Dating vs. Courting. It’s not something that’s discussed even a fraction as much as it used to be, but if you asked your grandparents (and maybe even your parents) about the differences between the two, they would definitely be able to tell you. Or, if you wanted a visual example, reruns of old shows like Little House on the Prairie or The Waltons could break down what the whole courtship thing is all about.
For example, on Little House, when one of Charles Ingalls’s daughters had a young man who was interested in getting to know them better, not only did he have to speak with Charles first, but he had to present a plan for what he wanted from his daughter beyond simply “hanging out”. Back then, “just dating” was not an option. If you didn’t want something to end up being long-term, then there was no point in trying to make an initial connection.
That said, in a nutshell, the difference between dating and courting is when you’re dating someone, it tends to be more casual. You may like the individual and enjoy spending time with them. You might even be engaging in sexual activity with them, but the intention is not really about a serious commitment or a long-term relationship. On the other hand, when you’re courting (or being courted), it’s all about finding the person, “the one”, to spend the rest of your life with. In short, in courtship, there isn’t really anything casual about it. Everything has a clear motive. A true intention. An emotional investment.
The reason why we felt it was a good idea to share the differences is because when you’re meeting with a professional matchmaker, creating an online profile or allowing yourself to be set up for a date, it’s a good idea to personally know whether you’re interested in dating or courting. That way, you can (hopefully) be paired up with someone who is on the same page as you.
And just how can you be certain that you are meeting an individual who shares the same mindset? To help you out, we’re going to share with you some clear signs that a person is more into courting than they are into dating.
Courters ask “beneath the surface questions”. When someone is courting you, they are going to ask you more than what’s your favorite movie or restaurant. Being that they are looking to see who has the potential of being a life partner, after the first couple of dates, they tend to delve much deeper. The questions may be what your personal goals and ambitions are, if you desire to have children and what your family life is like. If the questions are going well beneath the surface, if they make you feel like someone is trying to get to the very core of you, there’s a pretty good chance that they’re not interested in merely dating; they want to court you.
Courters inquire about your relational desires. “What do you want in a relationship?” The main reason to ask this question is to see if the person you’re seeing desires what you do. When you’re casually dating, this isn’t that much of a priority because the intention is usually about simply having a good time. But if the person you’re seeing wants to know what your love languages are, why your past relationships did not work out and what you’re looking for in a spouse, these are definitely the courting kind of questions.
Courters tend to curb sexual activity. It might seem odd that if someone is really into you, they will not rush to have sex, but that’s actually another sign of a courter. Being that good sex can sometimes be mistaken for a truly intimate connection, some people would rather “wait to engage” so that they can be sure that they want to be in a relationship for the right reasons. So if a kiss at the door or cuddling on the coach is what your date is currently content with, don’t take that as a sign of rejection. It may be that they don’t want to date you; they would prefer to court you.
Courters will ask about your family. Ask any married couple who’s been together longer than their newlywed years and they’ll vouch for the fact that when you marry someone, in many ways, you marry their family too. This goes without saying if you choose to be with an individual who has children, but this is also the case when it comes to their parents and extended family too. In fact, finding out about someone’s childhood can help you to discover a lot about their core values and beliefs as well as their philosophies. A courter is going to want to know where you come from, your support system and what, DNA-wise, makes you tick.
Courters want to know about your life dreams and goals. We actually already touched on this point, but it’s important to go just a bit deeper for clarification’s sake. Having a successful relationship and definitely a successful marriage are about not only choosing to be someone who you deeply care for, but also someone who complements your life’s path and purpose. For instance, if you want to be the kind of entrepreneur who travels often, it’s going to be easier to be with someone who also likes to travel or doesn’t mind going days at a time without seeing you. Or, if you’ve always wanted to have a big family, it’s not going to make sense to date someone who doesn’t like children. Here’s another example: If you want to go back to school to totally change career paths, you need someone in your life who will support that decision and be willing to make certain sacrifices in order to make that dream a possibility. Someone who is courting you is going to be focused on seeing if the two of you able not only able to love one another but also build a life together. In short, dating is oftentimes temporary. Courtship has the intentions of forever.