If there’s one thing that all of us long for, it’s love. As Carrie Bradshaw once put it “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” But the unfortunate reality is there are a lot of people who define that as simply “being in a relationship”. As a result, while they might be with someone, the situation is really not the healthiest for them.
When something is healthy, it is prosperous.
When something is healthy, it is full of vigor.
When something is healthy, it promotes happiness.
At the same time…
When something is unhealthy, it makes one weak.
When something is unhealthy, it is harmful.
Here are two other definitions of unhealthy: dangerous and risky.
If you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker to discuss with them what you are looking for in a relationship, one of the things that they would strive to do is connect you with someone who will be just right for you. And if someone is “right”, they are going to be healthy---spiritually, emotionally and otherwise (words to live by).
Being that so many people find themselves in relationships that are sometimes any and everything but, we decided to provide you with six signs that a relationship is truly all of the definitions of the word healthy.
Check ‘em out:
Healthy relationships help you to feel good about yourself. One misstep many folks make is looking for someone to make them feel smart or attractive or worthy. First, that is a lot of responsibility to put on one person. Secondly, it’s also a bit on the side of unrealistic---and unfair. It’s actually not someone’s job to make you feel better about who you are, so if you’re looking to be in a relationship for that reason, it’s probably best to spend some (more) time being single and focusing on (further) developing your self-esteem. But once you do feel great about who you are as a person, your relationship should definitely be affirming and encouraging of what you already know about your looks, gifts, talents and goals. Yes, a healthy relationship consists of two “life cheerleaders”. Two people who help each other continue to see the great things they are aware of about themselves. In other words, a healthy relationship should consist of lots of confirmations more so than revelations about your value.
Healthy relationships are not abusive. When it comes to the topic of abuse, a lot of people tend to focus on what physical abuse is more than anything else. But if you’re constantly being put down or verbally attacked (verbal abuse) or corrected or manipulated (emotional abuse) or even if you feel very lonely (neglected), you’re still being abused. Love is not supposed to hurt the mind, body or spirit. If that is what’s happening to you on any level, not only is the relationship unhealthy, but that’s your cue to get out. Now, please.
Healthy relationships are stable. Sure, roller coaster rides are fun at amusement parks, but emotional roller coasters? Yeah, they pretty much suck. If you’re in the kind of relationship that has extreme highs and lows on a weekly basis, something is unstable, and instability is not a safe state. If the two of you are always arguing and fighting and then pacifying one another immediately after, that’s not getting to the root of the issue. All relationships have their challenges, but healthy relationships are not constantly problematic. They are solutions-oriented and driven.
Healthy relationships don’t rely on sex for intimacy. We’re not saying that healthy relationships are sexless. We’re saying that healthy relationships are not sex-dependent. You know the kind we’re talking about, right? When two people really don’t have that much in common and honestly probably don’t even really like each other that much, but because the sex is physically gratifying, that’s the “glue” that keeps them together. No person should be another individual’s “fix”. If physical pleasure is all that’s really between you, at the end of the day, it’s not much. You both deserve better.
Healthy relationships grow. Remember how two definitions of healthy are prosperous and happiness? When something is prosperous, that means that it is flourishing and when something is flourishing, that means that it is “growing vigorously” and “thriving”. Not everyone wants to get married, but everyone should want to be in the kind of relationship that shows signs of being greater this year than the last. That’s why it’s always a good idea for couples to take “relationship inventory” a few times a year. It helps them to see if they are on the same page, if needs are being mutually met and what each other’s current expectations are. Bottom line, if something is alive, it is growing and healthy relationships should make both people in them feel just that---alive! If yours isn’t…it might be time to do something different. Or new. And that’s OK. Better to be healthy alone than unhealthy with someone, right? We couldn’t agree with you more!