Being Exclusive: The Expectations That Come with This Kind of Relationship

How many times have you encountered a couple who are not married but are in a serious relationship and they define their status as being “monogamous”? While that tends to be a pretty popular go-to word for one-on-one relationships, what monogamy actually means is “marriage with only one person at a time” or even better “the practice of marrying only once during life”.

That’s why, when it comes to dating situations, we prefer to go with the word “exclusive” instead.

It basically means that you’re in a relationship where seeing other people is not a consideration.

Whew! Now that the two words are cleared up, have you ever wondered what should come with having an exclusive relationship? Because although a professional matchmaker or blind date may help to get a relationship rolling, once you’re in it, it’s up to you and the person you’re seeing to set the bar of expectation between the two of you.

If you need a bit of help doing that, here are some tips to help to provide insight on what should come with being in an exclusive relationship.

There’s no dating other people. Probably the most important factor that comes with being in an exclusive relationship is the fact that both of you have come to the mutual conclusion that you don’t want to date other people. Now, for the record, this shouldn’t mean that you no longer have friends of the opposite sex. Healthy relationships do not consist of people not feeling free to engage other people on a platonic basis. At the same time, what it does mean is that your romantic focus is on one individual, solely. So, if you find yourself wanting to see other folks, it’s important that you have enough integrity to tell the person you’re currently with. Don’t sneak around behind their back. That simply dilutes the definition of exclusive and well, that’s not very cool.

The other person’s needs are paramount. Being married is the ultimate kind of commitment, but being exclusive is pretty important too. When two people decide to see no one other than each other, a part of what comes with that is making each other’s needs a top priority. Someone in an exclusive relationship can’t afford to not communicate regularly, to not spend quality time with the person they’re with or to be too busy (or selfish) to not take their partner’s desires and expectations into consideration as they are factoring in their own. If all of this sounds way too stressful, an exclusive relationship may not be the best thing for you. Casual dating, for now, may be better.

There is a lot of compromising. Oh, this point can’t be stressed enough! A part of the fun in being single is your decisions are pretty much based on you and you alone. This is so not the case when it comes to an exclusive relationship. Take holidays, for example. When you’re in an exclusive relationship, it’s not reasonable to expect that the person you’re with is automatically going to want to do what you want to do (they also may not be able to due to scheduling, etc.). This means that some Thanksgivings and Christmases may have to be spent away from your loved ones in order to accommodate your partner and vice versa. Compromising isn’t always easy, but when you’re in an exclusive relationship, it comes with the territory.

You’re very forthright with information. When you’re casually dating someone, it’s not really necessary to tell them that you’re interested in other people too. That’s because casual dating, by definition, means that there is no set purpose or intention for the relationship (at least not yet). But when you’re in an exclusive relationship, it’s a lot like courting. The goal is to continue to cultivate what you’ve got going and the best way to do that is with complete honesty. When you’re not satisfied, you need to say it. If you’re developing a strong attraction for someone else, it needs to come up. If there are fears or even resentments building up, that needs to be shared. The only way to have a thriving exclusive relationship is if there is trust and the one of the best way to establish trust is through honesty which comes from being forthright with information. It might not always be what your partner wants to hear, but they’ll respect you a whole lot more than if they have to find out---the hard way.

There will be forward movement. An exclusive relationship is not always going to consist of spontaneity and fireworks. At the same time, it shouldn’t be stuck in a rut either. Since being exclusive is about not seeing other people, then a lot of your time, effort and energy should be put into the one you’re with. And if that’s done on a consistent basis, you should definitely see growth and progress within your relationship as a direct result. To us, that’s one of the best things about being an exclusive relationship! One of the ultimate benefits of having one.

Still Seeing Other People: 5 Benefits of Not Being ‘Monogamous’ in the Early Stages

Monogamy. Out of all of the words in the English language, it has got to be one of the most misdefined ones. Here’s why. When people have been dating one another for a while, what’s one of the questions that their friends or family members will oftentimes ask them: “Are the two of you monogamous?” right?

OK, so here’s where it gets pretty interesting: Have you ever looked up the actual definitions of monogamy? According to Dictionary, monogamy has nothing to do with dating. It actually means “marriage with only one person at a time” or “the practice of marrying only once during life”. Therefore, contrary to popular belief, until you decide to say “I do” to someone (gasp!), you’re not technically monogamous. No matter how serious your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend may be.

That’s why the better word to use for couples who decide to only date one another is probably “exclusive”. Yet even when it comes to that kind of dating status, getting there should be a process. Before two people basically decide to be a “hop, skip and jump” away from engagement and then marriage, there should be some time allotted to really get to know one another---your likes and dislikes, your goals and ambitions, your thoughts when it comes to marriage, children and what it takes to make a truly monogamous relationship work. And last.

For all of these reasons, it’s our humble opinion that people should not rush to be monogamous---excuse us, exclusive---during the early stages of their dating relationship and we’re pretty sure that marriage counselors, relationship coaches and professional matchmakers would all agree. And yes, there are actually a few benefits that come with being open to seeing more than one person during that time. After reading some of them, you might realize how great it really is to take things slow. To not become exclusive until you can say for sure that you know…that there is only one person meant for you.

The pressure’s off. Deciding to only see one person before you’re absolutely sure that you want to (or are ready to) can result in you putting more pressure on yourself than you can actually handle. It’s important to remember that with exclusivity, there come certain expectations like not dating other people and being more readily available. If the thought of both of those things basically freaks you out, it’s not time for you to be in exclusive relationship. Not just yet.

You can be really honest with each other. When you’re in an exclusive relationship, you tend to be really invested in what the other people wants or needs, even if it differs from what is on your own list. But when people jump into an exclusive relationship too quickly, they oftentimes end up not making their own desires a priority. That’s because they are so focused on making the other person happy and not hurting their feelings. The problem with this is that over time, it can breed resentment and that’s not healthy for any relationship. By not being exclusive too early on, you have the freedom to be really honest about you’re looking for and what your expectations are. If you’re both on the same page, cool. If not, no love is lost. You can be friends as you both look for more of what you’re actually looking for.

You have the freedom to choose. Here’s what we mean by that. The actor Mark Ruffalo once said “I ran to my marriage. I was happily ready to take on marriage.” Now does this sound like someone who’s making ball-and-chain jokes about his relationship? It’s one thing to feel like you have to be with someone. It’s another thing entirely to assess your options and then make a conscious choice all on your own to be exclusive. Seeing other people in the early stages of dating someone new affords you the ability to transition into exclusivity because you want to; not because you feel like you have to.

Sex can be put on the backburner. A wise man once said “Sex will make you ‘love’ someone you don’t even like.” Translation: Great sex can be easily confused for being a great relationship if you engage in it too quickly. That said, if you’re someone who cares about taking care of your health (let alone your heart), you’re not going to want to sleep with multiple people at once. So, the time that you’re not having sex with someone new, that is the time you can spend getting to know one another better, both mentally and emotionally. That’s always a major plus when you’re creating the foundation for your relationship.

It will be truly special once it does happen. An exclusive relationship is nothing to be taken casually. It’s a significant season for two people. By allowing it to happen organically and being confident in your choice once it does, the relationship will be that much more special once there is mutual exclusivity. You can enter into it with total peace of mind. And absolutely no regrets.