Love is deep. And that’s not meant to be a cliché either. Ask any married couple who has at least 10 years (and probably a couple of kids) under their belt and they will tell you that from the very moment that they looked one another in the eyes and said “I love you”, they couldn’t begin to fathom where the journey would take them.
That’s because whether a professional matchmaker hooked you up with the love of your life or you “randomly” ran into them at a grocery store or in a mall, you can never be fully prepared for all that’s required in order to make love work. And last.
But if you’re someone who desires to be in a serious relationship and yet, no matter how hard you (and others) try, you just can’t seem to make that lasting kind of connection, this is an article that we recommend that you read all the way through. Sometimes, there’s a subtle mistake that people make past their first few dates that ends up limiting the possibility of something going from a casual attraction to…something more.
We call it “hanging out in the shallow end”…
Are you “quick to judge” when it comes to first impressions? Let’s say that you did decide to hire a professional matchmaking company to help you out. And although they told you “We have the perfect match for you!”, on the first date, let’s just say that you weren’t super impressed. It’s impossible to learn everything about a person in a couple of years, let alone on one date. If there is a bit of an interest, consider at least going on a second date. Sometimes first dates are awkward and people need a bit more time for things to warm up so that they can get to know each other a bit better.
Do you go on “loud” dates? Does this seem like a bit of an odd question? It’s kind of meant to be. While going to the movies or a bar to check out a local indie band is a lot of fun, there’s really no way to communicate inside of those kinds of venues. That’s because it’s literally too loud in them. In order to get to know someone better, you’re going to have to hear each other speak (literally). If you’re curious about the kind of dates that will encourage, rather than hinder, engaging your date, click here.
Does sex happen too early? It’s not uncommon to meet a person and have an instantaneous physical attraction to them. But if you wind up having sex with them before a true emotional connection is made, your passion may fizzle before your relationship could really get off of the ground. Although the act of sex itself is not “shallow”, it does tend to lose some of its meaning when it’s handled in a casual way. There’s no rush. If you want something meaningful, sex can wait.
Do you build up walls? During the first, second or third date with someone, it’s totally understandable why you may be cautious about letting your guard totally down (although it’s always a good idea to watch your body language, though). But if it’s been a couple of months and you still are not sharing your stories about your life, past loves and future goals, that’s going to cause your relationship to either become stagnant or the person to start to lose interest. Building up walls is usually due to a lack of trust and if you’ve been hurt before, that is certainly understandable. But if you want to find true love, you’re going to have to take a leap of faith. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to let people in.
Are you self-absorbed? Here’s one that “slips by” some folks. If you went into a relationship wanting it to be all about you, then guess what? That’s all that your focus is going to be on. The dates are going to be centered around where you want to go. The conversations are going to be more about you and your needs. When it comes time to compromise, perhaps without even noticing, you’ll manipulate your way into things slanting more your way than theirs. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself receiving a phone call along the lines of “Look, I really like you but…” Relationships are about two people relating to one another. If you want things to go from “on the surface” to something that’s far deeper and more meaningful, make the relationship be just as much about “them” as it is about you. Before you know it, you’ll have broken the “shallow end” curse. Love will have overtaken you in the best possible kind of way.