When you first meet someone that you really like, what’s the first thing that you usually want to do? Tell your friends about them, right? Your friends are the ones who you go to for support. In life, your friends are your biggest cheerleaders!
But when you’re just starting a relationship with someone, it’s important that you’re cautious about how much information that you share with other people. On one hand, you do need your friends to be aware that something is going on in case you need some advice. But on the other, you also need to make sure that you don’t look up and realize that you’ve talked so much about the situation that they might as well be in the relationship right along with you!
Based on how close you are to your friends, finding the balance can be really hard to do. So, if you’d like a few tips on how to know if the people in your life are way too involved in your relationship, here are some telltale signs:
You communicate with them---while on the date. If you were to ask a personal matchmaker for their opinion on this topic, they would probably tell you that you need to turn your phone off (or at least set it on vibrate) while you’re on a date. That way, you can give them your undivided attention. But if you feel that you must keep it on (???), make sure not to text your friends or basically live Tweet your date. Whatever is happening---or not happening---you have plenty of time to talk about. Once you get home.
Your friends pressure you out of your comfort zone. Here’s a scenario to consider. You’re on your third date with someone and one of your friends calls you that night, but you send it to voice mail. Then the next day, you’re bombarded with calls and texts asking you what you were doing that kept you from calling them back. When you respond with “The time got away from me”, they are relentless in trying to “read between the lines”. Your friends are not your parents. If you are always feeling pressured to share more than you’d like, they are way too involved in your relationship.
Their perspectives trump your own. One of the blessings that comes from having friends is that they’re able to see things from a different angle or perspective than you. But no matter what their opinion may be, it’s still their opinion and they are not in your relationship. If you find yourself not being able to make a decision without talking to one of your friends first, that’s a red flag. It’s even more of one when that they think can sway you away from your own feelings. Friends should definitely give you something to think about, but be careful if they have the power to always change your mind.
They try and “friend” or “follow” the person you’re seeing. Say that you and the person you’re dating have gotten to a point of double dating with some of your friends and all goes well. Even if your friends call you afterwards to say “You know, I think they’re pretty awesome”, discourage them from trying to become friends with them on Facebook or following them on Twitter or Instagram; especially if you’re not even doing it yet. Your friends care about you and so it’s natural for them to want to look out for you. But the last thing that you need is for them to give you hour-by-hour updates about what’s going on in the person that you’re seeing’s social (media) life.
You constantly talk about them. Another somewhat subtle indication that your friends are too involved in your relationship is that you find yourself talking about your friends to the person you’re dating all of the time. Although it’s not nearly as tacky as talking about an ex, it can still be a bit uncomfortable for your date. For instance, if they suggest taking a day trip to another city and you say “Yeah, I mentioned something like that to my friend. They don’t think it would be a good idea”, that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship; it actually sounds more like a codependent one. A relationship needs to be between two people, not several. So, if you’re constantly talking about your friends or you are so reliant on them that you don’t feel like you can do anything without their approval, not only are they too involved in your relationship, but they could be the reason why it may come to an abrupt end. Bottom line: Keep your friends in the loop but not overly involved. It’s a small piece of advice that can be truly beneficial to your relationship in the long run!