Whether it’s your grandparents who’ve been married for over 50 years or your best friend whose face seems to light up every time they see their significant other, have you ever sat and wondered what the real keys to success are when it comes to their relationship?
Of course, you probably know the “Hallmark version”. That all relationships require things like love, respect and loyalty. But honestly, there are a lot of people who are in the process of going through a divorce or a break-up who started out with those very things. And still, something went awry.
Being in love is one thing. Staying in love is something entirely different.
In order to make a relationship go the distance, there has to be more than emotions and intentions involved. There needs to be real habits that are put into practice; ones that you can’t quickly learn from a professional matchmaker or that you can pick up from a Cosmo article, try for a couple of weeks, and quit. No, in order to be in the kind of happy and committed relationship that you’ve always dreamed of, there are some things that you’re going to have to choose to do, consistently.
Here are five of ‘em.
They are work on building a really strong friendship. Any relationship book, article or blog that’s worth its salt is going to mention that a relationship that’s based on a true friendship is the best kind that anyone can have. There are several reasons why. Friends are open with one another. Friends can trust one another. Friends like one another. And honestly, it’s during the tough times when “like” will take you a long way. Why? Because you’ll be able to use what you have in common, your senses of humor and your devotion and affection towards one another to get you through the tough times. This is why happy and committed couples are always making sure that they are growing as friends…that they are doing what is needed to become the absolute best of friends.
They make time for one another. Happy and committed couples don’t just “have time”, they make it. Honestly, this runs the gamut. They make sure to connect by phone, text and/or email on a daily basis. They plan dates ahead of time. They make sure that they are emotionally “on call” for one another. In short, they do all that they can to let each other know that they are a priority in each other’s lives. Days don’t go by without communicating. Weeks don’t go by without seeing one another (even if it’s long distance, they Skype and budget to take trips). They are mutually invested. And one of their main investments is time.
They work on being holistically intimate. There’s no way to get around the fact that sex is an important part of a relationship. At the same time, happy and committed couples know that it takes a lot more than that to become truly intimate with one another. They are aware that emotional intimacy and a mental and spiritual connection are paramount too. That’s why they make sure that they communicate well. They seek to meet each other’s emotional needs. And if there are problems that arise, they strive, together, to get them resolved just as soon as possible. Happy and committed couples understand how powerful their connection is. They have absolutely no desire in allowing things to get in the way of it. Especially things that they can control.
They are each other’s cheerleaders. If you were to get a roomful of individuals who’ve cheated on their companions before and you asked them why they did it, you might be surprised by the amount who will say that they didn’t feel encouragement or support from their partner. Truly, there is nothing like feeling as if you are celebrated in the world, only to come home and be nagged, nitpicked or made to feel like you’re never really good enough or are doing enough. Happy and committed couples know that if anyone should be in their significant other’s corner, telling them that they are awesome and that, for them, the sky is the limit, they should be the first in line.
They leave the past in the past. Hopefully, it’s a given that happy and committed couples leave their love lives with others in the past. Actually, what we mean by this is that they leave the mistakes, arguments and issues that occur within their relationship with one another behind them. In other words, happy and committed couples know that 1) neither of them is perfect which means that 2) they have to be willing to forgive. In fact, couples who are quick to pardon one another’s offenses are couples who tend to stay together, happily so, for a very, very long time. It makes sense too because a person who can ask for forgiveness shows signs of true humility and a person who can forgive shows signs of great strength. Both of which are keys to a truly happy and committed relationship!