No relationship is perfect. Hopefully, that goes without saying. But there are a lot of them that can be spared from heartbreak or divorce when certain things are put in place in order to preserve and protect it.
Just think about it. Pretty much all of us have either an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend or even an ex-spouse, and if you really stop to think about why (and how) the relationship came to an end, there’s probably not just one thing that you can point out. Honestly, it’s probably a series of issues that either never got fully addressed or one or both of you held in, in order to “keep the peace”---when the reality is all that it really did was build up resentment.
Whether you’re currently in a relationship or you’re just getting back out into the dating scene, we’re pretty sure that at the end of the day, what you desire is true fulfillment. One of the best ways to achieve that goal is to be conscious of the things that can happen that will lead to frustration, bitterness and ultimately resentment. And then accepting what you need to do in order to avoid these responses/reactions.
Here’s a clue. One of them is found in the title of this article…
Avoid holding a grudge. The only way that you’re going to be in a relationship where forgiveness is not required is if you decide to date someone who is perfect. And being that no person on the entire planet is that, it’s important to accept the fact that sometimes they are going to say the “wrong” thing, hurt your feelings or do something that you don’t appreciate. If something that bothers you happens repeatedly, it’s up to you to decide if it’s ultimately a deal breaker or not. But choosing not to forgive someone for making a mistake and then holding a grudge about it is unhealthy and super counterproductive. You want someone who forgives you when you mess up, right? In order for a relationship to truly be successful, it’s always a good idea to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.
Keep your expectations realistic. There are a whole lot of people in this world who are always upset and it’s because of one thing: someone disappointed them when it came to not reaching their expectations. There are some people who believe that the best way to prevent this from being an issue is to simply not expect anything. Eh. Personally, we find that to be a bit extreme. Instead, state what your expectations are, then ask the person you’re with what they feel about them in order to reach a common ground. That way, you can get clarity of if they find your expectations to be realistic (or not) and then you both can agree on what you should literally and realistically expect them to do. And not do.
Accept your partner’s individuality. A wise man once said that when two people are just alike, one of them is unnecessary. That’s words to live by when it comes to being in a relationship with someone else. Basically what it means is if you wanted to date a carbon copy of yourself, why date someone at all? Enjoy being single and spending time with yourself instead. That said, being in a relationship is not just about being with someone you care about and spending time with them. It’s also about letting someone into your heart and world so that they can help you to grow as a human being. This means that there are probably going to be some challenges and disagreements along the way. Accepting that can definitely help you to avoid allowing resentment to build up within you.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Passive aggressiveness. We’re honestly not sure if there’s anything worse than it when it comes to trying to keep a relationship balanced and healthy. Basically passive aggressiveness is a form of manipulation. Someone asks you if something is wrong and you say “no” and then sigh and drop hints throughout the rest of the day. You get upset because someone didn’t do what you wanted them to, but here’s the clincher: You never said what that thing is. You simply wanted them to read your mind. One way for you and them to end up developing resentment is if you don’t say what you mean and only expect them to guess. “Communication is key” may sound a bit cliché, but trust us when we tell you that it’s one of the best ways to keep a relationship on solid ground.
Be patient. Relationships require patience. And the reality is a lot of them fail because one or both people fail to accept that fact. Every day is not going to be fun and easy. But every day can be purposeful, a learning experience and a way for both of you to mature and become closer as a direct result. If you’re really and truly willing to embrace this reality, you’ll discover that with each season of your relationship, there will be more to be thankful for and ironically, less to feel resentful about.