Have you ever had a friend call you upset about a relationship gone wrong? And while they’re going down the list of all of the hurtful things that happened, did you happen to hear them say “I don’t know how it got to this point. I never saw it coming.”
*sigh*
It’s true. Sometimes people can blindside you. But you know what, more times than not, there were warning signs, even from the very first date, that went overlooked. Signs that could’ve us spared weeks, months or even years of drama and heartache if they had simply been adhered to.
In the hopes that you can avoid this kind of shock, if you have a hot first date coming up, we wanted to share with you a few red flags to look out for. That way, you won’t get burned.
Red Flag #1: You see a wedding ring. There are some people who wear rings on the third finger of their left hand, even if they’re single. So if you happen to see one there and you want to clarify what it is, by all means do that. But if they tell you it’s a wedding ring, even if they say they are separated or divorcing, it’s a red flag. People are married until they are officially divorced and even then, they usually need some time to process and heal. That’s why it’s best to stay out of those kinds of situations. Oh, and if you notice a tan line around that same finger, take that as another sign to steer clear. Just trust us on that.
Red Flag #2: They talk about having a bad financial situation. A gold digger is not something to aspire to be. That’s not what we’re talking about here, though. If when you and your date start conversing, they mention not having a lot of money, recently losing their job or trying to make ends meet, they could be dropping a hint that they may not be in the position to pay for the date---including their part of it. These days, a lot of people prefer to go Dutch, which is OK. But if you went into the date with the assumption that the financial responsibility would not fall on you and you start to see that it’s going to end up doing just that, you may be put into that position again. And again. And again. Bottom line, be careful with the “I’m broke” hustle.
Red Flag #3: You feel like you’re being controlled. Say your first date is a dinner date. If when you try and place your drink or food order, your date cuts you off and tells the server that you would prefer something else, don’t overlook that. Once the two of you become closer and establish a type of intimacy (and understanding) about what you like and how you want your dates to go, that’s one thing. But when they are just getting to know you? Yeah, pushiness is not cool. In fact, it’s sometimes it’s a sign of a controlling individual and you do not want to be in a relationship with that type of person.
Red Flag #4: They talk about themselves. The entire time. Arrogant people don’t look for dates. They look for fans. One way to know that/if you are dating an ego maniac is if they spend the entire time talking about themselves. Another flag is if you can’t seem to get a word in edge-wise to the point that by the end of your date, you can basically count on one hand the amount of words you got to say. The way relationships start are the way they oftentimes remain. If you give your date the impression that you don’t mind not having a voice, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll never be heard.
Red Flag #5: They live at home. If you’re dating someone who’s college-age, that’s one thing. But if they are in their 30s (or over) and they mention living with their parents or grandparents, you might want to investigate that a bit further. Yes, the economy is tough and we all have challenges here and there but don’t assume that an adult who lives at home has a simple story. Also, if you choose to overlook it, also don’t assume that dating is going to be easy or even convenient. An adult living on their own speaks to having a certain level of responsibility and stability. A person who says “Yeah, I still live with my mom” deserves to get a follow-up question like “Oh, so you’re pursuing your education or something?” And please, by all means, listen for the answer. And make sure it’s a good one.
Red Flag #6: They give backhanded compliments. Passive aggressive people can be so annoying. They also tend to be the ones who offer up backhanded compliments. You know, ones like “You’re cute. From your online profile, I thought you were thinner though” or “I like your style. If I had known you were so short, I would’ve dressed differently though.” Ugh. A backhanded compliment is about as bad a half apology: “I’m sorry but if you hadn’t have such-and-such, I wouldn’t have so-and-so.” Whether it’s a relationship coach, a professional matchmaker or even your more, they all are going to agree with the fact that you are worthy of someone who will easily and clearly praise you. If your date isn’t doing it, if they seem to be slick insulting you instead, that’s a red flag. And it probably needs to be your first and last date with that individual too.