A man by the name of Mark Amend once said “Rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. It means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.” That’s a comforting thought, but it doesn’t do much for us when we’re actually experiencing rejection for ourselves.
It could be due to a first date gone wrong.
It could be because a professional matchmaker didn’t get it quite right the first time.
It could even be because the person was so critical that they didn’t really give you a chance.
Whatever, the case may be, when you’re on the receiving end of rejection, although it’s totally understandable that you may want to go on the defensive, we actually have some other suggestions in mind. Ways to handle rejection with such a standard of grace that even if there’s not another date with that individual in your future, they won’t be able to forget you either way.
Don’t over-personalize things. While we totally get that it’s hard to not take rejection personally, here’s what you need to remember at all times: Especially during the beginning stages of a relationship, oftentimes two people don’t know each other well enough for it to be so much about the individual as it is personal preferences or even timing. For instance, if you’re looking for something serious and they aren’t, they may not want to go out anymore. Or, if they have a certain type of physical appearance that they’re after and you don’t fit the bill, that doesn’t mean you’re unattractive by any stretch. Bottom line, don’t let what they decide to do affect you to the point where you question your own self-worth and value. No one on this entire planet deserves that much power. NO. ONE.
Ask questions. Honestly, we almost left this point out simply because some people use it as a license to berate who they’re dating. It’s important to keep in mind that no one “owes you” a reason, explanation or defense for why they’d prefer to not see you anymore. Therefore, watch your approach and don’t go on the attack should you choose to ask them why they came to the conclusion that they did. If you’re really open to hearing what they have to say, they might be able to provide some food for thought for your next date---with someone else.
Avoid over-sharing. If you’re a really sensitive person and the rejection has emotionally affected you to the point where you’re really upset about it, please hear us when we say this: Do not go really deep into your feelings with the person who just rejected you. For one thing, it could freak them out. However, there’s actually a far greater reason than that: They don’t deserve to see you that vulnerable. Your emotions are a sacred part of you, so reserve the venting or even crying to when you get home and can talk to one of your closest friends. They have already proven that they can be trusted to have your back. No matter what. That makes them a lot more reliable and dependable than the one who just rejected you.
Thank them for the time spent. Yeah, you might think we’re crazy for even remotely recommending this, but here’s the point. Although everything in life may not go as we’d like for it to, that doesn’t mean that each and every experience doesn’t come with a great lesson. And if we choose to see things from this half-glass-full perspective, then the rejection wasn’t “wrong” or a “waste of time”. It was simply something else to learn from so that you can move on and become an even better person because of it. So, whether they decide to end things on a date, over the phone or (hopefully not because it would be super cowardly) over text or an email, it’s OK---recommended even---to respond with something along the lines of “Thank you for telling me and it was good getting to know you. Take care.” Handling things with grace produces the kind of karma that can only benefit you in the long run.
Pay attention to if there are patterns. One more thing---and this is probably going to be the most uncomfortable tip out of all of them. If what the person you’re dating is saying sounds a bit like déjà vu from people of your past, pay close attention. Sometimes, we’re so focused on being rejected that we don’t listen to why as much as we should. If you’re told that you seem not very personable or that you’re combative or even too clingy, it’s not easy to hear, but taking heed can make the next date work more in your favor. Again, rejection is all in how you look at it. It can make you feel horrible or it can be lesson on how to do things better or differently. The next time. And chin up, there will definitely be a next time.