“I love you.” It’s the magical words that so many of us long to hear. It’s the reason why many of us sign up on online dating sites or hire a professional matchmaker to assist us. It’s the reason why we can’t get enough off romantic comedies and love songs. It’s also the reason why, if you’re single, this article has probably piqued your curiosity.
At some point, we’ll get more into what should be expected after those three words have been said. For now, we found a pretty good quote to summarize our thoughts and research:
“’I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you're in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down, not just when you're fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.”---Jonathan Safran Foer
Beautiful. Real. Right.
In the meantime, if you’re someone who has found yourself in some pretty disappointing and settling situations, basically because you wanted to hear “I love you” so badly that you rushed relationships or overlooked issues, here are a few things that we recommend that you require before those words are uttered between you and someone else (romantically so).
A “character check”. When you want to buy a house or a car, your credit is going to be checked. That way, creditors will have a good idea of whether or not you pay bills on time; if you are truly dependable. Along those same lines, before saying “I love you” to someone, it’s a good idea that you conduct what we call a “character check”. When it comes to the person that you’re seeing, do that keep their word? Are they honest with you? Do they say what they mean and mean what they say? Are they supportive, reliable and helpful? You’re not going to be able to say “yes” to any of those things in a matter of a few weeks. Give yourself at least a couple of months before giving their character a favorable score by telling them that you love them.
Clarity on where the relationship is headed. When someone says “I love you”, it tends to mean that they have every intention on taking a relationship beyond the casual. And so, before you say it or you jump up and down about someone saying it to you, it’s a good idea to talk about if you both see a future---and if so, what kind of future is it? Will your relationship being the kind that has a title? Are you planning to become exclusive? In short, do you both want the same things from one another? Being sure about all of this will make saying and hearing an “I love you” like icing on a really delicious cake.
Making sure that it’s a healthy situation. Although we hate to bring up the not-so-positive aspect of unhealthy relationships, it’s the responsible thing to do. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who remain in abusive relationships---whether physically, verbally or otherwise---and a part of it is because of the “I love yous” that are exchanged. You definitely do not need to experience patterns of being mistreated, taken for granted or neglected before someone says “I love you”. If you do, the appropriate response is “Well, I love me and that’s why this relationship cannot work.”
Like we said, this is a short list but definitely things that show go on the very top of yours. “I love you” is a beautiful sentiment. Just make sure that it also has substance behind it.