If you’ve been on the dating scene for a while now, chances are that you could write this article yourself. Just live long enough (meaning over 25 years) and you’ve probably been on at least one or two pretty bad dates.
However, the purpose of this piece is not so that we can all find things to complain and become bitter about. It’s so that we can keep in mind the things that we need to avoid doing so that the person that we’re sitting across from is not looking at us and thinking “Ugh, this date sucks!”
Yeah, think of this as a “dating don’ts piece” that you and your friends might write or a professional matchmaker might hand to you. It’s just a quick reminder of the fact that first impressions are so important. Therefore, you need to do all that you can to make the best possible one!
Being tired. One of the reasons why meeting someone after work for drinks isn’t something that’s the best idea on the planet to do is because you’re probably going to be tired. And when a person is worn down, that can make them irritable or simply preoccupied. Your date deserves your undivided attention. Agree to meet up after you’re well-rested. (Or at the very least, after you’ve had a nap first.)
Staying “connected”. A lot of us remember what life was like before smartphones. When it comes to dates, it really is best if the smartphone is treated like the old-school house phones that had a voice mail. Meaning, if you’re not comfortable leaving your cell phone in the car, at least put it on silent and leave it in your jacket or purse. Those texts, FB messages and Instagram pics will all be there when the date is over. Don’t let them keep you from completely focusing while the date is going on.
Getting drunk. Wine with dinner is fine. Throwing back shots all night? That’s so not a good look. Although there’s honestly never a good time to be drunk, the worst possible occasion is on a first date. First of all, it sends the impression that you can’t hold your liquor. Secondly, it tends to bring out a side of your personality that isn’t the most attractive. Besides, who wants to pay for their date to get an Uber ride home because they’re too wasted to drive? Sober is the best way to be on a date. Monitor your drinking accordingly.
Talking about your ex all of the time. Here’s the thing about exes. If you’re talking about them a lot, you’re probably not over them which means that you may not be ready to date in the first place. It’s one thing to answer a question about your dating past if you’re asked. It’s another thing to make 60 percent of the conversation about how your ex royally screwed you over. You have your friends to talk to about that stuff. Leave that off of the dating table, please.
Flirting with other people. Some folks are natural flirts. This means that sometimes, without even really noticing it, they’ll wink at their server, make goo-goo eyes at a person at the bar and/or stare at someone’s backside while they’re walking by. Do you know the message that coveys? It basically says that everyone around you is more interesting/appealing than who is before you. No one wants to feel like they are second-rate especially on a first date. Also, overt flirting is pretty disrespectful. Therefore, do your very best to keep that at an absolute minimum.
Being bossy. Although there are some people who find it either romantic or attentive to have their date order for them, you’re probably not going to know that on your first date. And so, if you do it, you’ll probably come off as controlling or a know-it-all. Another thing that conveys bossiness is over-talking someone or correcting them a lot. Dates are supposed to be a fun time for two people to get to know one another better. It’s not a competition and it’s certainly not a chance for someone to act like another’s parent or teacher. Being bossy on a date is a surefire way for someone to walk away thinking that the date totally tanked.
Proposing sex. When it comes to sex, some people have a third date rule, some people would prefer to be in love and some folks don’t have any rules at all. But one thing that pretty much everyone has in common is you come off as either a pervert or extremely arrogant if you propose sex on a first date. If things go well, there will be plenty of time to get to the intimacy portion of the relationship program. For now, keep all discussions centered on what’s going on from the neck up. Interestingly enough, the brain is the biggest sex organ anyway. Show some interest there, make a connection and you never know where things could go. At the right place. At the right time. After the first date.