• Blog
  • About
Menu

One Love Street

  • Blog
  • About
man with a mask

Faking It: 5 Signs You're Hiding Your True Self While Dating

July 16, 2015

Ask anyone from your closest married friend to the best professional matchmaker on the market and they’re going to tell you that it’s normal---and even advisable---to want to put your best foot forward when you’re starting a new relationship. After all, it’s those first initial impressions that tend to last a really long time.

However, it’s one thing to want to present yourself in a great light.

It’s another thing entirely to want to hide your true self.

The purpose of dating is for two people to spend time together in order to see if they can take things to the level of something more serious (and hopefully lasting). Therefore, it’s never a good idea to be so scared of being authentic that you actually end up creating a whole ‘nother persona. The reason why is because if the person you’re seeing ends up falling in love with “the fake you”, you’re always going to have to be that person.

And you know what? Not only is it exhausting to do that, but it’s also totally unrealistic as well. Sooner or later, the real you is going to reveal itself and there’s no guarantee that they’re going to want to stick around once that happens.

And to tell you the truth, if things do play out that way, it’s understandable. They fell for someone who, in all actuality, doesn’t exist.

That’s why it’s best to avoid all of that drama from the very beginning; from date one.

If you’re curious about some of the telling signs that you might have a tendency to hide your true self while you’re dating---or that the person you are dating is doing it---here are five that you definitely should not ignore.

You don’t have an opinion. Although there aren’t a ton of people on the planet who want to establish a relationship with someone who is always confrontational or combative, it’s also pretty rare for folks to want to interact with individuals who don’t have much of an opinion at all. Say that your date brings up something going on in the news or pop culture and they ask you “So, what do you think about it?” Here’s the thing: they wouldn’t ask you if they didn’t want to know what you thought. Deflecting conversations by shrugging your shoulders and then asking them for their views may seem like you’re being accommodating. However, it usually conveys that your personality is pretty bland, even if that couldn’t be further from the truth. For this reason, speaking up works in your favor.

You defer to them on just about everything. Even if you were able to get past the first and second date without letting the real you come out, they might start to catch on around date three when they ask you what you want to do and you respond by saying things like “I’m happy with whatever you choose.” Even if that is literally the case, by stating what you find to be fun, that helps them to get to know you better. New relationships should have some spontaneity and diversity. It’s hard for that to happen unless both people are bringing their personal tastes to the table.

You ignore what’s bothering you. Yeah, you probably shouldn’t run down your list of pet peeves during your first date. But once you’re at the point where you both consider yourselves to be dating each other, it’s OK to speak up about things that really bother you. For example, if your date never seems to put their phone down during dinner and that’s the equivalent of fingernails on the chalkboard for you, don’t feel bad about letting them know. Actually, it’s only fair because if you’re quiet about it now, it sends the message that all is well. This means that if you do end up marrying them, you’re going to come off as controlling and also hard to deal with if you wait until then to voice your views.

You’re becoming bitter and resentful. Even if initially you think it’s a good idea to hide who you are, pretending is exhausting and eventually you’re going to be like that simmering pot that’s on the verge of boiling over! If every time you’re out on a date, you find yourself biting your tongue and becoming bitter and resentful as a direct result, this is a telltale sign that you’re keeping your real self at bay.

You put their wants and needs above your own. The more time that you spend with someone, the more you’re going to care about them. That’s completely normal and healthy. But when it gets to the point where your wants and needs are always put on the back burner just to keep the peace, that is when you’re headed towards being in the kind of relationship that is codependent at best and toxic at worst. Healthy relationships have a type of consistent mutuality where both people are getting what they need. But if you’re not sharing what’s important to you, it’s going to be hard for that to happen. Don’t do yourself, the person you’re dating and the relationship a disservice by holding back your personal relational requirements. Respect yourself and them enough to reveal who you truly are---so that real love has the best chance to develop!

In Dating Etiquette Tags tawkify, the real you, dating tips
← Non-Negotiables: 6 Things That You Shouldn't Be Willing to CompromiseConsidering Casual Sex? 6 Reasons to Rethink It →
REQUEST FREE SCREENING FROM OUR LOVE EXPERTS
Blog RSS
Liz, 49, NY: "Celine is fantastic! She is funny and thoughtful and really listens. I would recommend her to anyone!" Visit our Instagram profile to see the full #GiantSquare

#single 
#matchmaker #matchmaking #tawkify #dating #datingservice
Celine love continues... Maggie, 44, Brooklyn: "She fine tunes her approach after each date. So far, I've only gone on two - but already there's a great difference between both. I enjoy that she gets better and better and closer to the qualities
Today, we're celebrating Matchmaker, Celine Song! 💘

Maggie, 44, Brooklyn: "Celine is very empathetic and takes her mission very seriously. She is also fun and someone you actually feel like you could just hang out with and talk about life with
Matchmaker Dorothy Stover plans another great date!

Date feedback from client, Marie (58, Boston Client) and her date, Eddy. 
She said: "Well dressed. Easy conversation and respectful in all ways. Very nice guy, easy to chat with, happy, intere
Kudos to the beautiful Matchmaker Chelsea Hutchison for top-notch with her clients!

Deb, 51, San Francisco: "Chelsea is upbeat but mature (experienced enough in life for me to respect her given I'm 51 yrs old). She's genuine, relaxed, and an ac
Paul C. Brunson, author of It's Complicated (But It Doesn't Have to Be): A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love, hates Valentine's Day. Find out why on the first episode of Tawk To Me, hosted by Tawkify Matchmaker, Marisha Dixon.

Join Marisha an
Bravo Cora!

Kia, 32, DC: "The first match I had with Cora was in December. He is tall, attractive, gainfully employed, kind, intelligent, curious, and possesses so many of my other "wants". This was her FIRST match. We met in December
Celebrating 2 fearless matchmakers, Cora Boyd and Deepali Gupta. 
Thank you for being the #cureforthecommondate ❤
Matchmaker Deepali Gupta plans another great date!

Marcy said: "She's very cute, smart, funny and had an amazing time talking to her about almost everything and it felt very organic and good chemistry." Kirsten said: "There were tons
Matchmaker Christina Han says: "If a man appears to have lost interest in you, it is most assuredly not because you didn't have sex within the first couple of dates. First off, a quality, desirable man will never push for sex overly eagerly, bec

Latest & Greatest

Featured
Dec 4, 2015
Mistletoe on a Budget: How to (Newly Date) During the Holiday Season
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Break-ups at Christmas SUCK! Here's How to Get Through 'Em
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Nov 12, 2015
Be Thankful. How to Not Take Your Significant Other for Granted.
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015
Love Relationships. Hate Dating. In a Relationship. Here's What to Do
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 6, 2015
Love Nurturing: 6 Things That Can Help Your Relationship to Grow
Nov 6, 2015
Nov 6, 2015
Nov 6, 2015
'Friend Hook-Ups'. The Pros and Cons of Them.
Nov 6, 2015
Nov 6, 2015
Nov 6, 2015
Right Relationship. Wrong Time. (Work-Wise). How to Be Just as Ambitious Personally as You Are Professionally.
Nov 6, 2015
Nov 6, 2015
Oct 30, 2015
Mountains Out of Molehills: Things That Aren't Big Deals at the End of the Day
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015
First Date No-Nos: Places You SHOULDN'T Go on a First Date
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015
Love. Unplugged. 5 Signs You Depend Too Much on Technology While Dating
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015

Fresh Tweets

  • I have decided to stick w/ LOVE. Hate is too great a burden to bear. #MLKDay #MLK #MLKDay2016 #Tawkify #ChooseLove https://t.co/Qf0dzf1eEb
    Jan 18, 2016, 2:40 PM
  • Calm demeanor, strong preserve, intellectual. #WhatWomenWantIn5Words AKA, the man we will set you up with. #tawkify #cureforthecommondate
    Jan 18, 2016, 2:36 PM
  • "I've met educated, articulate women w/ fulfilling lives, women I prob. wouldn't have encountered w/o the benefit of #Tawkify #matchmakers."
    Jan 18, 2016, 12:29 PM

Powered by Squarespace