So, you’ve met someone that you really like. You’ve gone out a few times. You’ve sent a few texts back and forth, and you both seem to have a really good time together when you’re hanging out. But still, something is not quite…right.
It’s not that something is outright wrong, necessarily. It’s just that you’ve been in a serious relationship before and so you know what the beginning stages of a dating relationship (that’s headed somewhere) feels like. And this? This is not quite it.
Yeah, all kinds of dating experts have addressed this particular topic before. It’s what is known as “the friend zone”. It’s when you find yourself being drawn to someone romantically. Meanwhile, they are sending subtle---or sometimes not-so-subtle---messages that they like you…just maybe not in the kind of way you were hoping for.
Time is precious. Therefore, you don’t want to waste countless dates investing into something that may not yield you the kind of “rewards” that you desire. So, in the effort of sparing you time, effort and potential resentment, here are five telling signs that the person you’re dating may want to be more of a friend than anything else.
Flirting and affirming are far and few between. During the beginning stages of a relationship, when a person is interested in you, they are going to flirt. They are going to affirm you too. You also are going to receive quite a bit of compliments. So yeah, if while you’re on a date, the person you’re with has not said “You sure do look amazing tonight” or “I just love your smile”, don’t ignore this subtle signal. Friends don’t usually spend a lot of time fawning over one another. And why should they? They’re just friends.
They talk about their ex. A lot. We’re not referring to the both of you sharing stories of your past love life. We mean that they continue to bring up their ex, almost as if they are either still seeing them---or they want to be. Sometimes people get into new dating situations sooner than they should hoping that it will help them to get over someone, but the reality is you deserve to be in a relationship with an individual who can give their whole heart. If you sense that your date is on the rebound or is still on the mend, while there may be the potential of developing something with you, for now, they are not capable of much else. Yep, they have you in the friend zone. Perhaps without them even really knowing it.
Progress is never discussed. It’s pretty weird if your date brings up marriage and kids on the first date. But after the fourth or fifth one, if they never speak of your relationship in a future tense (on any level), that’s probably because they’re not making plans for it. Basically, they are dealing with each day (and date) as it comes and hanging out is merely something to do. And you know who does that? Friends do. If you never hear things like “I hope that we can do so-and-so or such-and-such together someday” or if you’re the one who’s always reaching out in order to hang out, this means that you are doing most of the work. Ugh. Not only are you probably in the friend zone, but they’re also showing signs that they probably won’t be the best friend to you either!
Physical affection is limited. Here’s a biggie. Although you should want to date someone who respects your personal space and physical boundaries, when someone wants to be more than just your friend, they’re going to be proactive about physical affection. In the movies, they may reach for your hand. At the end of the date, they may come in for a kiss (at least a kiss on the cheek). As more and more dates transpire, the hugs will get longer. But if the person you’re seeing never initiates any of these things and at the end of the date, you’re getting the “side hug” every time, hate to break it to you, but that’s a huge “friend zone” sign.
They refer to you as such. There’s a pretty good chance that, at some point, the two of you will run into someone you know or you’ll need to catch a phone call in one another’s presence. During the first five or so dates, it’s perfectly normal (and appropriate) for you to be referred to as “a friend”. But if you’re still getting that kind of introduction after that, if there is no adjective added to the front of that word (like “special”, for example), then that really may be all that you are to them. And all they will ever want you to be. This means that it’s time to ask them if they’re looking to be friends or if they’re open to something more. Don’t worry about how broaching the subject will make you look. It’s more important to focus on how you currently feel. At least by talking about it, you can gain some clarity on if you’re just their friend so that you can get on to being more-than-a-friend. With someone else.