If you were to ask 50 single people about what they want in a relationship, there’s a pretty good chance that they would mention things like love, respect and loyalty. And while all of the things are certainly important, something that should be just as much of a priority is friendship.
We say that because if you were to then ask 50 different (happily) married couples about what the key to their success is, we’re willing to bet some pretty good money that they’re going to say it’s the fact that they’re friends. When you’re friends with someone, it means that you both like each other, trust each other and enjoy spending time with one another. And doesn’t it make sense that all of these things would be what helps to make a marriage last?
That’s why, when you’re in the process of starting a relationship with someone, it’s so important that you build on a foundation of true and genuine friendship. Here’s some of the other benefits that come with doing just that:
Friendships develop organically. Although a lot of people may try and force a relationship to happen faster than it should, rarely is this the case when it comes to friendship. It’s a good thing too because when both people are not in a rush to become friendship, the pressure is off. As a result, they are able to relax and be themselves. When friendships are organic, they tend to be much healthier. The same goes for whatever grows out of the friendship too.
Friendships help you to get to know the real person. Sometimes, when people are only thinking about getting into a relationship, they are tempted to present a façade. They don’t want to talk about things like the mistakes that they made in their past relationships or the reprimand that they got from their boss or the IRS bill that’s freaking them out. When you’re friends with someone though, these kinds of things (and more) tend to come up. That’s a good thing because it helps you to see beneath the surface of someone and that’s always good when you’re trying to figure out if they truly are friendship material. Or not.
Friendship establish clear avenues of communication. Think about all of the friends that you currently have. What’s one of the things that they all have in common? Chances are, one of them is the fact that you like how easy the communication is. You’re able to freely talk and you also want to listen to what they have to say too. Plus, you both want each other to feel affirmed and validated because you care about each other’s feelings. Being that poor communication is one of the leading causes for divorce, we’re pretty sure you can see why establishing clear avenues of communication is so essential.
Friendships are fun. Can relationships be fun? Sure! But there’s a greater chance that will be the case when there’s a friendship first. When you’re not caught up in impressing someone, you’re free to show them your corny sense of humor or that weird thing that you do so well that you would think is silly if you were in the “strictly dating” mindset. Another great thing about building on a friendship is that you tend to be more open-minded when it comes to dates. It’s not about going to the most expensive or swanky place. It’s about doing things that both of you will truly enjoy. Even if it only costs a few bucks to do.
Friendships don’t make sex the main focus. Hands down, one of the best things about focusing on building a friendship is that you can learn how to be intimate in other ways than the physical. Although sex is a wonderful and important part of a relationship, when it happens to soon, it can cause people to be more caught up in how the sex makes them feel than what is really transpiring in the relationship. However, with sex off of the table, you can mentally and emotionally connect. And the real bonus in that is once you do decide to have sex, it will be just that much better! (Sex that has that kind of connection always is.)
Friendships have longevity. A professional matchmaking service and even your own mom will tell you that you want the kind of relationship that can maintain a friendship even if it doesn’t work out. But when people are so into starting a relationship without a friendship, oftentimes everything stops once it ends. And sometimes, that’s really sad. Just because the person you’re seeing may not be “the one”, that doesn’t mean that they still can’t be someone special in your life. If you’re both friends, you can oftentimes survive a break-up. And who knows? Maybe you’ll connect again at another time or maybe they have another friend who’s just right for you. Either way, when you choose to build a relationship on the foundation of friendship, you have more than a date. You have someone as a part of your world for life.