When you were a child, there’s a pretty good chance that either you wrote or received a note that said “Will you be my boy/girlfriend?” followed by a box to check “yes” or “no”. And perhaps that’s a big part of where we got that idea to give relationships titles. Maybe that’s why, even as adults, they are so important to us.
Or, it could be because a title is what gives us a sense of belonging and purpose; not as individuals, but as it directly relates to the relationship that we’re in. After all, if there isn’t one attached, how do we know if we’re “just friends” or “dating” or “more than friends”? Basically, how do you know if your relationship has a real future? Or not.
If you’re currently dating someone new and it looks like it could be headed somewhere, we’re pretty sure that at one point or another, the topic of titles is going to come up. Hopefully, we can provide you with a few things to think about before you decide to give what you and the person you’re interested in a name…or more specifically, a title.
Think about what titles represent. In the English language, there are so many words that have different meanings. And when it comes to the dating world, our opinion is that “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are two of them. Some people think those words simply mean that two people are spending a significant amount of time together while others feel like it is basically a hop, skip and jump away from engagement and then marriage. So, if you’re someone who prefers to use titles, it’s recommended that you and the person you’re seeing discuss what each word personally means to each of you. That way, you can know whether or not you’re on the same page; even before you start using them.
Think about why you need one. There are some people who are so consumed with wanting to put a title on their relationship that they don’t realize that it’s also putting pressure on the person they are seeing. In other words, if every other conversation basically consists of “So, what is this?” or “What would you call what we’re doing?” you might end up missing out on allowing things to grow and mature in a natural and organic kind of way (the best kind of way, we feel). That’s why it’s a good idea to really stop and ask yourself why having a title to your relationship is so necessary to you. If you need it in order to feel important, special or validated, that might be about more than the title. Some soul-searching and self-reflection may be required because a person can make you feel that way without any titles. But if you want one simply for clarification that both of you are moving at a similar pace and have similar intentions, a title may be what is required.
Think about the responsibility that comes with having a title. Ask just about anyone from your closest friend to a professional matchmaker about this and one of the things that they’ll probably tell you about titles is that you should be prepared for the responsibility that comes with them. This would include the public perception that people tend to have. For instance, if you both only said that you were dating, people would not expect much. On the other hand, if you did decide to make the declaration that you are going to be exclusive, in comes the watching eyes, the “So, when are you getting married?” questions and even sometimes the unwanted social media checks to make sure that you both are what you claim to be (monogamous). If you and the person you’re seeing doesn’t mind all of the scrutiny, that’s great. But if you would prefer to explore your relationship without being so much in “the public eye”, you might be better off chilling on the whole title concept. So long as the two of you know what you have, that’s what’s most important anyway. Title or not.