There are very few things in life that are as exciting, euphoric even, as the beginning stages of a relationship. The experiences are new, the feelings are high and when it seems like there’s a real future in store, truly it’s all a thrill.
But here’s the challenge: Sometimes, when emotions are at their peak, it can be hard to know if the relationship is based on love---or lust. And if you don’t make the time to discern the differences between the two, you can find yourself in a situation that could fizzle out just as quickly as the sparks began.
So, whether you were recently paired up with someone by a professional matchmaker or even a close friend and every instinct inside of you believes that you’ve met “the one”, take out a few minutes (five, tops) to read some of the differences between being in love and well, being in lust.
Love is clear. Lust is abstract. Someone once said that when a person really loves you, out of all of the things that you will feel, one of them will not be confused. That’s some real wisdom right there. If you’re on the way to falling in love, you’re going to know it. Hands down, no question. And if the person you’re seeing is in the process of falling in love with you, guess what? They are going to feel the exact same way. You both are going to say how you feel, what you want and your actions are going to back it all up. On the other hand, nothing about lust is certain or sure. It will be hard to describe the relationship to your friends, there will be aspects of it that you’re not the most confident about and if you’re not careful, you could find yourself caught up in quite a bit of disillusionment. It will feel one way or day and feel like something else the next.
Love reveals the real you. Lust puts on a façade. When you’re caught up in the feelings of lust, there is usually a tendency to put on a bit of a show. By that we mean that on every date, you’re focused on looking impeccable and saying all of the right things. Why? Because whatever initially drew the person to you, you want to make sure that you maintain that “level of perfection” so that they will remain interested. On the other hand, when love is on the horizon, you are far more interested in them knowing who you truly are. That way, if you decide to get serious at some point, you can trust that it’s based on the good parts and not-so-perfect parts of your individuality. That they know the real you.
Love is patient. Lust isn’t. When there is a strong attraction between two people, there can be a temptation to want to express that in a physical way very quickly. That’s basically our tactful way of saying that a physical interest can lead to sexual desire, which can sometimes result in people having sex way too soon. That’s because when you’re in lust, the mentality tends to be “act first, think later”. On the other hand, when love is brewing, both people usually want to take things a bit slower; to develop a friendship so that the intimacy can be based on a firm foundation.
Love makes plans. Lust “wings it”. One of the awesome things about true love is that it doesn’t simply “live in the moment”. In other words, it’s so engrossed in the object of its affection that it wants to do all that it can to nurture it so that it will last. Lust? It doesn’t too much care one way or another. So long as its needs are being met at moment, that’s all it’s happy about. The problem with that is it can lead to quite a bit of instability. If you want something that is smooth sailing, look for the kind of person who is factoring you into their future. If you want to be on a real emotional roller coaster ride, lust is definitely going to be your ticket. Be careful, though. One way or another, it’s guaranteed to make you heartsick. Which brings us to our final point.
Love is healthy. Lust? Eh. Not so much. Being that one definition of lust is “an intense sexual desire”, we’re not out to make all lust bad. We’re simply saying that it’s not what the core of a relationship should be built upon. In other words, love is something that focused on the health and well-being of your mind, body and spirit. And that’s both awesome as well as healthy. Lust? Pretty much your body is all that’s on its menu. Bottom line, there’s a whole lot more to you than your body parts. You deserve to be with someone who will love you first. Lust you second. Anything less is…settling. For so much less. Than YOU deserve.