Love at first sight. The truly hopeful believe that it exists. The somewhat cynical thinks that it only happens in the movies. As for the realists, they tend to think that the truth lies somewhere in between both individuals.
Yes, there are times when two people will see each other and either A) automatically know that they are destined to be together or B) one of them will get the inkling that a real connection is within the near future.
But sometimes---more times than not, in fact---people will confuse physical attraction with true mental and emotional (and spiritual) compatibility. And when that happens, sometimes lust is mistaken for love, which can result in a lot of disappointments and quite possibly a relationship that fizzles out before it can really get started.
Thankfully, there are some ways to determine if what you and your date feel for one another is simply an attraction or there really is something more. Curious to know how? Here are five failsafe ways.
Attracted: All you can think about is how good they look. Hey, who doesn’t want to be out on a date with someone they find to be super attractive? Even a professional matchmaker will admit that a part of their job consists of creating a great first impression for their clients. But a good looking person is basically like wrapping paper on a present. You need more than that in order to make a relationship work and last. So, if all that you can think about is how you can’t wait to get home to tell your friends who “fine” your date is, if it’s past your first date with them, you may be more attracted than anything else. And sorry, but a shallow surface connection can only go but so far.
Compatible: You have similar values and beliefs. Many people believe that religion and politics are two things that should not be discussed (especially as you’re getting to know someone). However, we feel that it’s OK to talk about these things so long as they’re in the lane of “sharing” and not debating. Meaning, it’s fine to talk about what religion you might have been raised up in or a news story that you found to be interesting. Not only is it a way to spark up conversation, but if you hear a lot of “Really? Me too” or “Yeah, I feel the same way”, that can help to give you some sense of if you share similar values and beliefs. And yes, people who look at life the same way, they often are compatible on a lot of levels.
Attracted: Sex comes up. A lot. It’s one thing to flirt. It’s another thing to find yourself spending 50 percent (or more) of the time on your date talking about sex or even propositioning it. If one or both of you keeps seeming to bring up things like your hormones, your sex drive or if you’re finding ways to compare everything from your utensils to your chocolate dessert to sex, you probably have more of a physical attraction than much of anything else.
Compatible: You both want to be in a relationship. At the same time. For the same reasons. One of the best signs that you’re compatible with someone you’re seeing is if you both want the same things. Out of life? Yes, to a large extent. But more specifically, the same things from one another. A person who wants to date several people at one time is probably not going to mesh well with someone who’s looking for a marriage partner. But if both of you feel that you’re at a point and place in your life where casual dating is no longer a desire and monogamy is a goal, that’s a good compatibility sign.
Attracted and Compatible: Pay attention to how you talk about them. Ideally, you’ll want to be in a relationship with someone where you both feel that you are attracted and compatible to one another. One of the best ways to know if you are is by listening to how you describe the relationship to others. For instance, if you hear yourself saying things like “I think s/he is so attractive but that’s not what I like most about them. It’s their intellect or sense of humor or heart for others”, then you know that you’re not just into their appearance; there is something about their insides that captures you too. And when attracted and compatibility are happening at once, look out! You are well on your way to establishing a real connection. And that’s always good to know---and to have.