Raise the Bar: Are Your Relationship Standards High Enough

If you’ve never heard the following quote by writer Maureen Dowd, we are thrilled to be the first ones to share it with you! Without question, with it comes to matters of the heart, it’s definitely words to live by: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

The thing that’s so awesome about it (at least it is to us) is it’s a reminder that when it comes to having standards in relationships, it’s important to set them high. Not so high that no human on earth can possibly reach them, but high enough for you to feel valued within it.

Are you someone who knows in that in times past, you found yourself not getting all that you deserved in a relationship because your standards were not high enough? If so and you’d like a few tips, in the form of warning signals, to let you know when your standards are so low that you need to move on, here are some that we’re confident that every (reputable) professional matchmaker in the world would agree with!

If your needs aren’t being met, your standards are too low. Wanna know one reason why a lot of people’s needs aren’t being met in their relationship? It’s because before they went into it, they didn’t take out the time to think about what those needs actually were. If you’re someone who needs to take things slow and date the old-fashioned way, it’s important to know that---beforehand. If you’re someone who’s not interested in casual dating and you’re looking for something exclusive, it’s important to know that too. Or if you’ve been hurt before, you know you’re fragile when it comes to trust and so honesty is top on your list of character traits, that also needs to be high up on your radar. Or perhaps your ex wasn’t the best communicator and you need someone to engage you a lot more; there is certainly no shame in that. Can you see where we’re going with this? When you know what you need, it helps you to see if you’re getting those needs met. Or not. And if they aren’t, you’ve stated it but you continue to be ignored but you stay in the relationship anyway, your standards are way too low.

If you have to beg for attention, your standards are too low. A lot of people probably don’t even realize that they are begging their significant other for attention, but here are some examples of what we mean by that. If you’re constantly asking them to call or text you back, if the you only go on a date is if you set it up and if the only time it seems like they are willing to drop everything to be with you is when it comes to sex and you’re tolerating all of this, guess what? One, you definitely deserve better. And two, your standards are too low.

If you’re upset/unhappy most of the time, your standards are too low. It’s one thing to have a favorite love song that you like to listen to. It’s another matter entirely to be the one who’s basically living out the lyrics. That said, if you know that you are either upset or unhappy more times than you feel blessed and pleased with yourself, your relationship and the person you are seeing, that’s not something to ignore. Being upset/unhappy is a clear sign of discontent. To keep going through the (e)motions, unsatisfied, is another sign that you standards are too low.

If you’re doing most of the work, your standards are too low. This one is short and sweet (and also works really well with the “begging for attention” point that we already brought up). If the relationship would cease to exist, literally, without your effort; if you are always trying to be the encourager, supporter and proactive party when it comes to the relationship itself and you feel like you’re doing all of the work alone, yep. Your standards are too low.

If you’re always making excuses for what you know is unhealthy, your standards are too low. And finally, if after reading all of this, you are trying to figure out how to excuse away these warnings, along with the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that there are other ones that you are not paying attention to, again, your standards are too low. A truly loving relationship should lift you higher, not let you down. Therefore, don’t be afraid or apologetic for raising the bar when it comes to what you want in yours. You’re worthy of having every single need met. Guaranteed.

True Fulfillment: 6 Things Every Relationship Needs

Say that you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker today to talk about all of what you’re looking for in a relationship. There’s a pretty good possibility that what you’ll list are the things that you want. But the reality is that for any relationship to grow and last, it’s actually more important to know what you need.

While great looks, a sense of humor and a mutual chemistry are always great, if you’re looking for something beyond a casual dating situation, there are some foundational elements that you must put on the top of your dating priority list as well. Things that will help your relationship to truly go the distance.

And just what are those exactly? Here are the six that immediately come to mind:

Love. This one is probably pretty obvious because of course every relationship needs love! But for the record, love is not just about getting butterflies in your stomach when you see the one you adore. Love is having a deep affection and a profound attachment to them. It’s about caring for them so deeply that their concerns become your own. It’s about doing whatever you can to assist in making them their best possible self. It’s about being lovers, but also being really close friends too.

Respect. No relationship can survive without respect. Respect for each other’s individuality. Respect for each other’s boundaries. Respect for each other’s goals and ambitions. When you respect someone, it’s basically about treating them in the way that you would want to be treated in return. It’s about giving them a sense of dignity, speaking to them in a way that shows that you appreciate them being in your life and esteeming them so that they know that, to you, they are truly special and valuable.

Patience. Sadly, there are a lot of relationships that show great potential, but are not able to go the distance due to a lack of this one thing. Patience is not just about having the ability to wait on someone when they’re running late. No, it is far deeper than that. A dictionary definition of the word is “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like”. In a nutshell, patience is knowing and accepting the fact that no one is perfect and then dealing with their flaws and shortcomings as they come. (And they will come.)

Consistency. Ever heard the quote “No snowflake wants to take the blame for the avalanche”? Well, if there is a little thing that can become a huge problem in a relationship, a lack of consistency goes on the very top of our list! Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who start off being attentive, romantic and giving in their relationships, but as they get more comfortable, with that comes a level of laziness. Suddenly, all of the time, effort and energy that they initially put in is now hit-or-miss. One of the reasons why consistency in a relationship is so important is because it helps to establish trust between both people---and all relationships need that. So yes, consistency leads to trust and trust leads to a really healthy union between you and yours. Why? Because both of you know that who you met is not suddenly going to switch up on you and become someone else. And that’s a really comforting feeling.

Commitment. If the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of the word “commitment” is “loyalty”, we get that. But we mean something more when we use the word. The reason why we consider commitment to be a relationship need is because it’s what helps to bring forth clarity when it comes to what both individuals can and should expect, which helps to ultimately brings about stability. If you’re in a committed relationship then you don’t have to wonder where things stand. They are into you, you are into them and you’re both working together to cultivate something bigger and stronger. Which brings us to the final point.

Plans. Far too many couples basically find themselves stuck in a rut due to the fact that they fail to make plans for the future. We don’t mean plans to go to dinner and a movie next weekend. We mean plans for the relationship. It’s always a good idea to “check in” every few months to see if both people are happy (“fulfilled” is an even better word), if things are heading in the right direction and what needs to be done to insure that the relationship continues to thrive. Yep. A couple who plans is a couple who is intentional about making their relationship work. And with that kind of mindset, only good can come from it in the days, weeks and months to come!