Right Relationship. Wrong Time. (Work-Wise). How to Be Just as Ambitious Personally as You Are Professionally.

You might’ve heard the quote “The right person comes at the right time.” In many cases, that would be true. But what happens if you’re someone who actually didn’t go through a professional matchmaking company or online dating service in order to find true love because honestly, you were too busy with your job to do so? What happens when meeting someone was literally the last thing on your mind…but out of nowhere---perhaps while at the grocery store, in a restaurant or at a friend’s house---you meet a person who seems to be all of what you’ve been looking for?

The thing is, you’re really focused on your work right now. As a result, you’re scared that the timing could pretty much work against you; that you might have to give up a romance for your professional ambitions? It’s the kind of situation that happens quite a bit, but isn’t written about nearly as much as it should be.

If your heart is currently more into your work, but you don’t want to lose the awesome individual who has recently come into your life, here are some suggestions for how to be just as ambitious personally as you are professionally.

Get on a schedule. Say that you’re someone who’s trying to get your own company off of the ground. If that’s the case, then you already know that you can easily work 15+ hour days. That can make eating and sleeping, let alone dating, very hard to do. Something that you can do to balance things out is to get on a schedule. Give yourself at least one day when you’re not focused on work and then set aside a couple of hours to go to a restaurant or check out a movie with the person you’re seeing. Honestly, this is something that you should do whether you’re seeing someone or not. Rest and leisure are good for your overall health and well-being. No one needs to literally kill themselves with ambition.

Be open and honest. If you know that you have the tendency to be a bit of a workaholic, it’s important that you get that out and in the open on the front end. Maybe not the first date but definitely by the third. Otherwise, if the person you’re seeing keeps trying to make plans and you’re constantly having to cancel or reschedule, it will send the message that you’re not interested, when the reality is that you simply have a lot on your plate.

Don’t break dates. Ambition can be pretty attractive during the beginning stages of a relationship. But when it makes someone feel as if they are no longer a priority in your life, then it can start to take a real toll. You don’t want to come across as being the kind of person who doesn’t say what they mean and mean what they say. So, even if you can only go on a date a couple of times per month, do everything within your power to keep the ones that you do make. It will send the message that although you do have a lot going on, the person you’re seeing is not getting lost in the shuffle. It will convey that they matter to you too.

Plan special dates. Here’s something that you can definitely do to send the message that you’re invested in your relationship even while you are invested in your work: plan special dates. To go to dinner and a movie, that doesn’t require a whole lot of pre-planning. But to go to an outdoor concert, a picnic or to take a day trip to a city close-by---that requires a bit more effort. And when you call to say “Hey, I have a surprise for you this weekend, are you game?” and they see that it consists of doing something that is a bit outside of the box, they’ll know that they’re on your mind. Even when you can’t always see each other.

Keep the future in mind. When it comes to your professional goals, you don’t plan on being in the place next year as you are now, right? So why wouldn’t you also want to make plans for your relationship? By letting the person you’re seeing know that you want things to grow into something more, they will be able to take comfort in the fact that although you are super ambitious as it relates to your professional life, in many ways, the same thing can be said about your personal one too!

What Should Come Before "I Love You"

“I love you.” It’s the magical words that so many of us long to hear. It’s the reason why many of us sign up on online dating sites or hire a professional matchmaker to assist us. It’s the reason why we can’t get enough off romantic comedies and love songs. It’s also the reason why, if you’re single, this article has probably piqued your curiosity.

At some point, we’ll get more into what should be expected after those three words have been said. For now, we found a pretty good quote to summarize our thoughts and research:

“’I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you're in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down, not just when you're fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.”---Jonathan Safran Foer

Beautiful. Real. Right.

In the meantime, if you’re someone who has found yourself in some pretty disappointing and settling situations, basically because you wanted to hear “I love you” so badly that you rushed relationships or overlooked issues, here are a few things that we recommend that you require before those words are uttered between you and someone else (romantically so).

A “character check”. When you want to buy a house or a car, your credit is going to be checked. That way, creditors will have a good idea of whether or not you pay bills on time; if you are truly dependable. Along those same lines, before saying “I love you” to someone, it’s a good idea that you conduct what we call a “character check”. When it comes to the person that you’re seeing, do that keep their word? Are they honest with you? Do they say what they mean and mean what they say? Are they supportive, reliable and helpful? You’re not going to be able to say “yes” to any of those things in a matter of a few weeks. Give yourself at least a couple of months before giving their character a favorable score by telling them that you love them.

Clarity on where the relationship is headed. When someone says “I love you”, it tends to mean that they have every intention on taking a relationship beyond the casual. And so, before you say it or you jump up and down about someone saying it to you, it’s a good idea to talk about if you both see a future---and if so, what kind of future is it? Will your relationship being the kind that has a title? Are you planning to become exclusive? In short, do you both want the same things from one another? Being sure about all of this will make saying and hearing an “I love you” like icing on a really delicious cake.

Making sure that it’s a healthy situation. Although we hate to bring up the not-so-positive aspect of unhealthy relationships, it’s the responsible thing to do. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who remain in abusive relationships---whether physically, verbally or otherwise---and a part of it is because of the “I love yous” that are exchanged. You definitely do not need to experience patterns of being mistreated, taken for granted or neglected before someone says “I love you”. If you do, the appropriate response is “Well, I love me and that’s why this relationship cannot work.”

Like we said, this is a short list but definitely things that show go on the very top of yours. “I love you” is a beautiful sentiment. Just make sure that it also has substance behind it.

The Shallow End: 6 Things That Can Prevent You from 'Going Deeper' in Your Relationship

Love is deep. And that’s not meant to be a cliché either. Ask any married couple who has at least 10 years (and probably a couple of kids) under their belt and they will tell you that from the very moment that they looked one another in the eyes and said “I love you”, they couldn’t begin to fathom where the journey would take them.

That’s because whether a professional matchmaker hooked you up with the love of your life or you “randomly” ran into them at a grocery store or in a mall, you can never be fully prepared for all that’s required in order to make love work. And last.

But if you’re someone who desires to be in a serious relationship and yet, no matter how hard you (and others) try, you just can’t seem to make that lasting kind of connection, this is an article that we recommend that you read all the way through. Sometimes, there’s a subtle mistake that people make past their first few dates that ends up limiting the possibility of something going from a casual attraction to…something more.

We call it “hanging out in the shallow end”…

Are you “quick to judge” when it comes to first impressions? Let’s say that you did decide to hire a professional matchmaking company to help you out. And although they told you “We have the perfect match for you!”, on the first date, let’s just say that you weren’t super impressed. It’s impossible to learn everything about a person in a couple of years, let alone on one date. If there is a bit of an interest, consider at least going on a second date. Sometimes first dates are awkward and people need a bit more time for things to warm up so that they can get to know each other a bit better.

Do you go on “loud” dates? Does this seem like a bit of an odd question? It’s kind of meant to be. While going to the movies or a bar to check out a local indie band is a lot of fun, there’s really no way to communicate inside of those kinds of venues. That’s because it’s literally too loud in them. In order to get to know someone better, you’re going to have to hear each other speak (literally). If you’re curious about the kind of dates that will encourage, rather than hinder, engaging your date, click here.

Does sex happen too early? It’s not uncommon to meet a person and have an instantaneous physical attraction to them. But if you wind up having sex with them before a true emotional connection is made, your passion may fizzle before your relationship could really get off of the ground. Although the act of sex itself is not “shallow”, it does tend to lose some of its meaning when it’s handled in a casual way. There’s no rush. If you want something meaningful, sex can wait.

Do you build up walls? During the first, second or third date with someone, it’s totally understandable why you may be cautious about letting your guard totally down (although it’s always a good idea to watch your body language, though). But if it’s been a couple of months and you still are not sharing your stories about your life, past loves and future goals, that’s going to cause your relationship to either become stagnant or the person to start to lose interest. Building up walls is usually due to a lack of trust and if you’ve been hurt before, that is certainly understandable. But if you want to find true love, you’re going to have to take a leap of faith. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to let people in.

Are you self-absorbed? Here’s one that “slips by” some folks. If you went into a relationship wanting it to be all about you, then guess what? That’s all that your focus is going to be on. The dates are going to be centered around where you want to go. The conversations are going to be more about you and your needs. When it comes time to compromise, perhaps without even noticing, you’ll manipulate your way into things slanting more your way than theirs. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself receiving a phone call along the lines of “Look, I really like you but…” Relationships are about two people relating to one another. If you want things to go from “on the surface” to something that’s far deeper and more meaningful, make the relationship be just as much about “them” as it is about you. Before you know it, you’ll have broken the “shallow end” curse. Love will have overtaken you in the best possible kind of way.

Dates Revealed: 6 Different Dates That Will Show You Things About Your Relationship

If your guilty pleasure is watching The Bachelor (or Bachelorette) and a part of the reason is because you secretly fantasize about going on extravagant dates, you don’t have to go out on a casting call in order to make that happen. There are actually affordable and professional matchmaking companies that will not only create a date of your dreams, but with a person that you won’t have to share with a bunch of other people. One of those companies happens to be Tawkify. Check ‘em out when you get a chance.

Then, once you connect with someone that you feel you’d like to get to know better, we recommend that you take this article into serious consideration. Since going on dates is all about getting to know someone better, we think it’s always a good idea to go on several different kinds. Sure, restaurants are cool; they’re top on our list, actually. But it’s been our experience that different settings can bring about different sides of an individual’s personality.

So, what should be the top dates on your list? Here are our six recommendations:

Restaurant. Restaurants are a good idea, especially for the first or second date, for a few reasons. One, it’s public enough for you to feel safe while also being intimate enough to engage in conversation. Two, you can learn a lot about their manners and etiquette; not just when it comes to what they do at the table but also how they treat the wait staff. It’s also a non-pressuring way to start to find out some of their personal likes and dislikes. Hey, we’ve all got to eat, right? Food tends to reveal a lot about a person.

Movies. Some people don’t like the thought of going to movies on a date because they feel that it’s not conducive to being able to spend any quality time. After all, you’re supposed to be so quiet in the movies that even your smartphone should be turned off. The reason why we like it, though, is because it’s a great way to find out how your date is when it comes to being intimate and especially giving public displays of affection. For the record, this is also why we don’t think it’s the best kind of first date. You don’t know them well enough to be intimate yet. But after three or so dates, if you feel like you want to kiss or cuddle, movie theaters are the best kind of set up.

Concert. Here’s another way to find out what makes them tick and what doesn’t. Musical tastes also reveal a lot about a person. Plus, if you like who you’re seeing so much that you want to introduce them to a family member or a few friends, this is a casual way to do it without them feeling like the spotlight is awkwardly on them. Also, live concerts are a lot of fun, so you’ll get to see if they have a “fancy-free” side to them. (Always a bonus!)

Outdoor date. OK, this particular suggestion pretty much runs the gamut because of all of the good reasons why it’s wise to go on an outdoor date. Take a picnic, for example. Being that they aren’t super-expensive, anyone who is down for one tends to give the impression that spending time with you is more important than how much money a date costs. Plus, it’s definitely in the Top Ten in the romance department. Then there’s going hiking or bike riding. If you’re big on physical fitness, this is a good way to find out if you’re both compatible in this area. And kayaking, parasailing, zip-lining, paddle boarding, etc.? This reveals the spontaneous and semi-daring side of someone. If that’s important to you, definitely suggest one of these types of activities. Trust us, it will reveal…a lot. Before, during and after the date is over!

Coffee shop. You need to feel like the person you’re with is someone with whom conversation simply and easily flows. What better way to discover that than in a coffee shop? One of the best things about this kind of date is coffee shops tend to be a lot more “chilled out” when it comes to how long people wish to stay there. So long as you order something to warm to drink and perhaps a pastry, you can sit across from each other for hours on end if you want. And during that time, discover so much about one another.

Road Trip. If you’re someone who thinks that road trips should be reserved for more serious---perhaps exclusive---relationships, we totally respect that. At the same time, we’re all for couples going on a road trip after around the fifth date, even if it’s only a day trip. Spending hours together in a car forces you to see how you handle things like traffic, getting lost and traveling to new destinations. Yeah, two people who think they are headed down Lover’s Lane should definitely (DEFINITELY) take a road trip!

Camping. Nothing really brings out someone’s survival skills, and sometimes not-so-sunny disposition, like camping does. For instance, if it rains the first day or so, you’ll see how your date handles disappointment. Plus, being that camping calls for more of a “rustic” approach to life, you can also see their not-so-glamorous side which is a good thing. If they are willing to reveal their natural state, you will get to know more about their real selves. And from that, a true relationship can begin. All from camping? Yep. We’ve see it happen time and time again!

Marriage Material: 6 Signs That You're Dating Someone Who Is

If you’re single and been considering hiring a professional matchmaker to assist you in finding someone special, here’s one great reason to strongly consider it: If you’re simply looking to casually date, you might not need their assistance. But if a long-term relationship is what you’re looking for, they have the skills to be able to connect with you someone who not only desires the same things that you do, but shows signs of truly being a great complement for you and your lifestyle. This means that if you desire to get married someday professional matchmaking companies are going to strive to pair you up with someone who sees marriage as a part of their future too.

But what if you’re someone who happens to be a little gun shy simply because you’ve had a few dead-end relationships before? What if you’re tired of wasting time with people who don’t mind going on a few dates, but aren’t really looking for anything serious?

If you understand exactly where we are coming from and you’d like to know within the first few dates if someone is truly marriage material, here are six signs that can help you to get the answers that you’re looking for.

They tell you that they want to be married. One of the most obvious signs that someone wants to be married is, ironically, overlooked by a lot of people. Individuals who desire marriage and are dating for that express purpose are individuals who have absolutely no problem saying it. So, if while on a date, if you ask “Do you want to get married someday?” and they dance around the topic, take note. For people who are marriage material, it’s not an uncomfortable or complex question. It is a direct one.

They’re mature. A huge mistake that a lot of people make in relationships is paying attention to the qualities of a person without looking for evidence of their maturity level. For instance, someone can be really smart and funny, but if they still have a “college mentality” of wanting to hang out all night and engage in “hook ups”, that’s not really someone to consider spending forever with. A mature person is going to show signs of taking an adult approach to things. “Partying” isn’t their objective. Future planning is.

There are signs of stability. Although all of us are on different time clocks when it comes to reaching our goals and aspirations, a person who is marriage material is going to be more stable than most. You will see and hear evidence of them being clear about their professional life. Their finances will not be in total disarray. If they do live with their parents, there will be a reasonable reason why (like one of them is sick or they are finishing up their college education and living with them to save money). All in all, they will make you feel like being with them will be a partnership; not like you will be taking care of their basic needs in order for them to survive.

You will be courted more than dated. So, what’s the difference between dating and courting (you can read a thorough explanation here)? Basically, courting is about dating with intention. It’s not just about calling someone up to go to dinner and a movie, but spending time with another person in order to find out if it can turn into something lasting or not. People who court ask insightful questions. People who court don’t mind putting (emotional) intimacy before sex. People who court bring you around the people who are important to them. In short, they tend to be very marriage-minded and they are not shy about letting you know it.

They complement you well. Looking for Mr. or Ms. Right is not about finding your carbon copy. We actually believe that it’s hard to grow as an individual if you’re involved with someone who is just like you. At the same time, it is important to find the kind of person who complements you well. This includes sharing similar values. This includes them making you feel respected, safe and appreciated. This also includes you not feeling like the relationship is hard; and by that we don’t mean that it’s not work (all relationships require work), but that you’re not confused about where you stand, or you feel like you’re the only one who is investing into it.

The relationship makes steady progression. A person who is willing to casually date for months and months on end without any discussion of where the relationship is headed is not really marriage material. That’s not the say that marriage should be brought up in the first three dates, but if someone does have the goal of establishing a long-term relationship with you, you are going to see things moving forward. Dates and communication will be consistent. Talks of meeting family members and friends will come up. Questions about where you see your life in six months or next year will be asked. Titles will be established. Bottom line, goals will be set, and met, at a pretty steady pace. When you’re seeing someone and all of this is happening, smile. We’re pretty confident that you are seeing someone who is truly marriage material!

Love Takes Time: How to Deal with Trust Issues

Question: If you were to sit down with a professional matchmaker today and they asked you to list five of the most important qualities that you look for in a relationship, what would you say? If “trustworthy” happened to be on the top of your list, you certainly would not be alone. ‘Cause let’s be honest, if a relationship lacks trust, it’s not really much of a relationship at all. Is it?

But sometimes, when a relationship happens to be in its beginning stages, we make it hard for someone to prove that they are trustworthy. It’s not because of anything that they did; it’s because of the people who have hurt or betrayed us in times past. When that happens, our natural inclination is to build up a wall---to make it hard for others to “get in”. Whether deep down we want them to or not.

No matter what someone else has done to not fulfill your expectations, to prove themselves to not be very reliable or to keep you from believing that their words (and actions) are something that you can truly depend on, it’s important to not let that relationship dictate the one that you are currently in. In other words, just because one person is not trustworthy, that doesn’t mean that all people are that way.

Still, we know it is literally a leap of faith to step out and believe in someone again…

So, if you’re wondering how you can deal with any trust issues, here are five tips to keep close:

Forgive. Marianne Williamson once said “Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Lewis B. Smedes once said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Archbishop Desmond Tutu once said “Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” What’s amazing about all of these quotes is it shows you what forgiveness does for you. It brings about inner peace. It sets you free. It also opens doors for new beginnings. No matter what someone did to you in the past, don’t keep punishing yourself for it. And don’t let it put up a barrier between you and the next relationship. Forgiveness doesn’t not justify what was done. It simply releases you from being bound by the offense. And the offender.

Heal. Have you ever gone out on a date with someone who seems pretty cynical, if not all out bitter? Oftentimes, what you are seeing, is someone who is still wounded from something going on in their past, if not their present. When someone is still reeling from an issue, they tend to take out their hurt, frustration or disappointment on the people around them. Whether or not they are to blame is irrelevant. And that’s actually really unfortunate. If you recognize any of what we’re saying in yourself, dating is not what you need to be doing right now. At least, not dating other people. “Date yourself” instead by taking some time out to really do some self-reflection so that you can heal your heart. That way, people won’t have to try so hard to convince you that they are worth giving a shot.

Be honest. Although it’s not necessary to bring it up on the first or even the second date, once it’s becoming apparent that there’s real chemistry and compatibility with the new person you are seeing, it’s OK to admit to them that trust is something that you struggle with. That’s not to say that all of the gory details are needed (at least not yet), but it’s fine---recommended even---to mention that you’re a bit fragile in the areas of trust due to some past experiences; that being with someone who says that they mean and means what they say is not only preferable but paramount.

Take “baby” steps. You’re never gonna trust again if you don’t give people the opportunity to deem themselves as being trustworthy. Now, we’re not saying that you should give them the keys to your house. We’re simply recommending that you should watch how they handle little things. Do they call when they say that they will? Do they show up to dates on time? If they tell you that they’ll do something for you, do they follow through or at least give you the heads up that they can’t do it? One of the most beautiful things about trust is that it’s basically as organic as love. It takes time. It requires baby steps. And small victories lead to awesome results!

Don’t expect perfection. If you’re expecting someone to never make mistakes in a relationship, while we hate to be the bearer of bad news, you’d honestly be better off being alone. No one is perfect. This means that there are going to be times when the person you’re seeing doesn’t meet your expectations. That doesn’t mean they’re not a good person. What it does mean, however, is that they are human. So, as you’re working on dealing with your trust issues, just make sure that the bar you’ve set isn’t too high for any person on the entire planet to reach. Trust is about having confidence in someone’s integrity; not demanding that they don’t ever disappoint you. Remember, one of the keys to a successful relationship is to give what you want. You can’t give perfection, but you can be trustworthy. It’s a Golden Rule for a really healthy and lasting connection. Both ways. Good luck!

Third Date Milestone: 6 Things to Discuss on Your Third Date

Yeah. We’re pretty sure that you’ve heard of the “three date rule” before. There are a lot of people who set that as a personal milestone for when they’re ready to engage in sexual intimacy with the person they are dating.

However, this article isn’t about that. At least not specifically.

When it comes to that unofficial rule, we will agree with it in the sense that if you’ve gone on a second date with someone, that is usually an indication that both of you are pretty interested in one another (that’s why matchmaking companies like Tawkify are proud of the fact that over 80 percent of their clients end up going on a second date with one another). And if the second date goes well, a third date sends the message that something very promising is happening.

That’s why if you’re preparing to go on a second date with someone, it’s important that you’re intentional about taking things up a notch.

We’re not saying that it’s time to start picking out engagement rings and baby names. But it is a good idea to bring up a few topics to see if this could be the relationship that you’ve always been looking for or if you’d probably be better off being just friends. (Good friends but just friends nonetheless.)

So, what are the things that you should be open to discussing on your third date? Here’s our “six list”:

Are you looking to be in a relationship? You’d be surprised how many people have absolutely no problem casually dating (multiple people, we might add) for months on end without it going any further than that. So yes, on your third date, you are well within your rights to ask your date if they’re interested in having a relationship. Just remember that there is no right or wrong answer to this question. You’re simply asking so that you can gain an understanding about if they want what you do.

When’s the last time you were in a relationship? If you can avoid dating someone who is on the rebound, we highly recommend it. The only way to know that is by asking your date about the last time they were in a relationship. If it's only been a few weeks since their last break-up, that doesn’t automatically mean that you should stop seeing them. What it does mean, though, is that you should definitely take things slower both emotionally and sexually. A break-up is like a wound that needs time to heal. Plus, people are usually not able to make the best decisions about what’s right for them in a new relationship until they’ve resolved an old (the last) one.

Do you have time for a relationship? Even if the person you’re dating wants to be in a relationship, that doesn’t always mean that they have the kind of time to invest in the type of one that you may want. For instance, if you desire to go out on dates every weekend and they work a second job, that, in time, could prove to be a bit frustrating. Discussing one another’s schedules is a courteous thing to do. It will also help you to gain a greater understanding of what you can/should expect in the future.

Who are the closest people to you? You can find out a lot about a person by listening to them talk to you about their family members and friends. People whose parents are still happily married may help to give you a sense of stability. People who’ve had the same best friend since high school may speak to their level of loyalty. People who are close to their siblings might help you to feel like they are sensitive and embrace family life. Yep. It’s always a good idea to know about the person you’re dating’s other relationships. It can help you to learn more about them and that’s essential.

What are your sexual expectations? Some folks might think this is being too abrupt, but sex is a part of a relationship. Besides, if someone is trying to spend more and more time with you, this means that they want to get closer to you. This means that you should know just how close--and when. Can you just imagine what it would be like for a person who wants to be abstinent until marriage to try and maintain a relationship with someone who thinks that sex less than 2-3 times per week is a dry spell? This doesn’t mean that you have to say “So, are you looking to have sex tonight?” It simply means that once you hit three dates, it’s OK to share your personal stance on sex and the purpose that it serves for you.

What new things do you want to try? Once you’ve gotten some of the heavier things out of the way, don’t forget to ask about what they’d like to do (preferably with you) that they’ve never done before. One of the best things about a budding relationship is it gives you the opportunity to not only experience a new individual but hopefully associate them with trying some new things too. Dinner and a movie is so cliché and by the third date, you’ve probably already done it. On the fourth date, do something fun, exciting and unique. It’s a surefire way to take your dating relationship to another level. In an enjoyable, lighthearted and yet productive kind of way.

Title or No? What to Think About Before Putting a 'Name' on Your Relationship

When you were a child, there’s a pretty good chance that either you wrote or received a note that said “Will you be my boy/girlfriend?” followed by a box to check “yes” or “no”. And perhaps that’s a big part of where we got that idea to give relationships titles. Maybe that’s why, even as adults, they are so important to us.

Or, it could be because a title is what gives us a sense of belonging and purpose; not as individuals, but as it directly relates to the relationship that we’re in. After all, if there isn’t one attached, how do we know if we’re “just friends” or “dating” or “more than friends”? Basically, how do you know if your relationship has a real future? Or not.

If you’re currently dating someone new and it looks like it could be headed somewhere, we’re pretty sure that at one point or another, the topic of titles is going to come up. Hopefully, we can provide you with a few things to think about before you decide to give what you and the person you’re interested in a name…or more specifically, a title.

Think about what titles represent. In the English language, there are so many words that have different meanings. And when it comes to the dating world, our opinion is that “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are two of them. Some people think those words simply mean that two people are spending a significant amount of time together while others feel like it is basically a hop, skip and jump away from engagement and then marriage. So, if you’re someone who prefers to use titles, it’s recommended that you and the person you’re seeing discuss what each word personally means to each of you. That way, you can know whether or not you’re on the same page; even before you start using them.

Think about why you need one. There are some people who are so consumed with wanting to put a title on their relationship that they don’t realize that it’s also putting pressure on the person they are seeing. In other words, if every other conversation basically consists of “So, what is this?” or “What would you call what we’re doing?” you might end up missing out on allowing things to grow and mature in a natural and organic kind of way (the best kind of way, we feel). That’s why it’s a good idea to really stop and ask yourself why having a title to your relationship is so necessary to you. If you need it in order to feel important, special or validated, that might be about more than the title. Some soul-searching and self-reflection may be required because a person can make you feel that way without any titles. But if you want one simply for clarification that both of you are moving at a similar pace and have similar intentions, a title may be what is required.

Think about the responsibility that comes with having a title. Ask just about anyone from your closest friend to a professional matchmaker about this and one of the things that they’ll probably tell you about titles is that you should be prepared for the responsibility that comes with them. This would include the public perception that people tend to have. For instance, if you both only said that you were dating, people would not expect much. On the other hand, if you did decide to make the declaration that you are going to be exclusive, in comes the watching eyes, the “So, when are you getting married?” questions and even sometimes the unwanted social media checks to make sure that you both are what you claim to be (monogamous). If you and the person you’re seeing doesn’t mind all of the scrutiny, that’s great. But if you would prefer to explore your relationship without being so much in “the public eye”, you might be better off chilling on the whole title concept. So long as the two of you know what you have, that’s what’s most important anyway. Title or not.

Pace Yourself: 5 Signs That You May Be Moving Too Fast

You know the saying: “The truth shall set you free.” Well, the truth is that if you were to get a group of people together and ask them for one of the main reasons why the beginning stages of their relationship didn’t work out with someone, we’re willing to bet that one of the things they would mention is “They were moving way too fast.”

We get it. There’s nothing quite like the feeling that comes from meeting someone who you’re not only physically attracted to but are mentally drawn in by. However, having a great couple of first dates does not a marriage proposal make. In fact, thinking that way is what can send you on the road to relational sabotage faster than you can call your friends to say you’ve met “the one”.

So, what are the clear indicators that you are probably moving faster down Lover’s Lane than you probably should? Here are five that you should definitely keep in the forefront of your mind:

You have no problem giving up the goods on the first (or second) date. No judgment, but it really is best to wait a while before having sex. For one thing, you need to know what your date’s physical health is like (a condom is not 100 percent full-proof). Not only that, but sex too soon can also cloud your judgment. Suddenly you’ll be thinking that you’re in love with the person when really you’re just in lust with the sex. Ask any professional matchmaker worth their salt and they’ll tell you that good sex does not automatically equal a good relationship. Your body is valuable. You’re worth having some emotional investing made before your date receives any physical rewards.

You bring up marriage on the first five dates. OK, we’re not saying that you can’t (or shouldn’t) talk about marriage in the general sense like “Yeah, I’d like to get married someday” or “So, are your parents married?” We mean that if you are telling them that you can see your future children in their eyes before you even know their middle name, you’re probably going to freak them out. Yes, there are some couples who’ve literally professed love at first sight and gotten married weeks later, but they are so the exception and not the rule. Marriage speaks to the culmination to a dating relationship. The transition from one season to the next. Don’t try and skip over the here and now. There’s a lot of fun that can come from simply dating. Relax and enjoy it. Especially if it’s only the first, second or fifth date.

You’re talking about your relationship online. There are a lot of people (celebrities included) who will tell you that one of the biggest mistakes that they made was sharing too much about their relationship via the internet. She may be gorgeous. He may be super cute. You may feel an instant connection between you and them and that’s awesome. Still, please keep that off of your Facebook status. Instead, call your friends or text them a picture. But until you know for sure that your dating situation is headed towards full-blown relationship status, keep the news (social media) quiet. And even then, proceed with caution.

You want to say “I love you” before “I like you”. It’s a question that all of us can stand to ask ourselves before even going on our first date with someone. “Are we looking for love? Or are we simply in love with love?” People who are in love with love tend to not enjoy, and thereby avoid, taking things slow. They like the euphoric feelings that come with being in a relationship and so “I love you” is less of a declaration and more of an emotional “fix”. You have all of the time in the world to be in love. Not only that but the early stages of dating are necessary. They help you to see if you’re “in like” first. And just ask any married couple who’s been together for more than 10 years. “In like” is just as important in order to maintain a long-lasting relationship.

You’re told that you’re moving too fast. It may sound elementary now, but it happens all of the time. If your date is telling you “Hey, I like you but this is moving a bit too fast for me”, don’t try and over-analyze it. Take what they’re saying at face value. At the same time, don’t take your bike and stomp off of the dating playground either. Hearing that you’re moving too fast is not a “red light” (stop). It’s more like a yellow one (slow down). Your date is simply saying that they want more time to get to know you better and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Moving too fast can result in you missing out on some of the joys and surprises that come with dating. Ones that come with taking one step at a time.