’t it interesting (and a bit ironic) that when we disappoint them, we want a bit of grace and forgiveness extended to us?
There’s no question. One of the best ways to make a relationship work and last is to give to others what you want to get in return. This would include loving and accepting them…even when they make mistakes.
That’s not to say that there aren’t some mistakes that are bigger than others. This article is actually going to address some of the smaller ones; ones that could cause you to sabotage your relationship if you’re not careful. Ones that, at the end of the day, are basically about making mountains out of molehills.
Having to have the last word. All couples argue, but sometimes those kinds of conversations go for much longer than they should, basically because one or both people won’t let it go. Say, for instance, you’re upset because the person you’re with always seems to run late. From their perspective, they think that so long as it’s within a 15-minute window, they’re fine. After you both have stated your opinions on the matter and it’s clear that you need to “agree to disagree”, why keep harping on it? You’ve made it clear that lateness bothers you. At this point, all you can do is hope that they’ll be considerate enough to make adjustments. If not, is 15 minutes (in most cases), that big of a deal? Unless you’re attending a big event, yeah, probably not. So there’s no need to keep bringing it up over…and over…and over again.
Trying to make them be you. A wise man once said that when two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary. That’s certainly words to live by when it comes to relationships. Just think about it. If you were hooked up with the person you’re with via a professional matchmaker, when you checked out their profile, there were probably things on the list that were a lot like you---and also things that weren’t. So why be irritated by the fact that you like dramas while they like action, you like jazz while they like country or you prefer to eat out at restaurants while they like to eat at home? The issue shouldn’t be the differences so much as if you both can respect them and learn how to grow from the new experiences that both of you bring to the relationship. Trying to get someone to like what you do and then getting upset when they won’t is a form of manipulation, even if that’s not your intent. You’re in a relationship with an individual, not a clone. Sometimes it’s good for all of us to get that reminder.
Skirting around issues. OK, say for instance that claim that you’re mad about how much they’re on their phone, when you know that the real issue is about how much they are on the phone with particular people you don’t care for (like they’re ex perhaps). There are a lot of married couples in therapy or even in divorce courts right at this very moment and it’s due to one thing: They never got to the root of their problems; they always “danced around” them. Who doesn’t have a cell phone? If you’re saying that’s what you’re mad about one thing when it’s really something else, nothing is going to get fully resolved. Mountains tend to be made out of molehills when issues are skirted around. So, before bringing an issue up, stop and think about what’s really and truly bothering you. That way, the actual problem can get addressed, a solution can be found and you and yours can get back on track in no time. With very few bumps, that are the size of mountains, along the way.