No matter how great a relationship might be, it’s going to come with its own set of challenges. That’s because although two people care a lot about each other, the reality is that they are still two individuals---ones with their own unique perspectives, expectations and needs.
We’re pretty sure that’s a big part of the reason why best-selling author penned the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. If you’re not familiar with it, basically the premise is this: One of the biggest problems in relationships is the fact that people find themselves expressing love to their partner in the way that they desire to receive it, rather than in the way that their loved one actually wants it. Not only that, but according to Dr. Chapman, love is basically expressed in five main ways:
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Gifts
Although a professional matchmaker, online dating website or even a family member or friend may be able to set you up with the right person, the reality is that only you and they can figure out how each one needs to feel loved. If you’re interested in knowing more about the five love languages (and if you would like to take a test to see what your top two are), you can go here. For now, we’re going to provide a brief insight into each one of them.
Words of Affirmation. Do you like to receive greeting cards for no reason? Does your face light up when someone compliments or affirms you? Or, on the other hand, are you extremely tone-sensitive (which means you care just as much about how things are said as what is being said) and if someone says something that hurts your feelings, it really hurts your feelings? If so, there’s a pretty good chance that your top love language is “Words of Affirmation”. Although words are important to everyone, in order for you to feel loved and appreciated, for you, the expression of them is vital.
Physical Touch. Although you might automatically think this has something to do with your libido, actually it doesn’t. This particular love language is about people who like to hold hands, cuddle on the couch, hug with every greeting---the kind of people who, when they are around their partner, can’t help but to want to make some type of physical contact. When someone strongly desires physical touch, to not receive it in some way, feels like a form of rejection; no matter how much their partner tells them how they feel or shows them that they care.
Acts of Service. If you’re the kind of person who finds them saying things like “talk is cheap” or “don’t tell me, show me”, you may be someone who speaks the “Acts of Service” language. These individuals feel supported most when their partner does things that they feel need to be done. Not just in the relationship, but in general: cleaning the kitchen, washing the car, making a bank deposit---basically doing what would make life easier is how they feel the most loved by the person they are with. The main thing to keep in mind about this particular expression is saying you’re going to do something and then not following through is a huge no-no.
Quality Time. The interesting thing about “Quality Time” is it’s not just about making sure that time is made for the one who prefers love to be expressed in this way. It’s also about how you spend the time too. If you’re going to plan a date but you also plan to be on your smartphone the entire time, that’s not considered to be real quality time. If you’re at your house having a movie night, but you’re walking from room to room doing things, that’s not quality time. People who long for this love language want to feel like they have your undivided attention. Material things don’t matter to them nearly as much as you planning a time to engage in conversation and focus on no one else but them--and your relationship.
Gifts. Yeah, this one is probably pretty self-explanatory. For the record, though, doesn’t mean that they are a user or a gold-digger. For someone who prefers love to be expressed by gifts, it simply means that they like love to be expressed in a tangible kind of way. It’s not so much about what the gift cost, but that you thought enough about them to get them one in the first place. Do take note, though, that out of all of the love languages mentioned, if there’s someone who’s going to be the most bothered by not receiving a present on their birthday or Christmas, the “Gifts” person would be it.
As we said, this is pretty much an introduction to love languages (so please check out the link that we provided). But as you’re in the process of planning your next date, think about what we shared and perhaps bring this topic up in conversation.
It can only work in your favor because love is best, when it’s properly expressed!