How many times have you encountered a couple who are not married but are in a serious relationship and they define their status as being “monogamous”? While that tends to be a pretty popular go-to word for one-on-one relationships, what monogamy actually means is “marriage with only one person at a time” or even better “the practice of marrying only once during life”.
That’s why, when it comes to dating situations, we prefer to go with the word “exclusive” instead.
It basically means that you’re in a relationship where seeing other people is not a consideration.
Whew! Now that the two words are cleared up, have you ever wondered what should come with having an exclusive relationship? Because although a professional matchmaker or blind date may help to get a relationship rolling, once you’re in it, it’s up to you and the person you’re seeing to set the bar of expectation between the two of you.
If you need a bit of help doing that, here are some tips to help to provide insight on what should come with being in an exclusive relationship.
There’s no dating other people. Probably the most important factor that comes with being in an exclusive relationship is the fact that both of you have come to the mutual conclusion that you don’t want to date other people. Now, for the record, this shouldn’t mean that you no longer have friends of the opposite sex. Healthy relationships do not consist of people not feeling free to engage other people on a platonic basis. At the same time, what it does mean is that your romantic focus is on one individual, solely. So, if you find yourself wanting to see other folks, it’s important that you have enough integrity to tell the person you’re currently with. Don’t sneak around behind their back. That simply dilutes the definition of exclusive and well, that’s not very cool.
The other person’s needs are paramount. Being married is the ultimate kind of commitment, but being exclusive is pretty important too. When two people decide to see no one other than each other, a part of what comes with that is making each other’s needs a top priority. Someone in an exclusive relationship can’t afford to not communicate regularly, to not spend quality time with the person they’re with or to be too busy (or selfish) to not take their partner’s desires and expectations into consideration as they are factoring in their own. If all of this sounds way too stressful, an exclusive relationship may not be the best thing for you. Casual dating, for now, may be better.
There is a lot of compromising. Oh, this point can’t be stressed enough! A part of the fun in being single is your decisions are pretty much based on you and you alone. This is so not the case when it comes to an exclusive relationship. Take holidays, for example. When you’re in an exclusive relationship, it’s not reasonable to expect that the person you’re with is automatically going to want to do what you want to do (they also may not be able to due to scheduling, etc.). This means that some Thanksgivings and Christmases may have to be spent away from your loved ones in order to accommodate your partner and vice versa. Compromising isn’t always easy, but when you’re in an exclusive relationship, it comes with the territory.
You’re very forthright with information. When you’re casually dating someone, it’s not really necessary to tell them that you’re interested in other people too. That’s because casual dating, by definition, means that there is no set purpose or intention for the relationship (at least not yet). But when you’re in an exclusive relationship, it’s a lot like courting. The goal is to continue to cultivate what you’ve got going and the best way to do that is with complete honesty. When you’re not satisfied, you need to say it. If you’re developing a strong attraction for someone else, it needs to come up. If there are fears or even resentments building up, that needs to be shared. The only way to have a thriving exclusive relationship is if there is trust and the one of the best way to establish trust is through honesty which comes from being forthright with information. It might not always be what your partner wants to hear, but they’ll respect you a whole lot more than if they have to find out---the hard way.
There will be forward movement. An exclusive relationship is not always going to consist of spontaneity and fireworks. At the same time, it shouldn’t be stuck in a rut either. Since being exclusive is about not seeing other people, then a lot of your time, effort and energy should be put into the one you’re with. And if that’s done on a consistent basis, you should definitely see growth and progress within your relationship as a direct result. To us, that’s one of the best things about being an exclusive relationship! One of the ultimate benefits of having one.