Although there are some people on the planet who don’t mind being in a dating situation for years on end with no signs of something more permanent in sight, just ask any professional matchmaker or CEO of an online dating company and they will tell you that those individuals are the exception and not the rule. The reality is that most people who are looking for love are also looking for some type of long-term commitment to go along with it.
Yet unfortunately, there are far too many examples of individuals who find themselves getting nowhere in their dating situation. It’s not that something is “wrong”. To tell you the truth, there are a lot of things about the relationship that are pretty awesome; this is what makes the problem so hard to detect. It’s just that nothing new has happened in a long time. And that causes one or both people to feel like they’re in a bit of a relational rut.
If this somehow sounds eerily familiar, check out the following five signs that your relationship may be on the side of stagnant when actually it should be soaring.
You do the same things all of the time. When your relationship was new, probably so was everything connected to it. You went to new restaurants. You checked out new movies. You looked for new things to do together. But if lately, it continues to be pizza and On-Demand at home or a particular restaurant sees you so often that they know you by name, you’re definitely in a bit of a rut. It’s time to be more proactive about putting a bit of a spark back into your dating life again.
Intimacy is like watching paint dry. Although we wish there was a better way to put it, there’s really not. The thing about physical intimacy---whether it’s kissing or the whole shebang---is that it’s an expression of love and contentment. So, if there are no real sparks when physical intimacy is shared, it means that somewhere there is a disconnect in other areas; usually emotionally. Whatever the case may be, intimacy should be passionate. The last thing on earth that it should be is boring.
You’re thinking about seeing other people. One of the reasons why extramarital affairs happen is because one or both spouses find themselves wondering what they’re missing by remaining in their marriage. This tends to happen when things like a breakdown in communication, a lack of intimacy or the feelings of being taken for granted transpire. A relationship that is healthy, happy and flourishing has no need for “outside activity”. So yeah, if you’re starting to wonder what it would be like to see other people, something in your relationship has come to a screeching halt.
The future does not come up. Relationship coaches and marriage counselors alike will tell you that one sign that your relationship is not in the best place is if one or both of you do not discuss the future. It’s not something that has to happen all of the time, but if you never discuss the intentions for the upcoming several months or couple of years, at the risk of sounding abrupt, what are the two of you doing? Even water, if it’s not moving, starts to small pretty bad. A relationship, even if it’s good, is not that great if it’s not constantly moving forward.
You personally feel stuck. This is a great point to keep in mind. When you’re in a great relationship, one of the telling signs will be that you’re flourishing as an individual. A healthy connection with someone is a lot like an electric charge. It helps to make you feel energized and positive and alive! If you’re not feeling this way, if instead you feel drained, that’s not good. It’s time to set up a coffee date to talk about your relationship. Life is too short to associate love with feeling stuck. Especially sense it should be doing the exact opposite: it should be ever-propelling you to even greater and higher dimensions than before!