You know the saying: “The truth shall set you free.” Well, the truth is that if you were to get a group of people together and ask them for one of the main reasons why the beginning stages of their relationship didn’t work out with someone, we’re willing to bet that one of the things they would mention is “They were moving way too fast.”
We get it. There’s nothing quite like the feeling that comes from meeting someone who you’re not only physically attracted to but are mentally drawn in by. However, having a great couple of first dates does not a marriage proposal make. In fact, thinking that way is what can send you on the road to relational sabotage faster than you can call your friends to say you’ve met “the one”.
So, what are the clear indicators that you are probably moving faster down Lover’s Lane than you probably should? Here are five that you should definitely keep in the forefront of your mind:
You have no problem giving up the goods on the first (or second) date. No judgment, but it really is best to wait a while before having sex. For one thing, you need to know what your date’s physical health is like (a condom is not 100 percent full-proof). Not only that, but sex too soon can also cloud your judgment. Suddenly you’ll be thinking that you’re in love with the person when really you’re just in lust with the sex. Ask any professional matchmaker worth their salt and they’ll tell you that good sex does not automatically equal a good relationship. Your body is valuable. You’re worth having some emotional investing made before your date receives any physical rewards.
You bring up marriage on the first five dates. OK, we’re not saying that you can’t (or shouldn’t) talk about marriage in the general sense like “Yeah, I’d like to get married someday” or “So, are your parents married?” We mean that if you are telling them that you can see your future children in their eyes before you even know their middle name, you’re probably going to freak them out. Yes, there are some couples who’ve literally professed love at first sight and gotten married weeks later, but they are so the exception and not the rule. Marriage speaks to the culmination to a dating relationship. The transition from one season to the next. Don’t try and skip over the here and now. There’s a lot of fun that can come from simply dating. Relax and enjoy it. Especially if it’s only the first, second or fifth date.
You’re talking about your relationship online. There are a lot of people (celebrities included) who will tell you that one of the biggest mistakes that they made was sharing too much about their relationship via the internet. She may be gorgeous. He may be super cute. You may feel an instant connection between you and them and that’s awesome. Still, please keep that off of your Facebook status. Instead, call your friends or text them a picture. But until you know for sure that your dating situation is headed towards full-blown relationship status, keep the news (social media) quiet. And even then, proceed with caution.
You want to say “I love you” before “I like you”. It’s a question that all of us can stand to ask ourselves before even going on our first date with someone. “Are we looking for love? Or are we simply in love with love?” People who are in love with love tend to not enjoy, and thereby avoid, taking things slow. They like the euphoric feelings that come with being in a relationship and so “I love you” is less of a declaration and more of an emotional “fix”. You have all of the time in the world to be in love. Not only that but the early stages of dating are necessary. They help you to see if you’re “in like” first. And just ask any married couple who’s been together for more than 10 years. “In like” is just as important in order to maintain a long-lasting relationship.
You’re told that you’re moving too fast. It may sound elementary now, but it happens all of the time. If your date is telling you “Hey, I like you but this is moving a bit too fast for me”, don’t try and over-analyze it. Take what they’re saying at face value. At the same time, don’t take your bike and stomp off of the dating playground either. Hearing that you’re moving too fast is not a “red light” (stop). It’s more like a yellow one (slow down). Your date is simply saying that they want more time to get to know you better and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Moving too fast can result in you missing out on some of the joys and surprises that come with dating. Ones that come with taking one step at a time.