The hook-up culture. Although there are plenty of published articles, news specials and even college students who will vouch for the fact that it’s a pretty big trend that is apparently here to stay (at least for the time being), just because something is popular, that doesn’t make it right. Or wise. Or safe.
STDs are still alive and well. Unplanned (that are also sometimes unwanted) pregnancies still happen. So does a lot of the drama and confusion that can oftentimes result in participating in casual sex.
So, whether you’re someone who is teetering between signing up on Tinder (eh) or investing in a professional matchmaking service like Tawkify (a must better decision), or you’re simply curious about if there’s still a good reason to wait past the first (or even fifth) date to have sex, please take out a moment to read this article.
Yes, casual sex is all the rage right now.
But it’s also something to think long and hard about before actually deciding to do it.
The definitions of casual suck. There’s really no better way to put it. Casual means “without definite or serious intentions”. Casual means “careless or offhand”. Casual also means “apathetic”, “unconcerned” and “without emotional intimacy or commitment”. Even if you’re not looking to get married in the near future, you still deserve to be with someone who isn’t going to be careless with you, someone who isn’t going apathetic about your needs. Casual sex literally means “sex without emotional intimacy”. That might be fun for a while but sooner or later, you’re going to want more than that, don’t you think?
Condoms are not 100 percent effective. Condoms are definitely one of the best things to ever happen to birth control but you know what grandma told you. The only thing that is 100 percent is abstinence. And since a lot of thought and planning oftentimes does not go into casual sex (because again, one of the definitions of casual is unconcerned), this means that you may end up sleeping with someone on the first date and/or without requiring any of their sexual history (and by that, we mean an STD test). Casual doesn’t mean “not without consequences”. For the sake of your health, casual sex should be avoided.
It can cause “emotional mirages”. When someone is in the desert and they are parched and dehydrated, their mind may play tricks on them. In the sand, they may see what appears to be water when really it’s just a mirage. Along these same lines, when someone really likes a person or is super desirous of a relationship, they might think that good sex is a precursor to a great relationship. Although it happens sometimes, there are even more times when it doesn’t. Here’s the point: Just because someone makes you feel good, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they are good for you. Casual sex can hinder you from actually knowing the difference between the two.
Things can fizzle out really quickly. If you start off with sex as the “main course” of the relationship, while it may start off all hot and heavy, it can also cause things to stop rather abruptly as well. In some ways, casual sex is very similar to a buzz from your favorite drink. It can make you feel pretty awesome; that is, until the stimulant wears off. That’s why there are some people who will say that right after their sex romp is over, they want to be anywhere but with the person they just had sex with. Sex should be about intimacy; not getting a quick fix.
Casual sex lacks fidelity. Although a lot of college students involved in the hook-up culture probably like the fact that it’s “sex without a lot of expectations”, as we start to mature, we realize that what all of that basically boils down to is “privileges without the responsibility”. It’s pretty close to impossible to expect any kind of fidelity from a casual sex situation. So, if you want a solid relationship, cultivate a friendship and a real connection first. Then have sex. The other way around tends to backfire.
It usually doesn’t give you all of what you want. If you only want sex and nothing else…OK. However, we’re thinking that if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you probably desire a bit more than that and personally, we think that is awesome! Although sex should be an important part of any loving and committed relationship, it’s hard to cultivate that if (only) sex is the foundation. You have all of the time in the world to have sex. And more importantly, sex should not come at the expense of you not getting all of what you want. That said, casual sex should be not expected to be a precursor for a healthy and lasting relationship. If you want things like love, happiness and commitment, don’t rely casual sex to give them to you. Get all of what you want, starting with establishing a heartfelt connection that’s built on mutual attraction, interest and a desire for the same things---mind, body and spirit---first. Then sex will be special. And that far exceeds the kind that is casual.