If you’ve never heard of the website Statistic Brain before, basically it’s a popular website that provides statistical data on just about everything that you can imagine; including dating. Last spring, they posted an article on online dating and one of their findings indicated that a whopping 71 percent of people believe in love at first sight.
Maybe it’s because individuals still believe in romance (that’s a good thing, by the way). Maybe it’s because romantic comedies continue to put smiles on folks’ faces. Maybe people have a family member or co-worker who has a story of how their relationship started out that way. Shoot, it could even be that a lot of individuals have tuned in to watch the first two seasons of FYI’s Married at First Sight.
Whatever the case may be, being that almost three-fourths of people still feel that it can happen, this leads us to believe that there are a lot of hopefuls who find themselves having some pretty unrealistic expectations on their first---or even second---date.
Why? Because although love at first sight is awesome…
It tends to be pretty rare.
That’s why we wanted to take out a moment to share with you a list of five things. Things that it’s OK to be (quietly) hopeful for during the first few dates, but at the same time are things that you should flat-out expect.
To expect to hear “I love you”. Yes, in the movies, it’s sweet to hear an “I love you” (or at least an “I think I love you”) after a first date or a one night stand but let’s be real. It takes knowing a person to be able to know if you love them and that’s not going to happen in a short amount of time. So, no matter how much you would love to hear those three magical words, make sure that you hearing it and someone saying it is much more than merely being in love with love.
To expect to hear “You’re the one”. Let’s really think about what being “the one” really means. It basically means that out of all of the people on the planet (or at least your own social circle), you have found the person who best complements your personality, goals and lifestyle. And how could you possibly know that after the first couple of dates?!? Being “the one” is a sentiment that really needs to be reserved for when you and someone else are getting closer to exploring a long-term commitment or marriage because then those words can be backed up with substantial action. That brings us to the next point.
To expect your date to bring up marriage. Another cool thing about using a professional matchmaking service or even filling out an online dating profile is you can get a good gauge for if someone is interested in a long-term commitment or not before ever meeting them. But either way, don’t expect marriage to be a big part of the conversation on the first or second date. The first date is usually about getting a lot of formalities out of the way and the second date is about reaching a certain comfort level with one another. By bringing up marriage during that time…that can definitely disrupt the natural flow of things (to say the least). It’s a topic that should happen…naturally. It shouldn’t be forced in any way.
To expect your date to want to see you all of the time. So the first and second date are awesome! The chemistry is there. Conversations continue to flow smoothly. You both mention seeing each other again and you might even get a “good night” text at the end of each date or a “good morning” text the next day. That’s awesome. It really is. But don’t mistake excitement for commitment. By that we mean, just because you and your date like one another, they shouldn’t be expected to do the same things that come with actually being in a relationship. Having a great date and not hearing from them continuously doesn’t mean there isn’t real relationship potential there. It simply means that love takes time; that it’s something that shouldn’t be rushed.
To expect your date to want to be exclusive. Frankly, we’d be concerned if you told us that you went on one date with someone and the person suddenly said that they didn’t want you to see anyone else but them. In order for a relationship to be truly healthy, there needs to be a season of dating before it should ever transition into an exclusive situation. For this reason, please keep in mind that no matter how much you want to have a one-on-one relationship, you’ll be doing you and your date a disservice by expecting it before either of you is ready or sure. Bottom line, take your time. Enjoy the getting to know each other process. And remember that when it comes to dating, it’s OK to have expectations. Just make sure that you do your best to keep them realistic.