So in Love: 5 Habits of Happy (and Committed) Couples

Whether it’s your grandparents who’ve been married for over 50 years or your best friend whose face seems to light up every time they see their significant other, have you ever sat and wondered what the real keys to success are when it comes to their relationship?  

Of course, you probably know the “Hallmark version”. That all relationships require things like love, respect and loyalty. But honestly, there are a lot of people who are in the process of going through a divorce or a break-up who started out with those very things. And still, something went awry.

Being in love is one thing. Staying in love is something entirely different.

In order to make a relationship go the distance, there has to be more than emotions and intentions involved. There needs to be real habits that are put into practice; ones that you can’t quickly learn from a professional matchmaker or that you can pick up from a Cosmo article, try for a couple of weeks, and quit. No, in order to be in the kind of happy and committed relationship that you’ve always dreamed of, there are some things that you’re going to have to choose to do, consistently.

Here are five of ‘em.

They are work on building a really strong friendship. Any relationship book, article or blog that’s worth its salt is going to mention that a relationship that’s based on a true friendship is the best kind that anyone can have. There are several reasons why. Friends are open with one another. Friends can trust one another. Friends like one another. And honestly, it’s during the tough times when “like” will take you a long way. Why? Because you’ll be able to use what you have in common, your senses of humor and your devotion and affection towards one another to get you through the tough times. This is why happy and committed couples are always making sure that they are growing as friends…that they are doing what is needed to become the absolute best of friends.

They make time for one another. Happy and committed couples don’t just “have time”, they make it. Honestly, this runs the gamut. They make sure to connect by phone, text and/or email on a daily basis. They plan dates ahead of time. They make sure that they are emotionally “on call” for one another. In short, they do all that they can to let each other know that they are a priority in each other’s lives. Days don’t go by without communicating. Weeks don’t go by without seeing one another (even if it’s long distance, they Skype and budget to take trips). They are mutually invested. And one of their main investments is time.

They work on being holistically intimate. There’s no way to get around the fact that sex is an important part of a relationship. At the same time, happy and committed couples know that it takes a lot more than that to become truly intimate with one another. They are aware that emotional intimacy and a mental and spiritual connection are paramount too. That’s why they make sure that they communicate well. They seek to meet each other’s emotional needs. And if there are problems that arise, they strive, together, to get them resolved just as soon as possible. Happy and committed couples understand how powerful their connection is. They have absolutely no desire in allowing things to get in the way of it. Especially things that they can control.

They are each other’s cheerleaders. If you were to get a roomful of individuals who’ve cheated on their companions before and you asked them why they did it, you might be surprised by the amount who will say that they didn’t feel encouragement or support from their partner. Truly, there is nothing like feeling as if you are celebrated in the world, only to come home and be nagged, nitpicked or made to feel like you’re never really good enough or are doing enough. Happy and committed couples know that if anyone should be in their significant other’s corner, telling them that they are awesome and that, for them, the sky is the limit, they should be the first in line.

They leave the past in the past. Hopefully, it’s a given that happy and committed couples leave their love lives with others in the past. Actually, what we mean by this is that they leave the mistakes, arguments and issues that occur within their relationship with one another behind them. In other words, happy and committed couples know that 1) neither of them is perfect which means that 2) they have to be willing to forgive. In fact, couples who are quick to pardon one another’s offenses are couples who tend to stay together, happily so, for a very, very long time. It makes sense too because a person who can ask for forgiveness shows signs of true humility and a person who can forgive shows signs of great strength. Both of which are keys to a truly happy and committed relationship!

True Fulfillment: 6 Things Every Relationship Needs

Say that you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker today to talk about all of what you’re looking for in a relationship. There’s a pretty good possibility that what you’ll list are the things that you want. But the reality is that for any relationship to grow and last, it’s actually more important to know what you need.

While great looks, a sense of humor and a mutual chemistry are always great, if you’re looking for something beyond a casual dating situation, there are some foundational elements that you must put on the top of your dating priority list as well. Things that will help your relationship to truly go the distance.

And just what are those exactly? Here are the six that immediately come to mind:

Love. This one is probably pretty obvious because of course every relationship needs love! But for the record, love is not just about getting butterflies in your stomach when you see the one you adore. Love is having a deep affection and a profound attachment to them. It’s about caring for them so deeply that their concerns become your own. It’s about doing whatever you can to assist in making them their best possible self. It’s about being lovers, but also being really close friends too.

Respect. No relationship can survive without respect. Respect for each other’s individuality. Respect for each other’s boundaries. Respect for each other’s goals and ambitions. When you respect someone, it’s basically about treating them in the way that you would want to be treated in return. It’s about giving them a sense of dignity, speaking to them in a way that shows that you appreciate them being in your life and esteeming them so that they know that, to you, they are truly special and valuable.

Patience. Sadly, there are a lot of relationships that show great potential, but are not able to go the distance due to a lack of this one thing. Patience is not just about having the ability to wait on someone when they’re running late. No, it is far deeper than that. A dictionary definition of the word is “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like”. In a nutshell, patience is knowing and accepting the fact that no one is perfect and then dealing with their flaws and shortcomings as they come. (And they will come.)

Consistency. Ever heard the quote “No snowflake wants to take the blame for the avalanche”? Well, if there is a little thing that can become a huge problem in a relationship, a lack of consistency goes on the very top of our list! Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who start off being attentive, romantic and giving in their relationships, but as they get more comfortable, with that comes a level of laziness. Suddenly, all of the time, effort and energy that they initially put in is now hit-or-miss. One of the reasons why consistency in a relationship is so important is because it helps to establish trust between both people---and all relationships need that. So yes, consistency leads to trust and trust leads to a really healthy union between you and yours. Why? Because both of you know that who you met is not suddenly going to switch up on you and become someone else. And that’s a really comforting feeling.

Commitment. If the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of the word “commitment” is “loyalty”, we get that. But we mean something more when we use the word. The reason why we consider commitment to be a relationship need is because it’s what helps to bring forth clarity when it comes to what both individuals can and should expect, which helps to ultimately brings about stability. If you’re in a committed relationship then you don’t have to wonder where things stand. They are into you, you are into them and you’re both working together to cultivate something bigger and stronger. Which brings us to the final point.

Plans. Far too many couples basically find themselves stuck in a rut due to the fact that they fail to make plans for the future. We don’t mean plans to go to dinner and a movie next weekend. We mean plans for the relationship. It’s always a good idea to “check in” every few months to see if both people are happy (“fulfilled” is an even better word), if things are heading in the right direction and what needs to be done to insure that the relationship continues to thrive. Yep. A couple who plans is a couple who is intentional about making their relationship work. And with that kind of mindset, only good can come from it in the days, weeks and months to come!

Happy and Healthy: 6 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship

If there’s one thing that all of us long for, it’s love. As Carrie Bradshaw once put it “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” But the unfortunate reality is there are a lot of people who define that as simply “being in a relationship”. As a result, while they might be with someone, the situation is really not the healthiest for them.

When something is healthy, it is prosperous.

When something is healthy, it is full of vigor.

When something is healthy, it promotes happiness.

At the same time…

When something is unhealthy, it makes one weak.

When something is unhealthy, it is harmful.

Here are two other definitions of unhealthy: dangerous and risky.

If you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker to discuss with them what you are looking for in a relationship, one of the things that they would strive to do is connect you with someone who will be just right for you. And if someone is “right”, they are going to be healthy---spiritually, emotionally and otherwise (words to live by).

Being that so many people find themselves in relationships that are sometimes any and everything but, we decided to provide you with six signs that a relationship is truly all of the definitions of the word healthy.

Check ‘em out:

Healthy relationships help you to feel good about yourself. One misstep many folks make is looking for someone to make them feel smart or attractive or worthy. First, that is a lot of responsibility to put on one person. Secondly, it’s also a bit on the side of unrealistic---and unfair. It’s actually not someone’s job to make you feel better about who you are, so if you’re looking to be in a relationship for that reason, it’s probably best to spend some (more) time being single and focusing on (further) developing your self-esteem. But once you do feel great about who you are as a person, your relationship should definitely be affirming and encouraging of what you already know about your looks, gifts, talents and goals. Yes, a healthy relationship consists of two “life cheerleaders”. Two people who help each other continue to see the great things they are aware of about themselves. In other words, a healthy relationship should consist of lots of confirmations more so than revelations about your value.

Healthy relationships are not abusive. When it comes to the topic of abuse, a lot of people tend to focus on what physical abuse is more than anything else. But if you’re constantly being put down or verbally attacked (verbal abuse) or corrected or manipulated (emotional abuse) or even if you feel very lonely (neglected), you’re still being abused. Love is not supposed to hurt the mind, body or spirit. If that is what’s happening to you on any level, not only is the relationship unhealthy, but that’s your cue to get out. Now, please.

Healthy relationships are stable. Sure, roller coaster rides are fun at amusement parks, but emotional roller coasters? Yeah, they pretty much suck. If you’re in the kind of relationship that has extreme highs and lows on a weekly basis, something is unstable, and instability is not a safe state. If the two of you are always arguing and fighting and then pacifying one another immediately after, that’s not getting to the root of the issue. All relationships have their challenges, but healthy relationships are not constantly problematic. They are solutions-oriented and driven.

Healthy relationships don’t rely on sex for intimacy. We’re not saying that healthy relationships are sexless. We’re saying that healthy relationships are not sex-dependent. You know the kind we’re talking about, right? When two people really don’t have that much in common and honestly probably don’t even really like each other that much, but because the sex is physically gratifying, that’s the “glue” that keeps them together. No person should be another individual’s “fix”. If physical pleasure is all that’s really between you, at the end of the day, it’s not much. You both deserve better.

Healthy relationships grow. Remember how two definitions of healthy are prosperous and happiness? When something is prosperous, that means that it is flourishing and when something is flourishing, that means that it is “growing vigorously” and “thriving”. Not everyone wants to get married, but everyone should want to be in the kind of relationship that shows signs of being greater this year than the last. That’s why it’s always a good idea for couples to take “relationship inventory” a few times a year. It helps them to see if they are on the same page, if needs are being mutually met and what each other’s current expectations are. Bottom line, if something is alive, it is growing and healthy relationships should make both people in them feel just that---alive! If yours isn’t…it might be time to do something different. Or new. And that’s OK. Better to be healthy alone than unhealthy with someone, right? We couldn’t agree with you more!