If there’s one question that all professional matchmakers should ask their clients during their first interview is if they know of someone or feel like they have a tendency to be a love addict.
Sure initially that line of questioning might sound a bit “odd”. After all, if you’re “addicted to love”, being that love is such a powerful and beautiful experience, that must be a good thing, right? Well…here’s something worth considering. As a wise man once said, the excess of a virtue can also be a vice. Meaning, anything done---or sought after---in excess can also become problematic.
So, how can you know for certain that you are a love addict? Here are a few telling signs:
You fall in love very easily and too quickly.
Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.
More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.
You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.
Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.
In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.
More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.
You can read even more signs (40, to be exact) by clicking here. The reason why we felt they were important to share is because if you’re not clear about the motives behind why you’re looking to be in a relationship, you could find yourself going into one for the wrong reasons or you keep attracting the wrong kind of person, all of these are symptomatic of being in a toxic (poisonous) relationship.
Here are some other telling warning signs:
You break up over and over again. Pretty much all of us know of someone who just can’t seem to shake off their ex. Although in rare instances, it’s because the relationship is meant to be and the challenges have been more about poor timing or the need for trust to be established, this is usually the exception and not the rule. Usually couples break up because things are not working. If you keep getting back together, oftentimes that’s an indication of fear of being alone, being afraid to move forward or being hung up on the few good things in the relationship that you overlook all of the ones that…aren’t so good.
You’re unhappy more than happy. One thing that comes with a healthy relationship is both individuals will feel as if they are thriving as a result of being with one another. That’s because when your relationship is working to your benefit, you will have the support, encouragement and commitment of someone who truly wants to see you succeed. On the other hand, when a relationship is unhealthy, it tends to be more about them, you won’t feel like you’re totally accepted and that will result in arguments, emotional pain and feelings of inadequacy. Long story short, if you’re crying more than you’re smiling in your relationship, there’s no way to dance around it. Something is definitely not right.
You rely too much on sex to be “the glue”. One of challenges that comes with having sex too soon in a relationship is you find yourself coming off of the euphoria of the physical intimacy without being sure if there really is an emotional attachment there. And sometimes, this means all you and the other person really have in common is the sex. But because you enjoy it so much, you tend to overlook the blaring red flags that are telling you that you don’t really have much else in common. Although one of the most popular ways to define a sexual experience is “make love”, the reality is that love should be able to exist without sex; that sex is simply one way to express love. Bottom line, if sex is all that you and “yours” have going for y’all, it’s not much. Talk about it first. And nothing much materializes, consider that it just might be time to let the “relationship” go.
You are always changing yourself. If you’re someone who knows that you battle with self-esteem issues, then this is a point that you should definitely keep on your radar. While it’s not uncommon to change, in the sense of growing, while you’re in a relationship, here are two things to keep in mind: 1) in a healthy relationship, you will not feel pressured to change; it will come as a natural evolution on your own terms and 2) it also will not come as the result of not feeling as if your partner doesn’t like you just the way you are. If you’re always trying to alter your personality or appearance to appease the one you’re with, they are controlling and you are being manipulated. And both of those things point to toxicity. You deserve something better. And healthier.
You can’t remember the last time that you were single. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. There are actually a lot of benefits that come with having time alone to focus on yourself, your needs and your dreams and goals. If you’re the type of individual who can’t really attest to this fact because you’re always in a relationship, that can also be a toxic thing. Being in a relationship because it enhances your life is one thing. However, being in a relationship because you hate being alone is something entirely different. If you can identify with this, take out some time to take care of you. By doing that, you might discover that you’ll develop the tools that you need in order to break all other toxic relationship patterns.