Break-ups at Christmas SUCK! Here's How to Get Through 'Em

If you were to schedule an appointment to talk with a professional matchmaker this weekend and when it comes to the holiday season, they were to ask you what your absolute worst nightmare was, we wouldn’t be surprised in the least if you said “experiencing a break-up”. Yet there are all sorts of reports which indicate that when it comes to the period between November and January, it is one of the peak seasons for ending relationships. Some people do it because they are cheap (yep, they don’t want to spend money on a present). Others do it because they want to ring in the New Year…differently.

Whatever the case may be, as you can tell from the title of this post, we agree with you totally if you feel like it sucks, BIG TIME, to have to either be the one to break the bad news or to be the one who is on the receiving end of it. But if there’s a part of you who senses that it’s coming, has already had it happen or you want to prepare a friend for what seems to be the inevitable in their own love life (because oftentimes they are signs beforehand, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not ), here are five tips that can make the…separation anxiety easier to deal with.

Avoid going through it on an actual holiday. Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve. Christmas Day. New Year’s Eve. (Shoot, New Year’s Day!) Of all of the days on the entire planet that you have to break up, avoid these days at all costs! Holidays carry memories along with them and even if the relationship has ran its course, you don’t want either one of you to look back each year and think of a holiday as the day you got dumped, or did the dumping. So, if you’re planning on ending it, do it before the next holiday. Or, if you sense that your significant other wants to, ask them to share with you what’s on their mind before the next holiday as well.

Get closure. Whether or not you’re the one who’s delivering the news, you’re going to need some sort of closure. In fact, it’s our opinion that one of the biggest misconceptions about break-ups is if you’re the person doing the breaking up, you’re not hurting in any way. The reality is when you go into something hoping that it will work and it doesn’t, or someone shows signs of being toxic for you, that can still be disappointing. And even a bit sad. So as awkward as breaking up may be, don’t dodge the issue. Say all that needs to be said and ask as many questions as you want to ask. That way, you can walk away with clarity. That way, you won’t have to carry unresolved issues about the relationship into the New Year.

Do not isolate yourself. Sure, you might be tempted to go into your bedroom, pull the curtains and hibernate until January 2, but honestly, that is one of the worst things that you can do! Winter is known for bringing with it seasonal depression. You don’t want to “ask it” to come into your life by creating an isolated environment. The holiday season is a time of family and friends. They will welcome loving on you. Don’t shut them out. Let them in.

Enjoy some festivities. Something that is truly awesome about the holiday season is the fact that there are so many fun and festive things to do. There are Christmas movies. Holiday parties. Dinners at friends’ homes. All sorts of things to beckon you to take in a bit of the holiday cheer! You’re not going to be able to get out of a break-up funk if you’re sitting around brooding all day and night. So get out on the town! And you know what? Use this as an opportunity to get yourself a new outfit too! Look at it as “single and almost ready to mingle” attire, with the key word being “almost”. This brings us to our final point.

DO. NOT. REBOUND. The holiday season brings along with it a lot of mistletoe and spiked eggnog. That said, be careful about letting the magic and romance (and alcoholic spirits) of the season seduce you from jumping into another relationship (or bed) too soon. Now isn’t the time to look for new love. Now is the time to get back to your first love: yourself. If you do that, who knows what, and who, the next holiday season will bring. Once you’re healed. And ready.

'Friend Hook-Ups'. The Pros and Cons of Them.

If you’ve tried an online dating site before with no success and/or if professional matchmaking services aren’t quite what you’ve hoped they would be (if that is the case, you might wanna try Tawkify), and all of the people closest to you know that you’re looking to get into a relationship, we’re happy that the title of this article has caught your attention.

We say that because most friends like to see their friends in love (especially if they are). So usually, when one of their friends is single, that sends them into overdrive when it comes to looking for the kind of person who will be just perfect for their buddy.

If you happen to fall in this category (meaning, you’re in “the single buddy”) and you’re a bit gun shy about letting your friends set you up with someone they know, here are some of the pros and cons that come with friend hook-ups. That way, you can remain open to the possibilities, while safely guarding your heart in the process (just in case things don’t work out).

PRO: They already know you (your friends, that is). One advantage to having a friend hook you up with someone is the fact that they personally know you. So, in some ways, they are a lot like a professional matchmaker that you can get to set you up, free of charge.  As a bonus, if they’ve been in your life long enough to witness some of your previous relationships, they will already have an idea of the kind of people who are your type…as well as the ones who honestly aren’t.

CON: At the same time, they might think they know you better than you do yourself! Friends who want to play matchmaker can sometimes be a bit on the aggressive side. For instance, they might show you a picture of someone all the while claiming “They’re just perfect for you” even though you’ve already said that they are not physically your type. If you’re going to allow a friend to hook you up, just make sure to not let them bully you out of your own boundaries (and interests). Speak up for yourself. A true friend will respect that.

PRO: You can get a lot of information on the front end. When you’re using an online dating service (for instance), you are pretty much at the mercy of the profiles that you’re reading---and sometimes, they are not the most reliable sources of information. But when a friend is trying to hook you up, you can ask as many questions as you’d like, trusting that they are going to tell you that truth. And if they don’t, their body language will. (“So friend, if he’s ‘so cute’, why are you squirming in your seat and sighing?”)

CON: They might move ahead of your comfort zone. Don’t put it past a friend to ask “So, I’ll set it up? Cool!” and then have a double date ready for you within 48 hours. The moral to the story is this: If you’re going to let friend set you 9 up with someone, make sure that you are ready for the moment you say “go”. 9 times out of 10, you can best believe that they are going to move full speed ahead! If you need a couple of weeks to think it over, make sure that you say that. Otherwise, prepare to be on a date sooner than later.

PRO: Double dating can take the “edge” off. First dates always have the potential to be a bit awkward. But when your friend says “Y’all can even go on a date with me and my sweetie!” that can actually make it a lot easier. Being that your friend (and perhaps even their significant other) know the both of you, you won’t have to worry about dealing with things like awkward silence or how to smoothly transition from one topic to another. Your friend and their companion will be there to fill in the blanks.

CON: Breaking up can be hard to do. If things don’t mesh well after the first or second date, this “con” won’t be too much of an issue; that’s because you’re not emotionally attached (enough) yet. But if the relationship went for longer than a few months, your friend is thrilled about successfully making a love connection and things don’t work out…well, that could make things pretty awkward for all parties involved. With a professional matchmaker, they are trained in how to move on from a bad match. But a friend? Sometimes they end up taking the break up harder than you do, which means that you’ll have to find some time and energy to help them to “heal” too. Definitely something to keep in mind before allowing one of your friends to hook you up with someone!

Mountains Out of Molehills: Things That Aren't Big Deals at the End of the Day

No relationship, on this entire planet, is perfect. That’s because no one, on this entire earth, is without flaws. Honestly, if a lot of us accepted those two realities, our relationships would go a lot smoother because what we tend to get frustrated about is when the person we’re seeing does not meet our expectations. Yet isn’t it interesting (and a bit ironic) that when we disappoint them, we want a bit of grace and forgiveness extended to us?

There’s no question. One of the best ways to make a relationship work and last is to give to others what you want to get in return. This would include loving and accepting them…even when they make mistakes.

That’s not to say that there aren’t some mistakes that are bigger than others. This article is actually going to address some of the smaller ones; ones that could cause you to sabotage your relationship if you’re not careful. Ones that, at the end of the day, are basically about making mountains out of molehills.

Having to have the last word. All couples argue, but sometimes those kinds of conversations go for much longer than they should, basically because one or both people won’t let it go. Say, for instance, you’re upset because the person you’re with always seems to run late. From their perspective, they think that so long as it’s within a 15-minute window, they’re fine. After you both have stated your opinions on the matter and it’s clear that you need to “agree to disagree”, why keep harping on it? You’ve made it clear that lateness bothers you. At this point, all you can do is hope that they’ll be considerate enough to make adjustments. If not, is 15 minutes (in most cases), that big of a deal? Unless you’re attending a big event, yeah, probably not. So there’s no need to keep bringing it up over…and over…and over again.

Trying to make them be you. A wise man once said that when two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary. That’s certainly words to live by when it comes to relationships. Just think about it. If you were hooked up with the person you’re with via a professional matchmaker, when you checked out their profile, there were probably things on the list that were a lot like you---and also things that weren’t. So why be irritated by the fact that you like dramas while they like action, you like jazz while they like country or you prefer to eat out at restaurants while they like to eat at home? The issue shouldn’t be the differences so much as if you both can respect them and learn how to grow from the new experiences that both of you bring to the relationship. Trying to get someone to like what you do and then getting upset when they won’t is a form of manipulation, even if that’s not your intent. You’re in a relationship with an individual, not a clone. Sometimes it’s good for all of us to get that reminder.

Skirting around issues. OK, say for instance that claim that you’re mad about how much they’re on their phone, when you know that the real issue is about how much they are on the phone with particular people you don’t care for (like they’re ex perhaps). There are a lot of married couples in therapy or even in divorce courts right at this very moment and it’s due to one thing: They never got to the root of their problems; they always “danced around” them. Who doesn’t have a cell phone? If you’re saying that’s what you’re mad about one thing when it’s really something else, nothing is going to get fully resolved. Mountains tend to be made out of molehills when issues are skirted around. So, before bringing an issue up, stop and think about what’s really and truly bothering you. That way, the actual problem can get addressed, a solution can be found and you and yours can get back on track in no time. With very few bumps, that are the size of mountains, along the way.

Love. Unplugged. 5 Signs You Depend Too Much on Technology While Dating

With as much as we all depend on smartphones, laptops and tablets, it’s kind of hard to believe that the World Wide Web (do people even still call it that?!?) was made accessible in the early 90s. And so, if you’re reading this and you were born in the 90s, we totally get why you couldn’t imagine dating without technology/electronics.

But for those of us who happen to be a bit older…

Remember leaving voice messages on landlines?

Remember writing letters and (wow!) actually mailing them?

Remember going on dates with nothing that needs a charger in tow?

In some ways, when it comes to dating, those were the good ole days. You were able to focus solely on your date which provides a great environment for communication, spending quality time and fostering the relationship.

And although we know that the use of technology certainly had its benefits (for instance, you wouldn’t be able to online date, connect with a lot of great professional matchmakers or read this blog without it!), in order to help you to get the most out of your dating experience (and to gently show you signs that you might be a bit of a technology junkie), here are five signs that you rely on technology/electronics WAY TOO MUCH when it comes to dating.

You communicate mostly via text. Texting. Initially it was created as a “shorthand” for conversation. If there was something that you wanted/needed to say that was only a few words at max, you could text it. Now, a lot of us will put numbers before each text as a way to let people know which order they are coming in. Shoot, by the time you’re done doing all of that, you could’ve had a five-minute conversation and been off of the phone, right? Texting to give someone directions, texting to say “Good Morning” or “Goodnight”, texting to make sure someone got home safely (or to let them know that you did) is great. But when you’re dating, make sure to pick up the phone and actually call who you’re seeing more than you text them. It’s more personable, it shows that they are a priority to you and, because they can hear your tone of voice, it helps to keep signals from getting crossed as well.

The person you’re seeing get more “likes” than conversations from you. Social media is a popular way for people to make initial connections, especially if they are meeting one another for the first time online or through a professional matchmaker. But it’s not something that should be the sole or even main form of communication. Liking a status update on Facebook or a pic on Instagram is cool. But don’t let that be the end-all when it comes to connecting with someone. Engaging them on social media is pretty casual. If you want things to go to the next level, you need to do more than that.

It never crosses your mind to literally write a romantic letter. Ask any woman what she finds to be romantic and it’s pretty safe to say that one of the things she’s going to mention is receiving a letter from the object of her affection. And while it’s an awesome thing to receive in basically any form, try and avoid using a lot of email. The words are still the same, but there’s something about making the time to write it out on a piece of paper (and possibly even mail it), that makes it so much more meaningful. (Ladies, we’re willing to bet that there are a few fellas who feel this way too!)

You use electronics during dates. Although we’ve kind of already touched on this, it’s certainly worth repeating. Whoever is trying to reach you while you’re on a date, 9.5 times out of 10, can wait. In fact, this is one of the benefits that comes with texting because if something is an emergency, all you have to do is look at your phone and read about it. But when it comes to answering calls or paying attention to notifications while you’re on a date, there’s no way to get around the fact that it basically translates as being pretty rude. Put your phone of vibrate…or better yet, set it to “silent”. And by all means, leave the rest of the electronics at home! Those are meant for being at coffee shops when you’re alone; not on dates with other people.

Your date tells you so. And then there’s the really telling sign: when your date actually tells you that you’re online way too much. In the age of technology, there are all kinds of information that we constantly have access to. But the awesome thing about the internet is that it will be there waiting for you…when you get home. Yes, one of the best chances you have of like growing into love is to…unplug. Literally.

Is It You? 5 Things That YOU May Be Doing to Sabotage Your Relationship

OK, so here’s a question for you. Think about the last relationship that you were in. Now think about why it ended. If you were to write down three of the reasons (because rarely, if ever, is there only just one), how many of them would be related to what your ex did as opposed to what you did? In other words, are you more apt to blame your ex for the fall out or are you willing to take at least some of the responsibility?

The reason why we ask is because oftentimes, once a relationship goes sour, it’s very easy to place all of the blame on the other person rather than taking out some time to think about if there are things that you could have done better. Or perhaps just differently. In order to get better (or just different) results.

It’s important to do a bit of soul searching when it comes to this. Otherwise, there’s a great possibility that you will find yourself in a relationship very similar to the one that previously ended. Why? Because without resolving the issues from before and also without being willing to take some ownership where needed, it’s very possible that you will attract the same kind of person---just in a different looking package. Or, without looking at what went wrong on your part, even if a professional matchmaker connected you with the greatest person in the world, you still could end up sabotaging the relationship. Perhaps without even realizing it.

Although this article might be a bit challenging to read, we’re hoping that it will be received as an “ounce of prevention”. By recognizing some of the habits and patterns that you may be bringing into your relationship with others, hopefully things will go so much better and be so much healthier. The next time.

You don’t make them feel like a priority. Casual dating is one thing. But once you and the person you’re seeing have made the decision that your relationship needs to be exclusive, one of the things that this should mean is that you’re going to see no one else, but each other in hopes of building a future with each other. And what this means is that you’ve decided to make one another a priority. But if you’re too busy to take calls, you’re constantly breaking dates and the person you’re with is consistently telling you that they don’t feel like their needs are being met, eventually it’s going to translate into them feeling like they are not very important to you. And really, who wants to be in a relationship and feeling like that all of the time? Yeah, the clock is definitely ticking when you don’t make your significant other a priority.

You compare the next person to the last. A part of the reason why we remember the past is so that we can recall the lessons that we learned for them. So, for example, if your ex wasn’t a very honest person and in hindsight, you know that there were clear warning signs that you ignored, that’s something to keep in mind, moving forward. At the same time, it’s super unhealthy (and unfair) to assume that just because one person lied that all people do it. If you’re always comparing the person in your present to the person of your past, hate to say it, but the future is going to be pretty bleak for you. No one wants to feel like they are living in someone else’s shadow. Especially when that shadow is haunting you in a debilitating kind of way. Comparing is definitely one way to sabotage a relationship.

You need to be right all of the time. It may be Dr. Phil who said it best: “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?” This doesn’t mean that you always have to concede or that you can’t have an opinion or that it’s even “wrong” to have disagreements on occasion. But if at the end of the day, you will debate until the death just so that you can make a point and feel superior, not only is that condescending and a bit pretentious, but it can get to be exhausting too. Long story short, choose your battles. It will help you from sabotaging your relationship.

You are moody (and you want everyone to adjust no matter what). In a world that has so many ups and downs, if there’s one thing that basically no one wants is to be in a relationship where they never know what kind of person is going to “show up” at any given time. One moment you’re happy; the next, you’re melancholy. One minute you want to be affectionate; the next, you don’t want to be bothered. If you feel like you really can’t get a hold of your emotions, it never hurts to see a doctor and perhaps even make an appointment with a licensed counselor or therapist. But if you have resolved that you’re “just moody” and everyone needs to “get over it”, here’s the reality check: they may do that by choosing to (wait for it) get over you.

You are a Debbie or Donny Downer. No one wants to be around constant negativity. And so while there’s something to be said for being realistic and preparing oneself for the worst, there’s also something to be said for never looking on the bright side, always bringing bad news and gossip to a conversation and not being supportive of the person you’re with. Negativity only brings people down. Healthy relationships are supposed to help to bring people up and feel better about themselves. If you’re not doing that, watch out. You very well could be on your way to sabotaging your relationship.

Raise the Bar: Are Your Relationship Standards High Enough

If you’ve never heard the following quote by writer Maureen Dowd, we are thrilled to be the first ones to share it with you! Without question, with it comes to matters of the heart, it’s definitely words to live by: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

The thing that’s so awesome about it (at least it is to us) is it’s a reminder that when it comes to having standards in relationships, it’s important to set them high. Not so high that no human on earth can possibly reach them, but high enough for you to feel valued within it.

Are you someone who knows in that in times past, you found yourself not getting all that you deserved in a relationship because your standards were not high enough? If so and you’d like a few tips, in the form of warning signals, to let you know when your standards are so low that you need to move on, here are some that we’re confident that every (reputable) professional matchmaker in the world would agree with!

If your needs aren’t being met, your standards are too low. Wanna know one reason why a lot of people’s needs aren’t being met in their relationship? It’s because before they went into it, they didn’t take out the time to think about what those needs actually were. If you’re someone who needs to take things slow and date the old-fashioned way, it’s important to know that---beforehand. If you’re someone who’s not interested in casual dating and you’re looking for something exclusive, it’s important to know that too. Or if you’ve been hurt before, you know you’re fragile when it comes to trust and so honesty is top on your list of character traits, that also needs to be high up on your radar. Or perhaps your ex wasn’t the best communicator and you need someone to engage you a lot more; there is certainly no shame in that. Can you see where we’re going with this? When you know what you need, it helps you to see if you’re getting those needs met. Or not. And if they aren’t, you’ve stated it but you continue to be ignored but you stay in the relationship anyway, your standards are way too low.

If you have to beg for attention, your standards are too low. A lot of people probably don’t even realize that they are begging their significant other for attention, but here are some examples of what we mean by that. If you’re constantly asking them to call or text you back, if the you only go on a date is if you set it up and if the only time it seems like they are willing to drop everything to be with you is when it comes to sex and you’re tolerating all of this, guess what? One, you definitely deserve better. And two, your standards are too low.

If you’re upset/unhappy most of the time, your standards are too low. It’s one thing to have a favorite love song that you like to listen to. It’s another matter entirely to be the one who’s basically living out the lyrics. That said, if you know that you are either upset or unhappy more times than you feel blessed and pleased with yourself, your relationship and the person you are seeing, that’s not something to ignore. Being upset/unhappy is a clear sign of discontent. To keep going through the (e)motions, unsatisfied, is another sign that you standards are too low.

If you’re doing most of the work, your standards are too low. This one is short and sweet (and also works really well with the “begging for attention” point that we already brought up). If the relationship would cease to exist, literally, without your effort; if you are always trying to be the encourager, supporter and proactive party when it comes to the relationship itself and you feel like you’re doing all of the work alone, yep. Your standards are too low.

If you’re always making excuses for what you know is unhealthy, your standards are too low. And finally, if after reading all of this, you are trying to figure out how to excuse away these warnings, along with the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that there are other ones that you are not paying attention to, again, your standards are too low. A truly loving relationship should lift you higher, not let you down. Therefore, don’t be afraid or apologetic for raising the bar when it comes to what you want in yours. You’re worthy of having every single need met. Guaranteed.

Right Relationship. Wrong Reasons. 5 of the Worst Reasons to Start a Relationship

If you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker right now, here’s one way to know if they’re worth your time. One of the things that you should expect them to ask you is “So, why do you want to be in a relationship at this time in your life?”

Although, on the surface, it might seem like a bit of an obvious question, the reality is that for as many people as there are on the face of the earth, there are different reasons for why each one wants to join their lives with someone else’s.

And while reasons like “I want to be in a happy and healthy relationship” or “I’ve always wanted to have a family” or “There comes a season in everyone’s life when they feel like someone can help them to get to the next level” are all certainly great reasons, there are also some that are basically big red flags. “Flags” in the sense of them actually indicating that no matter how much potential the relationship may have of succeeding, because the motives aren’t right, it’s going to struggle right from the start.

So what are some of the worst possible reasons for starting a relationship?

Loneliness. For the record, there’s nothing wrong with being lonely. You’re human and it happens to all of us at one point or another. The problem is that when we feel a deep longing for attention, companionship, attention or affection, oftentimes our judgment is a bit off when it comes to choosing someone who is truly best for us. Or worse, we’ll find ourselves going back to someone we already know isn’t good for us, just so that we won’t have to be by ourselves. So what’s the remedy for loneliness? Well, before deciding to pursue a relationship with someone else, get to the root of why that’s so important to you. Do you think they will make you feel better about yourself? Have you always believed that you needed to be in a relationship to confirm your self-worth? Are you scared to do things like go to the movies or out to eat alone? Knowing why you’re lonely is the first step to coming to the conclusion that what you might need, for now, is to be alone. In order to learn the difference between “alone” and “loneliness”. They are not synonymous, that’s for sure.

Peer pressure. The older we get, the more a lot of us look around only to discover that most of our friends are married or in a relationship. And when they all ask for the umpteenth time to either set you up or “So, when are you going to find someone special?”, it can be a real temptation to hurry up and get into something, anything, just to shut them up. Friends are awesome, but it’s important to remember (and remind them) that they are there to support you, not pressure you. It doesn’t make (good) sense to get into a relationship just so that you and your married friends can double date. Let them know that all things come in due time. Just like it did for them.

Aging or a “ticking clock”. Even in today’s culture, when some find marriage to be obsolete, there’s still plenty of data which supports the fact that a two-parent household is the most ideal for children (for instance, here). And so, if you’re single with no kids and you’ve always wanted to be a parent, it’s totally understandable why you might feel a bit of anxiety. But look, getting with someone and creating a child with them, only to realize they weren’t the best match for you will result in your child now being in a broken home. You should check out 6-year-old Tiana’s feelings on that (by clicking here). Finding the love of your life requires having faith in it happening at the right time. Don’t let your age or your “ticking clock” determine such an important part of your fate. Patience can do miracles when it comes to making things happen…just as they should. And helping you to truly believe that, during the waiting process.

Hormones. Boy, if we had a dollar for every person who had sex with someone only to later regret it, we’re pretty sure we’d make it to Forbes’s billionaire list! Engaging in casual sex because you literally want nothing more than to engage in physical pleasure is one thing. Having sex hoping that it will turn into something more meaningful is a gamble, at best. Plus, there are a lot of things that still need to be taken into consideration before having sex, including when it comes to your physical health and well-being. Sex is fun and enjoyable. It’s also something that should be taken seriously. Do not start a relationship just so that you can have sex on the regular. Also, do not have sex too quickly believing that it will get you what you really want: a relationship.

Fear. At the end of the day, all of these things that we mentioned points to one thing: Fear. And one of the best ways to define fear is the popular acronym for it: False Evidence Appearing Real. Have you ever heard the saying “Most of the things that we worry about never even happen anyway?” This applies to relationships. Just because today you might feel like you’ll be alone for the rest of your life, doesn’t make it true. And getting into a relationship just to “silence those voices” doesn’t automatically make you wise. The best cure for fear, when it comes to fear of being alone, is self-love. Pamper yourself. Celebrate yourself. Set goals for yourself. Soon, you’ll be too busy to “feed into your fears”. And one day, you’ll look up and someone will come into your life. And the irony may be that you’ll be so content that you’ll have to figure out how to fit them in! (Oh, the irony!)

Serial Dating: The Benefits of Seeing More Than One Person

If at first glance, the title of this article throws you off a bit, we get it. From professional matchmakers to personal friends and even relationship blogs, it would seem like everyone wants singles to get out of the casual dating scene; that most folks would prefer that singles court instead of date so that they can end up walking down the aisle towards their own true love---sooner than later.

Look, it’s not like we’re not for that as well. It’s just that we also know that if you’re in a rush to try and “make something happen” either before you or the relationship is ready, it could end up doing you (and the relationship) more harm than good.

That’s why, if you’re just meeting someone for the first time, for the first few dates (and/or few months, whichever comes first), we actually recommend that you remaining open to seeing more than just them.

And what are the benefits that come with taking that particular approach? We’re so glad that you asked.

Seeing more than one person expands your options. One of the benefits that comes with being single is until you enter into an exclusive relationship with someone, you are free to see whomever you wish. Here’s why that’s something worth taking advantage of. By seeing several people at once, you are not limited to dating one kind of individual. You can date several at a time in order to get a feel for what you like and what you don’t. This works in your favor because when people become exclusive too quickly, they have a tendency to focus on all of the “pros” about a person, all the while ignore the “cons”. And when that’s the case, they can force themselves into thinking someone is truly compatible with them…when actually, there might be other folks who are far more suitable.

Seeing more than one person takes the pressure off. If you’re the kind of person who has a tendency to try and make a relationship become too serious too soon, you definitely can benefit from seeing several people. Rather than going on a couple of dates with one person, liking them and then already deciding that they are “the one” before allowing things to develop, you can see multiple people, have a good time and then cautiously and discerningly determine who is really best for you. Because things are a bit “lighter”, you will not put yourself in an emotional rat race to find someone to exclusively be with. And you can always trust your judgment so much better when you’re not…anxious.

Seeing more than one person teaches you more about yourself. What your mother brings out in you is going to be much different than what your boss does. That’s because they are two totally different kinds of relationships. Not only that but they are two totally different kinds of people as well. The same thing applies to dating different people. Being that each one is an individual, they will “tap into” different parts of you. For instance, if one person tends to be more of an intellectual, they will challenge you in that way, while if another is more spontaneous and funny, they will influence you to explore some things that you may not have tried before. Then you can step back and determine for yourself who brings out the best in you, who is encouraging you to grow in some really significant ways---and who doesn’t.

Seeing more than one person helps you to decide what kind of relationship you really want. If after a few weeks of seeing several people you’re like “This is exhausting. I really want to find my soul mate and be done with all of this”, that still means that serial dating worked in your favor. Why? It’s because now you can start pursuing something on a more serious and intentional level, knowing that you won’t be tempted to “veer out” once something long-term is established. You will have seen what’s out there and made a non-hurried decision that you want to be with just one person. Plus, you’ll have a better idea of the kind of person you want them to be. And all of this came from stepping out and doing a bit of serial dating. Yep. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

Unhappy and in Love: 6 Signs That You Have Toxic Relationship Patterns

If there’s one question that all professional matchmakers should ask their clients during their first interview is if they know of someone or feel like they have a tendency to be a love addict.

Sure initially that line of questioning might sound a bit “odd”. After all, if you’re “addicted to love”, being that love is such a powerful and beautiful experience, that must be a good thing, right? Well…here’s something worth considering. As a wise man once said, the excess of a virtue can also be a vice. Meaning, anything done---or sought after---in excess can also become problematic.

So, how can you know for certain that you are a love addict? Here are a few telling signs:

You fall in love very easily and too quickly.

Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.

More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.

You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.

Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.

In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.

More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.

You can read even more signs (40, to be exact) by clicking here. The reason why we felt they were important to share is because if you’re not clear about the motives behind why you’re looking to be in a relationship, you could find yourself going into one for the wrong reasons or you keep attracting the wrong kind of person, all of these are symptomatic of being in a toxic (poisonous) relationship.

Here are some other telling warning signs:

You break up over and over again. Pretty much all of us know of someone who just can’t seem to shake off their ex. Although in rare instances, it’s because the relationship is meant to be and the challenges have been more about poor timing or the need for trust to be established, this is usually the exception and not the rule. Usually couples break up because things are not working. If you keep getting back together, oftentimes that’s an indication of fear of being alone, being afraid to move forward or being hung up on the few good things in the relationship that you overlook all of the ones that…aren’t so good.

You’re unhappy more than happy. One thing that comes with a healthy relationship is both individuals will feel as if they are thriving as a result of being with one another. That’s because when your relationship is working to your benefit, you will have the support, encouragement and commitment of someone who truly wants to see you succeed. On the other hand, when a relationship is unhealthy, it tends to be more about them, you won’t feel like you’re totally accepted and that will result in arguments, emotional pain and feelings of inadequacy. Long story short, if you’re crying more than you’re smiling in your relationship, there’s no way to dance around it. Something is definitely not right.

You rely too much on sex to be “the glue”. One of challenges that comes with having sex too soon in a relationship is you find yourself coming off of the euphoria of the physical intimacy without being sure if there really is an emotional attachment there. And sometimes, this means all you and the other person really have in common is the sex. But because you enjoy it so much, you tend to overlook the blaring red flags that are telling you that you don’t really have much else in common. Although one of the most popular ways to define a sexual experience is “make love”, the reality is that love should be able to exist without sex; that sex is simply one way to express love. Bottom line, if sex is all that you and “yours” have going for y’all, it’s not much. Talk about it first. And nothing much materializes, consider that it just might be time to let the “relationship” go.

You are always changing yourself. If you’re someone who knows that you battle with self-esteem issues, then this is a point that you should definitely keep on your radar. While it’s not uncommon to change, in the sense of growing, while you’re in a relationship, here are two things to keep in mind: 1) in a healthy relationship, you will not feel pressured to change; it will come as a natural evolution on your own terms and 2) it also will not come as the result of not feeling as if your partner doesn’t like you just the way you are. If you’re always trying to alter your personality or appearance to appease the one you’re with, they are controlling and you are being manipulated. And both of those things point to toxicity. You deserve something better. And healthier.

You can’t remember the last time that you were single. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. There are actually a lot of benefits that come with having time alone to focus on yourself, your needs and your dreams and goals. If you’re the type of individual who can’t really attest to this fact because you’re always in a relationship, that can also be a toxic thing. Being in a relationship because it enhances your life is one thing. However, being in a relationship because you hate being alone is something entirely different. If you can identify with this, take out some time to take care of you. By doing that, you might discover that you’ll develop the tools that you need in order to break all other toxic relationship patterns.

Living for the Fairy Tale: Knowing What's Real and What's Fantasy About Love

If you’re anything like us, then you probably remember growing up and watching at least a couple of fairy tales. So, here’s a pop quiz question: What’s one thing that virtually all of them had in common? Whether it was Cinderella or Snow White (or some other princess), they would fall in love, get married and as the movie came to an end, you would see the words “And they lived happily ever after.”

Being that we haven’t gotten updates on these women and their husbands, we can only assume that their marriages lasted (here’s hoping!). However, to watch a scripted film and then expect real life to be exactly like what you saw on the screen is not only unrealistic, but unfair to the person that you’re dating.

Even if you are set up by a professional matchmaker who presents to you an amazing profile of a potential dating candidate, people are not perfection prototypes; they are human beings. This means that they are going to come with their own weaknesses and flaws…just as you do.

So, how can you know if you’re the kind of person who has the tendency to live for the fairy tale (the Hollywood hype) rather than in reality when it comes to love, matters of the heart and relationships? Although this kind of answer deserves about 10 blogs all on its own, here are a few points to definitely keep in mind:

Know what the literal definition of a fairytale is. OK, so here’s another question: When’s the last time that you’ve opened up a dictionary and looked up the definitions for the word “fairy tale”? It just might trip you out. We say that because according to Dictionary, one definition is “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” while another is “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief”. Fairy tales are for children. Fairy tales have the potential to mislead you.  So, if you’re someone who is known for saying “I live for the fairytale”, these definitions are definitely something to keep in mind!

Revisit your standards for a Prince Charming or Princess. It’s one thing to want to be in a relationship with a good person. It’s another thing to decide that if someone doesn’t have everything that you want on your 50-point checklist that they aren’t worth your time. There are a lot of people who missed out on the potential of a really great relationship because they are constantly on the search for “love at first sight”, which tends to be the exception and not the rule when it comes to dating. Just think about it. How many princes and princesses do you personally know? So, why would you expect the person you’re going out with to be one? People need to be seen and treated and accepted as individuals; not some kind of fantasized ideal.

Remember that love is awesome. It’s also a lot of hard work too. In the article “5 Things Girlfriends Should Stop Doing After Becoming Wives”, the author shared this very relevant point: “They expect a fairy tale. Your married life is not going to be a ‘happy ever after’! Expecting that you and your husband will have a dream house, where he will help you plant daisies in the garden is childish. As a married couple, you both will have to face problems and you both will have fights and make compromises, etc. Always remember, you are getting married, not shifting to another universe. You both have to work towards your ‘happily ever after’, and that can only happen with love, respect and a few compromises from both sides.” So true, so true…so true! Love is a choice. A choice that requires putting time, effort and energy into it. Daily.

You both have lives. And responsibilities too. If you’re not careful, being caught up in the fairytale will have you believing that your significant other should constantly be at your beck and call. But the reality is you have a job and so do they. You have a family and so do they. You have friends, interests and responsibilities. So do they. When you’re living in the reality of a relationship, you accept the fact that while the person you’re with is supposed to be supportive and encouraging, they also are individuals who need to focus on other life demands. They are to bring something very special to your life. At the same time, they are not to be your everything, though.

They do not complete you. If there is one movie line that continues to be at the forefront of the minds and hearts of so many romantics worldwide, it would have to be when Tom Cruise’s character said “You complete me” in the movie Jerry Maguire. And while that is certainly a super sweet sentiment, here’s the “challenge” with it. Doesn’t it imply that before you met your significant other that you were incomplete? A healthy relationship doesn’t consist of two broken people who are expecting the person they are with to fill all of their voids. A healthy relationship is more about two individuals who were working to be their best selves before they got together and then realized that their relationship simply adds to their already fulfilling lives. It’s a fantasy---and a lot of pressure---to expect someone to complete you. In the real world, love is about embracing that the love experience helps to make your already complete life…that much more satisfying. And accepting that is what can truly lead you on the path towards…happily ever after. In real life!

Is It Love or Lust? 5 Ways to Know the Difference

There are very few things in life that are as exciting, euphoric even, as the beginning stages of a relationship. The experiences are new, the feelings are high and when it seems like there’s a real future in store, truly it’s all a thrill.

But here’s the challenge: Sometimes, when emotions are at their peak, it can be hard to know if the relationship is based on love---or lust. And if you don’t make the time to discern the differences between the two, you can find yourself in a situation that could fizzle out just as quickly as the sparks began.

So, whether you were recently paired up with someone by a professional matchmaker or even a close friend and every instinct inside of you believes that you’ve met “the one”, take out a few minutes (five, tops) to read some of the differences between being in love and well, being in lust.

Love is clear. Lust is abstract. Someone once said that when a person really loves you, out of all of the things that you will feel, one of them will not be confused. That’s some real wisdom right there. If you’re on the way to falling in love, you’re going to know it. Hands down, no question. And if the person you’re seeing is in the process of falling in love with you, guess what? They are going to feel the exact same way. You both are going to say how you feel, what you want and your actions are going to back it all up. On the other hand, nothing about lust is certain or sure. It will be hard to describe the relationship to your friends, there will be aspects of it that you’re not the most confident about and if you’re not careful, you could find yourself caught up in quite a bit of disillusionment. It will feel one way or day and feel like something else the next.

Love reveals the real you. Lust puts on a façade. When you’re caught up in the feelings of lust, there is usually a tendency to put on a bit of a show. By that we mean that on every date, you’re focused on looking impeccable and saying all of the right things. Why? Because whatever initially drew the person to you, you want to make sure that you maintain that “level of perfection” so that they will remain interested. On the other hand, when love is on the horizon, you are far more interested in them knowing who you truly are. That way, if you decide to get serious at some point, you can trust that it’s based on the good parts and not-so-perfect parts of your individuality. That they know the real you.

Love is patient. Lust isn’t. When there is a strong attraction between two people, there can be a temptation to want to express that in a physical way very quickly. That’s basically our tactful way of saying that a physical interest can lead to sexual desire, which can sometimes result in people having sex way too soon. That’s because when you’re in lust, the mentality tends to be “act first, think later”. On the other hand, when love is brewing, both people usually want to take things a bit slower; to develop a friendship so that the intimacy can be based on a firm foundation.

Love makes plans. Lust “wings it”. One of the awesome things about true love is that it doesn’t simply “live in the moment”. In other words, it’s so engrossed in the object of its affection that it wants to do all that it can to nurture it so that it will last. Lust? It doesn’t too much care one way or another. So long as its needs are being met at moment, that’s all it’s happy about. The problem with that is it can lead to quite a bit of instability. If you want something that is smooth sailing, look for the kind of person who is factoring you into their future. If you want to be on a real emotional roller coaster ride, lust is definitely going to be your ticket. Be careful, though. One way or another, it’s guaranteed to make you heartsick. Which brings us to our final point.

Love is healthy. Lust? Eh. Not so much. Being that one definition of lust is “an intense sexual desire”, we’re not out to make all lust bad. We’re simply saying that it’s not what the core of a relationship should be built upon. In other words, love is something that focused on the health and well-being of your mind, body and spirit. And that’s both awesome as well as healthy. Lust? Pretty much your body is all that’s on its menu. Bottom line, there’s a whole lot more to you than your body parts. You deserve to be with someone who will love you first. Lust you second. Anything less is…settling. For so much less. Than YOU deserve.

Sex Too Soon. What to Do If You Have Regrets.

One night stands. Although truly nothing is new under the sun, there are some things that, up until the past couple of decades, were considered to be taboo. Having sex with someone you just met only to never see them again (which technically constitutes as a one night stand) or having sex on the first date are two things that easily fell into this category.

But as casual sex has become more accepted (and some might even say encouraged) in pop culture and technology, “thanks” to apps like Good to Go, Luxy and Hinge (oh, and Tinder which claims to not be a “sex app” but c’mon, we all know what the deal is!) that have made it easier to connect with people, more folks are finding themselves becoming physically involved, perhaps easier or sooner than they initially planned.

No matter what, because there are still STDs in existence, whether you are set up through a professional matchmaker or you meet someone at a grocery store or the gym, it’s important that you take care of your physical health. You can do that first by getting to know at least a few facts about the person’s sexual history.  

But what happens if you’re not typically keen on casual sex, you go out on a date, sparks fly and you do find yourself in bed with them far sooner than you initially planned? Do you run out the door? Do you hide your head in shame? Is the relationship on the way to being not much more than a glorified booty call?

Here are some helpful tips for what to do if you have regrets---after having sex too soon.

Say it. For the record, there’s nothing worse than engaging in consensual sex with another person and then making them feel guilty about it. So, what we mean by “say it” is not that you should accuse them of somehow taking advantage of you or the moment five minutes after the experience is over. What we mean is (probably the next day) mention that because you really like them and you see some true potential there, you don’t want to make the mistake of only focusing on the physical aspect of the relationship; that you don’t regret the sex so much as the timing and so you’d like to take a few steps back.

Get their thoughts. Without hearing exactly where they are coming from, it’s going to be unfair to assume that 1) they regret sleeping with you as well; 2) they only wanted you for sex or 3) they don’t have some things that they’d like to share on the topic too. So, after you say what you need to, open up the floor for them to talk about what they think about what transpired. Although some things might be awkward to hear, it’s better to know the truth as soon as possible. That way, you’ll know whether you’re both on the same page. Or not.

Come up with a plan. Once you both have expressed your feelings, if you come to the decision that you’d still like to see each other, come up with a plan for investing into the non-physical side of the evolving relationship. Plan dates that are outside of each other’s homes (in order to avoid the temptation to “fall into a sex routine”). Hold some conversations that will help you both to see if there’s more than just a strong physical attraction there. Come up with an amount of time that both of you can agree upon to wait until exploring another sexual excursion.

If there is more between the two of you than just sex, you’ll both be willing to stick around and put in the effort to see. On the other hand, if they start to fade off into the sunset (so-to-speak), don’t beat yourself up with guilt. Life is about living and learning. Just make sure that next time, you’ll wait until you’re absolutely sure that sex is something that you want to do. And the best way to know…is to wait. At least past the first few (3-5 dates).

Self-Doubt: 5 Insecurities That Can Ruin Your Relationship

Oftentimes, when we read articles about relationships gone wrong, they tend to touch on what to do if someone you’re seeing does something to you: lie, cheat, manipulate, etc. And while those kinds of write-ups can certainly be helpful when it comes to providing you with tips on how to avoid being (or staying) in a toxic relationship, in this particular article, we wanted to talk about matters of the heart from another angle. Things that you can do, sometimes without even knowing it, that can ultimately be the demise of your union.

And just what are those things? Insecurities.

Yep. Even if a professional matchmaker sets you up with the best person (for you) on the entire planet, the first couple of dates go well and you sense that you’re not just mutually attracted but truly compatible with one another, if you happen to battle with deep-rooted feelings of inferiority, that can put quite a bit of pressure and strain onto the person you’re with, as well as the relationship.

So, what are the insecurities that tend to do the greatest amount of damage?

Here are the ones that go on the very top of our list.

Not feeling attractive. One thing that is not the job of another is to make you feel good about yourself. Sure, they can tell you that you’re beautiful or handsome or that you look really nice on a date. But if you want to be in a relationship because you don’t find yourself attractive and you want someone to compensate for that, not only is it unfair to them, but it can end up being quite burdensome for them too. That’s because not liking the physical part of you is a pretty big void; one that no one person can fill. So, if that’s where you are right now, spend some time pampering yourself. Go to a spa. Get a new haircut. Pick out a new wardrobe. Lose some weight (if you really need to). Work on you. That way, once you’re actually in a relationship, they won’t feel like being with you is, well, a lot of work.

Jealousy. Basically, jealousy stems from a place of suspicion or envy. For example, you might not want who you’re seeing to be friends with the opposite sex because you suspect that it might turn into something more than a platonic situation. Or, you don’t like the person you’re seeing to talk to people who you feel look better or have more to offer than you. One of the things that a lot people miss when it comes to jealousy is they usually had issues in this area long before they ever met the person that they’re with. And usually it’s because either they haven’t forgiven someone who’s hurt them before or they don’t feel like they have enough to offer to keep the person they’re seeing focused on them and the relationship. Either way, when your insecurity is jealousy, there’s not enough someone else can do to reassure you that they’re happy with you and not interested in anyone else. It’s something that you have to worth through from the inside out.

Fear. Have you ever heard this acronym for fear: False Evidence Appearing Real? Some people are so afraid that the love they’ve found won’t last that they end up holding on so tight that it basically suffocates the other person, ultimately pushing (if not flat-out driving) them away. If you’ve been abandoned or neglected in a relationship before, the fear that may be tempted to rise up in you is certainly understandable. But do what you can to not let it overtake you. Talk it out with friends. Even see counselor if you think that would help. No one should feel terrified to love. And no one should feel scared to love someone who has fear issues either.

Comparing. It’s going to be very rare (VERY RARE) to find someone who has never been in a relationship with someone else before you came along. So yes, basically everyone has a past---one that has other people in it. Secure individuals focus on the present. Insecure people relive the past over and over and over again. And unfortunately, for folks who deal with a comparing insecurity, with basic information, they have social media to track down people’s other relationships. Comparing yourself to someone’s ex or past dates isn’t going to make you feel any better. Plus, if they find out that you’ve been snooping around, it will translate as you don’t trust them. Bottom line, if they still wanted to be with their ex, they would be. Besides, comparing yourself is a lot like a trick mirror. It doesn’t present the actual picture of yourself or your relationship. Or their past ones either.

Possessiveness. Love is not something that should be forced. That said, no one you’re with is a piece of property. Therefore, it’s important to always remember that they are with you because they are choosing to be. This means that they should be given the freedom, by you, to feel that way. Wanting to know their every move, wanting passwords and pass codes to the electronic devices, demanding to spend every possible hour with them sounds more like a prison than an actual relationship. Yep. Possessiveness is another sign of insecurity so, don’t squeeze so tight that the person you’re with can’t breathe. Instead, love them and yourself enough to give them space when they need it. So that they’ll come to you on their own…without your pressure or possessiveness.

Happy and Healthy: 6 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship

If there’s one thing that all of us long for, it’s love. As Carrie Bradshaw once put it “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” But the unfortunate reality is there are a lot of people who define that as simply “being in a relationship”. As a result, while they might be with someone, the situation is really not the healthiest for them.

When something is healthy, it is prosperous.

When something is healthy, it is full of vigor.

When something is healthy, it promotes happiness.

At the same time…

When something is unhealthy, it makes one weak.

When something is unhealthy, it is harmful.

Here are two other definitions of unhealthy: dangerous and risky.

If you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker to discuss with them what you are looking for in a relationship, one of the things that they would strive to do is connect you with someone who will be just right for you. And if someone is “right”, they are going to be healthy---spiritually, emotionally and otherwise (words to live by).

Being that so many people find themselves in relationships that are sometimes any and everything but, we decided to provide you with six signs that a relationship is truly all of the definitions of the word healthy.

Check ‘em out:

Healthy relationships help you to feel good about yourself. One misstep many folks make is looking for someone to make them feel smart or attractive or worthy. First, that is a lot of responsibility to put on one person. Secondly, it’s also a bit on the side of unrealistic---and unfair. It’s actually not someone’s job to make you feel better about who you are, so if you’re looking to be in a relationship for that reason, it’s probably best to spend some (more) time being single and focusing on (further) developing your self-esteem. But once you do feel great about who you are as a person, your relationship should definitely be affirming and encouraging of what you already know about your looks, gifts, talents and goals. Yes, a healthy relationship consists of two “life cheerleaders”. Two people who help each other continue to see the great things they are aware of about themselves. In other words, a healthy relationship should consist of lots of confirmations more so than revelations about your value.

Healthy relationships are not abusive. When it comes to the topic of abuse, a lot of people tend to focus on what physical abuse is more than anything else. But if you’re constantly being put down or verbally attacked (verbal abuse) or corrected or manipulated (emotional abuse) or even if you feel very lonely (neglected), you’re still being abused. Love is not supposed to hurt the mind, body or spirit. If that is what’s happening to you on any level, not only is the relationship unhealthy, but that’s your cue to get out. Now, please.

Healthy relationships are stable. Sure, roller coaster rides are fun at amusement parks, but emotional roller coasters? Yeah, they pretty much suck. If you’re in the kind of relationship that has extreme highs and lows on a weekly basis, something is unstable, and instability is not a safe state. If the two of you are always arguing and fighting and then pacifying one another immediately after, that’s not getting to the root of the issue. All relationships have their challenges, but healthy relationships are not constantly problematic. They are solutions-oriented and driven.

Healthy relationships don’t rely on sex for intimacy. We’re not saying that healthy relationships are sexless. We’re saying that healthy relationships are not sex-dependent. You know the kind we’re talking about, right? When two people really don’t have that much in common and honestly probably don’t even really like each other that much, but because the sex is physically gratifying, that’s the “glue” that keeps them together. No person should be another individual’s “fix”. If physical pleasure is all that’s really between you, at the end of the day, it’s not much. You both deserve better.

Healthy relationships grow. Remember how two definitions of healthy are prosperous and happiness? When something is prosperous, that means that it is flourishing and when something is flourishing, that means that it is “growing vigorously” and “thriving”. Not everyone wants to get married, but everyone should want to be in the kind of relationship that shows signs of being greater this year than the last. That’s why it’s always a good idea for couples to take “relationship inventory” a few times a year. It helps them to see if they are on the same page, if needs are being mutually met and what each other’s current expectations are. Bottom line, if something is alive, it is growing and healthy relationships should make both people in them feel just that---alive! If yours isn’t…it might be time to do something different. Or new. And that’s OK. Better to be healthy alone than unhealthy with someone, right? We couldn’t agree with you more!

What's Your Love Language? Learning the Five Ways Love's Expressed

No matter how great a relationship might be, it’s going to come with its own set of challenges. That’s because although two people care a lot about each other, the reality is that they are still two individuals---ones with their own unique perspectives, expectations and needs.

We’re pretty sure that’s a big part of the reason why best-selling author penned the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. If you’re not familiar with it, basically the premise is this: One of the biggest problems in relationships is the fact that people find themselves expressing love to their partner in the way that they desire to receive it, rather than in the way that their loved one actually wants it. Not only that, but according to Dr. Chapman, love is basically expressed in five main ways:

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Quality Time

Gifts

Although a professional matchmaker, online dating website or even a family member or friend may be able to set you up with the right person, the reality is that only you and they can figure out how each one needs to feel loved. If you’re interested in knowing more about the five love languages (and if you would like to take a test to see what your top two are), you can go here. For now, we’re going to provide a brief insight into each one of them.

Words of Affirmation. Do you like to receive greeting cards for no reason? Does your face light up when someone compliments or affirms you? Or, on the other hand, are you extremely tone-sensitive (which means you care just as much about how things are said as what is being said) and if someone says something that hurts your feelings, it really hurts your feelings? If so, there’s a pretty good chance that your top love language is “Words of Affirmation”. Although words are important to everyone, in order for you to feel loved and appreciated, for you, the expression of them is vital.

Physical Touch. Although you might automatically think this has something to do with your libido, actually it doesn’t. This particular love language is about people who like to hold hands, cuddle on the couch, hug with every greeting---the kind of people who, when they are around their partner, can’t help but to want to make some type of physical contact. When someone strongly desires physical touch, to not receive it in some way, feels like a form of rejection; no matter how much their partner tells them how they feel or shows them that they care.

Acts of Service. If you’re the kind of person who finds them saying things like “talk is cheap” or “don’t tell me, show me”, you may be someone who speaks the “Acts of Service” language. These individuals feel supported most when their partner does things that they feel need to be done. Not just in the relationship, but in general: cleaning the kitchen, washing the car, making a bank deposit---basically doing what would make life easier is how they feel the most loved by the person they are with. The main thing to keep in mind about this particular expression is saying you’re going to do something and then not following through is a huge no-no.

Quality Time. The interesting thing about “Quality Time” is it’s not just about making sure that time is made for the one who prefers love to be expressed in this way. It’s also about how you spend the time too. If you’re going to plan a date but you also plan to be on your smartphone the entire time, that’s not considered to be real quality time. If you’re at your house having a movie night, but you’re walking from room to room doing things, that’s not quality time. People who long for this love language want to feel like they have your undivided attention. Material things don’t matter to them nearly as much as you planning a time to engage in conversation and focus on no one else but them--and your relationship.

Gifts. Yeah, this one is probably pretty self-explanatory. For the record, though, doesn’t mean that they are a user or a gold-digger. For someone who prefers love to be expressed by gifts, it simply means that they like love to be expressed in a tangible kind of way. It’s not so much about what the gift cost, but that you thought enough about them to get them one in the first place. Do take note, though, that out of all of the love languages mentioned, if there’s someone who’s going to be the most bothered by not receiving a present on their birthday or Christmas, the “Gifts” person would be it.

As we said, this is pretty much an introduction to love languages (so please check out the link that we provided). But as you’re in the process of planning your next date, think about what we shared and perhaps bring this topic up in conversation.

It can only work in your favor because love is best, when it’s properly expressed!

Not Over It: 5 Signs That You're (Still) Not over Your Ex

If there’s one thing that exclusive dating and marriage has in common, it’s the fact that when you’re in a committed relationship, the last thing on your mind is that it will come to an end.

Unfortunately, that’s sometimes what happens, though.

Take boyfriends and girlfriends, for example. While initially things may be going really well, as time progresses, sometimes one individual may discover that they want different things, that their needs are not being met or that there’s someone else with whom they have more things in common. It’s not that they don’t still care about the person they are with. It’s more that things are progressing enough to the point where it makes sense to stay. And so, the relationship comes to an end.

However, just like it takes time for a relationship to grow…

It also takes time for your heart to catch up to your head when it comes to an end.

So, before you speak with a professional matchmaker or you decide to go out with the person at work who asked you out, make sure that you’re really and truly over your past relationship first. Why? Because the best way to start something new is by making sure you’ve resolved the past first. And just how can you know for sure that you are over your ex? Here are five telling signs that you’re definitely not.

You are still intimate with your ex. Have mercy! If you were to ask a lot of couples who are no longer together if they are still intimate, they are probably going to say “yes”. That’s because one of the last things to go in a relationship is the physical aspect of it. But listen, there is no possible way that you’re going to be able to get on with your life if you keep “engaging” with your ex. For the record, being intimate with you is a privilege; one that only comes by being with you. When the relationship ended, they lost the “rights” to spending time with you in that way. Yep. If the relationship is over, the sex definitely should be too. You won’t truly get over your ex if it’s not.

You talk about them (a lot). This particular point is something that you should ask your friends about. If they tell you that you still find a way to bring up your ex in conversation, no matter what the topic may be, this is a clue that you’re still not over them. That’s not to say that you should go throughout life acting like they never existed (that’s actually another indication that you’re not over it, if you ask us!). But we tend to talk about the things that are really important to us and are in the forefront of our mind. If that’s your ex, then that’s your mind (and heart’s) way of telling you that you still need a bit more time to heal. And you know what? That’s totally fine. Take all the time you need. Just try and think about other things to bring up in conversation in the meantime.

You still “follow” them on social media. One thing that social media has done is make it pretty darn difficult to get over someone. Before Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, all you pretty much had to go on was a phone number when it came to constantly staying in touch. Now? All you have to do is mosey on over to one of their accounts and you can see what they’ve been up to, who they’ve been talking to and even if they are seeing someone new. If you feel like you have the self-control (which is more like self-restraint) to keep being “friends” and “following” them, we’re actually impressed because most people tend to spend even more time paying attention to someone following a break-up. And all that ends up doing is pouring salt on the heart wound. Our recommendation? Either unfriend them and stop following them or at least “hide” their updates for a while. Right now, the focus needs to be on you and what you need. And what you don’t need is to be obsessed with what they have going on.

You won’t date. So, how long does it take to get over someone? Eh. Depends on who you ask, but we’ll say this: If you’ve been with someone for more than six months or so, you need at least a couple of months to process and also create a new normal for yourself. On the other hand, if the relationship lasted a year and it’s been at least that long since you’ve even gone on a first date with someone new, yeah, you’re definitely not over your ex. You shouldn’t date someone new to force yourself to get over someone, but you should consider doing it so that you’ll take your focus off of thinking that there’s only one person on the entire planet that you could ever be interested in. The more people you date, the more possibilities you open yourself up to. Remember that.

You are in a “hamster wheel”. If breaking up to make up is basically all that you and your ex do, not only is that emotionally unhealthy, but also a way to stay stuck in something that’s not really getting anywhere. Sometimes we can be so used to patterns that we don’t recognize that what we’re doing is counterproductive; we’re spending a lot of energy in a relational hamster wheel, but we’re not really getting anywhere. Here’s a way to know that you’re in this kind of space: If when someone asks you if you’re seeing someone, you say “Well, it’s kind of complicated”, it’s time to reevaluate why. Relationships shouldn’t be confusing or hard to explain or understand. Either you’re with someone because it’s the right thing for you or you’re not because you deserve better. Settling for anything in between is just that…settling. And if you’re doing it with an ex, you’re definitely not over them. Oh, but you need to be!

6 Dating Myths That Can Keep You from Finding Real Love

Do you have a date coming up this weekend? If so, be honest. How do you feel about it?

If it’s your first date (perhaps one that you got through a professional matchmaker service), then we’re willing to bet that you’re a bit nervous. On the other hand, if it’s your second or third, although the initial anxiety may be gone, you’ve probably entered into the stage where you’re wondering if there could possibly be a real future with the person that you’re seeing. Either way, we’re glad that you’re reading this article because hopefully, it’s going to provide you with a few insights on how you can make the most out of your dating experiences.

You see, what we’re about to do is share with you some popular dating myths. Ones that a lot of people seem to apply that, interestingly enough, can actually keep people from finding the real and lasting love that they’re looking for.

Are you curious to know what some of those myths are?

Cool. We’re more than happy to debunk them for you.

“If I’m not immediately attracted, what’s the point?” Although it would be awesome if every couple felt an immediate physical attraction to one another, the reality is there are a lot of happily married people who will tell you that wasn’t their experience with their spouse when they first met. Sadly, sometimes people mistake passion for real potential. Meaning, just because someone doesn’t look like your teenage crush or make your heart flip at the sight of them, that doesn’t mean that they are not someone who has the ability to pull at your heart strings, in time. Look, there are a ton of celebrities who are attractive---and alone. There are also a lot of “pretty people” who are straight-up jerks. Even if someone doesn’t catch your eye at first, give it some time. Sometimes the more you get to know a person’s personality, the more appealing they become. Mentally, emotionally and yes, even physically.

“We have to agree with most things in order to be compatible.” There’s a man who once said “When two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary.” In other words, a healthy relationship should stretch you; it should help you to grow. That tends to happen more when you’re involved with someone who doesn’t have all of the same views and opinions as you do. Don’t look for someone who is your relational clone. Look for someone who listens, respects what you have to say and always gives you a new way to seeing things.

“You should know in 3-5 dates if someone is ‘the one’.” Yes, there are some people who will tell you that the moment they set eyes on their significant other, they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with them. But that tends to be more of the exception than the rule. Therefore, don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself or the person that you’re seeing to know if you can see forever with them after only a few dates. Some of the best things happen gradually, not instantaneously.

“All dates should be over-the-top experiences.” Although wining and dining are awesome, let The Bachelor (and The Bachelorette) serve as blaring reminders that you need more than a swanky date to keep someone interested for the long haul. Going on impressive dates, especially in the beginning, provides a pretty nice first impression. But don’t underestimate the quality time and awesome memories that can also come from a picnic or stroll through the park.

“If they’re not seeing only me, they are not interested in getting serious.” As with many things in life, dating comes in stages and during the initial one, it’s perfectly fine if the person you’re seeing is still seeing other people too. It takes a while for individuals to come to the conclusion that they want to be exclusive, and what you don’t want to do is put the pressure on them to make a decision before they are ready. Remember, you want someone to choose you rather than feel like they were being put on a time clock or given some crazy ultimatum by you.

“What I don’t like about a person, I can always change---later.” Not only is this probably one of the biggest dating myths on the entire planet, but it’s also the cause for a lot of divorces too! Besides, how would you feel if you found out that the person you’re interested in doesn’t like you for who you are, but is keeping it to themselves believing that they can change you once they “seal the deal”? Everyone deserves to be loved for who they are. So if you don’t like something about someone, mention it, learn to deal with it or make the decision that your next date…should also be your last.

Are You a Priority or an Option? How to Know the Difference

If you were to hop online and Google some quotes on relationships, one that you might happen to see is “Never make someone a priority when they consider you to be an option.” Although this is a pearl of wisdom that can easily be applied in just about every facet of life, it’s especially important to consider when you’re dating someone.

In fact, if you happened to speak with a professional matchmaker who worked for a company like Tawkify, before going on your first date with one of their (other) clients, one of the things they would probably ask you is if you’re looking for a serious commitment. That way, they can connect you with someone who is not merely interested in “meeting new people” but in meeting the one they feel they can truly build a future with.

But whether you choose to use a professional service to assist you with your dating needs or you would prefer to try dating “the old-fashioned way”, just remember that your time and emotions are truly valuable.

And because we think it’s important to be in the kind of relationship you desire, we wanted to share with you some of the signs that someone is truly making you a priority in their life---rather than seeing you as one option out of a sea of many.

Pay attention to how you meet them. One of the best things about using a professional matchmaking service is you can find someone who is on the same page as you are. Meaning, if you want to be married, they’ll pair you up with someone who feels the same way. On the other hand, if you meet someone on a dating app like Tinder or PlentyOfFish, it’s a toss-up what their intentions are beyond a couple of dates and “a good time”. So, if you want to be treated like a priority, pay attention to how the relationship starts. It’s important.

Pay attention to how often you see them. Have you ever heard the quote “If they like you, you’ll know it but if they don’t, you’ll be confused”? There’s a lot of wisdom that comes with that saying. When someone really likes you, it’s not about if they have time to see you. It’s all about them making the time. It’s about them figuring out how to talk to you on the phone and spend quality time with you, no matter how demanding their schedule is. In short, if you hear from them a couple of times per week (at least), they’re at least trying to make you a priority. On the other hand, if it’s every couple of weeks…yeah, you’re probably an option.

Pay attention to how they treat you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, they should make you feel special. While there are different ways to do that, the point is that you should never feel unappreciated, taken for granted or, even worse, disposable. You know, like you’re easy to let go of because there are so many other people to date. You are unique. You are original. And that makes you incomparable. Anyone who is truly worth your time is going to see this about you and treat you like you are not just someone they know, but someone they are lucky to know.

Pay attention to how they introduce you. For the first few dates (the first four or five), if you and your date happen to run into someone that they know, you honestly shouldn’t expect more than “This is (insert your name here).” But once you’ve started to spend a significant amount of time together, listen for if there are any “extra words” that are added. If things like “special friend” or “close friend” or eventually “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” are used, then you know that the relationship is more than casual. If after a few months, there’s…nothing, it’s time to have a chat about if there really is a potential of the relationship turning into something.

Pay attention to what they say to you. A huge mistake that people tend to make in relationships is not really listening to what the other person has to say. And when it comes to this particular topic, if someone says “I really just want to be friends” or “I’m not interested in anything serious right now” or “Yeah, marriage is not something that I see in the foreseeable future”, that is just what they mean. In these instances, there’s no real need for them to make you a priority because a serious relationship is not a priority for them. If this is the case, it’s up to you to decide where to go from here. If you want to make them a priority, an option or if you want to end the relationship altogether. However it all plays out, remember that you deserve to have what you want in a relationship. And ultimately, we support your decision. Either way.

'I'm Separated': 6 Reasons Why the 'Technically-Married' Should Not Be an Option

He’s awesome. He’s smart. He’s funny. He likes the same things that you do and he seems to be as equally into you as you are into him.

Or…

She’s amazing. She’s beautiful. She’s ambitious. And if you were really honest with yourself, if you were to describe the perfect woman, she would be the walking definition of it.

There’s only one problem. They’re still married. Well, technically.

Actually the more appropriate word is that they are “separated”.

But here’s the thing: This means that (sigh) they’re still married.

If you’re currently in this kind of predicament---which is probably more like a dilemma---you’re not alone. Although it’s somewhat rare for a person in their early 20s to be in this type of situation, the older we get, the more the chances increase of us meeting someone who has marriage as a part of their past. Or present. And as tempting as starting (or continuing) a relationship with them may be, there are a literal boatload of reasons why it it’s best to avoid someone who is married and to also not move forward with someone who is separated either.

Here are just six reasons why:

You only know one side of the story. It’s human nature for an individual to only share how they see things from their perspective. So, if you were to ask the person you’re dating about why they are separated, they might provide you with all sorts of reasons to look at their spouse as the bad guy or girl. At the same time, if you were able to speak to their spouse directly, they might still want the marriage to last or they might have some reasons of their own that, if you knew them, you might not find the person you’re seeing as appealing as you currently do. A person who is separated is a person who’s in a relationship that’s unresolved and oftentimes that’s a messy, confusing and unstable state to be in. Don’t be a character in their sordid tale. You should avoid the entire situation if at all possible.

It’s a huge emotional gamble. Oftentimes a separated person is not in a position to know for sure how they exactly feel about their spouse. One day they might want to totally end it. The next day they might want to reconcile (especially if there are children involved). And based on wherever they may be on the emotional meter, that can, in turn, affect how they feel about you at any given moment too. You deserve to be with someone who can give you all of them. A separated person simply cannot do that.

Sex may not be the safest. Let’s be honest. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to expect a separated person to be “faithful” to you. It’s a bit of a sucker punch to say this, but just by the mere fact that they are dating you while they are married kind of gives you a clue of how they feel about monogamy. Plus, if they were to have occasions when they slept with their spouse, how upset can you really be? Does it make sense to be mad that they had sex (inhale then exhale) with their own husband and wife? It not being a good idea to sleep with someone who has more than one sex partner doesn’t change simply because the individual is separated. For the sake of your physical and emotional well-being, avoid getting intimate with someone who is separated.

They will probably have some commitment issues. Hopefully, this point won’t be a shocker. Aside from the fact that they should know that it’s not the wisest thing to date other people while they are separated, when someone is in “marital limbo”, a commitment is oftentimes the last thing that they are looking for. And understandably so. They are still processing their marriage which requires time to think and to heal. So, if you’re looking for a separated person to want to get married in the next year (or sometimes even the next five, if ever), you might find yourself pretty disappointed. (For the record, even if they do want to get married really quickly, that’s still a bit of a red flag. They should take some time out to be single before hopping into another long-term commitment.)

The spouse could get involved. This kind of ties into the whole “you don’t have all of the story” point. Just because a person tells you that they are separated, that doesn’t always mean that they are working towards a divorce. Sometimes, it’s more like a “cooling off period” between them and their spouse and when this is the case, their spouse may have the impression that reconciliation is not only possible but probable. With all of the technological advances out here, it’s not hard for people to find individuals that they’re really looking for and if a separation is not a step away from divorce, you can be seen as “the other man or woman” which could translate into “the enemy”. This could result in the spouse reaching out to you. And that’s…a lot to deal with.

It’s usually a waste of your time. One of the reasons why it’s so important to know what you want in a relationship before ever starting one is that it helps you to avoid certain types of people and scenarios beforehand. That said, if you’re only interested in casually dating, a separated person may not seem like that big of a deal to you. But if you want the kind of relationship that shows real promise of ultimately going from dating to engagement to marriage, for all of the reasons shared, a separated individual is probably going to prove themselves to be a colossal waste of your time. Bottom line: Make the personal commitment to date someone who is totally free to love you. And that’s someone who is single. Not separated.

'The Nice Guy': 6 Reasons Why He's SUCH an Awesome Catch

The nice guy. It’s a term that causes a lot of fellas (especially the nice guys) to sigh with the “So, here we go again” look on their face, while it also causes a lot of girls to roll their eyes with the “Can we please talk about something else?” attitude. Yeah, for whatever the reason, when it comes to dating, the nice guy tends to…not so much get a bad rap. It’s more like he doesn’t get much of a rap at all.

And you know what? That’s actually pretty sad. Yet it’s still a reality.

So, why is it that the nice guy oftentimes can’t get the props that he deserves? Is it that women automatically associate him with being the kind of nerdy and awkward guy who was “nice” but not super appealing in high school? Is it that women want a challenge and they feel like the nice guy isn’t much of one? Or is it simply that a lot of women haven’t really given the nice guy a chance because they oftentimes are focused on the dude who, quite frankly, is any and everything but nice.

Look, none of us are getting any younger. And if you happen to be a woman reading this, you can actually miss out on a really great relationship by telling your friend or a matchmaker who’s trying to hook you up “Yeah, he seems like he might be nice but…”

So, before you turn down yet another date with a really nice guy, here are some of the reasons why should actually reconsider:

Nice guys are kind men. When someone is kind, it means that they are considerate. It also means that they are gentle and helpful too. Now why should those traits be a turn-off? A guy who calls to check on you after you’ve had a hard day, a guy who speaks in a gentle tone, a guy who offers to help you to put your TV stand together or upgrade your computer software is someone who can only enhance your life. Ask any wife who’s been married five or more years or any woman who’s been divorced for that same amount of time and we’re willing to be that they’ll tell you that if you’ve met a kind man, when it comes to relationships, you’ve definitely hit the jackpot!

Nice guys are good listeners. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who only talks about himself? Or worse, whenever you try to get a word in, he tends to cut you off? While a lot of arrogant men are notorious for these traits, it’s not so much the case with the nice guy. He’s actually interested in what you have to say. Plus, being that listening is the key to communication and every relationship needs two good communicators in order for it to thrive, dating a good listener can only work in your favor.

Nice guys don’t underestimate the power of friendship. Honestly, a part of the reason why that is the case is because a lot of nice guys heard plenty of “You’re a really nice guy but…can we be just friends?” during their high school and quite possibly their college years too. And while all of us long to be in a relationship with someone where more than friendship is a part of it, nice guys have learned that there is real value to the foundation of friendship. As a result, they tend to allow their relationships to evolve gradually and organically. As relationships should.

Nice guys are proactive. Say that you do happen to have an affinity for another category of men: the handsome jerks (for the record, there are some really attractive nice guys on the planet too). And what qualifies “him” as being a jerk? He’s selfish. He’s inconsiderate. He doesn’t make you and your needs a priority. Being disappointed while in a relationship with this kind of guy is basically par for the course, and even if he does happen to apologize for his dating sins, he usually spends more time trying to make up for what he did wrong or didn’t do enough of than actually getting anything right. Missing your birthday and then sending you flowers? Reactive. Asking you two weeks in advance about what your favorite restaurant is so that the two of you can celebrate in style? Proactive. And you know what? Nice guys tend to be more proactive than reactive. (Chalk it up to the kindness factor.)

Nice guys live by the Golden Rule. Some people call it the Golden Rule while others call it karma. Either way, nice guys are usually on top of it. They tend to really take it to heart that you should treat people in the same way that you want to be treated. This means that they are going to return your calls because they want you to do that for them. This means that they are not going to lie to your face because they would hate it if you did it. This means that they are going to treat you with the utmost respect because that is something they long for in return. And the fact that all of this is even on their radar makes them pretty awesome people to be around.

Nice guys don’t run away from commitment. Although there are definitely some nice guys in the world who want to keep things casual, it’s more common to come across the ones who really do desire a relationship. The thought of having a steady girlfriend, a fiancé and eventually a wife does not freak them out. In fact, they tend to embrace it. So, if you’re wondering why all of the guys that you’ve been dating are not “relationship material”, ask yourself if you’ve ever considered the nice guy. If not, maybe, just maybe, now you will!