'I Hear You': 5 Tips for Great Communication

According to the website Divorce Help 360, the top five reasons for why so many couples divorce are as follows: lack of commitment, too much arguing, selfishness and lack of communication, infidelity and also marrying too young (getting married before the age of 25 technically qualifies as being “too young”).

While all of these reasons certainly deserve an article unto themselves, being that good communication is essential from the very first date on, we thought it would be a wise idea to tackle it first (we may get to the other points later).

So, just why is great communication so essential? Although there are many different reasons, perhaps the most important one is it’s the best way to connect with someone on a mental as well as emotional basis. When two individuals are able to freely, comfortably and effectively share their thoughts and perspectives on matters, it makes both of them feel heard and validated. It also makes it possible for both people to learn more about one another too.

Whether it’s your first date that a professional matchmaker set up or you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, communication is always something that can be improved upon, right? That’s why we wanted to share with you some proven tips that have helped us to better connect with our significant others. Ready?

Listen. (No, like really listen!) A man by the name of Paul Tillich once said “The first duty of love is to listen.” (So true, so true!) Also, a man by the name of Alfred Brendel once said “The word ‘listen’ contains the same letters as the word ‘silent’.” Pretty profound, right? And the truth is if all of us really took out the time to ask ourselves “Am I really listening to what the other person is saying?”, we’d probably realize that not only are we not silencing our mouths as much as we should, but we’re also not quieting our minds either. Usually, we’re in such a hurry to get out what we want to say that some of what the person is actually trying to relay to us “falls through the cracks”. Unfortunately, when this happens, it can lead to all sorts of misinterpretations and confusion. So, as you’re sitting in front of another individual, make sure that you listen to them. Remain quiet. Maintain eye contact. And be aware (as much as possible) of your body language too. It just might (pleasantly) surprise you, how smoothly a conversation will go just be doing this one (relatively) simple thing.

Don’t cut the other person off while they’re speaking. Wanna hear another awesome quote about listening? A man by the name of Bryant H. McGill once said “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what the other person has to say.” And real talk, that might be one of the reasons why so many married people are frustrated when it comes to communication. It’s because they don’t feel heard by their partner and when that happens, they don’t feel respected. For the record, one of the most disrespectful things that you can do is to cut off someone while they are talking. Whether you realize it or not, it basically translates into “Shut up because what I have to say is so much more important.” Yeah, it doesn’t get much ruder than that. Be still. You’ll get your turn. The key to communication is to patiently, and thoughtfully, wait for it.

Reflect on what they said before responding. OK, if you do have the whole “wait until they finish speaking” thing do (and if so, congrats because you’re certainly ahead of most of us!), make sure that you have also mastered the art of thinking about what was said before you actually respond. No matter what you have purposed in your mind to share, there’s a significant chance that the other individual has just said something that warrants some kind of reaction or response. Being that true communication between two people is a dialogue rather than a monologue, it’s always a good idea to actually think about the points they are making and how you can best engage them---before saying a single word.

When you’re not sure, ask. Clarity is key. Rinse and repeat: Clarity is key. That said, it’s a huge (HUGE) mistake to try and communicate with someone based on pure assumption. So, if there’s something that was said that didn’t make sense to you, made you uncomfortable or even hurt your feelings, wait before reacting. First ask the other person if what you heard is actually what they meant before proceeding. What came out of their mouth may have had a totally different intention or connotation. You won’t know that without inquiring first, though.

Be a “student” as much as a “teacher”. Great communication is about wanting to learn just as much (if not more) than wanting to share. So, as you sit down to start a conversation with someone, especially someone you have a special interest in, decide in your mind that you don’t just want to be the teacher (the person who always has things to convey), but the student as well---the person who is always looking to gain a new insight and perspective. That’s the best way to get to know someone better so that the relationship can grow stronger.

Dead Air: How to Get Through Awkward Communication Moments

If you’re someone who’s always dated the “the old-fashioned way”, you may have never considered going the online dating route or even better (and oftentimes more effective), hiring professional matchmaking service. But here’s just one of the many reasons to give this kind of technology a try: With online dating, you can first get to know someone via their profile and chatting with them online. And if you were to try a great matchmaking service like Tawkify, you could get some tips from a matchmaker on how to communicate with your date in such a way that you can make a great connection. Even as early as your very first encounter.

But no matter how you decide to go about meeting new people, even if you are naturally outgoing, engaging and curious, there may be times of random and albeit awkward silence; especially during the first couple of dates. You know, times when you’re not sure just what to say, times when there is awkward silence…times when you’re not sure what to do to get “over the hump” in the midst of conversations.

If you can certainly relate to what “dead air dating” feels like, here are a few helpful tips to get you through it:

Admit your feelings. Whether you’re shy, nervous or straight up awestruck by how by how attractive your date is, it’s OK to say that. For one thing, it shows that you are comfortable with being both vulnerable and honest and that’s always appealing. Plus, there’s a pretty good chance that your date feels the same way too, so it could be a good ice breaker.

Come with some questions. Although the movies always make it look like dating is so seamless, we live in the real world. The place where people on a first date are oftentimes strangers at first which means that they need time to get to know one another better. The best way to do that is by asking questions. The standard “So where are you from?” and “What do you do for a living?” is OK (kinda), but try and be a bit more intriguing than that: “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?” or “If money were no object, what would you want to accomplish?” These kinds of questions are oftentimes not expected. That means that the person has to really think about the answer which can cause them to find a spontaneous form of delight in the conversation.

Watch your body language. You know what they say, 80 percent of how people respond to us is usually based on our body language more than our words. This doesn’t mean that you need to be a mannequin or even paranoid about how you position yourself. It just means that if your arms are crossed, it could be seen as being a bit closed off or if you roll your eyes while your date as talking, they might feel like you are a bit condescending. The point here is to try and send the kind of non-verbal signals that you would want to receive. This alone can nip a lot of the awkward communication moments right in the bud.

Give a compliment. Something that everyone likes to receive are compliments. So, if the dead air is at the beginning of a date or towards the end of it, it’s a good move to say “You look really nice tonight” or “You know what? I had a really good time with you.” Unless the date is a total bust, that’s another way to ease out of an uncomfortable spot and start engaging one another again.

Use a bit of humor. A knock-knock joke? Eh, that’s probably not going to fly over so well. But a funny story about a previous date that you went on could possibly evoke a smile or even a few laughs. As a bonus, you’re letting your date know that you have a sense of humor and who isn’t looking for someone with that quality?

Whatever you do (or don’t do), just remember to relax and to not try and force things. It’s perfectly fine to have moments of silence and it’s totally expected that things may be a bit awkward from time to time. So long as you’re showing genuine effort, you can get past it. You can walk away feeling as if you just had one of the best dates of your entire life. Dead air (so long as it’s seconds and not minutes worth) and all!