There are some people who have their own rules when it comes to physical intimacy. For instance, some folks will not engage in sexual activity until monogamy has been established. Then there are others who simply look for a spark or connection. There are also some individuals who think that so long as the other person is “down”, so are they.
But if you were to speak with a relationship coach or professional matchmaker about when it’s the best time to get intimate with someone you’re seeing, they’re probably going to tell you that while each couple is different, there are a few things that you should think about first---for the sake of your mind, body and spirit. So that when sex does transpire, it’s a truly enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
Think about your health. This one definitely has to be mentioned first. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, there were 20 million new reported cases of STDs within the United States alone. And although a condom is pretty effective, only abstinence is 100 percent reliable. That said, sex continues to be a serious act that requires forethought and preparation. Make sure that the both of you get tested before engaging in it with one another.
Think about your pattern(s). A lot of sexually active people have a pattern. They might have sex on first dates and then never hear from the person again. Or, they may have sex only because the other person wants to and then they end up regretting it. Or, they might have really great sex with an individual and end up mistaking it for a great relationship, only to realize…it’s not. If you can relate to any of these patterns and you want to break out of them, you know the drill: The best way to not get what you’ve always had is to not do what you’ve always done. If sex has always played a role in an outcome you don’t want, try approaching sex differently with the new individual that you’re seeing.
Think about your reasons. You have to decide what’s best for you but it’s always a good idea to be clear on what your reasons are for doing things before you do them. And you know what else? When it comes to having sex, it’s also a good idea to know the reason why the other individual is doing what they’re doing too. That way, you both can be on the same page and no one is waking up the next morning…disillusioned.
Think about your gut. There is so much to be said for a person’s gut instinct. So, if something inside of you feels that the person you’re thinking about having sex with is unsafe or emotionally unstable or is simply not the best person for you to be intimate, don’t ignore your inner voice. Hey, better to be too cautious than not cautious enough, right? We agree. 100 percent.
Think about your goal. If you want to have sex simply because you enjoy sex and the other person feels the same way, do your thing. But if you’re doing it because you think that it will quickly escalate the relationship or because you’re scared that they’ll lose interest if you don’t and you want to hold their attention for as long as possible, these aren’t really the best reasons to get involved. Sex is not something that should be used as a mechanism to reach some type of goal. In fact, that’s a surefire way to end up disappointed. The goal of sex should be about two people who care about one another wanting to express their feelings through physical intimacy. If your goal is not as clear as this, wait. You have all of the time in the world to get intimate with someone. Even if it ends up needing to be with someone else.