Right Relationship. Wrong Time. (Work-Wise). How to Be Just as Ambitious Personally as You Are Professionally.

You might’ve heard the quote “The right person comes at the right time.” In many cases, that would be true. But what happens if you’re someone who actually didn’t go through a professional matchmaking company or online dating service in order to find true love because honestly, you were too busy with your job to do so? What happens when meeting someone was literally the last thing on your mind…but out of nowhere---perhaps while at the grocery store, in a restaurant or at a friend’s house---you meet a person who seems to be all of what you’ve been looking for?

The thing is, you’re really focused on your work right now. As a result, you’re scared that the timing could pretty much work against you; that you might have to give up a romance for your professional ambitions? It’s the kind of situation that happens quite a bit, but isn’t written about nearly as much as it should be.

If your heart is currently more into your work, but you don’t want to lose the awesome individual who has recently come into your life, here are some suggestions for how to be just as ambitious personally as you are professionally.

Get on a schedule. Say that you’re someone who’s trying to get your own company off of the ground. If that’s the case, then you already know that you can easily work 15+ hour days. That can make eating and sleeping, let alone dating, very hard to do. Something that you can do to balance things out is to get on a schedule. Give yourself at least one day when you’re not focused on work and then set aside a couple of hours to go to a restaurant or check out a movie with the person you’re seeing. Honestly, this is something that you should do whether you’re seeing someone or not. Rest and leisure are good for your overall health and well-being. No one needs to literally kill themselves with ambition.

Be open and honest. If you know that you have the tendency to be a bit of a workaholic, it’s important that you get that out and in the open on the front end. Maybe not the first date but definitely by the third. Otherwise, if the person you’re seeing keeps trying to make plans and you’re constantly having to cancel or reschedule, it will send the message that you’re not interested, when the reality is that you simply have a lot on your plate.

Don’t break dates. Ambition can be pretty attractive during the beginning stages of a relationship. But when it makes someone feel as if they are no longer a priority in your life, then it can start to take a real toll. You don’t want to come across as being the kind of person who doesn’t say what they mean and mean what they say. So, even if you can only go on a date a couple of times per month, do everything within your power to keep the ones that you do make. It will send the message that although you do have a lot going on, the person you’re seeing is not getting lost in the shuffle. It will convey that they matter to you too.

Plan special dates. Here’s something that you can definitely do to send the message that you’re invested in your relationship even while you are invested in your work: plan special dates. To go to dinner and a movie, that doesn’t require a whole lot of pre-planning. But to go to an outdoor concert, a picnic or to take a day trip to a city close-by---that requires a bit more effort. And when you call to say “Hey, I have a surprise for you this weekend, are you game?” and they see that it consists of doing something that is a bit outside of the box, they’ll know that they’re on your mind. Even when you can’t always see each other.

Keep the future in mind. When it comes to your professional goals, you don’t plan on being in the place next year as you are now, right? So why wouldn’t you also want to make plans for your relationship? By letting the person you’re seeing know that you want things to grow into something more, they will be able to take comfort in the fact that although you are super ambitious as it relates to your professional life, in many ways, the same thing can be said about your personal one too!

The Shallow End: 6 Things That Can Prevent You from 'Going Deeper' in Your Relationship

Love is deep. And that’s not meant to be a cliché either. Ask any married couple who has at least 10 years (and probably a couple of kids) under their belt and they will tell you that from the very moment that they looked one another in the eyes and said “I love you”, they couldn’t begin to fathom where the journey would take them.

That’s because whether a professional matchmaker hooked you up with the love of your life or you “randomly” ran into them at a grocery store or in a mall, you can never be fully prepared for all that’s required in order to make love work. And last.

But if you’re someone who desires to be in a serious relationship and yet, no matter how hard you (and others) try, you just can’t seem to make that lasting kind of connection, this is an article that we recommend that you read all the way through. Sometimes, there’s a subtle mistake that people make past their first few dates that ends up limiting the possibility of something going from a casual attraction to…something more.

We call it “hanging out in the shallow end”…

Are you “quick to judge” when it comes to first impressions? Let’s say that you did decide to hire a professional matchmaking company to help you out. And although they told you “We have the perfect match for you!”, on the first date, let’s just say that you weren’t super impressed. It’s impossible to learn everything about a person in a couple of years, let alone on one date. If there is a bit of an interest, consider at least going on a second date. Sometimes first dates are awkward and people need a bit more time for things to warm up so that they can get to know each other a bit better.

Do you go on “loud” dates? Does this seem like a bit of an odd question? It’s kind of meant to be. While going to the movies or a bar to check out a local indie band is a lot of fun, there’s really no way to communicate inside of those kinds of venues. That’s because it’s literally too loud in them. In order to get to know someone better, you’re going to have to hear each other speak (literally). If you’re curious about the kind of dates that will encourage, rather than hinder, engaging your date, click here.

Does sex happen too early? It’s not uncommon to meet a person and have an instantaneous physical attraction to them. But if you wind up having sex with them before a true emotional connection is made, your passion may fizzle before your relationship could really get off of the ground. Although the act of sex itself is not “shallow”, it does tend to lose some of its meaning when it’s handled in a casual way. There’s no rush. If you want something meaningful, sex can wait.

Do you build up walls? During the first, second or third date with someone, it’s totally understandable why you may be cautious about letting your guard totally down (although it’s always a good idea to watch your body language, though). But if it’s been a couple of months and you still are not sharing your stories about your life, past loves and future goals, that’s going to cause your relationship to either become stagnant or the person to start to lose interest. Building up walls is usually due to a lack of trust and if you’ve been hurt before, that is certainly understandable. But if you want to find true love, you’re going to have to take a leap of faith. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to let people in.

Are you self-absorbed? Here’s one that “slips by” some folks. If you went into a relationship wanting it to be all about you, then guess what? That’s all that your focus is going to be on. The dates are going to be centered around where you want to go. The conversations are going to be more about you and your needs. When it comes time to compromise, perhaps without even noticing, you’ll manipulate your way into things slanting more your way than theirs. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself receiving a phone call along the lines of “Look, I really like you but…” Relationships are about two people relating to one another. If you want things to go from “on the surface” to something that’s far deeper and more meaningful, make the relationship be just as much about “them” as it is about you. Before you know it, you’ll have broken the “shallow end” curse. Love will have overtaken you in the best possible kind of way.