So Not Interested: 5 Things That Can Turn Your Date Off

Question. Have you ever been on a date with someone before who was attractive, smart and funny and yet they still turned you off? But here’s the thing: in hindsight, you could never really put your finger on why. You basically chalked it up to there being no chemistry or your professional matchmaker somehow missing something while filling out your profile information.

If you totally get where we’re coming from, we’re glad that you’re checking this article out.  Although it would take an entire book to cover all of the things that can turn someone off on a date, we do have five that may help you to pinpoint what your own dating pet peeves are. Plus, by seeing these things in black and white, it may also prevent you from being the kind of person who causes the individual you’re on a date with to give you some serious side-eye.

Check these out:

Being rude to those around you. Someone who’s been on more than a couple of dates before is going to be aware of the fact that it’s common and natural for people to want to put their best face forward when they’re on a date. It’s not so much that they are being “fake” as they don’t want the not-so-stellar parts of their personality to show before being able to make a pretty good first impression. That’s why, when people are first getting to know individuals, it’s not uncommon for them to watch how their date is treating the individuals around them. So, if you’re rude to your server, if you have road rage, if you are snappy to others in the movie line, an observant person is going to take note. And no matter how nice you may be to them, they’re going to sense that you have a rude sign to you. And yeah, that’s definitely not a good look.

Not turning off your phone. Unless you’re a physician who’s on call or you happen to have someone in your family who is extremely ill, there’s really no reason to have your phone on and there’s certainly no reason to be checking your notifications every 10 minutes while you’re on a date. The best way to let someone know that they are a priority to you is to offer up your undivided attention. And one of the best ways to do that is to put your phone on silent (or at the very least, on vibrate).

Gossiping. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” And when you’re on a date with someone (especially a first or second date), the last thing that you want them to think is that you have a “small mind”. So whether you’re meeting the person for the first time or you’ve met before and have already established that you know some of the same people, keep gossiping down to a minimum. Aside from the quote that we already shared, you might be familiar with this one as well: “If they’ll gossip to you, they’ll gossip about you.” Gossip speaks to being a bit on the messy side. You definitely don’t want to be seen in that kind of light.

Trying to rush physical affection. When you’re just getting to know someone, it’s important that you are careful when it comes to observing their boundaries; especially their physical boundaries. So, unless they are giving you direct cues that they want to kiss, cuddle or otherwise, pump the brakes when it comes to initiating physical affection. Although in your mind, you might think that it’s coming off as being sentimental or endearing, to others it might translate as being nothing more than…pushy.

Doing a lot of comparisons. Wanna know one clear indication that you’re not over your ex yet? It’s if you’re constantly bringing them up while you’re on a date. Or worse, you’re comparing them to your date. Both of these are ultimate turn-offs. While we’re at it, so are bringing up celebrities that you like and sizing them up to your date. We’re pretty sure that you would find these things super tacky if they were done to you so yeah...avoiding turning your date off by comparing them to other people. You’re with them. Focus on them. Affirm them. Show that you are truly interested in them. No matter who they are, they will find that to be the ultimate on-a-date turn on!

Sex Too Soon. What to Do If You Have Regrets.

One night stands. Although truly nothing is new under the sun, there are some things that, up until the past couple of decades, were considered to be taboo. Having sex with someone you just met only to never see them again (which technically constitutes as a one night stand) or having sex on the first date are two things that easily fell into this category.

But as casual sex has become more accepted (and some might even say encouraged) in pop culture and technology, “thanks” to apps like Good to Go, Luxy and Hinge (oh, and Tinder which claims to not be a “sex app” but c’mon, we all know what the deal is!) that have made it easier to connect with people, more folks are finding themselves becoming physically involved, perhaps easier or sooner than they initially planned.

No matter what, because there are still STDs in existence, whether you are set up through a professional matchmaker or you meet someone at a grocery store or the gym, it’s important that you take care of your physical health. You can do that first by getting to know at least a few facts about the person’s sexual history.  

But what happens if you’re not typically keen on casual sex, you go out on a date, sparks fly and you do find yourself in bed with them far sooner than you initially planned? Do you run out the door? Do you hide your head in shame? Is the relationship on the way to being not much more than a glorified booty call?

Here are some helpful tips for what to do if you have regrets---after having sex too soon.

Say it. For the record, there’s nothing worse than engaging in consensual sex with another person and then making them feel guilty about it. So, what we mean by “say it” is not that you should accuse them of somehow taking advantage of you or the moment five minutes after the experience is over. What we mean is (probably the next day) mention that because you really like them and you see some true potential there, you don’t want to make the mistake of only focusing on the physical aspect of the relationship; that you don’t regret the sex so much as the timing and so you’d like to take a few steps back.

Get their thoughts. Without hearing exactly where they are coming from, it’s going to be unfair to assume that 1) they regret sleeping with you as well; 2) they only wanted you for sex or 3) they don’t have some things that they’d like to share on the topic too. So, after you say what you need to, open up the floor for them to talk about what they think about what transpired. Although some things might be awkward to hear, it’s better to know the truth as soon as possible. That way, you’ll know whether you’re both on the same page. Or not.

Come up with a plan. Once you both have expressed your feelings, if you come to the decision that you’d still like to see each other, come up with a plan for investing into the non-physical side of the evolving relationship. Plan dates that are outside of each other’s homes (in order to avoid the temptation to “fall into a sex routine”). Hold some conversations that will help you both to see if there’s more than just a strong physical attraction there. Come up with an amount of time that both of you can agree upon to wait until exploring another sexual excursion.

If there is more between the two of you than just sex, you’ll both be willing to stick around and put in the effort to see. On the other hand, if they start to fade off into the sunset (so-to-speak), don’t beat yourself up with guilt. Life is about living and learning. Just make sure that next time, you’ll wait until you’re absolutely sure that sex is something that you want to do. And the best way to know…is to wait. At least past the first few (3-5 dates).

Dating Faux Pas: 5 Dating Mistakes You May Not Know You're Making (While on a Date)

Dating. Like so many other things, there is an “art” to it.

We say this because although the ultimate objective of dating is to get to know someone better so that you both can determine if you want to be in a relationship, the initial dating experience is a process.

Being that so many people start dating through a professional matchmaking service, a connection through an online profile, a set-up from a friend or co-worker or even a stranger that they met in the grocery store or in the mall, everyone needs a few tips on how to ease into dating. That way, both individuals can get the most out of each date that they go one. That way, they can both walk away knowing that it was time well spent.

So, if you have a date coming up this weekend, we wanted to provide you with a list of some common dating mistakes that people tend to make. If you take note of these, we’re confident that your date will be fun and purposeful---that you’ll be one step closer to knowing if they are someone you want to spend more time with. Or not.

Mistake #1: Talking more than listening. Although a part of the purpose of the date is certainly that they are able to get to know you better, remember that you need to get to know them too. Therefore, pay attention to how many questions you ask vs. answer. Take note of if you find yourself going on and on without letting them get a word in edgewise. And more than anything, observe if you have a habit of cutting them off in mid-sentence. When people do that, it basically translates into “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hurry up and finish because what I have to say is more important.” (Basically it’s arrogant and just plain rude.)

Mistake #2: Being distracted. Unless you’re a doctor on-call or a parent, is there really a good enough reason for having your smartphone on the table or to not turn off your notifications? Whatever picture your best friend just posted up on their Instagram or whatever text your co-worker sent you, it can wait. Quality time consists of giving someone your undivided attention. You can’t do that when you’re distracted.

Mistake #3: Ignoring your body language. We actually shared an article on body language not too long ago (you can check it out here) because we’re firm believers that you can say a lot…without saying a thing. If you’re rolling your eyes (or not making eye contact), if you’re pursing your lips or you’re talking the entire time with your arms folded, none of these things send the warmest of signals. We’re not saying to be super-conscientious. We’re just saying that it’s always a good idea to be aware of what your face and body are doing; especially while you’re in the midst of engaging someone new.

Mistake #4: Not treating customer service well. You might be treating your date with the utmost care and respect. But if you’re short with your server, you don’t tip or you’re impolite to the individuals around you, your date is going to take note. For one thing, it comes off as if you may have a side to your personality that you’re hiding (not good). Secondly, it can appear as if you’re vain and pretentious (even worse). It’s always a good idea to keep in mind that the sign of good character is how you treat everyone around you; not just the ones that you’re consciously trying to impress.

Mistake #5: Avoiding any kind of affection. No, we’re not talking about sex. That is totally your call and we definitely get why you may not want to rush into anything that serious. What we mean is it’s OK to touch your date’s had while you’re talking, to flirt or to kiss them on the cheek (or even offer a peck) at the end of a date. People want to feel comfortable when they’re on a date; like the person they’re spending time with is not building up walls but are actually letting some down. One way to “let someone in”, even if it’s in moderation, is to be affectionate. Not just physically affectionate but verbally too. Be affirming. Be complementary. Be the kind of person you would want to go out on a date with. It’s the Golden Rule for real dating success!