If you’re anything like us, then you probably remember growing up and watching at least a couple of fairy tales. So, here’s a pop quiz question: What’s one thing that virtually all of them had in common? Whether it was Cinderella or Snow White (or some other princess), they would fall in love, get married and as the movie came to an end, you would see the words “And they lived happily ever after.”
Being that we haven’t gotten updates on these women and their husbands, we can only assume that their marriages lasted (here’s hoping!). However, to watch a scripted film and then expect real life to be exactly like what you saw on the screen is not only unrealistic, but unfair to the person that you’re dating.
Even if you are set up by a professional matchmaker who presents to you an amazing profile of a potential dating candidate, people are not perfection prototypes; they are human beings. This means that they are going to come with their own weaknesses and flaws…just as you do.
So, how can you know if you’re the kind of person who has the tendency to live for the fairy tale (the Hollywood hype) rather than in reality when it comes to love, matters of the heart and relationships? Although this kind of answer deserves about 10 blogs all on its own, here are a few points to definitely keep in mind:
Know what the literal definition of a fairytale is. OK, so here’s another question: When’s the last time that you’ve opened up a dictionary and looked up the definitions for the word “fairy tale”? It just might trip you out. We say that because according to Dictionary, one definition is “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” while another is “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief”. Fairy tales are for children. Fairy tales have the potential to mislead you. So, if you’re someone who is known for saying “I live for the fairytale”, these definitions are definitely something to keep in mind!
Revisit your standards for a Prince Charming or Princess. It’s one thing to want to be in a relationship with a good person. It’s another thing to decide that if someone doesn’t have everything that you want on your 50-point checklist that they aren’t worth your time. There are a lot of people who missed out on the potential of a really great relationship because they are constantly on the search for “love at first sight”, which tends to be the exception and not the rule when it comes to dating. Just think about it. How many princes and princesses do you personally know? So, why would you expect the person you’re going out with to be one? People need to be seen and treated and accepted as individuals; not some kind of fantasized ideal.
Remember that love is awesome. It’s also a lot of hard work too. In the article “5 Things Girlfriends Should Stop Doing After Becoming Wives”, the author shared this very relevant point: “They expect a fairy tale. Your married life is not going to be a ‘happy ever after’! Expecting that you and your husband will have a dream house, where he will help you plant daisies in the garden is childish. As a married couple, you both will have to face problems and you both will have fights and make compromises, etc. Always remember, you are getting married, not shifting to another universe. You both have to work towards your ‘happily ever after’, and that can only happen with love, respect and a few compromises from both sides.” So true, so true…so true! Love is a choice. A choice that requires putting time, effort and energy into it. Daily.
You both have lives. And responsibilities too. If you’re not careful, being caught up in the fairytale will have you believing that your significant other should constantly be at your beck and call. But the reality is you have a job and so do they. You have a family and so do they. You have friends, interests and responsibilities. So do they. When you’re living in the reality of a relationship, you accept the fact that while the person you’re with is supposed to be supportive and encouraging, they also are individuals who need to focus on other life demands. They are to bring something very special to your life. At the same time, they are not to be your everything, though.
They do not complete you. If there is one movie line that continues to be at the forefront of the minds and hearts of so many romantics worldwide, it would have to be when Tom Cruise’s character said “You complete me” in the movie Jerry Maguire. And while that is certainly a super sweet sentiment, here’s the “challenge” with it. Doesn’t it imply that before you met your significant other that you were incomplete? A healthy relationship doesn’t consist of two broken people who are expecting the person they are with to fill all of their voids. A healthy relationship is more about two individuals who were working to be their best selves before they got together and then realized that their relationship simply adds to their already fulfilling lives. It’s a fantasy---and a lot of pressure---to expect someone to complete you. In the real world, love is about embracing that the love experience helps to make your already complete life…that much more satisfying. And accepting that is what can truly lead you on the path towards…happily ever after. In real life!